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Ceyx is my owner, my lover, my best friend, my heart. If you wish to speak with me, I invite you to email him first. Emails sent to me may be shared with and responded to by my Sir; I have no secrets from him.
I am not a bedroom submissive or a part-time slave. Sir calls me his consort or concubine and I try to serve him with calm and grace, to decorate his world with beauty, laughter, love. It's what he deserves by virtue of being the man he is and it's what I strive for. One day, I may even succeed to my own satisfaction!
No other man has given me the peace and sense of self that Sir has. That isn't a challenge or invitation, it's a statement of fact. He is my owner and I will never kneel before anyone else.
A little about myself, unrelated to my bond with Sir: I'm a writer and, more importantly, an avid reader. I love poetry, fiction, fantasy, history and storytelling. I feel more than I can express. I've been learning how to cook properly but I'm still wretched at cleaning; I solve the problem by trying to regularly throw away anything that I don't really need. I hate knick-knacks. I love the color red. My fashion sense has improved a great deal in the past three years but I'm still not so great at fixing myself up on a regular basis, preferring comfort over appearance. I still don't know what to do with my own hair. I have recently been converted to the joys of wearing skirts.
I welcome emails from those who just want to chitchat, to discuss books or poetry or movies. I especially welcome emails from those who might have tasty recipes that a wannabe chef might try out.
I don't welcome emails from those looking for a casual or serious partner.
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Fireflies - Rabindranath Tagore
I touch God in his song
as the hill touches the far-away sea
with its waterfall.
The butterfly counts not months but moments,
and has time enough.
Let my love, like sunlight, surround you
and yet give you illumined freedom.
Love remains a secret, even when spoken,
for only a lover truly knows that he is loved.
Emancipation from the bondage of the soil
is no freedom for the tree.
In love I pay my endless debt to thee
for what thou art.
***
Our instincts didn't prove us wrong; we are as good together as we are apart. More than one year as Sir and miss now, and every day just brings us closer.
I have his taste now, on my tongue, and the feel of him against me. Inside of me.
I belong at his feet.
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Well, that's it for me here, I think, at least for awhile. I don't know if this is part of the normal cycle of this message board or not, but lately there's been enough judgemental and aggressive behaviour on that side to convince me that I need a break posting and reading both. I'd already taken a step back, after being surprised by how quick to condemn a vocal segment of this population is. Time to go completely for a bit, until I can read without reacting with sadness or anger to some of the attitudes being flung about.
For the record, it takes a certain level of creativity, flexibility, inspiration and effort to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship, even with the wonderful tool of the internet to use for communication, as well as the ability to communicate effectively and colorfully. Those who think such relationships are a joke, or are impossible, may well just be highlighting shortcomings of their own by saying so.
And that's it from me, so far as childish retorts go. Maybe I'll be back in the fall, after Sir and I have reached the "real" stage following our first face to face visit. Nevermind we've built a strong and loving foundation over the course of a year and a half...
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The past few days have been tiring. As in any relationship, life has intruded on the time we have together. When this happens once or twice, it's easy enough to ignore, but when it's an ongoing problem stretched out over days and even weeks...
It grinds away at us. I miss our quiet time together, and our intense time, and just plain ol' time together. Stupid life! Stupid responsibilities! It isn't very dignified to stamp my feet and throw a pout around, but here I am, doing just that.
It hasn't been helped by a recent increase in posts on the message board, disparaging long-distance and online relationships. Normally, we're good at ignoring the implication that we aren't "real" because our connection has been forged in the head and heart so far, instead of with our bodies. Why should we care what others think, when we can feel how "real" we are every chance we get to come closer together as Sir and miss?
But on days like these, when we're constantly interrupted, pulled away from each other by the demands of day to day, seperated by so much distance...
It grinds away at us. It makes me want to stomp my feet and growl and make defensive replies that I really shouldn't be making because then it seem that I care what others think about us. I don't. Except when I do.
It's just, the sheer frustration of it, the feel of being bent under the judgement of others. I hate that feeling. You would think that this community would be more open-minded; we're attacked enough by those on the outside, it boggles the mind that so many would in turn round on those who share similar, if not exact, interests. And when those who demand tolerance and strike out at persecution are also those who are loudest in condemning those who don't pursue this lifestyle in the same ways they do...one can't help but marvel at the hypocrisy.
Which leads me to wonder: if you don't believe connections forged over the internet are "real", if the internet is the realm of liars and fakes and cheaters, why are you posting to an internet message board instead of parading around in public, waving your whip and yanking on your slave's leash? Why not go frolic in your perfect scene, rather than spout internet horror stories that you've heard as a sure sign that no one could possibly make this work?
Things should calm down for us soon. Sir and I will be able to enjoy the time we've had to sacrifice right now. We're planning a vacation together later in the year, so we have that to look forward to, as well as various writing projects and more mutual hobbies to play with than I could possibly list.
Reminding myself of all of that, I will stop pouting and stomping now.
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It's a night for reading poetry. I stumbled on some ancient Akkadian pieces. One, from The Cycle of Inanna: The Courtship of Inanna And Dumazi, caught my fancy. The author is unknown but it was written circa 2000 B.C. Part of it follows:
Inanna spoke:
"I bathed for the wild bull,
I bathed for the shepherd Dumazi,
I perfumed my sides with ointment,
I coated my mouth with sweet-smelling amber,
I painted my eyes with kohl.
He shaped my loins with his fair hands,
The shepherd Dumazi filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my public hair,
He watered my womb.
He laid his hands on my holy vulva,
He smoothed my black boat with cream,
He quickened my narrow boat with milk,
He caressed me on the bed.
Now I will caress my high priest on the bed,
I will caress the faithful shepherd Dumazi,
I will caress his loins, the shepherdship of the land,
I will decree a sweet fate for him."
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I was having trouble with adjusting my profile last night, particularly in the area of describing myself. I think it's common for people to have some difficult in describing themselves. We know how we are, but to find the words to express that to people who've never met us, well...it's a little daunting!
I asked Sir if he would help me find the words to describe who I am, because he has in large part helped me to become that person; he's given me back my strength, and taught me focus, and to see myself as he sees me. As I told him last night, I've become, for myself, the woman he sees in this world as well as our private world. Therefore, it made sense to me that he describe that woman, as he was the first to make me realize that I could be her rather than just wistfully daydream about her.
This is what Sir had to say:
In my eyes, you're a work of art, my dream of a woman crafted in flesh and mind and life's breath.You are everything that I want and need-- fetching, sensual, intelligent, tender, creative and eloquent. Under my hand you are eminently capable. You embody femininity at its best-- a delightful companion, a devoted lover, a sweet friend and a partner in the joys and challenges of life. You are the only one in my heart, and I am so very lucky to have you.
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| Age: 22 |
| Croydon,
Canada |
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