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ill just come right out and say it i guess: i am most interested in opening myself to exporing all aspects of anal. I got out of hs earlier last year and now am not in college but curious about exploring. ive obviously tried sodomy in my life, but the idea of being bent over, inspected, stretched, (even smelled in my darkest fantasies) ect... i cant explain but its very powerful for me. i am open to all aspects of this, including learning to give rim jobs (though this isnt something i have actually tried in my own sex life yet, its something i often catch myself thinking about). i know that some people (hell, some of my friends) considrer this an awful/ disgusting taboo, but , i wont lie. this part of my anatomy has always held special interest and pull for me. the unique and strange (almost uncomfortable, but in a pleasent way) feelngs and sensations my anus can provide have always fascinated me. ive found myself more and more focused on that aspect of my sexuality and that area of my body as time goes by, initially just curious idle touching myself there, im finding now adays i feel i need so much more. ah.. ok this is hard for me. i find im shy about the actual MEETing of men.. i try to be witty and make a fool of myself, i dont really have that 'comfortable in my skin' thing lol. i keep crossing and uncrossing my legs, trying to hide my arms, and look casual the whole time.. , i guess part of me wants to give in to desires ive had but never acted on. i am kind of a casual/shy girl here, i mean, dont get me wrong, i like men, i just dont feel confident about putting myself out there in social situations.. curious about the idea of beign looked at as property, and controlled in that way. to know that when a man was looking at me, all he saw and cared about was my looks and sex appeal, to get that feeling where i know when a man is looking at me he sees different components, my breats, my legs, my feet, etc im rambling, but its really kind of hard to articulate allt his, and since my experience level with all this is so low, this is all pretty removed from anything ive encountered or tried before, but it still stays in my mind Some of my deepest fantasies that ive held the longest (before i even knew about submission) revolve around breath control PS As I said, I'm not in school at the moment. As Highschool went on, i began to like school less and less, adn do less adn less well in it. My parents are pressuring me to begin a college search, but I dont really think more school is right for me, or if i could even keep up with college level stuff. Right now I'm telling people I am taking a "year off" to see what there is to see, but the truth is I have no clue how I want to occupy myself and towards what end going forward. I know I am intelligent, but I just dont think the intelligence I have is the kind that helps me in school, which I always struggled with (to the point of failing my junior and senior years in most classes, dispite my absolute best efforts). Anyway just trying to give anyone still reading at this point (this sure turned into a longer profile than I imagined I'd be writing when I sat down lol) where I find myself in life as I begin to think of teh things I've talked about here. and oh, if you'd like to contact me, AIM messenger is the best way as I am not into giving out my email. UPDATE: WHEN I FIRST MADE MY PROFILE I MISTYPED MY AIM NAME: P I am airheadedprincss on AIM. I have also recently made my first trip to a sex shop to purchase a toy.. it was a rather intense experience. I wanted to get something to use on myself anally and what i have at home wasnt really what i felt was best. what i ended up getting was an inflatable dildo that you pump to make it grow.. i however havnt been able to use it much as its so large even at its smallest size, as soon as i get it inside myself (which takes effort) it hurts and i have to pause and wait. im hoping eventually this might be a tool i can use to explore myself there