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Pan Female Switch, 31,  Austin, Texas
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Gypsyswitchbitch

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Friends:
carthagesuugarcane

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I DO NOT DO THE WHOLE ONLINE/LONG DISTANCE/SKYPE DOM/SUB THING. EITHER FACE TO FACE/LOCAL OR NO. "I put a spell on you, because you're mine….." I am seeking right now…. First and foremost, for me to be interested, you must be intelligent and able to stimulate my mind. If you are unable to stimulate my mind, you've got no chance in hell at stimulating my body. The mental aspect of D/s is absolutely the most important part...if you do not agree and practice, please don't bother messaging me. I want to suck your mind most of all. And one other note...just because I listed all the various kinks and things I enjoy/have done, doesn't indicate that you will or should expect to do that to me, or that I will do that to you. A real Dom or sub will understand that. And for anyone who may become my Dom, I need to be challenged, be pushed, and be hurt....and come out on the other side having made it through and served and pleased my Dom. This is why the mental aspect is so very important to me. I will expect my sub to do for me what I do for my Master, within their limits..which I will push and test. At least be eager and willing to be taught. As a submissive. I need both sides. I need dark, sadistic, abusive…and also loving and caring. It should end with your wants catered to, and me feeling the freedom of having control taken from me. I am a strong girl. I am creative, loving, nurturing, intelligent, independent, intuitive, and strong-willed. Some Doms think that just because they call themselves 'Master of the universe, follower of the night" and dress like an executioner, that I should drop to my knees in front of them. Not me. Not me at all. I need to be pushed. I crave to be pushed and to serve. And I also need love, aftercare, and to be told I was a good girl, and to know that I fought my hardest before having no choice but to give in to a man stronger than me (I'm not talking physical strength here). Like I said in a recent blog post…sometimes a situation requires that you step up and take what you want. Interests/hobbies I love to cook, I do it very well. I can make just about anything, but love to make traditional Maltese and other ethnic dishes (lots of mediterranean food). I've just about perfected my Vietnamese crepe. I can kill, clean, butcher, and cook you a delicious rabbit stew in two hours. I love music. I have eclectic tastes. I travel to see my favorite bands. I like to have that sweaty 'cleansed by fire' experience. Amateur doctor/nurse. I love medicine, the body, and all things involved. I collect antique medical models and anatomy drawings. I have a pretty cutting sense of humor. I like to laugh. Have a sense of humor I love animals, especially mine and the ones that have impacted me. I believe in respect. I still like my steak blue though. I smoke (working on this), drink, and curse like a sailor...unless told not to....I can be a perfect lady. I even know which fork to use. i love nature. Few things get me like fresh air and the places often untouched by us filthy creatures. I enjoy photography a lot. I read a lot. I speak some Maltese I am married. There are things I could explain, but will only do so if we are getting to know each other. I have my own career, money, 401k, car, home....don't need yours. A few near death experiences can put your life and priorities into perspective. THIS NEXT SECTION DOES NOT APPLY UNLESS YOU READ, UNDERSTAND, AND CARE ABOUT THE PREVIOUS SECTION. I believe in this. Sanity also a requirement, I will put up with nothing less..some leeway given for trances/sadistic abuse.. I am DDF and you must be also..if you don't take care of yourself..why would I want to take care of you, or put myself in your hands. I am safe. I need D/s, like food or water; I am nobody's practice sub, but for the right man, will submit completely. Mental Bondage mind/body/soul exposure, learning to be better in my roles. Some of the things I enjoy…there are many many more. I am experienced as both a Domme and a sub. Me: 31, white female, dark brown hair, blue eyes. Submissive to a strong alpha Dom male who can take me…and I mean, take me, but fairly dominant otherwise.I love Submissive women. I generally I am just not attracted to people my parents age. Thank you, and I hope you find the fun you seek. It's just not my thing. I don't want to watch you jack off on cam. I don't do animal stuff, no weird kid stuff. I don't seek a long distance relationship. Any other questions, ask. I don't bite (that's not true). also…fisting good. But none of that comes into play without the rest.

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 Gypsyswitchbitch

 Female Switch

 Austin 

 Texas

 5' 6"

 238 lbs

 31

 Pan

 Not Listed

 08/09/13

 05/17/15

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Submissive Female

Submissive Male

Switch Women

Switch Men

Sub/Sub Couples

Friends Only

A Poly Household

 Lives For:

 Fine Dining (Expert)

 Anal Play (Expert)

 Breast Play

 Dilation

 Fisting (Expert)

 Hair Pulling (Expert)

 Public Play

 Spanking (Expert)

 Vibrators (Expert)

 Cooking (Expert)

 Photography

 Intellectual Discourse (Expert)

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Loves:

 Art Galleries

 Beachcombing

 Coffee Shops  (Expert)

 Movies (Expert)

 Museums (Expert)

 Travel

 Volunteerism

 Begging

 Body Worship

 Bondage

 Canes and Crops

 Collars

 Corsets (Expert)

 Exhibitionism (Expert)

 Humiliation

 Knife Play

 Leashes

 Mental Bondage

 Objectification

 Comedy Shows

 Horror Movies

 Tattoos

 Biology (Expert)

 Psychology (Expert)

 Alternative Music

 Classical Music

 Eighties Music

 Punk Rock Music

 Rock Music

 Likes:

 Antique Shows (Expert)

 Bird Watching

 Clubbing

 Fishing

 Flea Markets (Expert)

 Gambling

 Garage Sales (Expert)

 Going to the Opera (Beginner)

 Bicycling

 Camping

 Dancing

 Hiking

 Horseback Riding

 Hunting

 Rafting

 Sailing

 Walking

 Yoga

 Blindfolds (Expert)

 Cages

 Genital Punishment

 Gags

 Massage (Getting)

 Massage (Giving)

 Medical Play

 Needle Play

 Obedience Training

 Outdoor Bondage

 Sensory Deprivation

 Speech Restrictions (Expert)

 Stockings

 Strap-Ons

 Watersports

 Whips

 Arcade Games

 Card Games

 Chess

 Historical Shows

 Puzzle Games

 True Crime

 Web Surfing

 Art Collecting

 Gardening (Expert)

 Karaoke

 Meditation

 Painting

 Sewing

 Singing

 Astronomy

 Blogging

 History

 Liberal Politics

 Nanotechnology

 Nutrition

 Philosophy

 Physics

 Poetry

 Political Activism

 Writing

 Blue Grass

 Blues

 Folk Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Industrial Music

 New Wave

 Nineties Music

 Rap

 Seventies Music

 Agnosticism

 Basketball

 Swimming

 Tolerates:

 Amusement Parks

 Bar Hopping (Expert)

 Raves (Expert)

 Shopping

 Enemas

 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Foot Worship

 Masks (On Partner)

 Masks (Wearing)

 EMO Music

 Jazz

 Curious About:

 Electrical Play

 Fire Play

 Shibari

 Suspension

 Dislikes:

 Musical Theater

 Renaissance Faires

 Chastity

 Local BDSM Community

 Housework Service

 Munches

 Cybering

 New Age Music

 Show Tunes

 Hates:

 Diapers

 Gas Masks

 Romance Novels

 TV News

 Hard Limits:

 SCA

 MMORPGs

 Online RPGs

 Conservative Politics

 Scientology

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Journal Entries:
10/11/2014 11:04:38 PM
I have not been on here much lately.

I have been dealing with some things unresolved after my father's death.  And just generally being busy and having things to take care of.  I am ready for this year to come to a close and for the new one to arrive.  However, I will gladly see Gogol Bordello at the beginning of next month first.  

7/3/2014 9:28:04 AM
Went and got my bloodwork done the day before yesterday….my blood is 9x thinner than a normal person's blood.  And I'm on blood thinners for life..and it has to be thin anyway.  But even for me, it's 3x too thin, so I'm feeling like crap….and at home, and just not with it today.

6/23/2014 10:29:36 PM
Today/well…yesterday was 4 months to the day that I held my father as he died.  I miss him every day.


It's becoming easier, but still not easy.  It will take time.  It's a strange place to be in.

6/23/2014 5:05:09 AM
Maybe it's a tall order…but please don't contact me if you're stupid.  Or if I decline you (why, oh why am I getting messages over and over and over from people who I already said no to?)  I was even civil the first few times…they have a thingy on a person's profile where you can add notes only you see…please put in that "THIS CHICK SAID NO"

and again, no Skype/cam/online bullshit…if we can't meet to have a drink or a meal, forget it.

Just because you want me to tie your balls up and stomp on them doesn't mean that all tact and civility and appropriate contact should go out the window.

5/27/2014 10:36:22 PM

No Skype slaves…seriously, this is fucking ridiculous.  Your messages will be deleted and never thought of again. 

 

thank you


5/27/2014 12:49:02 PM

I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANY MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH ANYONE EXCEPT FOR POSSIBLE FRIENDSHIP IF YOU DON'T LIVE IN MY AREA…ESPECIALLY NOT MY STATE, AND EVEN WORSE, NOT MY COUNTRY OR CONTINENT….THANK YOU.


5/23/2014 7:24:41 PM

Karaoke tonight!!!

 

my friends have already requested I sing Never Say Never by Romeo Void. hmmm


5/4/2014 5:01:06 AM

On this day, in 1982…at 7:01 AM….I came screaming into this world.  My mother said I caught my breath before I was out of her and was screaming still in the birth canal…Sounds like me.

 

 

32…I am grateful to be alive.  May the fourth be with you…..

 


5/2/2014 12:37:15 PM

I feel destroyed.


4/26/2014 7:04:57 AM

Don't wait forever…if they wanted to make it happen…they would.

 

Lack of action and conditions speak volumes.


4/4/2014 10:17:36 PM

So take a good look at my face

you'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer it's easy to trace

the tracks of my tears


3/26/2014 7:11:33 AM

I never felt completely like a girly girl.  I used to play with the boys, play basketball, climb trees.   I feel pretty in touch with my "in control masculine" side.

 

Maybe because that is what came naturally to me.    Until the day I admitted to myself that I was submissive and how freeing it was.    But having both of those…being a switch is hard work.

 

I do love to look at and buy very girly girl clothing…and I fuckin love it.


3/24/2014 5:02:06 PM

ugh…I wish people would just say what they mean, and mean what they say.

 

wasted effort.   In this world of D/s…there's the real and the fake.  I wish some weren't so good at looking like the real sometimes.  And no…you are not Christian Grey from 50 shades of bullshit.


3/23/2014 4:14:57 PM

Love is blindness, 
I don't wanna see
Won't you wrap the night 
Around me
Oh, my heart
Love is blindness.

I'm in a parked car
On a crowded street,
And I see my love
Made complete.
The thread is ripping
The knot is slipping.
Love is blindness.

Love is clockworks,
And it's cold steel
Fingers too numb to feel
Squeeze the handle
Blow out the candle
Blindness

Love is blindness
I don't wanna see
Won't you wrap the night
Around me
Oh my love
Blindness

A little death
Without mourning
No call
No Warning
Baby, a dangerous idea...
Almost makes...sense

Love is drowning
In a deep web
All the secrets
And no body else to tell
Take the money
Why don't you honey
Blindness

Love is blindness,
I'm so sick of it,
I don't wanna see
Why don't you just take the night
And wrap it all around me, now
Oh my love
Blindness

Oh, I'm too numb to feel...
Blow out the candle.
Blindness.


3/23/2014 4:29:56 AM

There's a bullet in my pocket burnin' a hole.

 

you're so far from your weapon and the place you were born.


3/23/2014 2:44:02 AM

Under your control, I must thrive.

 

If I wilt…it is not meant to be.

 

thrive.  Even if getting there is painful.  My heart aches.  Is the loving/caring intense, abusive sadist out there?

 

 

Is the eager, moldable, trainable, got their shit together sub out there?

 

 

Is it possible that I expect too much when all I want is everything?

 

thrive and keep my chin up.


3/23/2014 2:27:30 AM

fucking hell, Yul Brynner and Paul Newman were sexy.  hot hot hot.

 

that has nothing to do with anything.  I seem to have a thing for the very exotic or the very all-american.

 

 

 

hot damn.

 

http://www.artvalue.com/auctionresult--platt-lynes-george-1907-1955-u-yul-brynner-3054605.htm

 

http://www.mutualart.com/Artwork/Yul-Brynner/3A51279FA5A9FEE4


3/23/2014 12:55:22 AM

I DO NOT like being tested for the purpose of making yourself feel superior or looking  for "reasons".  Anything other than what is meant to build and develop and train me into the vision of what the right one wants.

 

we're all adults…even if I do have my tendencies.  I am a smart girl…no reason to treat me otherwise.  

 

One thing I do know how to do, is listen.  And my intuition is strong.

 

and the overwhelming 'i will own you no matter what you say or the fact that you have zero interest in me whatsoever'ones…sigh.  I know when it's right…I know when I feel completely consumed and addicted.  


3/22/2014 5:35:05 PM

I may get to wherever I get..do whatever I do…but I never get tired of buying garter belts and stockings…..never…even when I know they won't spend a ton of time on me.

 

I'm such a girl.


3/21/2014 4:05:21 PM

No matter who you are and what you identify as, there comes times when you have to take what you want. 

 Take it. 

 

 This weekend, I want to have fun. I want to smile a lot. And I will.

 

take it and own it.


3/19/2014 7:01:03 PM

"I ain't here to break it…just see how far it will bend.  again and again.  again and again"


3/19/2014 5:35:59 AM

I have obviously been sitting and thinking about life and death a lot lately….as one tends to do when they've just lost someone important.  

 

My father worked out most of the details of his funeral and burial before he got really bad and wasn't really conscious anymore.  There were a few things that we chose because he hadn't gotten around to it…and he didn't think that when he got really bad and his mind went, it would happen so fast.  It was literally getting markedly worse hourly for that last week.  He didn't expect it to happen that quickly. And while it was difficult, I am happy he didn't linger and wasn't in that state for a long drawn out period.  I know he wouldn't have wanted it that way either.  

 

But that's not the point of this particular post (it's hard to stay focused when I start talking about him and his death..it's still very fresh).  Point is that he was able to work out a lot of the details and his wants for how he wanted to be laid to rest.  He picked out the casket…he chose what clothes and jewelry and rosary he wanted to wear, and how he wanted the pics/music done.   I was able to put together a few playlists and slideshows together and show it to him on the iPad and he really liked them.  He really didn't want one of those huge cheesy videos running during the thing.  (plus, my aunt who worked for a tv station and did video editing years ago wanted to take over this part completely and make it some big crazy thing..which he hated…and she did something for my grandmother's funeral 4 years ago…and apparently that sarah mchlachlan song kept coming up over and over and over until it was driving everyone crazy because you need a long enough playlist so that it doesn't do that in an 8 hour viewing…especially if you're going to be there all day like we were).  The thought of something like that really bothered him.  He had chosen his plot..his headstone, all of that.  I remember them talking to us about the casket and it being metal vs. wood..which doesn't hold up as well…and how it's sealed against dirt, moisture, bugs, and then put inside a concrete vault into the ground. 

 

I have thought a lot about it….and I know I don't want to go in the ground.  It understand why people do it..but for me, it seems silly to take up real estate with a body that's full of chemicals, inside a sealed box, inside another concrete box in the ground.  This is something I used to think about quite a bit when I was younger too.  But my wishes are to be cremated and my ashes to be put into a moving body of water.  River, ocean, something like that.  I've always loved the water very much, and even though it's just bodily remains, I like the idea of being in a moving body of water and them moving and being spread and flowing around instead of being in a static place.  I've always had a love for buddhist sand mandalas.  These are created sometimes over weeks of work…and in the end, The sand is collected in a jar which is then wrapped in silk and transported to a river (or any place with moving water), where it is released back into nature. This symbolizes the impermanence of life and the world.  I had the wonderful fortune of seeing one made and dismantled at the DIA and then the ceremony where it was released into the Detroit River.  They also gave away small vials of the sand at the end of it…and many people were keeping theirs…however, I released mine into the water.  A while later, in another state, in a place I had grown up part time.  So that is what I would like done with what leave behind once my life has ended.   Maybe it's the gypsy in me.


3/17/2014 7:47:47 AM

I am (and this has recently been confirmed by various people who knew me very well from the age of zero) not a pleasant person when my sleep is fucked up.  And my sleep is fucked up all the time right now.

 

Guess who's not a pleasant person?


3/16/2014 1:46:23 AM

if you mention "kinky sexual needs" to me 20 times in your first message to me…and try to pretend it's this whole cerebral thing…I will see through it.  Easily.


3/10/2014 7:33:16 PM
Oh...and no, I don't want to "play". Telling me, I have your condolences and immediately moving to play talk...have some tact, some decorum. I don't want to "play" in general, why would I want to now? If you're thinking I'm weak and easy to grab now, you're wrong. Dead wrong.

3/10/2014 7:28:14 PM
I'm going through a box of things I sent myself from his house...mostly clothes of mine I didn't want to fly with. Some things he gave me. I had more to say. It wasn't the time to rehash why I grew up, sometimes struggling to eat, working to help support my family at 11-12. When he'd spend more in a month than my family of 5 did in a year. But I'm a big girl now, 31, have my own life and job and home, and I've worked hard. I still dropped it all and went there when I found out he was sick. He didn't even tell me himself. I got 3 weeks with him. I took over the care so he could die at home..and I watched it. He wanted to leave with a clean soul...I had the priest come do his last rites and communion while he still kinda knew what was going on. I dealt with my crazy aunt, who stole from him and couldn't be bothered to be around when it got really bad and I needed the help. The hospice nurse said "this is no longer a job you can do by yourself". I saw him feel guilty and try to give me things because I know it's mostly all going to the younger sister...that doesn't bother me. Everyone was happy we had this time...and so was I. Called me an angel for what I was doing. Emptying piss and shit bags. Cleaning wounds. Giving medication, jumping to do anything that would make him more comfortable. My aunt left him to sit and form a bedsore on his ass and balls that made me very mad...I treated it...it got a little better A man I was estranged from for 28 years (I'll give him the first 3). Would turn and ask why he was cheated out of me in his life...if he would have gotten so bad into the cocaine if I hadn't been taken (believe me, my mother is not blameless...i was a pawn...a way to hurt). "You turned out very well...no thanks to me or your mother". (I'll agree with this only in that I knew what not to do) "You know...I have complete faith in you...I can tell because of how your mind works. You may be smarter than me. I never thought I would find that with someone. It's kind of kismet that it's with my daughter at the end of my life" The family arrived 11.5 hours before he died...I picked them up in his hummer (seriously, me driving a hummer). They said I looked pale...to the point they were worried about me. Maybe if I had gotten ANY help...especially when it got bad, I would have looked more refreshed. They made me go sleep. I also hadn't gotten my blood checked in 3 weeks...I was supposed to two weeks before. It was 3x too thin. They came down with pictures hoping to reminisce...I told them he wasn't in that state. They were all shocked when they saw him. I slept a few hours, and woke up...the death rattle was bad...I knew it wouldn't be long. I gave him those drops under his tongue that no longer helped. Aunt and uncle had sat with him during the night. I felt bad for sleeping, but I needed it. I'm the only one who knew what his brow movements and finger movements meant. I had made peace that cancer, dehydration, and starvation were taking him. At least I think I did. It may still hit me. My sister talked to him...I told him what I needed to in his ear quietly as I stroked his head. I gave him his last dose of morphine and went to the porch to have coffee and a smoke. I heard the rattle stop...called everyone. I think that last dose just slowed down a cns that was barely holding on. We all stood and held him. Me at his head...the hospice nurse, aunt, uncle, sister, her mom. He died well before crazy aunt got there. I remember the breaths, his face, the way the atrophied muscles tightened...then all the black congestion in his lungs came out. His eyes got so wide. They think he "saw grandma and grandpa". I think it was a neuromuscular response. But I had more...I just got to know him...the similarities, differences. And then the bad bad week. Then he died. 53. Pt 2....his very catholic funeral. To be continued...

2/22/2014 2:10:00 AM
I am watching my Papa die. I had the priest come in and give him his last rites and communion. That was hard. I have mostly been alone until yesterday when hospice started the 24 hour nurses. But the rest has been me and him. I've reached a place. Of calm

2/5/2014 11:15:37 PM
I see what's happening. I know I'm not alone, but I kinda feel it. I need somewhere to lay my head.

1/31/2014 7:31:17 PM
Thinking, thinking, always thinking. I thank you all for the outpouring of support and willingness to listen as I go through the emotional parts of being with someone while they exit this world. Some have helped me more than I can express...and the kind and helpful words have been nice. I. Hope those very special know how much I value them...and for just the moment to tell me about their personal experiences...I appreciate you too. Thank you. It's hitting me hard tonight.

1/22/2014 5:13:15 AM

I am in shock.

 

 

How does one learn how to handle the impending death of a parent?

 

We are the last in the bloodline…it's up to us two.

 

Why wait this long to tell me? I am just…I don't know what I am.

 

warmth….calm of mind.  Watching one die.  Trying to make it comfortable.  Make sure nothing was left unsaid.  Be there in their hour of need….which could be an hour…could be 3 weeks.  warmth…calm….peacefulness of mind. 

 

Time was wasted.  Years were wasted.  Time is not to be wasted.  I need to feel like I can take a deep breath.  We are it.  I cannot live an unfulfilled life.  warmth…calm of mind.  I cannot live an unfulfilled life.  warmth….calm of mind. I cannot live an unfulfilled life.  Not anymore. 


1/14/2014 1:37:58 AM

I have the flu….I've had it for over a week.  It's bad.  I even got a freaking flu shot this year…and very early too (yes, I know a flu shot will only include last seasons strains and blah blah blah).

 

I've kept few meals down, am dehydrated, am aching, and have been sleeping a lot.  Also, I am kinda horrified that the apple juice I got at the urgent care place (they have refreshments and snacks…it's nice) has a listing of the countries on the label now that all of the ingredients came from.  It's wrong and very alarming that my one little 12 ounce bottle of apple juice has ingredients from 12 different countries spanning 4 different CONTINENTS in it.  WHAT THE FUCK??!


1/9/2014 9:14:55 PM

JUST BECAUSE I AM ONLINE ON THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TIME FOR A LONG FOCUSED CONVERSATION, OR THAT YOU NEED TO MESSAGE ME USING EVERY AVENUE THAT YOU HAVE!!!  SOMETIMES MY BROWSER RELOADS THIS PAGE…OR I AM ON HERE FOR JUST A MINUTE..OR DOING SOMETHING ELSE AT THE SAME TIME.  I CAN'T STAND GETTING A TON OF IM'S AND MESSAGES THE VERY SECOND I AM ON THIS PAGE.

 

 

 

Thank You


1/8/2014 6:17:26 AM

I miss him.  I miss them.    It's going to be a long couple of weeks.  

 

the warmth, comfort, resting/sleeping, healing energy is helping.  So much.   It makes me emotional to the point of tears of relief since I've gone so long having such big issues with those.  Just to be able to stay warm and actually fall asleep…those are massive to me.  I take so many meds and have to fight so much to stay warm or even just regulate my body temperature.  These few things are huge quality of life improvements. 

 

I'm a lucky girl


1/5/2014 6:25:59 PM

I want God to come and take me home
'Cause I'm all alone in this crowd
Who are you to me?
Who am I supposed to be?
Not exactly sure anymore
Where's this going to?
Can I follow through?
Or just follow you
For a while?

 

 

Does anyone ever get this right?

 

 

debba tax-tixroba


12/27/2013 3:21:05 PM

Alone

 

I feel so completely alone.


empty.


useless.


broken.

can't stop shaking, can't get warm.   

irreparable. 


They all deserve better.


I want God to come and take me home
'Cause I'm all alone in this crowd
Who are you to me? Who am I supposed to be?
Not exactly sure anymore
Where's this going to? Can I follow through?
Or just follow you for a while?

Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love

Ain't no confusion here, it is as I feared
The illusion that you feel is real
To be vulnerable is needed most of all
If you intend to truly fall apart

You think the worst of all is far behind
The vampire of time and memories has died
I survived. I speak, I breathe, 
I'm incomplete
I'm alive - hooray!
You're wrong again
'Cause I feel no love

Does anyone ever get this right?

Does anyone ever get this right?
I feel no love, I feel no love


12/25/2013 5:58:01 AM

Not about me….but reminds me of some people I've crossed paths with.

 

You think you're going to live your life alone
In darkness and seclusion... yeah, I know
You've been out there and tried to mix with those animals
And it just left you full of humiliated confusion
So you stagger back home and wait for nothing
But the solitary refinement of your room spits you back onto the streets
And now you're desperate and in need of human contact
And then you meet me and your whole world changes
Because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
So you drop all you defenses, and you drop all your fears
I'm perfect in every way
'Cause I make you feel so strong and so powerfull inside
You feel so lucky
But your ego obscures reality but you never bothered to
Wonder why things are going so well
You want to know why?

'Cause I'm a liar, yeah, I'm a liar
I'll tear your mind out, I'll burn your soul
I'll turn you into me, I'll turn you into me
'Cause I'm a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar...

I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes
And I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say:
I really identify with you, so much
And all the time that you're needing me is just the time
That I'm bleeding you, don't you get it yet?
I'll come to you like an affliction then I'll leave you like an addiction
You'll never forget me... you wanna know why?

'Cause I'm a liar, yeah, I'm a liar,
I'll rip your mind out, I'll burn your soul,
I'll turn you into me, I'll turn you into me,
'Cause I'm a liar, a liar, liar, liar, liar, liar...

I don't know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain
Maybe it's something inside, maybe it's something I can't explain
'Cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you
I'm a liar, ooooh, I'm a liar
But if you'll give me another chance I swear I'll never lie to you again
'Cause now I see the destructive power of a lie,
They're stronger than truth
I can't believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again, please
Just give me one more chance, I'll never lie to you again, no,
I swear, I will never tell a lie, I will never tell a lie, no, no
Ha ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho! Sucker! Sucker! Ooooh sucker!

I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar, yeah, I like it,
I feel good, ooooh I am a liar... yeah
I lie, I lie, I lie, ooh I lie, I lie, yeah,
Oooooh I'm a liar, I lie, yeah, I like it, I feel good,
I'll lie again, and again, I'll lie again and again and I'll keep lying,
I promise... ha ha ha

 

 

-Rollins Band

 

Also one of my favorite songs of all time

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCLizTg9nWo

 

Allegru Milied


12/24/2013 11:54:12 AM

Cause nothing in this life is good or bad
It's we who dress it up as happy or sad
And no one in this life is sinner or saint
It's just energy running up the stream
Or down the drain
And nothing in this life is a sheer must
Yet in living and loving indeed we trust
indeed we trust




A little excerpt from my favorite band, Gogol Bordello….and the song, we shall sail.

 

I am alive.

 


Alive = 

When a body is burning with fever
Of the voodoo force
What is it that's really burning
Parts of you of course




12/1/2013 9:55:29 PM

Below is an example of NO, SLAP SLAP (like training dogs).    real message received in my inbox.  Idiot.  Weak....become a wife-beater like your true destiny has written.   

 

 

 

 

 

   Dated:  

11/29/13 8:18 PM  
 
 
  hi how are you ? I need a sexy bitch like you in my life... i bet your a freak...come handle this big thick while ill slap you around and show what a real man is made of whenever you ready
 

 

 

 


11/28/2013 6:02:49 PM

Queens of the Stone Age - The Blood is Love

 

I saw you, in a way
Beyond figure out
These lines of life have been drawn & can't be removed
Our eyes is all it took to know

Open up your eyes
Deep blue, glassy lake
& swim 'til water & sky
Now are one, out of two
Oh, my bloodshot eyes

Open up your mouth
Touch your lips to mine
That we may make a kiss that can pierce through death & survive
Your words have branded my mind

Still i hold your hand
Wrapped as if a ring
We of flesh & blood are only carrying
It's so hard to

Well, you know

The seed waits for the reaper to sew
Every breath an art
The dignity to learn it can strain & break your heart
Take all your pieces home
You ask when you're alone, "what is love"
The blood is love


11/26/2013 4:51:50 PM

It is the week of Thanksgiving…and I am hosting it at my house.  So if replies are slow…1…I may just not want to talk to you or have any interest or 2….I may just be really busy doing stuff.

 

Thank You.

 

 

-Thankful qahba f'xalata

 

 


11/23/2013 5:34:46 PM
 
 

I want to make something clear. I do not want to "play". There are plenty of people I can have slap and tickle and call me a whore. And vice versa. I'm no longer looking for an arrangement with a weekend warrior Dom or sub. I have searched inside myself, and come face to face with what I am and what I need to do. It is as far from a game as possible.


Please don't message me because you're going to be in my area this weekend and want a girl to slap and pretend to control. I have no shortage of those. Of casual, rough fucking disguised as a dominant and a submissive playing out a role. I want and need someone who understands me, who sees my soul, who will see me naked and exposed with my viscera lying on the ground around me. I want you inside me. I want to be trained and completed and given the opportunity to fulfill my purpose. I need someone who can love me enough to truly hurt me. And to be the ONLY one to hurt me. I am willing to change my life.


Know that I am imperfect and flawed. I will fuck up. I will fail. I will make mistakes. I am also special and I want to fulfill my life's purpose. I have had enough experiences where I've died and come back. I am going to spend every breath I have left holding them in anticipation of how I will serve and please. I do not want an online relationship. I am not a door mat. I am an incredibly strong person. I am an intelligent person. I will apply myself and try to live up to my potential. I will give my all and then I will give more.  

 

I am a naturally dominant person...not afraid to speak up.  Please don't take my need to be submissive to mean that I am weak, meek, simple, or dull.   I do not drop to my knees for just any "Dom" that shows an interest.  I will also always want to have female subs or toys....or bring gifts to my Master.  

 

I also want to have a family.


also, in reading this....know I'm not sprinting toward this.  Taking time is important.  This is just where I want to land.   Also know that I have found the man I want this with.  Nobody can take his spot

 

11/23/2013 7:39:45 AM

Gimme danger little stranger
And I feel with you at ease
Gimme danger little stranger
And I feel your disease
There's nothing in my dreams
Just some ugly memories
Kiss me like the ocean breeze

Now if you will be my lover
I wish you were insane
But you can't be my master
I will do you anything
There's nothing left alive
But a pair of glassy eyes
Raise my feelings one more time

Find a little stranger
Say you're gonna feel my hand
say gotta gimme danger wild little stranger
Honey gonna feel my hand
Swear you gonna feel my hand
Swear you gonna feel my hand
Gimme danger...gimme danger

Gimme Danger...gimme danger

 

11/20/2013 1:45:11 PM
Not a moment goes by I don't think about all my kings. My big King and all my little ones. It keeps a smile on my face, a warmth in my belly, a fullness in my heart and an aching wetness in my crotch.

11/9/2013 10:23:50 PM

I always knew I wasn't complete...but I didn't know how good it would feel to connect and find my home and my purpose. I am the luckiest girl alive to have found my Papi Satana. Complete.


10/30/2013 1:19:00 PM

Halloween is my busy time


10/28/2013 5:44:24 PM

RIP Lou Reed.  One of my favorite voices.  He lived it though.

 

 

funny fact...I had my first ever multiple orgasm masturbating as a youngster while. Listening to Venus in Furs....didn't know why then.  Makes sense now. 


10/17/2013 9:41:14 PM

Status communique...

 

 

Had a little medical hiccup last week.   Slow to respond and not really having the attention span necessary for regular communication.  Better living through chemistry.  (Yes, I will be fine). 


10/14/2013 5:21:27 PM

Bastion of Bullshit.

 

Whoa there.  Accidentally went into the message boards on this site (I knew it was gonna be bad, I don't know why I didn't make a hard left and get out of there immediately.).  

 

Lol, are you fucking kidding me?  I knew those little rolling posts on the left should have been it.  I spent 3 minutes and wanted to throw up....I may have a little.  And not in the 'oh.  There's a cock repeatedly engaging my gag reflex' sort of way.

 

 

 

keep me safe, let me never wander again. 


10/14/2013 2:27:19 AM

I want the man.   The one that shatters all my boundaries, limits, and taboos.  Open me raw, vulnerable.  One who will take control of the places I guard.  The things that hurt....the things I hate.  force me to open my eyes...and be there at the end knowing what I did to get to the other side, and thinks I'm beautiful with my ugly parts exposed.  

 

 

Is that too much to ask?


10/12/2013 4:16:24 PM
ACL. get sweaty, get wet, have a Senegalese dude try to romance your pants off. Ahhh, festivals

10/7/2013 3:53:08 PM

Min ma jgarrabx il-hazin ma jafx it-tajjeb.

 

Id-dinja tghallmek aktar minn imghallmek. 


10/6/2013 6:47:29 PM

"Hey Sexy" Is generally not going to be the way to go with me.  Now, I understand this place sucks, fakes, phonies, right out of Catcher in the Rye.  I'm not one.  I'm a real live person.....I don't want your money.  I'm not a prostitute, pimp, or bot.  But please...I will respond to a message of substance.  Also, if you are incredibly spelling/verbalizing a thought impaired...well, probably don't contact me, but if you decide to press on....use spell check.  And don't flip the fuck out if I don't respond immediately.  If you only knew how it makes me want to flick you off like a bug crawling up my ankle when I see "well, I guess obviously you're not interested". Say that, and I won't be.   

 

I am an intelligent person...and we can identify others.  I only deal in intelligent people.  Sense of humor, intuition, emotion, maturity, ability to stimulate and speak and make me smile.....that's what I want.  If you think this is about you beating my ass and calling me names or the more it seems, smashing your junk and physically abusing you...then, well, we probably won't be all that compatible.   And if you think I'll make that one exception for you...I won't.   And I'll add this, if you want to send me a message telling me one word that you think I'm pretty or beautiful..thanks.  However, I don't know what else to say.

 

 

Now in the words of my most favorite band...

 

Hey rejuvenation! The second wind
When, when, when, when will it begin?
Repatriation, what is my sin?
When, when, when, when will my ship come in?

10/4/2013 6:10:58 PM

Hurt me. 


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