And more...

Look, if I were capable of it, I'd feel some shame for admitting this, but, since history has demonstrated that I'm not capable of it, I'll just cop to it: I'm becoming nearly addicted to reading Financial Domme profiles.

They are so wonderfully over-the-top in terms of self-aggrandizing silliness, they make Professional Wrestling seem  calm, reserved, thoughtful and reasonable.  

You may thinking I'm actually being critical, and couching my contempt or scorn in irony, etc., but that's really not the case. The entire phenomenon is fascinating to me, and the spectacle is sideshow carnival as it used to be. Loving it. If you are feeling low, and want something fun to read, I heartily, and sincerely, recommend these.

Now, first off, I don't judge. (Unless, of course,  I don't like something, disagree with something, find something disgusting, have a different opinion, or just feel like it.)

Now, that said, I think being a "Financial Domme" or "FinDomme" or whateverthehell it's called has to be the sweetest deal on the planet. I would have thought that the hard part woud be finding hare-brained doofuses to be your minions, but, apparently, there are enough of them to support the gigantic population of FinDommes on CM, and that's quite a lot. Figure 5 to 10 per FinDomme, and, multiplying that by the number of FinDommes on CM, and you get something like 3 Billion men.  Well, close.

Anyhow, mostly, I just want in. I don't have the equipment, plumbing, or ludicrous self-aggrandizing tendencies that seem to be requisite, but, I'm sure I can come up with something more suited to the gender and traits I do possess. I'm working on it. In the meantime, get your credit cards ready.

How to be a Dom on CM: Make sure your first contacts look something like this:

"Hello, IAmNotLookingAtAllReally; I really like your profile. What are you looking for?"

or
"Hello, DontAskMeAboutAnal; I really like your profile. How do you feel about anal?"

or
"Hello, IAmOwned; I really like your profile. Are you owned?"

or
"Hello, ICantRelocate; I really like your profile. When can you move out here?"

or
"Hello, DontSendMeAPictureOfYourPenis; I really like your profile. This is my penis."

How to be submissive on CM: Make sure your profile looks something like this:

"Hi, i am a very submissive submissive, and quite a slavish slave.  i am ready to completely submit to you, so let me give you a dozen or so orders about how you must address me, and how you must read my profile, and how if you don't follow my very clear and explicit orders, then you are an asshole. But, i mean that very submissively. "

Here, let me save you a little time, by being 99% of the "Masters" and "Doms" on CM:

Ready? Here we go: "What do you seek, little one?"

Now, you tell me what it is you're looking for, and, presto! by some incredible quirk of Fate, or is Magic, or is Kismet, or is it Dessssstiny, it turns out, against all odds, that what you just told me you are looking for is Exactly...What...I...Am!!!  Seriously, are you lucky, or what!

The "Tolerates" choice here on CM for various activities is hysterical to me.

I'm trying to imagine the sort of man who can manage any self-respect, knowing that his woman "tolerates" some behavior or another. I don't even know how that would work, practically.

Suppose really like... say... water sports.   I get fully-hydrated, etc., and she says, essentially, "yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, I think "Breaking Bad" is on; You don't mind if I watch that, during, do you? I mean, you know, I really just tolerate this kind of thing."

I just can't imagine a situation where "tolerates" is a good option to select from the list. Do everyone, including yourself, a favor. Live for something. Love something. Dislike something.  Make it a Hard Limit. But just don't "tolerate" it.

While, I certainly don't want to appear insensitive or overly flippant, I have to say that being a Master or Dominant has got to be one of the most risky things a man can be, if you base that on the frequency with which submissives/slaves report that their Master/Dominant has died.

On CM, you can't swing a dead cat (so to speak) without hitting a recently-deceased Master.  Either a lot of women are fibbing or a lot of women suddenly have had-it-up-to-here with the whole "on your knees, slut" thing and decided to take full advantage of a teachable moment.

Man, talk about being a nit-picker. Me, I mean. 

Everyone has some grammatical horror that is just too much to countenance.

My current favorite thing to hate is "seeking for."   You "seek." Or, "you look for."   "Seek" and "look for" are synonymous. Thus, to say "seek for" is to say "look for for."

And, yes, I do agree that if this is anywhere near the top of my list of irritations, then I am, indeed, living a charmed life.

This hysterical obsession on CM with who's fake is really out of control. "She's fake. He's fake. I'm fake. You're a fake fake, who's real, but you're faking it."

Look - right now, you and I, and anyone else on CM are pixels on a screen. That doesn't mean you're "fake" - it just means that all I know about you are the conclusions I draw from seeing the representation of you here. That's it.  Rationally, realistically, what else can there be, unless and until some other bits of reality are added to the mix? Sight, sound, touch, smell, etc. 

So, get over it. If someone calls you fake, get over it. If you call me fake, I promise: I'm already over it.

And if you think you're insulting someone by calling them fake, consider that that act is analogous to having an argument with a postcard, getting angry, and then calling it fake.  

If you want to get past all the idiocy, stop playing without yourself long enough to take some time to actually get acquainted with someone. You know, the way real people do things. In real life. 

I just read a woman's profile, in which she states that one of her limits is "no eye removal."

So disappointing; what kind of dedication and devotion is it when a woman balks at eye-removal? Where's the sincerity? 

I miss the good old days, where women would send an eye to a man, by Fedex, just to show interest.