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Hetero Male Switch, 47,  Los Angeles, California
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Last Online:


 Male Switch

 Los Angeles 


 5' 10"

 265 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Submissive Female

Switch Women

Friends Only




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Ciao. Hello. Whats up?

Please ignore the typos.

You wanna hear something funny? I was talking with my mom, and she said I need to find a woman whos a partner. So here I am. Wooooooooo!

My mom wants me to find an intelligent woman, close to her family, grew up with East Coast values, is good with finance, and can lift the weights that fell on me while being a goofball at the gym. With all the alkaline water and copious amounts of cheese, my weight loss plan is all the rage 12 countries by the way.

Look, most of the time, I dont take myself seriously. Most of the time, you shouldnt either. Im cooler than the other side of your pillow though. Gave up being a bass player in a reggae band, because that was only coolness level 3. Such an overachiever.

I have a stable career now, but being a freelance Ninja (there isnt a union yet) involves crazy hours, lots of dedication and shiny metal bits.

My hobbies include stress eating, and jumping to conclusions. Ive grown fond of picnics in the park lately, which includes making tea and sang-wiches. I grew up hiking and camping, went to college, and found the meaning of life. And I loved every minute of it, because I had snacks.

These days, if Im not hanging from a chandelier (the floor is lava), youll usually find me fermenting red cabbage sauerkraut, or baking my own Sourdough. Ive only had two random kitchen accidents (so far this year), yet the Fire Department says Im their job security.

Oh, by the way, chandeliers are inherently dangerous. If you plan on pulling an adventure with me (and this whole partner in crime thing you and my mom are dragging me into), do you have your own N95 mask, rubber gloves, night vision goggles, 100 feet of rope and a helmet? Safety first.

Who Im really hoping to find is one special woman who gets it, and gets me. I have no expectations. Worse case, you make a new friend, right? In a perfect world, Im looking for a weekend warrior type of Lady who excels in sarcasm and having a great day.

Some Qs
1. Exactly who is they? They said this, and they said that. But I need you to name names.

2. What is the opposite of the word opposite?

3. Have you ever done something extremely weird or silly for someone? If youre a goofball, a stunt woman or jump off the Huntington Beach Pier at 3 a.m. to pet a shark, please message me, because we need to talk.

Anyway, if you want to get to know me, and are no stranger to a mechanical bull, then please meet me in a comfortable, no-pressure setting like tea in the park, or at a Jamba Juice with lots of smiles. -) Random kitchen accident could happen if theres pressure.

-Captain Sassy Pants

PRIVACY NOTICE Warning - dont use my stuff!!

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Journal Entries:
12/6/2016 11:28:30 AM
Best way to do cardio... This video blows the pants off of anything else out there. Scientific proof that you don't need to do an exorbitant amount of cardio. Short three-minute bursts at high intensity is the way to go! :-)

12/6/2016 11:28:30 AM
Best way to do cardio... This video blows the pants off of anything else out there. Scientific proof that you don't need to do an exorbitant amount of cardio. Short three-minute bursts at high intensity is the way to go! :-)

12/6/2016 11:23:48 AM
Things that help to me to burn body fat, updated December 6th, 2016. So if you've been following my journal entries, you saw my post about the workout routine. Here's something very specific to burning body fat in general that I got from bits and pieces here and there. It's kind of like Bruce Lee. He took the best of different martial arts, and made it his own. There is no one single way to do anything these days. I think it's a combination of pulling from different resources and knowledge to find what works best for you. In no particular order, but just because I wanted to number everything, here goes: 1. Don't eat any carbs as your first meal. This means no cereal, no pancakes, no muffins, no breakfast bars (those Nature Valley oat ones are the worst!... loaded with carbs), Your body will Rush insulin to break down the sugar, and you'll feel like crap all day long if you do. 2. Your first meal should be highly concentrated in protein. A protein shake with 50 grams of protein is the way to go! If this is unavailable to you for whatever reason, try having something like 2 or 3 egg whites, and a lot of fiber (psyllium husk). Something like an eggwhite omellette, brussel sprouts, broccoli, celery, would be a second good choice . Be careful about the vegetables that you put into your omelette, and make sure there is not a lot of sugar in them or carbs. By eating protein first thing in the morning, you're telling your body that it needs to break down the protein, and this will kick-start your metabolism, since protein is harder to break down than simple sugars are. 3. Eat every 3 hours. There's no excuse! If you don't eat every 3 hours, you're basically telling your body that your going into starvation mode, and that it needs to store body fat since you're not sure when your next meal will be. This is genetically programmed into you since the human race existed. It's better to pack a lunch with you, or at least bring protein bar, key word there is protein. 4. After your first meal, your subsequent meals throughout the day should consist of two parts protein, 1 part complex carbs, two parts vegetables. A. Protein is usually thought of as chicken, meat, pork, fish. B. Complex carbs are usually thought of as brown rice (NOT white rice), beans, legumes, sweet potatoes (not starchy idaho white potatoes) and anything that is not refined or processed. C. Good vegetables to eat are things like spinach, broccoli, brussel sprouts, zucchini, yellow and red peppers, celery, squash. 5. DO NOT EAT processed food, or anything that comes in a box really. These include things like regular pasta, white bread, pita bread, white rice, cereal loaded with sugar, soft drinks or soda, etc. A. If you need to eat bread for whatever reason, try to stick with whole grains. The amount of fiber should be super high, almost as much as the amount of protein that's in the bread. B. If you feel like you need to have cereal, you should have it mid day, and it should be something like bran, quinoa based, high in fiber & protein, low in carbs. That's it! It's that simple! Don't try to complicate it more than it has to be.

11/23/2016 7:53:20 PM
New Routine as of Nov 23, 2016... Wake up Drink 16oz water + 50g Muscle Maxx protein shake Walk dog for an hour Drink 16 oz water + 1 scoop Aminocore BCAA + 1 Emergen-C + 1 scoop MSM Eat 1 grapefruit Within 30 minutes, hit the gym Throughout workout (1.5 - 2 hours), sip on 1 gallon GoGo juice: water + 2 scoops Aminocore BCAA + 2 scoops No-Explode pre-workout) Quick stretch (60 seconds each pose... Hamstring, quads, calves, chest, shoulders) 3 minutes stair machine level 3 Part 1: Lower body 3 sets, 20 reps each, same weight: -hamstring curl -hip adductor -squats 3 minutes stair machine level 3 Quick stretch legs... 60 seconds each..quads, hamstring, calves, inner thigh Part 2: Upper Body 7 sets, 10 reps each, pyramid up then back down of: -Seated dumbbell shoulder press (entire shoulder) -Bent over dumbbell lateral raise...done on bench at 45 degree angle (rear deltoid) -Standing incline cable chest fly (upper chest & front deltoid) -Standing incline cable lateral raise (middle deltoid) -Flat bench press (chest + front deltoid) -Diverging Lat Pulldown machine -Seated shoulder press machine 3 minutes stair machine level 3 6 sets of basketball court baseline runs (pause 45 seconds between sets): Baseline to freethrow line Baseline to half court Baseline to opposite freeththrow line Baseline to baseline Walk around for 2 minutes Long stretch, 2 minutes each: Hamstring, quads, calves, chest, shoulders Done!!!

9/11/2016 5:49:57 PM
How to attach a photo on here.. Pay attention. So you're on the mobile app correct? There should be an option towards the bottom that says something like "view full site." Click that. From there, click on my profile, then there should be an option that says "send pictures." You'll get to a whole new message where you can type a message. At the bottom there should be a little box that says "Attach audio, video, or photos." Make sure that box is checked. Click "send message." A whole nother screen will pop up that says "attach" with like 10 different options. You only need the 1st one that says "attach". Click that and then browse for the photo you want to send. Click the photo you want to send, and it will take you back to the "attach" page. Then click "Send" at the bottom of the page. Your phone will flash a few times in a tan color, letting you know that it's sending. Just hang tight. Don't close the window. When it's done sending it'll say "message complete." There ya go!!

1/23/2015 5:44:16 AM
To paraphrase someone else's work, and with a couple personal touches of my own: And here you are now, a new woman, with a new life. No more are you the shy, awkward, immature, timid, scared girl that you were. Now you have been reborn, and made into the woman you have longed for. Being one that is sexually erotic, passionate, loving, orgasmic, and with desires unleashed to do as you are told in every way. To do things every day as you are told, listening to me, who owns and controls you as my precious. For around your neck, you proudly wear a collar. Of which is a symbol and to show me your utmost devotion and love. As I will make all your decisions, and will always know what is best for you. Your only duty is to please me, and to make me happy. And even without asking, taking care of me daily, knowing already what I want. As with your leash too, attached to your collar, this is the umbilical cord to me. It feeds you life. For when I hold it, you know that you are mine to guide. Listen to my words as well, for these are like chains around your heart. Fall deeper to know I have you, and I can do what I wish to you. So now, every time you feel my touch, there are flames to ignite your fire. Feel me, as I penetrate your whole being. You have lost all control. And now so completely filled, being that you are my heart, and with rhythmic pounding, I possess you, in soul and mind, and fully in body.

5/17/2010 8:23:17 PM

Here's a short story about this little fellow named Jack Schitt. Happy reading. 

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt."  Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. 

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
They produced four children named Dip Schitt, Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, and Giva Schitt.

However, after being married 15 years,
Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.  Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and since her kids were living with her she wanted to keep her previous name.  She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of Noe's four children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt- Happens wedding.
The Schitt-Happens had four children
named Dawg, Byrd, Hoarse, and Bull.

Bull left home to tour the world and returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So, now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.

This family history was recorded by Crock O. Schitt.

The End.

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