...'cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept...

Welcome. This is my profile. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

First... I’m (somewhat optimistically) looking for something serious, someone with whom I can share the thoughts, the feelings, the experiences, that can make life so exciting but which others don’t really understand. I’m not exactly averse to casual play - hey, the experience is always handy - but it’s not really why I’m here.

A bit about my 'vanilla' life...

I'm in my third and final year at University, studying biology with a side order of physics and maths.

I suppose I can appear like a typical long-haired pseudo-intellectual, but that’s not all there is to me, not by long chalk...

I get hurt easily, and establish feelings for people easily. I find small talk trite and difficult. I cry more often than is normal. I'm online more than I'm outside. I’m much more of a listener than a talker, particularly around people I’m not familiar with. Popular culture is anathema to me. I don't really fit into the typical 'student' stereotype - I find clubs difficult, drink rarely, and if anyone mentions the word 'lad' in front of me I mentally replace it with ‘prick’. In many ways I shut myself off from the outside; both because I don't like most of it too much, and because I fear that it won't like me either. I'm sarcastic, dry, hate most people, and am largely afraid of the world, but behind that there's a core of affection and loyalty for those who can coax it out.

I’m a fan of post-rock, chill and ambient music (I'll elaborate if you ask), the comedy of Stewart Lee, Nintendo (particularly the Legend of Zelda franchise) and Discworld novels. I play English pool. I make sprites of video game characters out of Perler beads. I sing a lot, but mostly to myself, so I’m probably rather crap.

I love good food, but rarely get the opportunity to eat it, and I’m not quite at the level where I can create it myself. I'm not really active in terms of sport, but I’m in decent shape and recently managed to complete the ToughGuy course, if that means anything to anyone reading this.

I tend to be passionate about the few things I love, and very negative about the many things I dislike, which can make interacting with me a bit of a challenge if you love things I hate and vice-versa. I'm trying to be more accommodating about what others like, but it’s a bit of an uphill struggle at times. I mean, most of the stuff that’s popular is just fucking stupid.

...and about my 'other' life.

My kink is something I’m still in the process of becoming confident in. I’m a bondage fan, a sucker for control, and a gender-confused crossdresser. In many ways it’s been difficult to go through life this way - growing up, I didn’t really fit into male or female social groups, and still don’t. Consequently, I never feel like I’m all man or all woman, but I crave the feminine so much that it’s completely changed the way I look at things. When I see a pretty girl - I want to be hers, sure, but I also want to be her, and my insecurity about this feeling means it can be difficult to get me to open up about my fantasies.

I don’t have much experience, but I’m willing to try most things. Hard limits are fire, extreme pain, blood, shit, and anything illegal. Most anything is fair game, but in terms of my own preferences, bondage and feminization are always top of the list. I love the feeling of powerlessness that a Domme can inspire in me, the feeling that my fate is no longer in my hands - it’s in hers. As soon as I take that one first step - feel the cuffs around my wrists, the collar around my neck, the corset around my waist - whether I fight back or not... I’ll become what she wants.

I suppose I ought to say that I consider ‘feminization’ and ‘sissification’ to be completely different things. For me, ‘feminization’ is more about emulation of a woman, as an MtF transsexual would aim for. I’d love to be able to pass for female in public, but that is a long and scary road that I need someone else to take me down for it to become a reality. As for ‘sissification’... I actually hate the word ‘sissy’; I prefer the idea of being ‘dollified’, of being transformed into something pink and cute and frilly to be cuddled and played with. I really do want that, but it’s important that people understand that when it happens, I become something that hides inside me, something independent of gender which just happens to revolve around what people consider to be ‘feminine’. While it does make me feel very girly and I like to be identified as such when I’m in that mode, I would never want anyone to be offended by it as a degradation of women. My persona when I’m in that headspace is inspired by the innocence, the trust (and the clothes! Oh, the clothes...) of a little girl, not the strength and independence of a woman. Submissiveness and femininity are not the same thing, and while I’d be submissive as a woman or a girl, it’s me that’s submissive, not the gender I choose to adopt.

I've had a couple of BDSM relationships before now. They ended badly, but I learned a lot from them - particularly about what I want, and need, in a Domme. I’m looking for someone who’s fair, but who pushes when needed... sometimes I like to fight back a little, sometimes I’ll be a little hesitant or scared to obey, and I need someone who is gentle but firm to keep me on the right path. The ‘cold hard bitch’ persona is of no interest to me, I need to feel wanted and loved. If you're one of those Dommes who believes a sub isn't entitled to an opinion nor their own preferences, ignore this profile. I'm looking for a life partner here, and I intend to do things properly.

If I favourite you, it's because you really stand out - as being genuine, intelligent, and most importantly, someone I find interesting, and hopefully who would find me interesting too.

Sorry, I don't do tributes. Partly because I'm a student and I don't want to spend my money in that way, but mainly because if I have to pay you before you even talk to me, I can't foresee any kind of relationship blossoming from that.

The general rule here seems to be that the onus is on the sub to initiate contact... nevertheless, if you do find me interesting, I'd like to hear from you! I should also add that due to an easily bruised ego, fear of rejection, and the steadfast belief that I'm not going to get a reply, I'm loathe to send a message to someone unless I get one first. Sorry.

Thanks for getting all the way to the end, most people don't bother.

Until you message me, or I you,