Hello all!

Apparently my sexual desires have awakened again and I'm actively seeking subs and or doms. Ive had a few months of lethargy due to horrible and boring sex and a failed relationship. One guy I fucked cant stay hard and another only wants to fuck normal, no kink involved at all :/

Im desiring many things but lately a cuckhold situation or just some subs. Id like a dom as well but most are just not right for me and do not pay attention to my profile. Im a bad sub who will only listen if I trust you and have a relationship with you. DO NOT TRY TO HAVE me GET NAKED BEFORE EVEN HAVING A CONVERSATION. Seriously, it gets old when a "Dom" is like, "get naked" before we even have a conversation. Of course I'm not getting naked, what do you expect. I will only listen to a dom when I have a relationship established a head of time whether that be friendship or at least some understanding of what each other like.

Some girls are doormats, I am no such thing good sirs.

So soon again, just wanted to apologize for any unwanted messages asking to send videos etc. Someone else did that not me.

Hello all!

I know it's mostly men reading this but I like to pretend girls read it too. So not much in the way of sex is going on. I have a planned thing tomorrow but no details on that yet. I have a few potential doms I talk to. Some more serious than others. Honestly I just enjoy getting to know people even if nothing is going to ever happen.

So the reason for my new journal is I am discovering things about myself. I am more sub than Dom apparently. I kind of new that already but these last few weeks has been proving that more. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy being in charge and controlling people and fucking men's asses. But I find that sub men are needy and won't fulfill me in the long run. Many I feel aren't interested in me as a person just as a Domme and that would be fine if I wasn't looking for something permanent. I want more of a permanent set up in some way and well I feel like the sub men just want masturbation fodder, not to really serve. When they talk to me, they ask constantly "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?" I'm like, if I wanted something, I'd tell you what I wanted. Many say "Would u like it if I do this?" and it's usually something I have no interest in watching but I say yes just to get them to shut up. For sub men out there, I really don't care to watch you masturbate etc etc. If I want you to, I'll have you do it. I like the attention and all but I feel like what I want, which you say is what you to provide me, isn't your main goal. Many sub men just want to feel like they are serving, but not actually serve.

Now back to the whole me being more sub thing. Every time I talk to a dom, I find myself much more interested sexually. Now I'm still a bad sub in that I don't listen unless I want to but I would prefer to be given suggestions and trained over doing all the work myself. I'm just that lazy sometimes. I find that if a dom just talks with me for a little while, get to know me etc, I'm much more inclined to do what they want over someone that just demands things. So damn complex I know, i barely understand myself sexually, how can I explain it to someone else?

Also question, is it bad to cam for a guy that you have no chance at ever doing anything with?

Hello all!

         So we meet again so soon. Nothing dramatic has happened in my life other than working my new and much nicer job. I have fooled around with 2 people since my break up, both were ok I guess. One was a guy from my old job that has a potential for a good dom but his interest in providing pleasure to others is VERY low. He is more interested in the girl worshiping his cock and maybe fucking you for 10 minutes. Will he play with your tits? No. Will he finger you? No. Will he get into a good rhythm and pull your hair and such? No.

The other one was better starting out but it didn't end any better. He started out touching and cuddling, feeling me all over and making me feel good. Then when I started to give him head, that's all he wanted. Literally he pushed my head down to his cock THE ENTIRE TIME. I gave him head for over and hour with little break in between. And for that entire rest of the time he did nothing to me, nothing to please me. He fucked me for 5 mins but then wanted head again. Honestly, I would have preferred to just stay home.

Now the most interesting thing to happen. I had said guy from the first story come over again. What can I say, when I'm horny and you are willing, I'll have you come over. So before he came over he asked if I had a friend for his friend. I didn't but I jokingly said his friend could join. Well 5 minutes before he was to show up he asked if I was serious. I said yes and his friend came over. His friend chickened out so he jsut watched us two fuck. Was a lot of fun!

Hello hello all!

         Its been a hectic few months but I figured an update was in order.

Ok so last time I talked about the useless men I had been with and my new rules.......ya its hard to follow those. I broke a few and viola! I ended up hurt again. I dated and fucked a few different people but I eventually found someone. At first he was great, young and very interested in me. He drove hours to see me and helped me move. He was patient and worked really hard to gain my trust. Then things started to change, he left the army on medical discharge and I think that was a bit too much for him. But basically he stopped trying and never wanted to be with me. Also he couldnt have sex due to medication he was taking so I wasnt allowed to be myself. I couldnt touch and cuddle, he always pushed me away. I was suffocating from not getting what I needed. A few weeks ago I finally sat him down and we talked and decided to break up. I have been so happy since.

How do I end up falling for guys that are so emotionally stunted that they stop loving me? Do I do something? Am I an awful girlfriend? I just wonder if I do things that change people. Also why do I fall for the same people......ugh this sucks. I tried to like a nice guy over the summer but I couldn't. I just don't even know what to look for anymore.

Any advice? And no I don't want a man over 35.

So I have been learning some new things. I have been on a few dates, had a few people come over. I have been adventurous and experimental.  I have discovered some things about myself which includes:

I am not ready for a relationship. Its so sad but my ex hurt me worse than I thought. I trusted him and put myself out there only to be crushed. And I thought I was getting over it but apparently I am not there. I went out with a few people, and just fucked a few people. I went out last week with this really nice guy, he is basically the perfect guy for me. We were talking this week and he was being open and telling me how much he likes me already. We were also talking a lot about sexual fantasies and what he would like to do on the next date. After a bit I started to get nervous and scared because I didn't know if I felt like I did like him or if I should because he likes me. When we hung out, I wasn't into him at all for some reason. I just couldn't like him and I don't know why.

Well this week I also hung out with another guy and we have fucked twice. It was AMAZING and I had so much fun. But I know that relationship wise we would never be anything. He is just a fuck buddy and occasionally someone to hang out with. And sad to say, the second the first guy left, I texted this one instantly to see if he wanted to hang out. Ofc he did and we had a blast. But I'm finding that I just want an honest type of relationship, one that I can believe. I know the guy I mentioned above is really nice and is genuine but I just cant make myself like him..... Idk what is really wrong with me or if I just need time. The guy I fucked, when we were gonna sleep, he was tryin to cuddle up to me and I shrugged him off. I want honest, if it means nothing then don't be over affectionate lol.

In other news I need a roommate XD Any suggestions?

Mk, hi everyone. Its been some time again and time for updates. So, right after the last entry, I met a guy and fell in love. He said he liked bdsm stuff too and the sex was great......but he didn't want to use my toys, or dominate me. He just wanted normal stuff, so normal stuff is what I did. And surprisingly that was ok, I was kinda sad I didn't get to use my toys with him. He was threatened by them I think.

He was really good at everything, but I never really got to see him. Eventually we had a fight, ofc on the day my grandpa gets really sick. The next morning, my grandpa dies and he couldn't get over his self pity to even say sorry to me.

I thought I had found the love of my life, I adored him. I still dream about him even though I decided he wasn't the right guy for me. I wanted him to be though. He just was too selfish, jaded, and stubborn to be the right guy for me, but its hard to tell the heart to stop loving. I did learn some things from the whole relationship about what I want. Here they are:

Ex military men are probably not the right guys for me. The ones I have met are usually jaded, and refuse to pursue me or put out the effort to woo me. Both my ex's were like that, if things got hard or if I was upset or annoyed with them, they didn't try to figure out what they did wrong, they told me I had no right to be angry.

I refuse to drive to meet a person around where they live on the first date. I will go halfway between or around my area. If you want to date me, show me you will put out the effort for me. Both my ex's had excuses to not drive to me, so I was left with either not seeing them, or drive my ass around town and not getting help on gas. On the second date, if you drove to me first, I will happily drive to you. I give a lot, but I'm tired of being taken advantage of.

I refuse to pay for myself on the first date. I don't mind if you get tickets, I get snacks, or if you get dinner, I get dessert or tip. I REFUSE to not be treated right. If you don't have the chivalry to treat me on the first date, it will only get worse from there. Men don't ever get better with time it seems.

I refuse to be placed second or third or 35th on your priority list. In the beginning I understand I'm just a date or a new girlfriend or w/e. But I WILL NOT be an afterthought when I am seriously dating you. I want to be a part of someone's schedule, I want to know I have priority and that you really want to spend time with me. I understand things come up, but I have plans and I can't just go with the flow all the time. I want to know that you will come over soon and that you really want to be with me. So far, guy seem to just be like "Ill get to you eventually". Idk if I give off that vibe or if I dated dumbasses. Im going with the latter.

I love to please, I love to give and see the other person happy, but I'm tired of giving and giving and giving, only to get very little back. Its making me a bitter person. I may be a sub, but I am a woman first, and I should be treated right.

Oooook..... so yeah that last journal entry was a bit mean. I wrote it when I was having a bad day but it all is still true. I will say though that we did have some nice experiences and I have made a good friend in the process. He has been struggling with some things so sex was not his number one priority. I will say I have hope for the future as I seek more experiences. I would really like to try a threeway next with two guys. Im a bit too insecure for another girl to be present. Thank you everyone for positive feedback and support. Im sorry if my lack of response offends or hurts anyone, I just dont like confrontation so I do not respond to those I have no interest in. I hope to hear from more people soon. I will be friends with people if asked properly, I always need more friends :D

SO, its been a while. To sum up the last few months.....I work endlessly and I have had a very unsatisfying "relationship". We officially dated for like 3 weeks and then we realized it wasn't going to work, so we just hung out, did various other activities to pass time. Lets just say only a few times was it semi-satisfying. It is very frustrating when I have literally a TUB of toys and all the guy ever wants to do is finish in my ass without proper stretching first -.- I had to cry and hit him to get him to realize he needed to give me an orgasm too. Once or twice where he finishes and I don't is no biggy, but when it's 8 times in a row and he shows no signs of any interest in pleasing me, I gotta say something. And before you start, it was not some psychological sex control, he was just too lazy to do anything. He was also TERRIBLE at kissing. >_> once again......I still have yet to have even a satisfying, truly satisfying, sexual experience. I will say I learned about some of my likes and dislikes and I learned that I give good oral most of the time. Go me! Oh and in the past few months I got my nipples pierced.....I mean it's totally important that everyone know that. I am currently looking for some fun. A threeway with two guys would be ideal but I am looking for someone to explore with.

7/5/11

Well, its my first weekend here on collarme.com and I am starting to already figure out some of my likes and dislikes, and who a potential master could be. Im also realizing what kind of sub I really am. I am a very dominant female at heart who is looking for someone that will let me offer myself to them. I have had a couple men talk to me and things just aren't clicking. If I don't feel an attraction to them or excitement at the idea of subbing to them, then I cannot even consider them as a master. I cannot be broken, only guided and encouraged.

As I have been talking with others, I have been describing myself as an Elephant, confident and strong but gentle and intelligent. If you try to force an elephant to walk at your commands through fear, anger, and aggression, all you will get is a raging elephant trampling you. But if you are gentle but command a dominant presence that they will want to follow, you can have an elephant doing headstands at your whim.

I am into subbing, and I want to sub, but I want to sub to someone who understands that I won't be broken. That I give my obedience, it is not taken. That I let them be master and enjoy them using me. That may change as my time in the bdsm world goes on but I right now, I bend for only who I want to.