Learned a new word today: licentious - unprincipled in sexual matters.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

I've got just the place for low-cost housing - I have solved this problem. I know where we can build housing for the homeless: Golf courses! Just what we need. Plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods, land that is currently being wasted on a meaningless,  activity engaged in primarily by well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to make deals and to carve this country up a little finer among themselves.

I am getting tired of these golfing cocksuckers in their green pants and their plaid pants and their precious little hats and their cute little golf carts! It is time to reclaim the golf courses from the wealthy and turn them over to the homeless. Golf is an arrogant, elitist game and it takes up entirely too much room in this country.

It's a mindless game, too. Think of the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity: hitting a ball with a stick, and then walking after it! And then, hitting it again! I say, pick it up asshole, you're lucky you found the fucking thing. Put it in your pocket and go the home, you're a winner - you found it!"

Now I know there are some people who play golf who don't consider themselves rich. Fuck 'em! And shame on them for engaging in an arrogant, elitist pastime.

Not one Connecticut resident seemed to notice who was behind the Governor's education reform bill, not one person seemed to notice that the CBIA (the Connecticut Business and Industry Assoc.) was one of the bill's biggest supporters. Why? Because the CBIA represents charter school management companies who couldn't operate in Connecticut until now.

There’s a reason education is broken, and it’s the same reason it will never be fixed. It’s never going to get any better, don’t look for it, be happy with what you’ve got.

Because the owners, of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.

Forget the politicians. They are irrelevant. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice! You have OWNERS! They OWN YOU. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, and the state houses.

They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want.  Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don’t want:

They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. That's against their interests.

That's right. They don’t want people who are smart enough to think about how badly they’re getting screwed by a system that doesn't care about them. They don’t want that!

You know what they want? They want obedient workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly awful jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. This is what education reform is all about here in Connecticut.

You know what the problem with society is today? We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

When a new word is created, it's started with a thought. So, a thought becomes a word and once that happens, we're stuck with that word for that thought. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven.

You know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits. Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.

Now, the word Fuck, is the beginning of life and yet it's a word we use to hurt one other. People have often said, I'd rather have my son watch a film with two people making love than two people trying to kill one other. And I agree. But I would like to take it a step further. I would like to substitute the word fuck, for the word kill in all those movie cliches we grew up with. 'Okay Sheriff, we're gonna fuck ya now. But we're gonna fuck ya slow.'

But, there are some two-way words. There are double-meaning words. Remember the ones your from sixth grade reading class? 'And the cock crowed three times…Or the baseball announcer that says Derek Jeter has two balls on him.' But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play! He's holding them, he must have hurt them!" And the other two-way word that goes with that one is prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick. No, no."

Do people really think hunting is a fun sport? Has anyone asked the deer? The only good thing about hunting is the many fatal accidents on the weekends. And, of course, the permanently disfigured hunters who survive such accidents.

Did you ever wonder why there are 10 Commandments? Why 10? Why not 9 or 7?

I think, about five thousand years ago, a bunch of reli­gious and political hustlers got together to figure out how they could control people and keep them in line. These guys announced that God— God personally—had given one of them a list of Ten Commandments that he wanted everyone to follow.

 In truth, it's a politic; document, artificially inflated to sell better.  So let's take a look at how we can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a bit more logical and realistic.

• I AM THE LORD THY GOD, THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME.

• THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN.

• THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH.

Right off the bat, the first three commandments—pure bullshit "Sabbath day," "Lord's name," "strange gods." Spooky language. Spooky language designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious mumbo jumbo like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human in the twenty-first century. You throw out the first three commandments, am you're down to seven.

•HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER.

This commandment is about obedience and respect for authority; in other words it's simply a device for controlling people. The truth is, obedience and respect should not be granted automatically. They should be earned. They should be based on the parents' performance. Some parents deserve respect. Most of them don't. Period. We're down to six.

Now, in the interest of logic—something religion has a really hard time with—I'm going to skip around the list a little bit:

• THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.

• THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS.

Stealing and lying. Actually, when you think about it, these two com­mandments cover the same sort of behavior: dishonesty. Stealing and lying. So we don't need two of them. Instead, we combine these two and call it "Thou shalt not be dishonest." Suddenly we're down to five.

And as long as we're combining commandments I have two others that be­long together:

• THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.

• THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE.

Once again, these two prohibit the same sort of behavior; in this case, mar­ital infidelity. The difference between them is that coveting takes place in the mind. And I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife, otherwise what's a guy gonna think about when he's flogging his dong?

But marital fidelity is a good idea, so I suggest we keep the idea and call this commandment "Thou shalt not be unfaithful." Suddenly we're down to four.

And when you think about it further, honesty and fidelity are actually parts of the same overall value. So, in truth, we could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments, and, using positive lan­guage instead of negative, call the whole thing "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful." And now we're down to three.

•THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS.

This one is just plain stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going: Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "O Come All Ye Faithful," you want to get one, too. Coveting creates jobs. Leave it alone.

You throw out coveting and you're down to two now: the big, combined honesty/fidelity commandment, and the one we haven't mentioned yet:

•THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

Murder. The Fifth Commandment. But, if you give it a little thought, you realize that religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

To cite a few examples, just think about the the Middle East, the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously religious people take Thou Shalt Not Kill. Apparently, to religious folks—especially the truly devout—murder is ne­gotiable. It just depends on who's doing the killing and who's getting killed.

And so, with all of this in mind, I offer my revised list of the Two Commandments:

First:

•THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL.

And second:

•THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE, UNLESS,
OF COURSE, THEY PRAY TO A DIFFERENT INVISIBLE AVENGER
THAN THE ONE YOU PRAY TO.

Two is all you need, folks. Moses could have carried them down the hill in his pocket. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn't mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in his courthouse lobby. As long he in­cluded one additional commandment:

•THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF!!!

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.

As a matter of principle, I never attend a "first annual" event.

I don't understand why everyone is so concerned about plastic? There's a lot of folks out there who think plastic is bad for the environment. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it....needed us.

It could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?” Plastic.

You say to a guy, 'How are ya?' He says, 'Fine and dandy.'

Not me. I never say that.  Because I'm never both those things at the same time. Sometimes I'm fine. But I'm not dandy. I might be close to dandy. I might be approaching dandy. I might even be in the general vicinity of dandyhood. But not quite fully dandy.

Other times, I might indeed be highly dandy. However, not fine. One time, in 1988 for about an hour,  I was both fine and dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was. I coulda told 'em, 'Fine and dandy.' Oh well.

"Down the tubes" We hear that one a lot. People say, "Ah, the country is going down the tubes."

What tubes? Have you seen any tubes? Where are these tubes? And where do they go? And how come there's more than one tube?

When you think about it, religion never had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. Just look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill.

Maybe it ought to be changed to, "Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you."

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

A bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We're the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient enough that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car”

I was in Borders Books Store, now going out of business, and noticed that the Self Help section was widely over picked. So then I thought, why would someone who is looking for self help purchase a book written by someone else? That's not self-help, that's help!

There's no such thing as self-help. If you did it yourself,  you didn't need help - because you did it yourself! Let's try to pay attention to the language we've all agreed on.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it`s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

I'm always surprized at the number of people who are convinced that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time.

But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.