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JustmeinGeorgia2
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I abhor weakness. This may seem like a ridiculous statement, but I feel that to connect with someone who cannot sustain my drives or challenge me on all levels is not fair to a submissive or myself. Too many epitomize submissiveness with weakness, but I find that to be completely untrue. Any submissive who kneels before me will be tested to the extreme. But as I expect this from my submissive, I should also expect this from myself. I should never abide weakness to dwell within me either.
I have been with submissives that have drawn out my darker nature. When I have told them of my darker urges, they would exclaim that is exactly what they were seeking. I am not going to lie and say that I didn't find their reactions intoxicating. With eyes blazing, I gleefully pulled the sobs from their throat as their bodies shook in agony and ecstasy. But afterwards, I began to realize that I was feeling less and less satisfied. It was not that the submissive was failing me, but rather I was never giving them a chance to succeed. I was so cautious as to unleashing my true nature that I was leaving myself physically and emotionally famished. I was feeding my soul what amounted to a diet that could not sustain it. My “Beast” wanted meat, and I was tossing him tofu and telling him, “it tastes just like meat.”
I started to replay those times I had let myself go to that darker place, and realized I had completely deluded myself as to what was happening. Every impulse had been just a half measure. I wasn’t reacting to my desires and needs, but rather to what I felt was the submissive's interpretation of my darkness. If they wanted to be numbed, mentally and physically, I took them to that place and there I stopped. When my own desires wanted more, I would "pull my punches." I also realized that this physical retreat was met by a similar emotional withdrawal. The more I pulled back from the physical needs within me, the less I felt. In denying myself, I had doomed any chance of having a truly satisfying experience with my submissive. In denying the possibility for unleashing all of that energy, I found that I was leaping into the abyss and embracing entropy.
I know understand that I need someone who wants to draw out everything that I have restrained. I want someone who can connect to me on more than just a physical level. I want to see the fire within them with every smack, bite, or impact. I need all their emotions to sustain me…to drain me completely. I want to know that under the surface of those tear-filled eyes, is the desire for more. I want to know that every time I think that we have crossed that threshold, they are there daring me to do it again...and again...and again.
I know that if you are still reading to this point, you are thinking that I am simply a sadist looking for a bigger and bigger thrill. I would have to argue that while there is a part of me that needs some sadistic fulfillment, it is not all that I am. Think about how you react when you are provided with those physical sensations. If you don't have an emotional connection with the person pushing your body to the limit, isn't it a rather hollow event. I am not stating that I think weakness is simply a physical failing, but rather that it encompasses all aspects of a person.
Nothing I do is without consent. I do not feel any desire or pleasure from taking by force what should be freely given. A person must want to experience my breaking down their resistance...feeling me overwhelm them until they have completely surrendered. Communication and understanding are paramount concerns of mine. We have to be able to discuss what we are both seeking from each other before anything physical can occur.
Now for what is often the deal breaker. I have tested positive for HSV-2. It is amazing that with as many people suffering from this condition that it still has such a negative perception. If it bothers you, then I hope you will just move on and check another's profile. I take suppressive medication and do not have issues that cannot be handled by being safe and sane with my partner.
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After having some people tell me that my profile seemed overly harsh, I have reworded it to be more clear. I wrote the original profile entry at a moment when I was dealing with some personal angst, and clearly it bled over into my writing. I do think it is much clearer now and does not leave such a negative impression. |
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I think that people mistake harshness with cruelty. To understand the difference, I think you have to look at the context for both treatments. If I whip your tits after a brutal ass beating, did I do it because you did not act appropriately in some manner in which I instructed you. Or, did I do it because I just felt like listening to you sobbing as you came uncontrollably again and again.
Also, don't think that I use my sterner nature as a protection mechanism. I don't consider my harshness to be a shell. It is not there as a barrier to isolate or protect me. Rather, I feel that my harsh nature is the lens through which I focus my actions and thoughts. I try to be fair with everyone...being harsh is not the same as being cruel or unjust. It just means I am unwilling to accept a lot of the excuses and platitudes that people use to justify their bad behavior. I know I am not perfect, but it is the struggle for perfection that allows me to feel I am honoring my dominant nature. |
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| Age: 31 |
| Queensland,
Australia |
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