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I forgot who I was and became someone I'm not. I never wanted that. I was unhappy. I was unhappy with who I saw in the mirror. I need to change, not to please someone else, but for myself. I am once again starting down the path of rediscovering who I am, who I want to be, and more importantly who I am not. I needed to be true to myself.
- I am not looking for a relationship with anyone. My heart is not available to be given away, shared, or held.
- If I come to the woodshed, it is most likely to visit a friend or two that I haven't seen in a while. I may, or may not, do a scene. If I do a scene, it does NOT mean "I'm back," because I'm not. Please be respectful of my decision not to openly service Top and scene in public. I do not wish to do it. I hate saying "No," it makes me feel guilty.
I'm sad that I even have to write this, but when I show up the other night, I am always asked to scene before I even checked in. I'm sorry, but that is disrespectful and unacceptable.
What follows is the long and short of some of my discoveries thus far, and my journey is not yet over. I'm pretty sure it never will be. These are bullet points, not meant to be taken as the sum of who I am. Please understand and respect that as you read.
I like:
- Fire (expert)
- Electricity (expert)
- Rope (pretty damn good)
- Energy (pretty damn good)
- Pressure Points, Take downs, etc (very good)
- Floggers (efficient)
- Whips (efficient)
All of this doesn't mean I want to play with you, or need to play at all. It's just what I can do. When I chose to do something, it will most likely be from this list.
I also:
- like being creative
- breathe fire, eat fire, juggle, perform magic, and make balloon animals.
- love theme parks
- love chocolate chip cookies
• I like to take photos, doodle, draw, write poetry, short stories, philosophy, and song lyrics.
• No, I don't teach fire breathing or eating. I don't feel I am qualified. I'm not a clown, but I get bored easily and like to try/learn new things.
• I like theme parks because I like messing with tourists and like doing pervy things with a chance of being seen or caught.
• Chocolate Chip cookies are soft morsels of heaven on earth. And sometimes, depending on the partner, better than sex.
I won't:
- play with shit or piss.
- do needle play (no time to learn)
- do cell popping (no time to learn)
I might, at my discretion,:
- bite you.
- molest you.
- force you to do things in public to embarrass you.
- choke you.
• This doesn't mean I'm going to bite you, molest you, or choke you. I probably won't. Those are special to me, laced with energy. If you ask me to bite you, there's a good chance I won't. Same for everything else. I am selective as to whom I get close to, even if I am a deviant.
• There is a trust that comes from the exchange of choking. I don't do it with random strangers. Please do not assume.
I have no desire:
I played superman for a long time. I won't do it any more. It wears me down and tears me apart.
- for a D/s or M/s relationship.
I do not wish to train, lead, teach, or guide anyone. I do not want someone to be my submissive. There is nothing wrong with it, it just has no appeal to me or interest.
Stand on your own two feet, please. Show me you can stand up for yourself and then I can extend a hand in friendship.
- to spank your ass . . . unless we're having sex.
And chances are I'm not going to have sex with you.
I am not:
- a bottom.
- a switch.
- a submissive.
- a masochist.
You hurt me, you are in for a world of backlash.
I have a Dominant personality. My DiSC profile is D.I., but I have no desire to pursue a Dominant role within the lifestyle.
I don't ever want to Top 'just because'. I want two-way synergy when I Top, and that I only find with a select number of small people. Please do not force me to say No. It makes me feel guilty and bad.
- someone who gives aftercare.
If you want to cuddle, get a puppy. I'll make sure you are safe, but don't expect me to sit on the couch, hold your hand, and stroke your hair for hours. Exception: If I'm dating you, or regular play partners, that is different. I'm a cuddly loving guy under those conditions.
I am:
- a Top. - again NOT a Service Top
- a sexual deviant.
Sex and Sexuality. I absolutely adore it.
yes, I like to exert control. I like to bend you to my will, make you orgasm at my command, and from my contact.
- a twisted and perverse individual.
I come up with weird things in my head. Sometimes I share them, sometimes I don't, but I do have some really funny/interesting/great ideas at times.
- an exhibitionist and a voyeur.
I like to watch, love to show off. There's something exhilarating about the thought of being seen and watched in public.
- a sadist when it suits my needs, and when it turns me on.
Sometimes I want to make you make a noise. A squeak, a squeal, a moan, a look of shock, pain, even a tear to the eye. But only with people I am connected to, and only certain people.
In general, I mean well. I screw up. I hurt people. I make mistakes. I learn, and move forward. But, I do mean well. I over extend myself and wear myself out. I burn out, but I will pick myself back up and try again.
I'm just me. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just a man making his way through the world: exploring, learning, loving, and making mistakes.
- Intelligent, sincere, honest, and caring.
However, I am also: weird, creative, witty, sarcastic, extroverted, slightly warped, and funny.
(That's pretty much a shotgun approach, isn't it?)
But most importantly:
I am Q.
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O.K. That's it. I'm done.
I'm having the worst luck in my kitchen, considering I've known how to cook, and cook well, well for about 20-25 years.
I burnt my lip Wednesday, and today I burnt my thumb and finger.
I need to either:
- A.) Get someone to start cooking for me. (or)
- B.) Do a lot of take out until I can stop injuring myself. (or)
- C.) Resort to a lot of Peanut Butter and Jelly/Cereal.
(sigh)
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So, you think you're a Dom?
- original post on , March, 2012 (K&P, 142 comments, 212 Loves)
A while back I posted something called My D Code of Conduct. It wasn't a bible, a guide, or anything of the sort. It was merely a list of qualities I find admirable, something to strive for. Qualities I had seen in others that I thought would be good for myself.
I'd like to reference that article, in conjunction with this one, and point out things "Dom/Domme"s do, that are appalling, dare I say almost reprehensible.
Before we begin, by my very nature, I am NOT a switch, a submissive, a bottom, or a slave. I am not a Master or a Dom because my current path doesn't lead to there. I am a Sadist. (it took a long time to come to that understanding that I actually enjoy giving pain with a purpose).
Having strong will, leadership qualities, charisma
These qualities when I listed them were coupled with self control and fortitude. Strong will does not mean forcibly imposing your will on others (or) manipulating, using guilt, or brow-beating people into doing what you want.
Assertive, consistent, strong
These qualities were listed with calm, compassionate, honest, thorough, responsible, and understanding. Being an aggressive ass clown, who uses force to get what he/she wants, does not make you a Dom/Domme . . . it makes you a douche bag. You are confident in who you are, but you do NOT - under any circumstances - belittle other people to make yourself feel better and get your way.
Effective communication
This doesn't mean that you talk louder, and harder so that everyone has to listen to you and do what you say.. In fact, you should probably shut the fuck up a LOT more and listen to what is being said. That's how you learn about your bottom and about things you do not know.
Be humble and never afraid to admit you don't know it all.
That is fine, but it is NOT a fucking crutch for you to lean on and use as an excuse for your actions. You learn, and grow. If you can't put in the effort to do that, put your toys down and walk away.
Exerting control, being a Dom
This doesn't mean disrespecting your (or any) submissive, putting them down, and imposing your will. That makes you a horrible person, and probably one who should be beaten unmercifully for abusing the trust of a submissive. Control not only applies to in scene and use of force, but out of scene and control of your environment.
To quote my previous article:
I only exist because of the submissive traits in others. It is the goal and duty of a Dom to gain the respect of a sub and never force anyone into submission.
I strive to be a good Dom whether a sub chooses to submit to me or not. A subs submission is not what makes me a Dom, it's what makes me that sub's Dom. If I show myself not to have the qualities of a good dom, then all submissions in the world will not make it so.
I only have the control that is given freely by the submissive, and I am indebted for that. Any move to overstep that boundary is unforgivable.
... which brings us to: Respect
Treating a submissive, or other person in general, with respect, as a person... NOT as an object. They are submissive. Their ability to give is greater than anything you can comprehend giving to them. They give their trust, admiration, life, safety, health, and happiness to you - to look after. You had better earn those items every day and have the utmost respect for the person giving them to you. If you can't do at least this. . Then you do not need, nor derserve, the title "Dom/Domme." |
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My D Code of Conduct
- originally posted on , August 2011 (15 comments, 55 loves)
- I am mentally calm, assertive, compassionate, consistent, thorough, honest, responsible, understanding, and strong.
- I will possess charisma, self-control, fortitude, wisdom, strong will, and the qualities of leadership.
- I am able to communicate effectively. This includes knowing when to shut up and listen; to speech, sounds, and non-verbal communication.
- I am not threatened by the intelligence of my submissive. I embraces it, and relishes in the banter that comes with it.
- I can laugh if things get humorous, can acknowledge mistakes, and am not infallible.
- I am humble and not be afraid to learn that I don't know it all.
- I am a gentleman and know how to treat a woman with respect and as a lady, not an object.
- I only exists because of the submissive traits in others. It is the goal and duty of a Dom to gain the respect of a sub and never force anyone into submission.
- I only have the control that is given freely by the submissive, and I am indebted for that. Any move to overstep that boundary is unforgivable.
- I strive to be a good Dom whether a sub chooses to submit to me or not. A subs submission is not what makes me a Dom, it's what makes me that sub's Dom. If I show myself not to have the qualities of a good Dom, then all submissions in the world will not make it so.
- I recognize and accept that I hold her life, her safety, her health and her happiness in my hands every time she follows me.
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| Age: 39 |
| San Francisco,
California |
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