Pssst. Can I tell you a secret?

I'm that little girl who enjoys pain and fear in more ways than one. I enjoyed that night, being alone in a dark room with him while he forced me to my knees, grabbing me by my hair and making me fear for my very life. So far gone from reality that I had no way of knowing if it was a game or not.

I don't want you to coddle me. I want you to slap me so hard I see stars, and regret ever talking back to you. When you fuck me I want you to make it hurt. None of this bullshit looking in the eyes trying to find a real connection. The connection isn't in my eyes, it's in the things you do to me. I want you to shove my face down in the pillow and fuck me until I collapse.

When you hurt me and I cry, you're not supposed to stop. Yes it hurts, that's the God damn point. I want you to be sadistic. I want you to leave more bruises than I can count. Bruises that I can caress in the mirror and purr with the satisfaction of knowing someone did it to me that I respect, and that I wanted it.

Besides. If you don't fuck me up first, I'm going to sink my little claws into you instead.

Perhaps I like the idea of having a knife pressed to the back of my neck, knowing one wrong move would be nasty. Or the idea of playing with fire...literally. It terrifies me, and I love that.

My submission is not something I give lightly. I submit first and foremost because I want to, but also because I wouldn't dare to do otherwise. If you cannot control me in every way and make me *fear* defying you, then you will never get me to kneel before you. But if you show me from the start that you're the one who's in control, then I won't fight you.

But if you for one moment mistake my submission or desire for pain as weakness, you are heavily mistaken. That pain, physical and mental, is my motivation. That pain is beautiful. I may have had my moment of failure where I was weak, but I forgot just how little there is in this world to be afraid of, and just how fucking pathetic I'd be to keep taking it so seriously.

So bring on the pain. I welcome it.