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I typed this a while ago and posted it on a few websites I was a member of. Idk how relevant it will be for this one but I figured I would put it up anyway, just in case.
So lately I've been getting a bit of an education from my bi and lesbian female friends on guys. I'm not talking about the neo-feminazi education about how all men are evil pig fucks. What I'm talking about is how most heterosexual guys treat women who are bi and lesbian when they find out about their sexuality. Now just to make this clear so there isn't any confusion: I am a heterosexual man. I like women. I like the thought of lesbians, not gonna lie about that, but what I am talking about is a bit more than that. The way a lot of straight guys react towards bi and lesbian women is usually a completely different way as they were acting toward them before they knew. One moment a perfectly normal conversation could be happening, then at some point a hint or phrase or something indicating the woman is interested in other women and the guy becomes an excitable unintelligible moron suggesting threesomes and asking to watch. Now that may have been a bit over exaggerated (but it's not). But why should it matter whether or not a woman is lesbian or bi? Why should it change the way you speak to them, treat them, or act around them? Do you think it's a compliment to tell a woman how hot it is that she likes other women? Or that you would just love to watch her and another woman make out, or have sex, or anything else? I can promise you they don't take it as a compliment. If anything, I imagine it gets taken just as insulting as any other racist, bigoted, or homophobic thing could be taken. Because that's what it is. It is misogynistic and bigoted. Treating women differently because of their sexual preference is just as discriminatory as calling gay guys “fags”. It's still really offensive even though you didn't meant it to me. Just because you love lesbians doesn't make that behavior any less ignorant or stupid.
Think about it this way. You are having a conversation with a woman. Everything is going great, you are getting along and having fun. Then you imply that you are straight. She freaks out, completely veers off the subject and fixates on how hot it is that you are straight. That she wants to watch you go make out with some random woman that she designates as hot. She really wants to watch you two have sex -- completely disregarding the conversation and you as a person. In a moment, you went from being an equal person to her to being a sexual object meant only to be used as a fantasy. In seconds flat, you go from being a human being with a personality, unique attributes, and feelings, to being meat on display. To some this may not sound too bad. Fair enough. But imagine that every single time you ever uttered anything that hinted at your sexuality at all in front of the opposite sex you were treated this way. That you become cautious to be around any member of the opposite sex at all because you don't want to have to hide who you are for fear of becoming a sideshow attraction for their entertainment.
Also, a woman that is a lesbian or bisexual is not a slut, or a whore, or a porn star. This one caught me by surprise that apparently quite a few women that are interested in other women are hit with this stigma. Just because someone is interested in more than one sex and/or gender does not mean they will sleep with anyone. It also doesn't mean they want to have a three-or-more-some. All it means is that they may or may not love someone that is the same sex and/or gender as they are.
The reason I am confused by this is that I do not treat women this way. I wasn't raised around men. I never learned how to be “a guy” I guess. I had three sisters, a single mother, and even girl dogs growing up. So I never learned to slobber and become a grunting ape when I hear that a woman is interested in other women. To me that interest is just another part of who they are. Just like being interested in women is another part of who I am. Straight, gay, bi, lesbian, hetero, homo, whatever label that gets used is secondary to the fact that a person is a human being who comes fully-equipped with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, personality, and many unique qualities. Being gay doesn't change that anymore than being straight does. So guys, if you are wondering why a girl that says she's bi doesn't respond to you or want to talk to you after she told you this, it might be because you offended her so deeply by obsessing over this one fact rather than acknowledging and respecting that she is an actual person who just happens to be interested in women in addition to a multitude of other traits that make her unique. |
