I wrote this for someone and thought I'd post it here.... Please enjoy...
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I think that maybe you don't know where to start. It's actually quite simple. There are just two basic points:
1) You set the rules
2) You enforce them
You are the dominant and I am the submissive. You set and enforce the rules of our interaction. It doesn't matter if I like them or not (well, within reason), or if they are fair or not. Just put your energy and imagination into it, take control and really push the buttons.
What follows are some suggestions and starting points:
1 ... rituals ... set domestic duties, preferable ones that involve lots touching. i'm to wash you every night slowly, with a bucket and sponge. or brush your hair. have me do it with great care and attention to detail: candles, oil, etc. be firm, correct any mistakes. if you want your submissive (me) to take it seriously, you have to take it seriously....
2 ... symbolism ... we're watching a film upstairs. you send me to get some of the plastic straps from downstairs. you put one of the short ones around my neck as a collar. you buckle it and make me sit on the floor at your feet, holding the end of my collar. we watch the rest of the film this way.
3 ... bondage ... we're together doing something - maybe you're reading to me. blindfold me with your dupatta... continue reading. or suppose we're watching tv, use one of the straps, maybe tying my knees together, or pinning my arms to my sides and then snuggle with me... nothing fancy, no drama. 10-20 minutes. get used to restricting me, and I'll get used to being restricted. it should be a natural everyday thing, with no stress.
4 ... take control ... we're sitting at the table, it's night time, no one is around. you say "go get the handcuffs". you lock one of the cuffs to your chair, the other on me. "i'm not going to let you get up until you make me cum". you take off your pajama and pull up your kurta. you pull me by the hair into the right place and you make me please you, exactly the way you want. be rough. when you've gotten what you want, uncuff me.
5 ... service ... since you get to make the rules, you might as well take advantage of it. it's the submissives job to do things for the dominant. fetch things. tea in bed in the morning. back rubs. whatever strikes your fancy, who knows, maybe you like having your toes sucked. this is one advantage of being the dominant, it's about what you want and how you want it.
6 ... be creative ... most things can fit nicely into a D/s context. suppose you want me to learn hindi, write a list of words to be memorized and give me a day to do it. then quiz me on them. if i do well, maybe you should give me a reward of some kind. if not, ut oh. anything where you set the tasks and judge the results works in a D/s context.
7 ... care and feeding ... we're having dinner together and you tell me to come sit next to you. you then tell me to put my hands on my knees and not to move them. you proceed to mix my food and feed me, having me lick and suck your finger clean every few bites. very sensuous. but there is a strong subtext too.
8 ... permission ... there is one golden rule. i am never to orgasm without asking and receiving your permission. and if you say no, that's it, i have to wait until you say yes.
9 ... tease and denial ... we're in bed and making love. i ask for permission. normally you grant it. but sometimes, like now, you have that mischivous look and you say no. we continue making love and i'm very close and pleading with you to let me cum. all of a sudden you stop and roll me over. you kiss me deeply and tell me i'll have to wait until tomorrow. i would do almost anything to cum. after more pleading and kisses you roll over and go to sleep. i can't sleep.
10 ... begging ... contrary to conventional wisdom, if sincere, begging the dominant to do something or not do something is a good thing. it means the submissive has accepted the dominant as the person in charge, as the decider. further, it means the submissive is past being stubborn and past his/her pride.
11 ... enforcing the rules ... no matter how dominant and submissive each are, sooner or later it will surely come to some sort of challenge. the submissive does not want to do what the dominant wants, or isn't following the rules, or is being sassy. it's very important for the dominant to sense the challenge and deal with it appropriately. sometimes a submissive just wants some attention. but other times it's more serious - the submissive is being a brat - and that should not be tolerated. if ignored, it can undermine a D/s relationship.
12 ... dealing with a brat ... there are two kinds of punishments, those that are ultimately fun for the submissive (light s&m?) and those that are not fun and are designed to put the bratty submissive in his/her place. more than any other situation, this is where a dominant has to be mean and heartless and have some mettle, even if it doesn't come naturally. at the same time, it is important that the punishment is right for the situation. here are just a few suggestions. there are many many possibilities, just be creative:
... sassy/sly submissive? grab a nipple hard. twist it. look
him or her straight in the eye: you think you're a smarty eh?
i'm on to you.
... tie your submissive in some uncomfortable position - perhaps
against a wall, hands above head, legs spread. leave them
there for 30 minutes - then ask, "are you going to behave?"
if not, another 30 minutes should do the trick. completely
ignore them (note: always be aware of safety - i'll come back
to this). let them marinate.
... a hard over the knee spanking. this one borders on s&m, and
might not be very effective as a punishment, depending on the
submissive.
... need something harsher? tie your submissive tightly and put
them in the shower. hose them down with cold water.
... deny some priviledge for a few days or a week: no orgasms. no
sweets. take away his/her morning coffee (heheh, okay that one
is playing with fire!). no internet! whatever will be effective.
... and if the submissive is being more than just a brat, flagrantly
violating the rules or won't cooperate, then simply refuse to
continue - its back to vanilla land until he or she accepts the
basic premise: the dominant sets and enforces the rules...
always remember, the goal is that the submissive should have no doubt about who is in charge.
13 ... s&m light ... whereas dealing with a brat tends to be more coercive, light s&m is actually more consensual. generally the dominant and submissive agree beforehand about what types of play are acceptable. they also agree on a safe word. if the submissive says the safe word, the dominant stops the scene right there. ... we are in the bedroom and you order me to undress, while you arrange a stack of pillows near the end of the bed. you have me lie on my stomach with the stack of pillows under my hips so my ass is in the air. you have me spread my legs and tie each leg to a corner of the bed so they are spread nicely. you then hand cuff my hands behind my back. i'm quite helpless now. then you begin, alternating between light spankings of my bottom and caresses. as my bum gets warmed up and turns red, you spank me harder and faster. you spank everywhere. my entire bum is red. by the end, i am moaning and wriggling from each blow. you untie me and we immediately make love and both have very intense orgasms. the truth is that this type of s&m is just a fantastic form of foreplay.
14 ... pushing ... one important aspect in many D/s relationships is the dominant constantly pushing the submissive to try new things and to do old things with more intensity. A good dominant will know better than the submissive what the submissive can and can't take. ... nap time bondage ... i like to have an afternoon nap. the first day you tied my right arm to the bed. i could move around and sleep on my side as i always do. the next day you tied my right arm and leg to the bed, restricting my movement. the third day, you tied my right arm and leg and blindfolded me. the fourth day you tied me out spread eagle and blindfolded me. no matter how i tried i couldn't get comfortable or sleep. the next day, i didn't want to be tied spread eagle, "i can't sleep that way" i complained. "i think you're just not used to sleeping this way. i want you to do this for me. i want you spread eagle. i'll leave you some more slack today and read the new yorker to you while you're falling asleep" you replied. sometimes all it takes is a little coaxing and encouragement. after a few more days i learned how to get comfortable and sleep spread eagle.
15 ... capriciousness ... we come back home from shopping, we're in the kitchen. there's a large wooden spoon on the counter near you. we finish unpacking the groceries and i'm folding the bags, and quite unexpectedly, you come from behind and grab me by the shoulders and yank me backwards. you bring my arms behind my back and hold my wrists together. then you push me against a wall ... you have never been this agressive before ... and kick my feet wide apart. i'm not resisting at all. you press me against the wall, head turned to the side. you study me for a moment and then lean in, kissing and nibbling my neck. you whisper to me to close my eyes and not move a muscle. i hear you rummaging around the kitchen for a minute. you come back and adjust my arms, elbows out, forearms overlapping and you tie my wrists together with something. i can't make out what it is, cheesecloth? no, it must be a tea towel. i wriggle a bit - you've tied it very tightly. then you blindfold me. you bring me to the counter and lean me over it. you pull my pants down to my ankles leaving my underwear over my bum. then there is a sudden loud SMACK... jesus that hurt... no warm up... part of me can't believe it. then three more blows, each as hard as the first. i quickly think: what did i do wrong? i can't think of anything. then two more. i'm unprepared. i can't focus or stifle my yelps. i'm squirming. you hold my arms with one hand and step on my pants, pinning my legs. then two more. i tense my muscles trying to anticipate the blows. two more. the pain is overwelming. i struggle to think of something other than my ass. three more. my eyes are watering. i've lost count. i'm wondering if i need to use the safe word. two more. only pride prevents me. then three more in rapid succession. then it stops as suddenly as it started. you untie my wrists, let me up and take the blindfold off. i'm looking at you in bewilderment, but you're just smiling. i ask you why, but you shrug off the question: "do i need a reason?" and you send me off to have a shower.
16 ... reflection ... in the shower, i can't stop thinking about what just happened. i see it as a significant turning point in our relationship. you have become a confident assertive dominant, and clearly you're over any qualms you once had about dishing it out. for my part, my dreams and fantasies of having you take control and push me around are becoming reality. a very delicious reality. at the same time, i have a deep desire to submit to you... to be under you... to please you.
17 ... collaring ... once a durable D/s relationship has been established, it's common for the dominant to bestow a collar on his or her submissive. the collar not only signifies a committed relationship, it also has connotations of ownership. if the submissive accepts the collar, then he or she belongs to the dominant. for some couples, a collaring is quite an important event, almost like getting married, they'll exchange vows and sometimes even have a small ceremony.