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Taking a break. Be back in about a month or so. Working the bugs out. |
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Orgasm Denial.
Let's talk about it shall we?
I've submitted to a Dom who was pro and one who was anti. Where do I stand on the matter? Does it matter? I do as I'm told. Of course I have a preference but how relevant is that?
There are sadist that will tie me up and make me squirt till I'm a quivering mess of nerves that can't be touched. There are also sadist that have brought me to right before I came and stooped right before closure. Each torterous while being completely opposite.
So I'm just wondering why people do either or both?what gains do they see and is one or the other better?
It's irrelevant how I feel because if I'm submitting then I will do as I'm told and I will say thank you for each and every task I'm assigned. |
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I'm having fun jotting things down today.
I am told my journals imply that I am a pain in the ass or I am trying to top from the bottom.
Let me just clarify that I AM a pain in the ass. One who will serve you in every aspect until you release me from service. One who will have coffee and a blow job ready for your breakfast one who will listen to how rough your day was. One who will do things she hates as long as it pleases you. Yes a serious pain in the ass who will put your needs before her own who will worship you who will volunteer to scratch that itch rub lotion on a hard to reach spot or even an easy to reach spot. One who will start your shower who will kneel at your feet who will be cold at night when I have done wrong.
Topping from the bottom though? Not my style. Please keep in context the situations I write about are not necessarily with people who own me. I may have had a play partner or one who enjoyed me being his equal in some situations.
I have dated men who value a good discussion who have wanted to know what I enjoy in and out of play and I have dated men who have not.
Please be sure that if I was owned by you then you would solely receive my complete loyalty and every thing I would do would be designed to please you.
If I attempted to please everybody I spoke to would my submission be half as pleasing as it would be knowing it was only yours?
Please keep in mind my journals are a part of me. Not that part of me that you have taken your time to mold.
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I've met so many men in this lifestyle. I wouldn't say fifty shades but deffinately 31 flavors lol.
I keep looking for my fit and though I haven't found him yet I truly enjoy the journey and do not allow myself to get bitter.
I've met the Dom who is a Daddy Dom, the one who uses pain only as a punishment and balked at the idea of using it as pleasure. I found myself acting up often and being outright bratty. I did not like what I became. I still meet him for dinner though. He reads my journals and tells me he often cringes but the friendship is there.
I've met the Daddy Dom that used to whip me for being good but could not wrap his head around the fact that I enjoyed it so much. He questioned repeatedly if I was alright and would pull my mind back from the pain which caused him to have to start over. He became frustrated with me and he left me. Another fit not quite right.
I have met the strict Dom who whipped me for him and I really enjoyed it but it an one point became to much of a game. Count by twos, count in reverse, the left is even the right is odd, oh your were wrong again let's start over. You would think four hours of being paddled would be something I would not complain about but it eventually became like work. We talked about it and it was the numbers that excited him. As a good submissive I should have done whatever he said and I tried but he eventually decided I would never like the same things as him and we called it quits. He is always available though after a few cups of coffee and the ability to count out loud I usually call him and am never disappointed;)
So maybe I sound like I need a top rather than a Dom? I've tried that also. I found that if you are not in control at all times I will find your weakness, I will break you down, I will walk all over you. So no a top was not an adequate match.
Masters are my absolute favorite. I enjoy the TPE. Vi love to submit to a man more powerful than myself. I like it when he whips me just because he can. I like to be told to shut up and know he means it. I like to be slapped as a reminder that I don't have the right to say what I want whenever I want.
Everybody had a perfect fit. Whether it is here or not, you must have patience.
If I had given up at the first limit pushed if I had walked away at the first failed relationship I would not have had the fun and experiences I have had.
Don't be bitter. Learn and grow. |
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I knelt waiting at the door excited for him to arrive. Not naked this time but wearing a lace outfit I had bought earlier while on the phone.
Something in black, preferably lace, one piece, expensive, matching stockings the text said.
I loved instructions like these. Precise to the point but with enough freedom to make my own choice.
I tried on three outfits and bought all three but had the one in mind for tonight.
After a hot soak and oiling up I slid into the outfit. Cup less so my breasts were bare and crotchless I smiled at my loose interpretation of not naked. As I knelt with my head down, I smiled at the thought of my juice dripping on the floor as I waited in anticipation.
I heard keys in the lock and turned my palms up, made sure my posture was perfect, and erased the expression from my face.
I heard him enter and felt his eyes. I kept my eyes down and waited for him to pat my head. He did so and walked by me. He sat in his chair and then called me to him. On hands and knees I crawled to my owner feeling the wetness on my thigh trying not to smile.
When I arrived he put his hand under my chin my signal to look up. He looked at me and asked me if I was ready. I nodded yes as I had no permission to speak and he looped his finger through the hoop in my collar. Undress me he said and I reached up to loosen his tie. As I slid it off he took it from me tying it around my eyes and I continued unbuttoning his shirt. He told me today that I was being rewarded for the party I had thrown the night before. I could think of nothing else the entire day and my hands shook as I continued to undress him.
As I undid his pants I kissed him on the belly just below hiss belly button and rubbed my cheek in the hair there.
He lifted his bum and allowed me to pull his I pants from under him. I took him in my mouth and scratched my nails gently on his thighs. He let me stroke him with my mouth for just a few minutes and then grabbed my hair to stop me.
He pulled me to my feet by my hair and we walked to the play room. As we entered and the door closed behind me I could not stop the smile from spreading across my face. He looked at me and shook his head. Muttered something about me being a pain slut and pulled me deeper into the room. As the smell of leather overwhelmed my sences I began to get giddy. He removed the tie then and told me to wait.
We walked to the cabinet with the cuffs and the chains. He pulled out the black leather cuffs with the red satin lining and I held my hands out to him. He told me to put them in myself and I did but he tightened them. Then the ones for my ankles and I bent over and put them on. He slid the spreader bar across the cold concrete floor and I spread my legs as he walked over to attach me to the bar. As he straightened up he caught me smiling and slapped me across the face. I closed my eyes and stopped smiling. I put my wrists above my head so he could lock the cuffs into place. He raised the chain so that I had to get up my heels off the floor and painfully stretched out.
He asked me again if I was ready and I kept my eyes closed but nodded in affirmation and took my last deep breath.
He started with a crop to tease and taunt me. Swatting my pussy my nipples my face and the bottom of my feet. My skin started to grow softly red.
He then got two floggers and hit me across my stomach and ass. Hard enough to catch my breath but still just teasing me. A little harder on my thighs and across my breasts. I was starting to enjoy the session when he put the leather floggers down. He removed the violet wand from the case and selected the attatchment that was straight and long. I knew even before it happened what his intentions were. I tried to stand still but as the wand moved up my thigh I started to shake. He zapped me over and over on the inside of my thighs and I shook. He moved the wand to my pussy that was spread and let the current sting my lips. He stung the outside and stroked my opening. My entire bodyv was shaking and he slid the wand along my ass then back to my pussy as I started to whimper. The first time he stung my clit my legs gave out and I screamed. For that he slapped me hard splitting my lip. He slid the wand on my clit again and this time I but my cheek till my eyes watered but no more screams. He kept the wand there testing my resolve curling my fingers my toes clenching my stomach trying to let out my breath but I couldn't breathe. He removed the wand and I exhaled in short little gasps as he returned the wand to it's case.
He checked me then sliding two fingers in my pussy and smiled in appreciation.
He stepped back and selected the devils tail from the wall. He whipped my breasts each five times while I counted out the numbers. My stomach received three and each thigh three. Tears were running down my cheeks while he had whipped me.
He looked at my outfit and the shreds that were left. The rips in my stockings and the makeup on my face. He kissed my nose and told me I was doing well. I watched him walk to the drawers and he finally retrieved what I had been waiting for all night.
The cane was shiny and thin. The sound it made when he whipped it through the air was musical. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. In my excitement I answered without permission. I begged him please please please. He put the cane down and my heart stopped he picked up a wooden paddle and I felt horribly angry at myself fir speaking out of turn.
I knew my punishment would be between five and ten swats but I was more disappointed then I could explain. I began to cry then because I had ruined my reward. I had to have ten because of my infraction. The first two I forgot to count so I had to start over. My ass already so red and hot now bruising and welting where the holes were in the paddle. I counted then and got to ten still crying with my disappointment. He waited
for me to finish feeling sorry for myself. He picked up the cane again. I looked at him hoping. He then told me that I had been punished so we could continue with my reward.
He caned my breasts, my thighs, my ass, my shoulders, and then finally my feet. He caned me while I came and while I cried. He caned me till I squirted then he let me down. He helped me walk to my room. He asked me if I needed anything and I told him no. He kissed my forehead and turned off my lights. The next morning I woke up to the sun on my face. I slid my hands across the bruises the welts and some dry blood. I felt where the cuffs had made my hands swell and rubbed my sore feet.
I got up and walked to the shower and got inside. I sat on the floor and let the water wash over me. As my alarm went off I began to play with myself remembering the night before.
Things like this are why I'm such a good girl;) |
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To the two young girls who approached me here yesterday...
Yes submission is a gift. It's your gift to your Dom. Once you have given it to him though it becomes his. To shape it how he wants it to be shaped. To put it on a shelf next to something else he does not look at everyday or even play with all the time.
Once it is his he can treat it however he wants to. Just the same as if you buy your friend a gift and give it to her.
Think about these things.
What if your friend has many sweaters and only wears yours once in a whike? Will your feelings be hurt? What if your friend decided to cut the sleeves off the sweater and wear it as a tank top? Are you ready to be disfigured? God forbid your friend decides to use the sweater to wipe her ass. Are you ready to be humiliated? What if your friend decided to give the sweater to another or even to share? Maybe both can fit in the sweater at the same time? Can you handle being passed around?
Ok let's think again about this gift shall we.
When we give a gift we do not have the right to dictate how one uses the gift. So you must have an incredible amount of trust that your friend will treat the gift with the respect you think the gift deserves.
So please do this. Understand this lifestyle a little more before diving right in. There are references in your community there are warning signs there is common sence. Yes along with common courtesy common sence is not so common. It is there though if you look for it it is a handy tool.
The truth is that submitting is not a gift. Most Doms here are looking for different and wildly uncommon things.
Submission is always putting the other person first and having trust in that person that they will let no harm come to you.
Submitting is serving and that is quite possibly in many different ways. From cleaning, to sexual, to keeping books, to entertaining there is a variety of ways to serve.
The one and only true way to submit is to have it within you.
The need to serve, the desire to please, the craving to worship another person.
Submissives are selfless. They are like mothers in the way they nurture and care for somebody other than themselves. Always putting another first and firing in them.
At eighteen and twenty are you ready to give up self and become another's? If not then put that gift away.
There is a place for all in this lifestyle. Take your time. Find that place. Be careful and be sure |
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I've never been one to self inflict pain but am at a point that I'm willing to try things just to get my high.
I own some toys that are my absolute favorites. I have a teal flogger that was sent me to by a friend from here. A paddle that I made at a class at the Citadel. My favorite burgundy leather cuffs and collar. A thick leather belt, clothes pins, and clover clamps. Some of my favorite toys but more importantly toys I can use on myself. I love a whip and a single tail but they are to long to use alone.
I started my "alone time" with a hot bath with lavender bubbles. Fresh out and I put baby oil on every inch of my skin. I love this part of getting ready for a session. Preparing my body for pain. Whether it is stripping down to wait naked kneeling and cuffed at the door or being naked wearing nothing but heels and a blindfold sitting on my bed. Oiling it up so the tight skin will glow red under the welts and how if the skin breaks it will glisten.
I move to my bed and line up my toys so they are all within arms length. This is the second favorite part of any session. The anticipation that builds as a flogger moves across my skin the goose bumps raising the smell of leather all builds and heightens the readiness.
I then cuff and lock my feet in the cuffs spread far apart spreading my pussy wide open and making it unable to close my legs.
I pick up a vibe and nestle it on my clit and turn it down low. I apply the clover clamps on my nipples. A sensation I absolutely can not stand but I'm trying to reach a place that I can not reach easily. I select the flogger and lay back on the bed. I don't need to calibrate my body but I still drag the flogger across my face to start my heart beat.
I start with my breasts . I whip them both and feel the pain from not only the flogger but also from the clamps being jolted. I give myself ten of the hardest strokes I can do to myself(I can take so much more pain when someone else is administering it) across my stomach quickly with no break in between. And then I let my breath out slowly shakily. I put down the flogger and dip my fingers into my pussy and find it wet and drippy. I remove my vibe and pick up a vibrating butt plug. I lube it and work it in. I still have some trouble with this but I get it in and turn it on. Instantly all my attention leaves my sorr breasts and focuses on my ass( not that I mind) and to return my attention to what I am doing, I pick up the paddle. I cringe before I do it but suck in my breath and smack my pussy two times. Instead of doing it fast like the flogger I wait while counting to ten in between so the sting passes and the pain sets in before I hit it again. It's so hard to count when an orgasm has started low in my belly and it builds with every time I paddle my pussy. By the time I'm at four I begin to wonder if I will be able to finish before I cum and I have to adjust my mindset so that I only acknowledge the sting and not the orgasm. On the fifth smack I hit my pussy as hard as I can and I feel the orgasm break. I couldn't stop cumming if I was at gunpoint as the waves wash over me and my vision goes blurry. I pinch one of the clothes pins on my clit and ride the orgasm out. Shaking and whimpering and sore in so many places. The buttplug still vibrating my pussy still throbbing my nipples still stinging I just let the sensations roll over me.
It's deffinately time for a nap as I pull one then the other clamp off cumming a little with each tearing sensation. I remove the clothespin and cringe at the pain. I leave the plug in and turn the vibe off. I like the feel when I'm plugged. I undo the cuffs from my bed but leave them on a little after thought if being restrained.
I turn over and curl in a ball. I fall asleep amazed that there are some women who just will not embrace that this kind of pain can be pleasure. Oh well sweet dreams;) |
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I recently was sent a message from a Dom in LA explaining how he administered anal training. I'm really not sure if he realized how erotic the messages were. I mean yeah I'm sure to him the training is an erotic piece of play, but I'm just talking about the messages.
I was at work and when I originally got the messages I just did a cursory look. After that I had to put my phone down and it's all I thought about the rest of the day.
When I left work I ran to the store to get the items he had listed above the directions.
A ball enema, high quality lube, a dildo that is not to hard but as life like as possible a warm damp hand towel and a vibe with fresh batteries. As I made my way through the boutique I also bought some panties some bras a few clamps and massage oils. Humming I walk to the register, a big pink bag and I'm on my way home.
I think of the message again and again and am worked up long before I am home. As the garage door shuts behind me my clothes come off leading to the master bedroom. By the time I'm in my room I'm wearing nothing but a bra and panties all my goodies laid out on the bed before me. I went to try on my new panties but know the ones I'm already wearing are soaked and sticking to me so I toss them to the table to try another time. I peel my wet panties off and toss them to the bathroom to put in the hamper when I go to the shower.
I know myself well enough to realize I'll never be able to focus at the task as long as I am as aroused as I am so best solutions to simply lay back and take care of myself first.
I lay back and pull a dildo from my drawer and twist the bottom and it comes to life. Perfect for what I want (which is simply a quick solution) I work the dildo in the puddles in my pussy. Laying the vibrating toy against my clit and climaxing in under two minutes. Yes a clearer head and some ability to focus
I open the message and go down the list of requirements. Check check check. Unfortunately beginning to get distracted again. I think it will help to put the clamps on my breasts. A quick trip to the bathroom I run them under water and some cleaner. Back to the bed bra off and clamps attached. Ouch!!
I begin to read and have my instructions from day one to six. The heat is building in my stomach and a little fuzzier now. Clothespins!! I need clothespins. I get on my knees side drawer again and fuck! I slammed the chain from the clamps in the drawer as I closed it and instant tears running down my face. Open drawer remove chain reapply clamps. Take a moment to breathe and get my head right.
I kneel on the bed and apply the clothespins to my pussy lips. Wide open I look at the mirror on the wall across from my bed. I love the picture of a wide open pussy. Glistening wet, shiny and pink on the inside. My clit is engorged and there is some cum dripping down the inside of my thigh. I cant resist and wipe that with my finger and into my mouth. I lay back on my bed and pick up my phone.
Days seven through twelve I still have not used the dildo but that comes the following day. I flick my clit a few times and the pain vibrates through my body. The dildo I had bought is one that is mountable. I think of one if my favorite pornos and the scene where the girl mounts one in her shower and goes to town comes fresh to mind.
Knowing myself I can completely envision the primal urge taking over. Mounting it in the hard wood floor, then mounting it on the wall then mounting it in a corner and having to contort my body to be able to get it deep enough to fuck me hard enough to be able to cum until I shake.
It's so much a part of the ritual for me to become a rutting crazed person just to be able to obtain the sensations I want. To lose sence of proprietary and what's morale just so I can feel in through my whole body. I start to flick my clit harder knowing that I'm not going to make it through the email again.
I've grabbed the chain to my nipple clamps and despite how sore they are from the clamps being ripped off just moments before I pull the chain until they hurt almost as if I'm being torn. I roughly flick my clit over and over bringing to a head the pain both in my pussy and on my nipples. It's a slower more painful way to cum but one I enjoy so much. I feel the orgasm poking between the painful sensations and know that if I want to cum I have got to either give a swift hard pull or flick harder and faster and decide the hard fast pull.
As I pull the chain off the pain rips through my breasts and I slam two fingers into my pussy. The pulsing and squeezing and the flood of cum are all I feel and my focus is lost as I just feel rather than anything else. Waves of cum later I begin to lose some if the fog and my mind starts to clear.
My breathing and my pulse return to pace and as I lay there I still have not gotten through the instructions for anal training. I guess I will try again😈 |
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It seems I have this conversation a lot. With a lot of different people.
I'm a maso, I enjoy being beat. I love the bruises, the welts, the hot stingy skin from a good whoopen and the occasional blood spill. To be able to bruise my body is not something I give to everybody because those people must know that I don't say red, I crave the pain, I need the release it gives me. So I will not say no. I won't call yellow and I won't call red. I will let you beat me till I can't stand and then ask to be laid down to finish our session.
I need my Dom to know when I have had enough because to me it never is enough. I need a Dom who will tell me no who will draw the line. A Dom who beats me to set me free from my demons not a Dom who beats me because he hates me or women period.
I need an intelligent, strict, sadistic Dom who knows when to not beat me because I've been disobedient or out of line. I need a Dom with control over himself so he can also control me.
I don't need just a beating, I need it all. |
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I've had a few men here ask me if I felt a man needed to be a sadist to be a Master/Dom.
Absolutely not. There are lots of Doms that are not sadist. It's just a personal preference.
In all honesty the men I submit to never have to raise a hand never have to raise their voice. I enjoy the Master who's power is evident when he doesn't say a word. Who does not have to lay out his toys who never speaks with vulgarity. This unstated power, the hummm of dominance that's evident under his words, these things are what will entice me to kneel.
The toys, the bruises, the intense pain that turns to pleasure is why I sleep with a man.
It's the power that causes me to submit. The play just keeps me here;). |
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This is a rant. If you think I was bitter before....
I'm submissive. I respond to stern commands, men who will not put up with my absenteeism and love. Many Doms have asked me how to punish me since I'm a maso. Let me say that yes, I am a maso I really enjoy pain. True enough but if you are inflicting pain on me because I have disappointed you than I will not enjoy it. Disappointment being one of the worse things a submissive ever experiences. However it is completely pointless to punish me by degrading me. I will not do humiliation. I will be your slut, your whore, your bitch behind closed doors. I'm submissive not synonymous with stupid. I will change my behavior when directed to do so. If I need to be punished corner time or being required to wait will both work. I have very high energy and find it very hard to be still. The behavior will change instantly if I have to sleep away from my Master even for one night. You will not gain a change of behavior from me by trying to impose feces on me or by forcing me to do things in public.
Will I rim you? Prostate massage? Oh gosh yes there is nothing more rewarding than making you cum so hard you shake. Will I be your toilet? Not only no but hell no.
There are many kinds of Doms and many kinds of subs. I'm not the kind that will respond to insults or public humiliation . In the past I have had my Master apply pressure to my arm because I had displeased him in public. It worked very well to let me know that I would be punished when I got home. The behavior stopped than but I still knew I was in trouble and despite the fact that I was on my best behavior for the remainder if the evening I accepted my punishment and my lesson was learned and has not ever been repeated. (He made me write a report on how my behavior was unacceptable, why it was unacceptable, that I knew it would not happen again without one of my hard limits being violated.)
Please do not think that because you can not humiliate me that I am a brat that runs around being disrespectful. I just gave you the keys to controlling me. If these methods do not appeal to you than maybe we are not such a good match.
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Yes I just read my journal again. Some of you said it is rediculous of me to pick my own punishment and to even require you to follow my rules for discipline. I was even accused of topping from the bottom. Ouch!! This was never my intention. I only wanted to express that I do not partake in degradation or public humiliation. Those are punishments that will have me pick up and walk out without ever looking back. The other things are options that will get you what you want. It is up to you if you choose these methods. I'm simply expressing how you can obtain your desires without using degradation. Simply suggestions. |
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I wrote this for somebody but it did not work out:(. However I still love the examples of control and enjoyed the scenario:)
I had been busy with work all day and I was glad to be home. I figured I had an hour till I needed to start dinner so I headed for the master bedroom and jumped in the shower.
I pulled my hair from the braid and shampooed up. As I let the suds drip down my body I felt rather than saw you there. I know that you enjoy watching me in the shower and I'm always up to give you a show. Like I said though it was a rough day and I much rather feel your hands on me than your eyes this evening. I decided that I would do my best to convince you to get in the shower with me😈. I grabbed the soap and while keeping my eyes closed and my body held turned from you I generously lathered up my breasts. Taking extra care to pull and tug on my nipples as this were something I do every time I shower. I lowered my head and pulled my right nipple in between my teeth sucking it gently at first but then one hard and I let it fall out. I then put conditioners in my hair and turned my back to you so you could watch my bum as I raised my hands up to lather my hair. With my hair liked in a bun on top of my head I slid my hands down my rib cage scratching my wet soapy skin. Lubed my hands with soap and with my back still turned to you I cleaned my kitty with long slow strokes. I held on to the shower wall as I neared orgasm but would not let myself cum as I know that I would be in trouble if I did. You have been controlling my orgasms for a months at this time and there was no wiggle room on this rule. Regretfully I pulled my hand away and slid it across my rounded bum. At first I waited I knew if anything would get you in the shower with me it would be the invintation to spread me wide and slide inside me, but still not a sound from you. So I spread my legs and slid one soapy finger in my hole and arched my back. Although the soap was burning I continued to finger fuck my ass hoping you were at least thinking about replacing my finger with your cock. I imagined you leaning on the wall with your beautiful dick in your hands stroking it slowly while thinking about burying it inside of me. I was just about to start rubbing my clit with my other hand when I heard you tap the glass door. Standing there holding a towel not your cock and shaking your head slowly in a no fashion I slowly pulled my finger out of my ass and stood up straight. "Kneeling at the end of the bed. Only the towel, you are getting punished". You walk away.
I knew my little show was probably toeing the line but I did not cum I did not think I should be in that much trouble. When I finally dried off and wrapped the towel just around my hair(still being bratty but working on a flaw in your directions because you never said how I had to wear the towel) I walk into the bedroom and kneel facing the foot of the bed. I kneel waiting for a half hour and start to shake because I'm so cold. (Now wishing I had not been bratty and actually wore the towel right). You finally come in and you stand and look at me for a good five minutes. You sit on the bed in front if me and I lower my eyes. You pull the towel off of my head and smooth down my hair so it falls over my shoulders and tell me to look at you. I look up and you ask me " what was that you were doing?" I explain how I thought I could coerce you into getting into the shower with me. I had a bad day I wanted to feel you and taste you and be close to you. You asked me if there were other ways I could have gone about my task and I admitted there were.
You informed me that though you did like my show I needed a lesson about conduct and so there would be a punishment and I had to choose which it would be. My options as you put it were that I may have a particularly painful session with you right now. But then I would eat alone, sleep alone, and after the gym I would kneel at the end of the bed without coffee or breakfast or a book quietly until you decided to acknowledge me. Or there would be no whipping but you would make love to me right then but all the other punishments would also be in place. I could not eat with you or sleep with you and I would kneel until you acknowledged me.
You set a timer down for five minutes and walked away. I knew this meant that you expected my decision when the time went off you would return for it.
I always loved pain, I really wanted to feel you inside of me. I played for a second with the thought if we made love maybe I could convince you to let me stay in bed. Then I realized being sneaky was why I was in the position that I was in to begin with. So there was no good option because both were so much pleasure but were each followed by being away from you. How could I sleep alone filled with your cum and smelling of you and knowing you were so close but I could not touch you? How could I have a particularly brutal session and not have your strength beside me if I were scared later. There was really no win in the situation at all and I felt the tears slide down my cheek. All I wanted was to be held by you. No whipping no sex just you. How could I get that? It was not one of my options because you knew just how to punish me because you knew all my weaknesses. When the timer went off I was nowhere near a decision. You opened the door quietly and waited for me to compose myself before asking..... |
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I figured out that I enjoy my butt plug. I fought and fought against having to put one in. That was kinda stupid of me because I love the way it feels. I have found that when I'm at work I will sit so that there is pressure on it. When I have it in and I'm playing with myself I will pull on it and feel my ass grab it and pull it back in. Just this morning I made myself cum just with my plug. I went to the chest and got my plug my bullet and my lube. Yup I also love the whole process of lubing my ass up to get it ready. While on all fours I had my fingers sliding in my ass to get it all slippery I had the plug in my mouth. I took the plug and slid it in and I still meet with resistance but I'm almost ready to move up to the medium. While pulling and pushing the plug (to find the perfect place of course) I felt my orgasm build up in my belly. The heat spread through me and my pussy was pulsing and dripping wet. So I forgot about the bullet and just continued with the plug. Usually at this point I would start rubbing my clit while grinding my ass into the chair or couch or anything close because by now it's primal. My hair was falling down my shoulders and is long enough that I can kneel on it so I pulled it tight and knelt on it presenting a tight tugging sensation. Still pulling on my plug I twisted my nipples with the open hand and came hard all over my plug.
I'm still panting and have the plug in. I can feel my ass contract and spasm around it and all I can say is I can not wait to do this on cock!! |
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I'm a massochist, this much is true.
There is a deeper need in me than even that though.
The need to serve and the need to submit. The desire to be owned, to kneel at my Master feet and feel his hands in my hair.
I enjoy the feel of pain and I crave to be man handled but both are very physical things. What's even deeper than my wants, are my needs.
That need is to be possessed, physically and mentally, by my one. |
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I've spoken to a few Doms on here who have asked me "so you don't think I can learn to like to strike you?"
I'm not sure how it works on a Doms side I can tell you I didn't "learn" to like to be struck. I'm not sure what class I would have to take to get wet when the single tail lands, to get excited as the cane whistles through the air, to be aroused at the sight of welts broken open with dark red blood dripping down my alabaster skin.
If this class is offered I would suggest every woman enroll. The feel of being bound with no opportunity to escape as your Master skillfully works instruments of pain over your needy skin is the most erotic emotion in the world.
So, back to my original inquiry..... No, you can not learn to enjoy whipping me. If you do not desire it from the moment you meet me, if you don't picture me under you, writhing in pain as your hands clasp around my throat, if the craving is not what keeps you up at night,neither if us will be sated and you may as well move along.
Good luck in your searches. |
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One negative to wearing a collar....
If I am wearing a posture collar or a thicker leather collar then there is no real way to put your hands around my throat.
There are few things I enjoy more than hands around my throat squeezing and taking my breaths.
Hummm I digress. |
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*For me* I accented that to make a point I know all lovers are not like me.
For me I want sex. I need sex. BDSM to me IS sexual.
How is it you can give complete control of yourself to someone and not feel that sexual charge. Isn't your Master giving you direction and instruction the most stimulating aphrodisiac in the world as it shows his power and his ownership of you?
Meaning it is great to cum from pain and believe me I do. Some what easily even, I enjoy it so much.
However I want/need that connection that the act of sex has. I love a hitatchi and I'm sure there are few women that have experienced them that do not.
I would trade that experience any day for the feel of my Master cumming deep inside of me. It's the only time I want to be in charge. When my Master has let go, become completely vulnerable in my arms trembling and giving himself to me.
Whether it is rape or brutal or making gentle love to me...... Give it to me please.
BDSM is cake. Sex is the icing!
I have once again gotten in trouble for my journals so please notate the additions;) |
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Having a session with a good sadist is like....
Getting up early, having great coffee, running five miles in the gently pouring rain. Shrimp for lunch with cream br? A great movie that opens your heart and touches your soul. Then sex that leaves you weak. Yes it is all that wrapped together!
And of course after all of that, beautiful marks on your skin that make you smile in renemberence as you slide your fingers along the raised welts on your way into the shower.
Ummm yes please!!! |
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Switches
I am not looking for a Master of all trades. I am looking for a Master. My feelings on the subject are the same as multi tasking. If you are paying attention to many things you are not giving all of your attention to anything.
I need a strong and sadistic Master not one who is unsure or who likes to be dominant and/or submissive.
To own me you must be dominant at all times. |
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