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Has given up...Fair warning...this so called southern california communtiy is not what as it seems...If you stick around long enough, one day you will see it as well
------------ end ideal person --------------------------- begin topics profile ---------------------- end topics profile ------------------ begin fetish checklist --------------------- end fetish check list -------------------------- begin other profiles ----------------------- end other profiles ----------
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It is back again in the journal, and it has been a long time since I have typed or written anything in here.
I really have been avoiding a lot of the lifestyle places for a while, since there are a lot of people around who seem to be in it just for the game. This has apparently frustrated me a lot, and actually has caused me to back away from my search for a while. It has also caused me not really respond to anyone who has viewed me or sent me something for the past 3 years.
I have changed quite a bit, perhaps a bit more sadistic and evil then before too. However the time for dreaming is over and for me to really start looking for that slave of my dreams.
She is out there...
I will find her...
and she will learn to love me. |
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It has been a long time since I made a journal entry...probably becuase I have been become somewhat cynical of a lot of people who think they know what the lifestyle is about.
A lot of times, I feel as if I am somewhat trapped, and just wonder if I will ever come across that one...spending my time aimlessly searching through various profiles and such.
Perhaps whats more, a lot do not seem to respond to me at all. Who knows...perhaps I am being too selective in my choices....maybe not. I do know what I want, and I do know what I desire more then anything as of late. |
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Well, its my third year of being cancer free, and actually I am pretty amazed that finally, some people on here are actually starting to respond to me.
Now, my life is on to bigger and better projects in my personal life right now, which are in fact keeping me busy. I am now in a position where I am in the proccess of remodelling my house, and working on ways of converting a spare room into a dungeon. Of course, someone like me would like the whole house tricked out, but I do have to keep things up for appearances. I am sure though, my imagination will find a way to come up with some things that in fact will make it very interesting.
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Its been a long time since I made a journal entry, but I find it very interesting that someone has been spreading rumors that I am married and have been cheating on my wife.
First of all, I am not married, I am divorced and have been for a very long time, or I would most certainly not be placing this ad on here.
Second of all, if your going out to make such judgements or jumping to conclusions about me, I most certainly will not have anything to do with you in first place. The following was sent to me in email and I found it pretty upsetting that there are some out in the community that are spreading some horrible things about me.
It's just too bad things are like this, and I why I don't like being in the community in the first place. Just read it and see.
Youre not "a very nice guy." Youre a cheater on the woman who trusted you enough to marry you. You told her in front of God and everyone that you will love her and be true to her, and here you are on the net with a very appealing ad, but one which just happens to omit the fact that you are married.
What the hell is so very nice about all that?????
Ivey |
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Perhaps, all I have emailed on here are really players, or all are just fakes, I really don't care. I am really coming to th conclusion that there is no one out there for me, and perhaps that God wants me alone.
I am really getting sick of the rude behavior of sending out nice emails, and no one responds. Sure they are not detailed, becuase I want to get to know who I am dealing with first. Rushing into something like this is always bad news, and never works out.
Its just bad that it will all be your loss, because I don't have time for this any more, and life just has so much to offer that I am thinking this is just turning into a major waste of time.
If your not serious, then why even bother, or even worse yet, not mention anything or say no thanks. I am just surprised that after telling several that I was going to delete this profile. After thinking about it for a minute, I decided to vent in here instead. It just irks me how rude people can get, or worse yet, say that they who they are but the reality is extremely different. From what I have seen on here, that seems to be the case a lot.
Its too bad, becuase I am a very intelligent, caring individual, and had grown in my life. I am not usually this negative, but things have just irked me to a point that seems so unreal that no one really understands that I am a real person, not just a machine.
I wish you well and I will keep this open, and lets just see how you feel when I don't respond anymore.
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I am figuring that honesty its where everything is at, even though I am caring, and supporting as well too. Perhaps the words to the profile are wrong, perhaps not. Either way its short simple and to the point.
Sometimes I do wonder, is this worth keeping up....if every one wants honesty on here, that is what I am placing in this profile. If one can't accept that...well then I wonder if they really know the true meaning of D/s and whats its about. I have told people that bdsm is not a kink for me, and bdsm in of itself is not the lifestyle such as D/s is. I incorporate and choose to use BDSM within my D/s lifestyle. To me there is a huge difference.
So, if someone states they want this or that and have this experience etc, and I write an email to them, then why even bother when they dont even open it...I wonder as I laugh to myself in writing this.
I know that partner is out there, and I am going to find her, wether here or elsewhere. One thing I have learned, life is too short for me not give up. |
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I have decided to try a new ad, considering the other one did seem way to serious....and perhaps I should get some response one way or the other.
Life does give some interesting turns....and it just seems I know how to appreciate things a lot more now, then I used to. The one good thing, that I am so much more positive today then I have ever been. |
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It has been a while, but the cancer is gone...and now I am feeling as well as to be expected, and the search continues once more. I have grown a lot in my experience, and realize now that life is to be enjoyed much more. |
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Things for this me have been challenging for me, both physically, emotionly and spiritually, yet make me much more stronger every day. As many emails as I have sent out, I found it odd I had not gotten many answers, etc. Of course, there are a lot out that are not real or claim to be whom they are, but I am sure there is a core of us some where, that seek what we want.
One thing is I will never give up, and continue to struggle through life. It is a beautiful thing...and hoping eventually I would like to find someone who would enjoy it with me. I do find the journal somewhat relieving etc. For me to list some of my thoughts and feelings...for strangers I dont even know to look at. And that is fine, perhaps even better. Who knows...maybe there is a heart of gold under this steel tiger. |
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I had a scare ealier this week, and my life went flashing before My eyes, and I will not be in the clear for the next 6 months if at all possible. At this time though, I am still seeking, but perhaps I do need to change quite a bit and rethink about what My needs are in a relationship. Outlooks have a tendency to change when such dramatic incidents happen in our lives. |
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| Age: 28 |
| Miami,
Florida |
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