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After about a decade of trying to suppress and ignore my desires for "questionable," activities, I decided that it's a waste of effort and a waste of all the enjoyment I could have been getting from it.
Whether I like it or not, I find emotional cruelty and general abuse/sadism to be the most erotically captivating experience I know of.
I spent years losing myself in spurts of ecstasy and submission, only to end up so ashamed of my behavior that I'd go back to pretending I didn't enjoy it again.
I tried not to love being jealous (but it never worked). I tried not to love being denied an orgasm while my partner enjoyed herself all she liked (I never managed to stop wanting that one, either). I tried not to love seeing the woman I love completely lose herself in the ecstasy of another man as she cuckolds me (surprise-surprise, I never managed to stop needing even that one).
It took me quite awhile, but I finally learned to accept the fact that I just can't get away from wanting to be a slave -- so why not make the best of it?
The more someone makes me afraid that they're falling for their lover and that they don't want me as anything other than a plaything, the more enthralled I am by them doing it.
I'm a big fan of mutual affection and intimacy, and I don't want to truly lose the woman I'm in love with -- eventually I'd like to find a woman who can maintain at least a substantial intimate/romantic attachment to me, but still loves to leave me denied for prolonged periods and to more or less act like she had no feelings for me whenever it suited her.
It'd be great if I could figure out where these feelings came from, but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting to understand it: I want to belong to a woman who cuckolds me, teases me, taunts me, abuses me, hurts me, humiliates me, and loves every second of it.
That seems like enough detail for you to get a good feel of what I'd like to find and what I enjoy, but feel free to ask if you have questions.
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