Wow-- a lot has happened since my last entry.  I thought I'd met a Dom I could trust.  We "corresponded" for a couple of weeks and seemed to be on the same wave length.  We were supposed to meet in person a week ago Sunday.  At 11 am everything was fine.  By 3:30 or so "Something came up" and he couldn't meet.  Of course I didn't get that message because I was out and about doing other things.  Went to the rendezvous waited and found out about the message later.  There was a week of silence until I broke down and sent an e-mail asking what the point was, because we had spent a lot of time on e-mails and had set up a meeting, so not to show was unexpected.  And not to explain was bad form.  His response "Personal events have overtaken me. I don't know what else to tell you, nor do I expect you to understand.”  I may be a newbie but I am not a child.  I understand that things can happen in a person’s life but common decency should prevail no matter what.  We are grownups, aren’t we?  I don’t think it’s too much to ask that we treat a person like we want to be treated.  I’m not angry at this Dom.  Just surprised that a Dom with his experience (and I’m questioning that now) would treat a newbie that way.  I wished him well and hope his life gets better.  I just won’t be a part of it. 

All that being said, I am being hoisted on my own petard.    I think that’s the expression [gee wonder what that would feel like,   but I digress.].  About 2 weeks ago I added to my profile married men don’t contact me after being contacted one too many times by married men and sending them on their way.  One didn’t go away and has just always been in the background just talking and making me laugh.  You guessed it.  We have so much in common its scary.  We’re still talking and we’ll probably meet.  Could be the beginning of a great friendship; but this woman wants a Dom/Master in an LTR all her own.  Yes I can say that's definitely what I want.  Like I said.. it's been an enlightening few weeks. That’s still my ultimate goal and I believe the one who hung in there knows and accepts that.  I admit I’m still getting my head around the married thing.  But this man is sexy, funny, knows what he likes and wants, which is an absolute turn on for me.  He is willing to take me own and help me discover who I am and that’s what this journey is all about.  Too many of you who contacted me, didn’t address my reason for being on this site at all.  It’s like I’d been in the life for years.  “Just call me and we can get together.”  DUDES… what’s up with that!  You didn’t address my mind set and what I’m trying to discover about me.  The one who didn’t leave, did.  He’s even gotten me back into playing Bridge (on line) a game I love and got away from.  He’s dealing with the full package of me.  I don’t feel like I’m just a toy to be picked up on, played with and then discarded when games over.  I feel EMBRACED.  Yes, this could be a wonderful friendship no matter what happens--- whether the chemistry is there in person or not.  I'm hoping it will be.  Time will tell.   But at least I can put the thought of finding a ‘professional Dom’ to take me on behind me.   My journey continues.  Embraced.

First off, I want to thank all of you who have reached out to me.  You have been very supportive.  All of you have warned me about the wackos, crazies, fake wannabe Doms, etc.  Thus far, knock wood, there have been none. 

I know I need to get through kindergarten before I go to the senior prom.

Self exploration and if I’m lucky who knows… a long term relationship?

Will it happen immediately?  Such good fortune only happens in fairy tales.

What do I know?  I know I don’t want to hurt anyone and don’t want to be hurt.  I agree with this statement recently e-mailed to me. A D/s relationship is about the D getting what he wants from the sub if she accepts, bends and submits. Well, it is also about me and my needs, desires being met, so I’m taking my time.   I’m being careful but hopefully not over complicating this process.  I had 5 rules starting this process.

1.  Don’t get fixated on one person, right off. 

2.  Don’t e-mail during  the  
week (vanilla obligations must be completed first and foremost).

3.  E-Mail first… phone conversation second or skip the phone if the e-mail interaction is outstanding and meet in person in a vanilla environment before going anywhere, even if it’s not to their home.

4.  Don’t give up too soon and don’t compromise out of the gate, if at all.  I’ve waited this long; what’s a few weeks or months to find the right person.

5.  Testing is a Must

I’ve broken rules one and two; thought about breaking three;  am determined not to break the fourth and have been told  5 isn’t practical.  “You will know when you meet that person and interact with him ‘The Content of His Character’.”  That’s from a Dom on this site.  It’s about faith and trust.  Trusting the D so I’ll be able to accept and submit.  Trusting the Ds character.  Seems like a whole lot of one sided trusting.  I’ll just pass that bridge when I come to it.

What’s next?  More e-mail interaction on this site hopefully.  I’m still playing e-mail tag with a couple of you.  I see participating in a munch or two in my immediate future.  This is my truth.  My journey continues.
 Be Safe All!    Embraced