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When shes abandoned her moral center and teachings...when shes cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor...when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure.....enticing from within this feral lioness...growling and scratching and biting...taking everything I dish out to her.....at that moment she is never more beautiful to me. . Marquis de Sade. My profile is lengthy but I have a lot to say. After I tell you about me, I will tell you what I am looking for. I am an experienced submissive. I returned my collar to my Master many tears ago when I relocated to eastern NC. My submission is not just sexual in nature. I think TPE is true submission. Anyone can make me kneel (almost), but not anyone can make me want to kneel...i am versed in impact play, electric play, humiliation, urine, exhibitionism, clips and clamps and cuffs and collars. I am patiently looking for my mirror image. My limits are few - but only to the Dom who has touched my soul. I am not a player. I believe that TPE is a gift of the highest degree. I am educated, professional and always a lady...unless I am your slut. In my life I have learned that a wedding ring is a symbol to others of your social status a collar however, symbolizes the status of your soul. I have been collared twice and marriedwidowed once. If you seduce my mind, my body and soul will follow. It has been 6 years since I returned my collar. It was heartbreaking but I have healed. I am ready to move forward. In my heart, trust and honesty is the core of a successful Ds relationship, and thats where I need to start. I could not move forward until I was done looking back. I have been asked why I waited and endured the pain of healing and loneliness before searching for a new Master. To me, something is lost if I come to you when I am already on my knees. If I am standing and strong and choose to kneel, it is my gift to you. If I am already on my knees, I have gifted you nothing. Im not sure how to begin again (especially in this cyber world) but Im ready. I am ready to kneel alongside the right Dom, my head on His knee, my leash in His hand.
The Dom I am looking for... He is any race. He has square shoulders. He is intelligent and well read. He is social and can glide through the vanilla world. He is confident. He will never strike out of anger. He has worn a tuxedo at least once and NOT because he was in a wedding! He smiles.
**RANT**RANT**RANT** I am a slut, whore, cunt or slave ONLY when I am collared and even then ONLY to my Master. Do not be so bold as to call me any of the above unless I am willingly at your feet. I am a human being and a woman and deserve that respect. I am an alpha woman in my vanilla world. The sign on my desk says I wear heels bigger than your dick.. I am not interested in being your second or third slut or serving a couple. I am not interested in living in a cage. I am not interested in being a sub-mommy to your minor children (or any children! And I think sending me their pictures was illegal). I do not want to do anything with your dog - ever. I am not interested in sending you pictures of my cunt or seeing pictures of your dick. I am 58 - a picture of your cock is not going to surprise me or impress me. What will connect me to you is your mind and your PRESENCE. I will not answer your messages if your profile picture is a dick. Read this again. I will not answer your messages if your profile picture is a photo of your dick. This is a hard limit. I am here for real. I resent that the new brigade has bastardized Ds. If they want to be tied up and fucked, then just ask to be tied up and fucked, but do not call it Ds. I have many concerns with the upcoming 50 Shades Generation. (No reference to age, 50 Shades readers decades.). 50 Shades is a insult to The Old Guard . Insecure women will accept abuse and angry men will have a free pass. The honesty and trust that make Ds relationships transcend all others will fall and Ds will become simply Kinky Fuckery. My rant is over. Thank you for listening.
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And now my profile photo fell down... |
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Another morning wrestling with my life. I am like a moth to a flame and no matter how many times I get burned I keep going back. The same Dom has played push me pull me over the last 10 months and I feel torn. If I get strong against him, I feel I will get strong against the lifestyle. I just haven't learned to balance submissiveness and independence. I feel like if a put up a wall to get me past him, the wall will block other opportunities. I've had great conversations with men/Doms on this site. Then he knocks on my door and I take down my profile and follow him...Until he can't commit. Fuck it. I feel a bad attitude coming on. Frangelico in my morning coffee:) |
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I was chatting with someone the other day and the 24/7 thing came up. So much of D/s is semantics...everyone has a different definition for slave or sub or Dom or Daddy and even my own definitions are evolving. I used to think 24/7 was impossible but now I think it is not only possible, it is what I am seeking. I thought it was impossible because we have to move about in a vanilla world. Now I realize that rituals and protocol is what makes it possible to be 24/7 without the vanilla world knowing. Crops and chains and floggers and plugs may not occur every day, but sitting at His feet can. Pouring His coffee before mine every morning and serving Him with two hands can. Sitting on his right in public can. His ordering my drink can. There are so many subtle things that can and should happen everyday. I have always believed rituals are important for a society to maintain their cohesiveness, I believe the same is true for every intimate relationship - but especially those like ours that are hidden. |
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I have been off and on this site for a couple of years-since I relocated and Master and I parted ways. I'm not sure how one goes about "Dom shopping." I have vowed not to date vanilla. It is not fair to either party. I spend time on this site and then I get overwhelmed, sometimes with bad e-mails, sometimes with just the influx of e-mails, and so I shut down and block my profile. Often without warning and I know that is not nice.
I had a sincere phone conversation with a Dom friend the other day and he emphasized that I carry my alpha personality too far. That it's fine to be my alpha professional self at work, but I need to let it go if I am to find a Dom and return to the life I crave. I suppose he is right, but my argument to that is that "Someone has to drive this ship! I have to be in control right now because it is all on me!" Is that wrong?
It was so hard for me to transition from my knees to my feet. And now that I am standing and I'm strong (or at least pretend to be) I have to keep going. I can't kneel and stand and kneel and stand. Those are squats and I am 53 and too old for squats!! I hope to kneel and surrender one more time.
I have shared emails and chatted with a few Doms on this site and that is not working so well. I am tired of emails. I want to look into their eyes. Because I am in alpha mode I keep myself busy. I work crazy shifts and take vacations and when I am not working I travel or hang out with girlfriends. I think that is healthy. My friend tells me it is leaving me no time to pursue a D/s relationship. Perhaps he is right, but this life is not a dress rehearsal! I do not want my life to pass me by while my head is down texting!! Maybe I just need someone to grab me by the hair and tell me to stop...and breathe...and as they breathe slowly with me...I will fall to my knees... |
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Life is full of transitions. I'm still smiling. I will not close any doors until I am safely on the other side with my leash in His hand.
Thank you Sir S. for caring for me for a while on this journey. Our time together was wonderful and thought provoking. You filled a void and you touched my heart. I hope I have done the same for you. I am a better person for having known you. |
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I've just returned from a sun filled week on the beautiful beaches in the Dominican with vanilla friends and a vanilla lover...I have been a year completely removed from vanilla and it was bittersweet for me to realize that there is little left in the vanilla world for me.
There was a time when his prowess and stamina had me rolling in orgasms...but it was not to be. I longed to be plugged and flogged and covered with piss and clothespins and begging to be allowed to cum. I fantasized of being walked on the beach on a leash - visible or invisible.
This morning, alone in my bed, I lived those fantasies and I feel alive!
It is rather amusing to get out of a bed where i have slept alone and turn to see my cell phone, a dozen clothespins a butt plug, a vibrator, a dildo, and a huge wet spot!! .
EloquentSlut, party of one!
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I am liking 2015! I have met a Dom who has piqued my interest. We met a few months ago and I become a bit more enamored each day.
It has been a long year remembering how to be my own boss and "getting my shit together." I have spent a year learning to stand upright and to fight my own battles and to love ve myself regardless of anyone else's opinion. A year learning to value myself; a year of regaining my independence. I am ready to serve again.
I have learned that there is a difference in crawling to a Master when I am already on your knees, or meeting him eye to eye and CHOOSING to drop to my knees for a Him. I prefer the latter. A free fall with the belief that He will catch me and ease me to my knees.
I have spent a year recreating myself that I might give to Him this very special woman I have created! |
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Happy New Year! 2014 was my year of transition and growing pains. Thank God and my friends for seeing me through! I have great expectations for 2015! LIFE IS GOOD! |
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Dinner date 12/12 - EPIC FAIL!
NOTE TO SELF: If it sounds to good to be true, it is. You have spent 53 years fine tuning your bullshit detector, why would you ignore it? |
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| Age: 21 |
| Greene,
New York |
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