Hetero Male Dominant, 57,
The Villages, Florida
| You are Welcome here. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. I share my experience and knowledge of communication here in the hopes that I will stir something up in your head and make you think. Remember, there is no ONE right way to have a D/s relationship. As long as you are not interfering with someone else's rights of safety, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness, your right to do it your way is assured. I offer my knowledge of effective communication as a vital part of your journey. Without effective communication even the best relationship will end in frustration. I hope to help you prevent that tragedy.
some facts about myself , I hope you can be intersted in, just explains a little about me
1. I'm real. Everything I say I am.
2. Unlike the ones who SAY they're handsome I really AM. lol
3. I'm really not married. Or separated. Or living with someone. Or have a girlfriend. Totally single!
4. I have the utmost integrity.
5. I call when I say I will.
6. I don't care about your age. Or your upbringing.
7. I have absolutely no secrets, no skeletons and nothing to hide.
8. When we're in public together, not only do I not mind, but I actually think it's hot when I see other guys rubber necking to check you out.
9. I'll try to remember your birthday.
10. I'm not a spineless pansy. I take charge and make a plan.
11. While not a neat freak, my apartment is actually pretty clean. ok I'm lieing...lol
12. I do have an xbox ,but don't have ps3 and a wii.
13. I shower ever day and shave every day except sunday (but if I'm cutting up your face when we kiss I will shave on sunday too). lieing here too....lol
14. I write you letters. Not emails. Letters.
15. You will never wonder where you stand with me. You'll know.
16. When you're bad, I will take you over my knee and spank you, but as soon as I'm done I will hold you in a tight and loving manner.
17. When we are on the couch watching a movie, I will let you use my lap as a pillow. AND I will run my fingers through your hair.
18. We will have a very racy and satisfying sex life.
19. I will make you laugh.
20. I will laugh and that includes laughing at myself.
21. I'll never let you lift anything heavy.
22. While I like some sports, I am FAR from one of those guys who watches every minute of every game.
23. I'll tell you how beautiful you look tonight.
24. I'll thank you for all you do for me.
25. If I like you I'm going to want to see you again
Rear End Play (Expert)
Blindfolding you (Expert)
Body Worship (Expert)
Breast Play (Expert)
Canes and Crops (Expert)
You wearing my collar (Expert)
Corner Time (Expert)
Electrical Play (Expert)
Eye Contact Restrictions (Expert)
Local BDSM Community (Expert)
Being Massaged (Expert)
Erotic touch (Expert)
Fire Play (Expert)
Hair Pulling (Expert)
Placing you on a leash (Expert)
Modern Primitivism (Expert)
Obedience Training (Expert)
Orgasm Control (Expert)
Sensation Play (Expert)
Outdoor Bondage (Expert)
Pony/Puppy Roleplay (Expert)
Public Play (Expert)
Role Playing (Expert)
Spanking you (Expert)
Speech Restrictions (Expert)
(or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street)
I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!
Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second, and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions or poor situational awareness are pretty much the same for both groups too.
Occasionally, as a rider I have caught myself starting to make bad or late decisions while riding. In flight training, my instructors called this being “behind the power curve”. It is a mark of experience that when this begins to happen, the rider recognizes the situation, and more importantly, does something about it. A short break, a meal, or even a gas stop can set things right again as it gives the brain a chance to catch up.
Good, accurate, and timely decisions are essential when riding a motorcycle…at least if you want to remain among the living. In short, the brain needs to keep up with the machine.
I had been banging around the roads of east Texas and as I headed back into Dallas, found myself in very heavy, high-speed traffic on the freeways. Normally, this is not a problem, I commute in these conditions daily, but suddenly I was nearly run down by a cage that decided it needed my lane more than I did. This is not normally a big deal either, as it happens around here often, but usually I can accurately predict which drivers are not paying attention and avoid them before we are even close. This one I missed seeing until it was nearly too late, and as I took evasive action I nearly broadsided another car that I was not even aware was there!
Two bad decisions and insufficient situational awareness…all within seconds. I was behind the power curve. Time to get off the freeway.
I hit the next exit, and as I was in an area I knew pretty well, headed through a few big residential neighborhoods as a new route home. As I turned onto the nearly empty streets I opened the visor on my full-face helmet to help get some air. I figured some slow riding through the quiet surface streets would give me time to relax, think, and regain that “edge” so frequently required when riding.
Little did I suspect…
As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it—it was that close.
I hate to run over animals…and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.
Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels can take care of themselves!
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, “Banzai!” or maybe, “Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!” as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.
Instantly he set upon me. If I did not know better I would have sworn he brought twenty of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street…and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.
I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.
That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.
But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel.
This was an evil attack squirrel of death!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed square on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!
The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him.
I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.
The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in…well…I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street…on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody’s tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle…my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little affect against the massive power of the big cruiser.
About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is a Scottish attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got IN my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed partway and he began hissing in my face I am quite sure my screaming changed tone and intensity. It seemed to have little affect on the squirrel however.
The rpm’s on The Dragonmaxed out (I was not concerned about shifting at the moment) and her front end started to drop.
Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.
Finally I got the upper hand…I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked…sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of, so to speak.
Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.
Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.
I heard screams. They weren't mine...
I managed to get the big motorcycle under directional control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign at a busy cross street.
I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. But for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked in front of and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.
So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to “let the professionals handle it” anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me the finger…
That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car…
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.
As for my easy and slow drive home? Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or the evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death...I’ll take my chances with the freeway. Every time.
And I’ll buy myself a new pair of gloves.
Now there are many ways to foul up a cheeseburger… the bread can be too hard… or the meat not cooked to your liking… but that can be fixed quite easily…. So you order a cheeseburger…
Medium well on a soft bun. Well the waiter then askes you… Do you want plain cheese our one of our specialties?
Now there is such a thing as a specialty cheeseburger…A cheeseburger with a piece of hamburger meat with cheese on top of a hamburger bun. Now a pork chop is a pork chop. And a cheeseburger is a cheeseburger.
So I asked the waiter to elaborate. So he gives me a list. Cajun burger with spices and cooked onions (if I had wanted Cajun, I’d have ordered red beans and rice). Chiliburger (if had wanted chili, I’d have ordered plain chili with crackers). You can also have a Swiss burger (I hate Swiss), Moneray Jack burger (sounds like some California beach bum). A Diet cheeseburger (just a piece of meat with cottage cheese; at 200 lbs., I am certainly NOT on a diet and would not eat cottage cheese even if I was) a Mushroom cheeseburger. (I’m not certain in which book it appears but I know that somewhere in the Bible it says thou shalt not put mushrooms or cottage cheese on a cheeseburger! That is just not the right thing to do. )
Why do we take something SO simple and fiddle with it? I think we should have kept all telephones black. I see no need in designer undershorts. Who decided to take the numbers off of the watches? Who decided to make modern shower knobs so complicated? Why does baseball have the designated hitter? Why do we say brunch instead of late breakfast or early lunch? While did Cadillac change the Seville and ruin it? Why do potato chips come in a can?
It’s only make-believe (and this is what we see on the TV)….
Every ambulance chaser in the county has his or her own commercial. The law firm of Loophole and Whiplash. We’ll sue anybody; living or dead for the low low price of $19.95. (But wait! There’s more!) Judge Wopner is our 1st cousin and we have read all of John Grishom’s books so trust us! The law books behind us were painted on the wall.
Pet food commercials.
The dog food is meaty and chewy tasting. How does the announcer know this? Did he taste it or did the dog tell him?
Hey we are giving away these cars today? Now we will pay you to take them off our hands! Now I come from a long line of used car dealers and horse thieves. The local car dealers have no business doing their own commercials on TV. They are loud and obnoxious and they kidnap little puppies. To quote JR Samples from HeeHaw, call. BR549 , if you agree.
They are simply can’t be that much difference among cereals. Muleslick or whatever you call it can’t be any better a friend to your colon then Bowl Bran, can it? Of course it can’t! And further more I do not care if the cereal becomes soggy, that’s why I put milk on it. Bowl bran today. Can tree bark be far behind?
Female hygiene product commercials….
I’m going to keep this simple and discrete. I don’t care if it holds and absorbs the entire Atlantic Ocean. I don’t want to sit in my den and hear on my TV how this or that has wings to fit this spot or that spot better. Remind me of kids outside with I lighter. Look mommy, we’ve got a firecracker! Where’d you get it? Out of a trashcan in the bathroom….
Diarrhea and constipation commercials….
Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea………the family that goes to Hawaii and they can’t get out of their rooms because they have diarrhea? It happens! Just pretend you are doing the hula and find a facility, but keep it off my TV!
Perfume and cologne commercials……
I could abide these if they made any sort of sense, but they rarely do. There’s a nekkid couple, except for sunglasses riding arangatangs through a field of nuclear waste. And this is a commercial about a new perfume called goatsweat. A man likes to smell like a man and a woman likes to smell like a woman. Not like a bodily function or the scent of some African wildebeest.
If god hadn’t wanted me to be born bald, I’d have been born with a cat on my head.
As-Seen On TV commercials….
Not available in any store, they say. Well of course not! That’s because this stuff is crap. This is the stuff the dollar store took a pass on. And yet, if we pay separate shipping and handling, they will send us double the original amount of crap for free if we call in the next ten minutes. Nope, not me.
And finally…. Get rid of those insurance commercials featuring those aging actors and stop telling me that Juan Valdez is from Columbia and I am suppose to believe he has coffee in them sacks cause those lumps remind me of some pretty nice buds I used to know about......LOL
Back in 1973, I was just finishing my junior year in high school. My Dad experiencing a momentray loss of his sanity, let me have his 1958 blue and white Pontiac, which four friends on mine were driving 100 miles per hour towards a beach. We were there to look for girls and the best place to find girls, we were told, was the pier where they had rock-n-roll bands, 60s variety, and the girls allegedly wore very short and very tight shorts When you are eight and your parents take you to the beach, you go to play in the water, build snad castles and play jungle golf. When you are sixteen you have put away such childish things, Its girls and lest we forget, beer, too. The beer incidentally, was easier to get than the girls. We got beer the first day at the beach, took three days to get a girl. The Band was playing,"Do You Love Me Now I Can Dance?". Her name was Kippy, She was wearing very short and very thigh shorts, ( A YOUNG MANS DREAMS), We ganced fast dances, then the Band , (THANK GOD) played a Johnny Mathis slow song and I held Kippy in my arms, and on the walk back ro her motel (MUMBLES SHE WAS STAYING WITH HER PARENTS) I kissed her good night, and headed right for the beach , and walked into the water (FIGURE OUT WHY?) I saw Kippy every night, We got to know each other a lot better,,,(YES A LOT BETTER) she asked of I had a place were we could be alone..I said yes give me 15 minutds I will return right here, I ran back to my room and told them all to GET OUT NOW I was having company, well they left, and Kippy and I had the place to ourselves as we got down to the naughty Kippy explanied that she liked her butt spanked when making love, well I did my best to help her out, (SHE OPENED MY EYES THAT NIGHT) she would say slap me harder, harder harder, (TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM...LOL) but I didnt know any better, Well i have forgptten her she started me off...... ( To Be Continued)....STAY TUNED TO "Days Of My Journals"
Here is the next episode of "The Days of My Journal" each day is different from the other.
Each day brings a new joy into my life, a new adventure, a new thrill.Today I had the pleasure of talking with man whom was learning about being Donimate and asked if I had any pointers.( thinkng to myself wondering was this they guy from yesterday girl I spoke with...OMG please dont let it be.) So I boldly said sure I can help you maybe, but everything I said isn't always right for another, because there are as many ways to do things as their are people in the lifestyle. Then he told me I spoke with his girlfriend yesterday (OMG) and that he would praticed what I had had her write down, So the first thing I told him was (take a quess) get a pen and paper. And we will discuss some things. Low and behold he told me it was one on the desk already where she wrote down yesterday talk, (wondering if he knew about cut and paste or if she was around to show him) So I asked what his name was...everyone calls me Bubba and my g/f is Lulu, ( I fell out my chair) well I began to explain that "It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure an unowned submissive is guided to a Dominant that is suited to the submissive's wants, needs and desires."(thinking theses two would be the perfect match for each other) He asked me to slow down so that he could write all this down.(HOly Moses, cut and paste I said OUT LOUD) but I tryed to keep a straight face knowing I couldn't and he couldnt hear me say it. So I asked how slow he wanted me to go, He said he was caught up now, (so ok here we go again) Isaid to him "It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive knows what being abusive is. To insure this is to insure the submissive knows when to call it quits." I asked did he undersatnd that statement? Yes was his reply. (ok now I am so glad I don't have to explain this to him) "It is the responsibility of a Dominant to ensure the submissive
knows what the submissive's rights are." is that like right to vote he asked..No I said she rights for safewords is a example.( OMG WHAT HAD I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO NOW).."It is the responsibility of a Dominant to teach the submissive information about the Lifestyle.
The best method is to teach the submissive how to acquire this information and where he/she can get it. An ignorant submissive can be an embarrassment to a Dominant."(SO I GAVE HIM A COUPLE WEBSITES THAT WAS HELPFUL ,SO MANYBE BOTH COULD LEARN.) "It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive grows and develops under the Dominant's ownership, in both the lifestyle and the public life (such as job and family).well I hope all this will help you and be sure you look at the sites I sent you I told him, OH MAN thank you he said. Well I hope that Bubba and Lulu make it. Sounds like their hearts are in the right place and the intent is there.
Remember those swashbuckling pirate movies of your youth and todays? The ones
that had the hero (or villain, for that matter) bound, spread-
eagled, to the rigging, being whipped to within an inch of his life.
( now dont get all excited ladies) At the time, it didn't seem like a
very wholesome way to take tropical cruise. But it was mystifyingly exciting.
We always liked to see the hero win in the end; but the images of those bodies
being abused ( tanned, half naked or naked,,"PERKS." sorry got carried away
there a second) and/or muscular; others helpless and desperately in need of being
saved) would stay with us for a long time.
Fast forward to your first sexual awareness. Those teen years when
you went through the motions of being a good boy or girl, dating as
you were supposed to, but sneaking into the drugstore to find
magazines with pictures of men and women that seemed to mean a lot
more than just a nice set of muscles. At the time, some of us were
inexplicably, drawn towards bikers on their Harleys(personaly I like the Harleys). Was it the bikes? Was it the leather? Or just the idea of being down and dirty?
Others among us liked ritual and ceremony. Perhaps we never even
associated them with something a bit ...no, a lot deeper.
The evolution from admiring and getting that unexplained feeling
from the sights in films or magazines to actually touching those
bodies takes many years for some of us. Others are fortunate enough
to pass through the phase in a matter of weeks or months. It takes
one through quite a bit of mental trauma. "Should I, shouldn't I? I
want to so much...."
Some people had intense feelings of shame and guilt that they had a
form of unnatural perversion. This led some of them to bury their BDSM
feelings, and hide the ones they did acknowledge. There was a kind
of puritan feeling that we should not enjoy ourselves too much,
particularly with such "perverted" activities. At this stage of our
coming out into BDSM, we were not yet sufficiently confident of our
Well I was sitting down again last night chatting with submissives as usual, (not I am not a Cyber Dummie or a Dom Slut.)I just enjoys a good conversation. when out the blue moon here comes the instance message of the night (mumbles and grumble cause all we had for the last few days was rain, plus it was dark out pitch black wasn't no damn moon shinning.) This little woman had to have answers to some questions she had (OMG!!! say it wasn't so).She just had to know what advice I could give her to pass on to her fellar (her word) . So I started hen pecking the key boards again, using to two favorite fingers. I asked was he dominate? What experience does he have? You know (same ole same ole) she said nope, none but would I give her some pointers into making him dominate? Wondering to myself just how the hell I was going to make him dominate. I rubbed my Ole bald head, looked at the screne, then rubbed my eyes (thinking ok sure I can do this..LOL.. the Sarcastic Ass Dom is coimg out now) So I told her to get a pen and paper and take notes, (shes wasn't thinking of cut and paste, as she went for them so I just smiled to myself almost laughing) On her return she said I am ready
OK..I said lets get started, how fast can you write? (remember she could have cut and paste) I am a fast writer she stated (smiling to myself thinking blonde bimbo from hell has instance messaged me) ok here we go then It is the duty of a Dominant to control his emotions.( so no booze or drugs)
To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive. Too many people do that in nilla life its called spouse aduse.
It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift.
To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to
take back the gift it is no longer a gift.
It is the duty of a Dominant to watch over and protect all
This does not mean to protect them from finding some other Dominant
and to keep them for oneself.
It is the duty of a Dominant to take only a submissive that will
A submissive that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant
that loves to whip submissives.
It is the Duty of a Dominant to take only the amount of submissives
the DOM can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for.
Do not keep a submissive hanging, giving false hopes. Free and
release the submissive so the submissive can get along with finding
the right Dominant.
It is the duty of a Dominant to watch and monitor the scene
carefully and to ensure the submissive is not being harmed either
physically or emotionally.
At any time the slightest thing can go wrong and the scene is ruined
for the submissive and pleasure becomes actual pain.
It is the duty of a Dominant after a scene to ensure the submissive
is emotionally stable.
During a scene the submissive is filled with hormones. Afterwards
the body reduces them and may cause severe depression to the extent
of being suicidal. The submissive must be made to understand the
depression and/or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal
emotions will return in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of
emotional instability in the submissive and must be corrected before
doing another scene. (A Dominant can also experience this depression
after a high from the scene.) Each reacts differently; some stay
high for weeks and when they come down, seek the scene again to
regain the high. This also can lead to problems such as longer, more
intense and dangerous scenes, with unknown Dominants.
It is the duty of a Dominant to know and understand what the needs,
desires and wants of a submissive are.
Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally.
So asked her did she write all this down? Of yes I did my hands hurt,
so then I told her about cut and paste, duh huh, she gave me that funny little
smily face with steam coming out the ears...
The other morning, I was doing my normal routine. I rolled out of bed, reached down to turn on my computer. Then I turned away to go start the coffee pot, stumbled over my own shoes, stomped a toe said a few nasty words under my breath and out loud. I knew they were right there, mumbles to myself about it as I kicked them against the wall, made my way towards kitchen . I started the coffee , went back To where the computer is and signed on to a chat program. I never looked at the monitor, I went to the bathroom , finished in there, washed my hands , and headed straight for the coffee, poured my first cup sipped it..ahhh!! man this is good I said to myself. Then headed back to my desk to check mail ,morning news, and messages.
So I began responding to them, the normal good morning , hello, how are you today, so forth ect, then I came across a message from a submissive I knew who was just out of a relationship. She was in asking if she could speak with me so I responded sure why is something? I sipped my coffee again..thinking its early in the morning she isn’t on right now. I will answer her tonight, when she messages me again. She was online and asked me , how to go about pleasing a dom she meet in some chat room . It was her first time being in there since the break up.... (being the smartass I am at 5 am in the morning without having much coffee and not fully awake) I responded by saying, since its chat room, why not just get a BIG beach towel (cause you know you will begin to get wet and don’t want to have to wipe the floor) remove all your clothing kneel on that beach towel in the position of...Kneeling with thighs parted wide, arms raised and hands interlocked behind the neck, buttocks resting on the heels, back is straight, head up and eyes down in respect. The breasts will be displayed openly for view and inspection, with the womanhood clearly exposed and open as well. Then with collar around your neck with a leash hooked to it offer it up with you left hand saying sir this if for you then look at his response..Now take into your hearts all this is said jokingly...her response was ..I did that last night for him on my webcam and she didn’t feel right about it..I spit coffee all over my monitor and keyboard....I had to clean it all off before doing anything else. I learned to be careful about what I was saying to a friend…LOL
Well then I had to explain something to her. Like just about everything else in life, experience with BDSM and D/s also has a learning curve. People make mistakes, a few common mistakes are
Going too fast. Sometimes the excitement that comes with the discovery of real time BDSM takes hold and you eagerly do too much too soon. Is this your first spanking? Have you ever used that toy before? How well do you know your partner? It is far better to go too slow and yearn for more than to go to fast and do something that you really regret.
Just because someone calls themselves a Mistress or Master, Goddess or Lord, Queen or Baron, does NOT necessarily mean that they have the skills or talents to back it up. And, just because a person has a "title" does not mean that you need to submit to them.
There is no one RIGHT way. While there may be "good technique" and "bad technique," the "correctness" of this action should be based solely on what the people involved in the scene have consented to.
Communication is very important. If you are new and have questions, find someone that you think will be able to give you a good answer. Better yet, get feedback from a few different people. No one in this community should feel like they are alone.
Learn about safewords and safecalls and read as many "how – to BDSM books" as you can before practicing BDSM in person. And use what you learn. Ignorance often has bad consequences, and that is very true in the world of BDSM and D/s. And, lastly but not leastly:
TRUST YOUR INTUITION.
If you have a bad feeling about meeting someone, playing with someone, engaging in a particular activity,( or playing on cams) or anything else , follow that gut feeling and do not do it. Often times our subconscious picks up on clues that get translated into that gut feeling. Again, it is far better to do too little, or nothing at all, and have a yearning for it than putting yourself into a potentially regrettable situation.
Being Dominant/submissive is a state of mind. It is not a sex act,
it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and
is totally asexual (neither male nor female).
First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady.
There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this
for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant.
Second, a Dominant must always be in control.
Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They
affect relationships and most importantly can affect a scene,
therefore taking away the control the Dominant MUST have.
Third, a Dominant is always honest.
To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be
able to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not
every Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more
if you tell the truth. Be honest with a submissive about your level
of experience with others and the submissive. The submissive can
even help you to gain experience and is really an enjoyable learning
process. Tell the submissive up-front if You do not wish a
monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect
this in a Dominant. You may not get "that" submissive but you will
not lose her/his respect.
Fourth, a Dominant accepts responsibility for all his/her actions.
Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and
correct it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an
excuse for something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you
to lose respect.
Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect.
No Dominant demands strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress.
Respect is earned over time. Demanding Master/Mistress on your name
means nothing and is a word that when not earned is meaningless and
makes you to others appear to be a petty childish fool. Those that
know you and respect you will call you Master or Mistress when you
earn it, not before. Remember, to other Dominants you are not Their
Master/Mistress you are their equal do not DEMAND them too ever call
Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between
needs, desires and wants.
The submissive may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding
Dominant. The submissive may desire a short relationship with a
crude rude person. The submissive may need a stable sharing marriage
Laughs as I have this word so many times.....DOORMAT..... so heres my views on it.....When in the BDSM community and the word "doormat" is said -- It is often jumped on from all directions, as to refer to the woman who is walked all over by a man or a woman walking all over a man. The term, was to be in a short and graphic illustration, to which somebody being stepped on.
We often hear responses of submissive types, saying "I'm not a doormat" nor will I be treated like one.
Now, please take a breath and look beyond the term of the word "doormat" and look beyond what it means but, what lessons it has to offer.
Doormats indeed lay at our feet. Doormats provide silent service. Doormats clean the most lowest parts of all in a most humble yet, efficient manner and
ask for nothing in return. Doormats wait tirelessly and at times never noticed.
Doormats come in all sizes and shapes. Doormats come in many different colors and some are mixed colors. Doormats at times have messages on them, the most known message is of "welcome" or "welcome home." Doormats at times have different messages, such as cute sayings or sarcastic ones. Doormats are at times artistic, having designs or pictures on them, to which is worth a thousand words. Doormats are flexible and bend, giving and easy to handle.
Doormats are made of many different types of materials, which often makes them specialized in some ways and some ways they are not. Doormats sometimes announces who lives at the home. Doormats welcome your guests equally as do they you. Doormats are kind to animals and clean their feet without being aggressive. Doormats at times speak out loud, as you step on them they may say welcome, enter or play music for you, such as a Christmas
tune. Doormats do have personality. Doormats do not get an attitude if they do not get praise, get noticed or get maintained. Doormats don't mind if they don't get noticed or not, they are just content to exist. Doormats are allowed to get dirty and stay dirty but, they look best when clean. Doormats can also be downsized and turned into BDSM toys, such as a rubber doormat paddle or slapper. Doormats can be a "spot" for slaves or submissive types to sit or a "time out spot," and for children also.
Hopefully, you'll never look at the doormat the same way.
The Disgruntled Subbie Syndrome
(or It's Not My Fault…..He's Just a Bad Master)
The disgruntled subbie syndrome is a malady that occurs to
submissives when a D/s relationship doesn't work out and they need
someone to blame. There is also the disgruntled Dom/me syndrome, but
it's far less common. For purposes of this narrative I'm going to
use the masculine for the Dominant and the feminine for the
submissive. This tale also takes place in a polyamourous setting.
This is meant to entertain and offend no one or everyone.
It goes like this:
In the early stages of the relationship the submissive in question
is attracted to a poly Dominant for whatever reasons and decides to
tell Him that yes, she'll give poly a try "for Him". So, with that
concession implicitly given by the submissive, a cycle of
expectations begins. The Dominant expects her to do her best to
learn the rules and makes those rules clear, and begins to
incorporate her into His existing Family. The submissive "expects"
certain things because in her mind she has already given up much by
loving Him so much or being so attracted to Him and admitting that
to Him, and so "she" is in essence "sharing" Him with His existing
Family!!! Of course, all this conjecture is generally unknown to the
Dominant until it gets thrown in His face at the end. In My humble opinion the end is already near.
Now, what we have here is a case of Disgruntled Subbie Syndrome
waiting to happen, and sadly an already doomed D/s relationship.
What we also have here is a submissive who is going to go to great
lengths to have things her way and make all parties, including
herself, miserable. Why you might ask??? Because she feels she is
more than enough for Him and He really will give up His polyamourous
life once He sees the light….in her of course! Moving right along,
keep in mind that our submissive has now confessed to wanting to be
with the Dominant, so much so that she has conceded to (in her mind)
these less than ideal circumstances. The Dominant includes her in
His Family setting. Watching to see the interactions, the learning
process, looking for the harmony or lack thereof that this new one
brings. For the submissive this is a double-edged sword. She is happy
to be getting the attention of a submissive in training under this
Dominant she cares for so much, and being included in the most
private areas of His life…but at the same time she is very unhappy
to find herself in a situation where she has little say so, and worst
of all, she has to bear seeing Him pay attention to His others!!
Oh woe is our poor disgruntled subbie. She discounts the fact that
she is untrained in the ways of His House (her ways are better
He'll see), she hates to see her sisters serving "her" Dominant. She
feels inadequate or more to the point, feels she could somehow do
things better, OR at worst, would never do any of those things in a
Of course, when the trainee submissive does get the opportunity to
serve "her" Dominant, she does it badly or wrong…usually on purpose.
Her poor performance accomplishes one or two things…The Dominant
(now please note He's "her" Dominant) notices and corrects her
behavior or notices and the submissive blames it on her sisters
setting a bad example!! Either or both ways puts the submissive in
the spotlight, right where she wants to be. While the rest of the
House looks aghast and askance. What I've failed to mention up to
now, is that the Dominant in this tale is a Master and the sisters
are slaves. Not that this puts any hardship on our submissive, since
she is not a slave, rather a very good submissive and feels in that
she is somehow better and above the indignities of her slave
sisters. All the while noting that her House sisters are very
dignified, proud, well behaved, filled with self-esteem and
beautiful. Of course she never admits this out loud because deep in
her heart she just knows that her years in the BDSM Community and
her love for "her" Dominant will prevail and eventually He will see
HER!! And give up His established Family for her alone.
Well, right about now the Dominant really is seeing HER!! And not
much liking what He sees. The submissive thinks with all her years
of experience that everything is going well (for her), since she
thinks her machinations have gone undetected. She wheedles away to
get "her" Dominant out publicly, to show Him off and to prove what
she's been telling her friends all along, that He's with her
She is proving to Him how wonderful it will be when it's just Him
and her…ALONE!! This is a manipulation technique used by our ever
valiant subbie to show the Dominant how He really doesn't need
anyone but her and to show her friends how much more He must care
for her since He didn't bring any of the others out. What doesn't
usually get said is that she manipulated the outing so she made
certain she was the only one available!! On a cheerful note, most
experienced Dominants will only fall for this subterfuge ONCE.
So, our beleaguered Dominant is finally realizing there's trouble in
paradise, and our ever valiant submissive is getting deeply
disgruntled. Seeking to correct the abhorrent behavior of the
submissive in training the Dominant uses His tried and true method
of "good girls get spanked, bad girls get ignored". The subbie,
being ignored, is plotting away, enlisting the aid of friend and foe
in a desperate attempt to figure out why her manipulations are no
longer working. Never realizing that her manipulations didn't ever
work, and are now becoming tiresome and problematic. What she's not
doing is introspection. What she's not doing is getting off her
personal agenda and onto the Dominant's (no longer "her" Dominant)
program. What she IS doing is whining to anyone and
everyone…."what'd I do wrong???? Why doesn't He love MEEEeeeee?????".
This is the point where our Dominant loses His endless patience and
does His best to exit the relationship with some semblance of
dignity for all concerned and offers to remain friends. Will the
submissive allow this??? Nope. Why?? Because she's already deep in
the throws of the Disgruntled Subbie Syndrome and the only cure is
to totally give in to the maniacal urge prove "something" to
Instead of admitting that she can't or won't be able to deal with
this particular Dominant under His particular set of circumstances,
she sets out to prove to Him and the world at large that she can be
a slave…no she IS a slave!!!…she is, she is, she IS a slave…and
therefore now worthy again of His attentions. Meanwhile, whispering
to all and sundry that the slaves in "that House" are such and such…
and "her" Dominant is not a Dominant let alone a Master at all.
And so faithful reader, it ends…it ends badly. With many hurt
feelings and looks of bewilderment for A/all involved. And there are
lots more people involved by now than this writer could have
imagined!! All because one stubborn submissive was told exactly what
the rules for a particular Dominant's House were and she agreed to
work within those set boundaries….all the while keeping her own
personal agenda of wants, needs, desires and absolutely MUST HAVES,
a secret for all to know except the Dominant she professed to want
to serve!!! Sadly the community becomes involved because of her
hysterics, and the Dominant takes the fall, as she knew He would,
because He is honorable and won't sink to gossip and innuendo.
He is now a "bad Master", because she didn't get things HER way. So
goes the Disgruntled Subbie Syndrome. All Dominants should be aware
of and watch for this!! It's highly contagious and if Your
submissive or slave is exposed even briefly to one afflicted with
DSS (Disgruntled Subbie Syndrome), she will suddenly have a whole
new set of "I wants, I needs," and contract negations for You to
deal with. So please, I'm begging You A/all…do what can be done to
stamp out this dreaded disease. Open and constant communication is
Not only listen to what is said, look for actions to follow up those
words Y/you think Y/you heard or said. If Your sub/slave or you
Dom/Master/Mistress is telling everyone but Y/you what's wrong with
your relationship…then there's a rampant case of DSS (Disgruntled
Subbie Syndrome) at large in your community!!!!
This missive is intentionally humorous. Any resemblance to persons
living or dead is purely coincidental. (Unless of course you
Let's all admit it. For those of us with a love for the BDSM
lifestyle, fear can be very exciting; for both those who cause it
and for those who feel it. What is important is that we know the
difference between good and bad fear. Fear can be defined as
apprehension and anxiety or as pure dread. There is a very clear
difference between them.
The type of fear that we enjoy in a "scene" makes the submissive
feel "out of control" and unsure of what to expect next. This is a
very enjoyable emotion if he/she has the assurance that nothing
harmful or beyond their limits will happen to them. The "fear of the
unknown" is common in all aspects of our lives. But along with the
fear comes an excitement of the unknown. Think back to when you
first moved out of the nest to fend for yourself. What a
frightening, exciting time in your life! That is good fear. Knowing
that although you are frightened and not sure of what will happen,
you are growing, learning and experiencing something new and
So what is bad fear? There is nothing positive about true fear.
There is no excitement and no thrill. It is real, and founded.
Generally, bad fear stems from a person feeling that they are in
danger. Whether they are in fact in danger or not, the emotion is
still very real and valid. The dominant must be aware and respectful
of that. A person may feel frightened because of true danger or
risk; a past experience remembered or triggered in a scene; lack of
knowledge, preparation or discussion of the scene; or crossing
limits that have already been established. In some cases, the reason
behind the fear may never be known, yet the feeling remains.
There are ways that you can avoid "bad fear" in a scene. Get
educated. If you know the risks and dangers that can occur, you can
avoid them. Never put yourself or your partner in a dangerous
situation. If you donâ€™t know, find out. There are many resources
out there. Dominants and submissives alike should be well informed
of safety issues in s/m.
Talk with your partner about your limits and why you have them. Some
limits are based simply on disinterest of something. Others may be
because of a phobia, an abusive situation in the past, or moral
issues. If the dominant knows why you have a limit with one thing in
particular, they may be able to anticipate other "triggers" that
might have unexpectedly come up.
Establish a trusting and loving relationship with your partner
before getting into any scene. Trust builds slowly so allow your
explorations in s/m to build at an even slower rate. If a person
does not trust their partner they will not feel safe.
Regardless of all the precautions, bad fear can kick in on occasion.
What do you do if it does? Most importantly, be reassuring and
caring. If your partner is really frightened, this is not the time
to be cold and emotionless. Remember that you are partners in this.
Take care of each other.
Become familiar with the differences between good and bad fear so
you can recognize it quickly. Fear increases rapidly if the cause is
not removed early on. The physical signs of good and bad fear are
different for everyone, but if you allow yourselves time to learn
each other, it will become more apparent.
If your idea of a good time in bed is freshly washed pajamas and a
cup of hot chocolate to accompany the latest Mills & Boon, you're
probably wondering why so many people seem to be interested
in 'unnatural' sexual practices. And, believe me, there are a lot of
us, from couples who flirt with the odd mild spanking to people with
fully equipped dungeons in their spare bedrooms. Surveys suggest
that nearly 50% of the populace have had a BDSM fantasy of some
kind, and that around 12% have engaged in some kind of
sub/dom/masochist/sadist/bondage play. One particular kink in the
firmament of perversion is called D/s (at least by Americans) â€"
Dominant/submissive sex. It may involve elements of sado-masochism,
it may attract rubber fetishists or enema lovers, or those who
delight in corporal punishment. In fact people with whole bundle of
kinks is not unusual.
But in its purest form D/s is all about one person controling
another, and that can happen without whips or chains or any kind of
overt threat of pain. It's all in the mind. D/s functions due to a
heady mix of attitude and confidence on the part of the Dominant,
and a two-way exchange of respect and trust. Or at least it should.
A real D/s relationship will not work without them... otherwise it's
merely a kinky sex game to enliven a dull existence, a masturbation
fantasy limited to a narrow part of your sex life, rather than
something which illuminates your whole outlook on life.
There are lots of cliches about how and why people want to relate to
each other like this... various books will tell you that all
submissives have been abused as children... or that we are trying to
escape from extraordinary pressures in our everyday lives
(classically the high powered businessman who wants to be humiliated
in private and create a fantasy of never having to make a decision
again). Others will tell you that all Doms are making up for real or
imagined inadequacies in normal life. In fact most text book
explanations have some sort of element of blame in them: "they
wouldn't be like that if it wasn't for such and such." The important
thing to remember is that while there are discernable patterns,
we're all unique and individual in our drives, our needs and our
D/s relationships have an intensity, and a level of involvement,
that shock and even frighten many people. For the submissive, there
is nowhere to hide; her thoughts, her dreams and her fears do not
belong to her anymore... she cannot lock them away and let them
fester any longer. She has neither emotional nor physical privacy.
In opening herself up completely she both accesses a deep source of
pleasure and leaves herself vulnerable to more negative emotions.
Submissives often find they feel everything more deeply. For the
Dominant there is nothing to stop him getting exactly what he wants
from his partner... except a lack of imagination.
Being a Daddy, the older figure, there is an importance of role, in
most cases -- especially in the stereotyped Daddy role -- to be the
dominating figure, or at least to appear as the dominating figure. I
know for myself, I go through a lot of inner discussion, attempting
to figure out whether or not I am being "Daddy" enough. The answer
is, that only my partner can tell me, and only she can tell me after
the scene has ended (although sometimes during the scene, if I am
really off my "game"). No matter how much we talk before the scene
unfolds, a "script" takes on an improvisational feel once everything
True, the basics are always covered. Safewords are in effect. Lines
are drawn, and won't be crossed -- although they might be if
my "daughter" hints, or eggs me on. My lines are drawn, and I won't
cross them, unless I feel secure in myself that I can cross them,
and know that my partner wants me to cross them if I can.
Being a Daddy, doesn't always mean you are the Topping figure in the
scene. There are times when my daughter is Topping the scene. How
does that happen? Well quite easily to be honest. Take a toy store
scenario, for example. "Daddy? I want this," *sad puppy dog
face* "pwease!" I would give in, as long as she wasn't making too
much of a scene.
What happens here, depends entirely on what level of an age play
scenario you are engaged in. In a light scenario, might mean that
nothing happens, the scene ended after we left the store. In a
moderate scenario, I might give her a spanking when we got home for
being such a bad girl. In a heavy scenario, I might give my daughter
a verbal scolding in the store, or perhaps even give her a swift
How we 'choose' to play, depends not only on how comfortable we are
with one another in these 'roles', but also how comfortable we are
with ourselves, and how comfortable we are being these 'roles'
beyond the safety of our 'bedroom'. In our case, we have
many 'roles' we can be, my daughter's age varies with the mood of
our play, and our individual moods. Staying in 'character' -- as
they say -- is quite an intricate challenge. Although, an extremely
pleasurable one. :)<
The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the
naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after
stroke on the raised bottom . Should there be any signs of
resistance the one in charge should have a number of solutions
readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this
spanking will happen according to plan.
In all honesty I have seen very few dominants who know how to do a
meaningful, loving, and serious spanking. I'm not talking about
pain. Pain is not as big a part of the punishment as people think. A
serious spanking scene, one that makes a submissive feel humble and
forgiven takes carefully crafted mental and verbal skills that
pierce their way into the heart and mind of the one who is over your
Sensual spankings tend to be an experience of exciting the senses;
the feeling of a warm lap beneath you and the embarrassment of
having your bottom high in the air. This is an experience that
focuses on touch, such as firm hands unfastening your clothes and
putting you in place over pillows, over a couch, or over a knee. You
feel your skin being soothed with a hand then smacked a few times.
The spanking itself is interspersed with other types of touches.
Fingernails and/or fingertips gently scratching along the backs of
your thighs and calves; a warm hand kneading your back; those
fingertips or nails again, this time scratching the cheeks of your
bottom; all theses can add to the sensuality of the experience.
There is a whole collection of implements that make a sensuous
spanking like a gentle massage.