There are moments when I think I found myself and others, where I feel completely lost and bereft. I am not sure of who I am, what I am looking for much less what I need. I THINK I need something in particular, and yet I am not happy with the outcome.
I thought for the longest time that I wasnt a submissive, that I was a Domme through and through, and yet when I have a submissive partner, I lose all respect for them as a life mate. I have a craving to be cared for and for rough hard sex. I want control to be taken from me because I know I will not freely give it. I am at war with myself....a walking contradiction.I am constantly fighting with myself.And I hate it.I will not submit to just any Dom who comes around and nor am I satisfied sleeping with a man I can ultimately control.I am at a loss...A deep seated loss. Where does one such as myself go? What do I do? This floating sensation has gotten old and the lack of direction has taken its tole. I wish I could just find myself already. Find that aspect that makes me happy and makes me go "Oh...Im home."