I think maybe I spend too much time trying to get people who I don't like, to like me.  I wasted my entire night on a conversation with a guy who was talking about what kind of girls he likes and how he's looking for a girlfriend, blah blah blah.  All I'm thinking is, I'm female, why are you telling me this?  Are you trying to make me feel bad or hurt me in some way?  It's like, I wasn't interested in you before, and now the fact that you think I'm ugly compared to....whatever...makes me feel like I have to work really hard to gain your approval, even though I didn't like you in the first place.

I've decided to like people who act this way even less.  It's so confusing.  Like isn't this something you should talk to a guy about?  

Why do men say shit like this to women?

There's no point....really none....other than hurting someone. 

Honestly it's days like today when I feel like Doms are the most honest people in the world, at least they're truthful about their need to dominate...passive aggression makes me ill. 

That is all :D

Have you ever worked with one of those people who seem to do absolutely nothing all day, but the minute the boss is looking they suddenly act like the perfect employee, and then blame YOU for the crap THEY didn't get done?  I have.......what a day!

I thought I would share an experience I had with my last dom today...he was so perfect (for me) and I miss him a lot.  He's probably moved on to other, better things now.  I couldn't see him anymore after he moved away, but he's still in my heart.

I remember when I met him, he said he'd promised himself he wouldn't fall for anyone.  He was just too busy with school to worry about the 'drama' of relationships.  I thought it was so amazing to meet someone so driven, who had clear goals and wasn't going to let anything or anyone get in his way.

I thought he was the most sexy when he was unshaven and wandering around in jogging pants, because I knew he had been working his butt off and didn't have time for anything, except maybe a half hour or so with me.

He'd text me and say he was home and I'd come over, or I'd run into him at the gym and we would both leave.  We'd go over to his place, a room in a student house, and we'd have to be so quiet so the other people there didn't hear us.

He wouldn't say anything at the door, he'd just let me in and we'd tiptoe down the hall to his room where he'd lock the door and rip my shirt off.  He'd put his finger over his lips "shh" and then just pick me up and throw me on the bed or against the wall.  He'd take my leg and throw it up over his shoulder, and whisper in my ear how I was his good little slut and he was going to fuck the shit out of me, and i'd better shut up and take it.

It was so intense.  He could bench like 400 lbs and I could barely lift 70.  I knew he was so much stronger than me.  He would smack my ass until it was red, and then lovingly caress it.  He'd use his fingers to just shove me up the wall. The pain didn't matter, the pleasure had lifted me to a higher height.

Only when it was over would he kiss me once, passionately, and then run his fingers through my hair, say "good girl" and go back to his desk to study.  he'd just leave me there to sleep and wake me up if he wanted me again.

If he didn't I would just get up and leave whenever I woke up, or whenever my legs could move again.

I can say that I have a partner now, but that wouldn't be entirely true.  Where my last dom said straight out that he was not going to fall for me, but did.....this man said he had fallen for me, when he was truly still in love with his ex.

I hate lies and insincerity.  I want something real with someone real.  That's pretty much the only thing I want for myself.....everything else....I wanted for Him :D

Doc is recommending that I go to the concussion clinic...ah....so I'm not just socially awkward, haha.  

I haven't talked to anyone as much as I wanted, work has been crazy.  I feel like I'm on my feet 24/7, when I get home I just keel over and fall into bed.  Last night I didn't even make it to bed.  I got halfway there and thought, fuck it, the floor is good.

People say I look like I've lost weight....maybe the work work work and forget to eat diet is the way to go, but by the end of the day at work I feel so dizzy.....

Yesterday, when I had a footlong sub and I thought, woah, I'm eating too much....

then I remembered I hadn't eaten anything else all day :S

Seeing the doctor today...scared scared scared.... but what are you going to do?  I figure it's only going to get worse if nothing is done about it.  But then again, if I'm just going to be diagnosed with another irreversible chronic condition, why not wait?  

I figure if you were going to get hit by a bus, you would want to know, only if by knowing you could avoid getting hit.

The last time I went in they made a diagnosis of a chronic foot condition without doing an x ray to see if I'd suffered an actual injury.  So today should be fun......

sigh....

I just want to say, if you're going to call someone a scammer because they don't send you a picture of their vag after talking to you twice, maybe you shouldn't message me.  I'm not a scammer, I just don't like to send pictures of my twat to every guy on the internet who wants one.

I am looking for a real, dominant man who wants to be my Master not some horny older man who just wants to see my hole.  There is lots of porn on the internet.  Nobody needs to come to me for it.

That doesn't mean I care what age a guy is.  I like to serve.  I would be interested in meeting someone in person if they wanted like, help around the house, or someone to hang out and talk with, or a dolly to dress up and can do the housework or cook.

But I have a partner and I'm not here for sex

I hadn't slept in three or four days, so I slept a lot today, and didn't get much done....BAD GIRL!  Guess I'll be cleaning allll night...... sigh.....  there's a price to pay for everything.

I'm sad that I don't want sex anymore....every time I lay down with him, and I try, I really TRY, all I can think of is that girl he wanted more than he wanted me, or our whole family. She was so trashy looking.  I would never want to be like her in a million years, a girl who just sits around playing video games all day and fucking every guy who says hello to her.  I still don't get why he didn't just leave.  If that's what he wants he can have it.  

I don't want a thing like her in my life.  Obviously I would never be her friend or talk to her, or have anything to do with her. 

I think most of the resentment of him comes from him forcing me to have a person like her in my life.  Like nobody asked me if I wanted to ever talk to her, or know what someone like her thinks or feels about anything.  

Some girls aren't happy unless they have EVERY man, and the guy they are with is automatically a loser if he's with them.  So she only wanted him because he was mine.  And I'm the opposite kind of girl, the kind who loves and takes care of things that are mine, and cherishes them.  

I guess she and I agree on something

He'd be a loser to be with her.

Only one thing is missing....my baby kitty.  We've been looking for him for 8 months now, and someone thinks they spotted him.  Tomorrow I'm going out to look for him again!  I still have hope of finding him!

I don't think I would ever dye my hair blonde.  It's funny but I have my limits.  De-racialization is one of them.  So call me Nikki, not Barbie, rotfl

Today I painted the kitchen of the Dreamhouse pink and put paper up on the shelves. I can't believe how well it turned out for a simple paint job!  I've already dug out the garden and turned it over ready for next year.  There isn't much you can plant at this time of year, but the garden is all ready for next!

Had to chase a few drunk, lost young men out of the yard in the past few days.  I'm thinking of putting up a fence.  :D