This is how we feel
BDSM is about Power
- call it control. Call it energy. Call it emotion. It's power. It flows back and forth in many forms and at many levels of intensity. Dominance is about power. So is submission. Choosing to offer someone else control of something that the submissive/slave are quite capable of controlling themselves is power. Choosing to live by "what we (sub/slave) signed up for" is power. Watch or experience an intense scene. The energy is palpable and most contagious. That's power. Watch a D/s or M/s couple interact - each of them knowing there is that special bond that makes them different and unique. They have chosen to include a hierarchy as the dynamics part of their relationship - that's power.
BDSM is about Trust!
Trust within a relationship is relatively easy to understand. Emotional bond (ties) and open communication help that trust build. Trust that your Master/Dominant is always there for you. Trust that you are always safe. Trust that your Master/Dominant's focus is on you, just as they trust you to know your place. Trust that the sub/slave is open, honest, loyal, and are receiving the same. Trust that your Master/Dominant knows what the sub/slave are doing at all times. Where there is no relationship in place (a "one-off" scene for example) the same kind of trust needs to apply. While it does not have the benefit of time and commitment, it is no less important. The Master/Dominant must keep the sub/slave safe. The Master/Dominant focus must be on the sub/slave’s safety. The Master/Dominant must know that the sub/slave will be trustworthy, honest, loyal and exhibit open communication at all times.
BDSM is about Faith
- have faith in the Master/Dominant. Everything can be negotiated to death and still not cover every possibility or variation. The sub/slave places their faith in the Master/Dominants, believing they will know and do what is right. The sub/slave’s faith isn't blind. It, like trust, is developed. The Master/Dominant's knowledge, commitment and actions allow the sub/slave have faith in the Master/Dominant. "I know He will always keep me safe" is based on faith. The sub/slave willingly and knowingly put themselves in the hands of another, believing that this what is right and is what they want. The sub/slave knows their place in the relationship. The sub/slave has faith that their skill and knowledge will result in a rewarding experience to them - for everyone in the relationship. Offering their submission to a Dominant is a beautiful leap of faith, hopefully based on a solid foundation of knowledge, trust, loyalty and open communication. Standing bound to a cross for a scene with a Master/Dominant who does not own the sub/slave involves faith - that their Master/Dominant will ensure a good experience and safety for all involved.
BDSM is about Believing
- believing in yourself. This has been most sub/slaves hardest personal lesson. Sub/slaves are all special in their Master/Dominants eyes. It is often easier to short-change themselves - it allows the sub/slaves goals, expectations, service to be set much lower than they can, and should be. The sub/slave should always rise to their full potential, door opens, new opportunities, new experiences presented to them. Sub/slaves have to be reminded that their journey, future, and lifestyle has to be open with the Master/Dominant. The sub/slave cannot surrender without being comfortable, without chemistry and what they do not believe in. If the sub/slave doesn’t believe that they are the best they can be, they sell themselves short as well as the relationship and their Master/Dominant. The sub/slave offers less than what they are and what the relationship can truly be. The sub/slave and Master/Dominant are worthy of nothing less than the relationship to be the best.