You know, it does absolutely no good to announce to me that I have had other profiles, before. I know it, already, and, I have never, ever, once denied that this is true. I will not be shocked, judge myself harshly as a result, or, decide to leave again out of embarrassment for something there is no reason to be ashamed of.

In fact, if someone wanted to be embarrassed, it should be the fake, time wasting, little fiends that make people want to leave, or, the people who say they are into BDSM, when they are really just fetish-seekers, sluts, or whores; and, who give it, and, this site a bad name. 

This is supposed to be a "community". Don't believe me. Look up. "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet" it says, up there. Communities share, get involved in each other's lives, support each other when needed, love, laugh, marry, have babies, and, do all sorts of communal-minded things. What they do not do is hurt each other, attack each other, or, treat each other to abuse, selfishness, or greed, or, display their genitalia in public. 

Those are all non-community-minded activities and that is why there are laws against many things that are done, employing those attitudes and actions.

Now, this is a BDSM community, which means  that, while discussing whip techniques is not necessarily what is done in other communities, it may be done here, and, if you don't like whips, then, you should ignore it. In much the same way that, in a different community, one might ignore the talk of going to meetings one is not interested in, or, refuse to join in the bake sale. But, there are still basic rules of politeness and sociability.

When you feel a wild urge to ignore those rules, to act like a total git, to attack me and say rude things, or send me photos of your cock, and, you act on that urge, it is you who are shaming yourself, regardless of how many profiles you've gone through, or, how long you stay, or, whether you've never been disgusted by people who act like you, on this site, yet.

In other words: Keep it to yourself. I don't care for your opinion. 

Thank you.

She is standing now, and, they face each other in silence. He can see, though, she is about to run. He's not sure what to think, yet, but, he knows one thing. He isn't ready to say it's over. So, he reaches out, takes her hand, and says, softly "Come here."

She comes there. They sit together again, inches apart, thinking, trying not to think. Not sure what to do. And, finally, he makes his reply.

"No, it is not all about me getting laid. "  She starts to interrupt, but, continues. "Just let me answer, then we can talk. It is not about me getting laid. It is about me desiring you. I want to own you, all of you, including your body. I want you to yield to me and show me that you desire me. It doesn't have to be me getting inside you, like  that, but, I do need to be inside your head, and, your heart. I need to know that you belong to me. I can wait to taste and fuck your pussy, to feel your mouth on my cock. But, I need more than just conversation."

"What is .. What .. what do you need?" she asks, blushing, shifting in ways that speak of her own desire, brought on by his words. 

"I need to spank you."

"But .. are you mad at me?"

"No. I just need it."

"Why?" she asks. She is not saying no, though.

"I need to know that you will do it, that you will lay across my lap and let me spank you."

"You want to hurt me?", she half-exclaims, drawing back in disbelief.

"No. Well, yes, but, no. It's not about the pain. It's about you showing me you want to please me."

She doesn't answer. They sit in silence for what seems like enough time to cause senility to flourish. He is going mad, wondering if he went to far, if he didn't explain enough, and, is about ready to give up, to apologize and walk away. He misread her, after all. Then ..  

"Here?" she asks. "Now?"

 Time passes, and, they are truly a couple now. She comes over to his place, he comes over to hers. Various friends and family members have met, and, everyone knows that if they invite one to a dinner party or a wedding, they invite both. A routine has developed, to their mutual delight. 

She has revealed to him her desire to get in shape, which he knows she needs but had not broached the subject of, yet; and, she asked for his help. Talking it over, they agreed that he would buy a weight machine, that fit  nicely in the corner of her living room, and, a recumbent bike that would fit nicely  near the end of his bed, and, together, they would work out on these machines, three times a week, each. 

He marks down when she has not finished her sets or reps, or, gone the full amount of miles. Sometimes she is ill, and, he lets it slide; but, if she is being lazy, he takes action, as they agreed upon, and, gives her a lash with a crop, on her pert, nude backside, for every mistake she's made. To be fair, she does the same for him. 

The first time he spanked her, it was lightly, just for the sake of her submission. The second time he spanked her, it was because she was very rude to a friend of his, and, he spanked her hard, until her buttocks were red and stinging. She cried, and, he waited, afraid he'd lose her, this time. But, when she came to him, it was with an apology for embarrassing him. When, later, they went to visit her mother, she asked him, at the front door "If I get spanked for being rude to your friends, what do you get for being rude to or about my mother?", he was duly warned and on his best behavior. 

"I don't much like your mother." he revealed, later. To which she replied "Nor I yours.Good reason for us to visit our respective mothers more alone, than together. But, still .."  He agreed. Peace reigned.

When they watch television, she sits at his feet, sometimes. He didn't order it, at first. She just slid down there, one day, and, stayed. Now, he will order her to sit there, when the feeling is upon him. Sometimes she says no. Once, she said "I think you should be the one down there, and, massage my feet, while you are at it. I've had such a day." 

He was shocked .. he was intrigued .. and, then down he went, where his hands were full of feet, and, his ears were full of asses, as she told him about her co-workers and the trauma they caused her fine sensibilities. 

Yet, he could feel her pulling away, sometimes. It was the guilt, the feeling of it not being right, sex without marriage. Because, they both wanted it, and, sometimes, like the time he spent all night tying her up and telling her what he was going to do to her, then, finally, doing it - whipping her back and buttocks, caressing them with oils and then, whispering heady words of passion, giving her a few more lashes - he knew she had orgasms, and, to her, that was too close. She was afraid she was going to fall. Yes, she was definitely pulling away, and, it was time he decide to move forward or cut her loose, because, she was not going to change her mind or yield on that one subject.

So, as they sat, watching a movie, she at his feet, he reached down and stroked her hair, wondering which way things would go. Then, he surprised himself, asking "Would you prefer a ring or a collar?"

Without moving her head, without hesitation, she replied "I'd prefer matching nipple rings, but, you'll have to hold my hand. I'll be scared." And, he knew that this was how their life would be. 

Time passed and their wedding night arrived. She sat on the edge of the bed and surprised him with her boldness. "I have to tell you something." she said. "I don't like ass play. as they call it. I think it's dirty and disgusting. But, I think you should do it, all the same."

"What!" he would have exclaimed, except he was so surprised, so immediately hard, that he couldn't form the word. 

"I've been thinking about it, and, I think .. I need you to take me."

He still wasn't talking. There was a vague worry in his head, that his cock would rip his pants in two, and, he'd have to buy the rented suit. 
She was less than calm, herself, her face burning red, her hands and feet fidgeting; but, she persevered. "I want to make love to you. To do all the sharing, caring, sort of thing, but .. this time, because it is our first time, because I want you to own me and to know I belong to you all the way, I think .. you should take me ..  don't ask,  dont' even order, just take me .. and, use my mouth, my cunt, and my ass. I only ask that it be in that order please, because, I don't want to get sick. I want you to do whatever you want to me, for as long as you want .. so we both know .. "

She stopped, choking on a lump of her own embarrasment, which swelled up in her throat. It must have been hot, because, it made her eyes water. " P .. please.. make me yours, all the way?" she begged.

How could he resist the urge to please her? 

Let me run a scenario by you, to help you understand how it is two people can get to know each other, well enough, while waiting until they are sure they wished to be married, before engaging in sex. In this scenario, the woman is the "submissive".

A man and woman meet. There is something there - a spark, a feeling of knowing each other already, a delight over the twinkle in each other's eyes. 

The man, eyeing the woman up and down, looking into her eyes, being the oh so observant dominant type, comes to a decision that this woman is well worth looking into. Yes, there are things he would change, in her physical appearance, but, she seems to have the right character and she is pleasing enough to look at, in that she has good bone structure, clear eyes that look intelligent and fairly healthy. He's interested. No, she's not perfect, but, there is something about her that makes him want to draw her close to him and begin to lead her, teach her how to please him and learn what makes her laugh, smile, cry .. 

The woman, eyeing the man up and down, finds him attractive enough, as well; maybe she doesn't like a few things about him, so much, but, he is a man living alone and didn't get dressed, this morning, with thoughts of enticing a woman into his bed; it is obvious he was going for comfort, same as she was. Still, even though he is not trying, there is something about him, something that makes her want to lean in a little closer ... 

Time passes. Somehow, they get through the prelimaries, during that treacherous time of expressing interest, trying to sort out how to start, worrying if one said all the wrong things, and, they have now begun dating. 
On their third date, he sees that she is, once again, wearing her ugly brown corduroys and button down blouse, the same as he's seen her in, in passing, several times. They are not bad looking on her, exactly; but, he really has never liked that sort of outfit on a woman and she could do much better. 

"I want to tell you something," he begins, "but, I don't want you to get upset. It's not that you don't look fine, but, I really hate corduroys. I'd like you to get rid of them."

"But, " she replies. "I don't want to get rid of them. I love wearing them and they are very comfortable. Besides, my mother gave them to me and it would hurt her feelings."

He listens to her, considers, and says "Well, keep them, then, but, I want you to wear something better on our dates. And, if we ever start living together, I want you to only wear them for cleaning, or, to go visit your mother."

He waits, to see what will happen, and, he is gratified to see the flush beginning in her lips, the subtle shift of facial muscles, the gleam in her eye. She is far from insulted, and, instead, he knows, between her legs the heat has increased, remarkably, in the last few seconds.  
He can see her nipples hardening beneath that damnable button down shirt, as she cocks her head to the side, blushing; and, then she asks. "What would you like me to wear?"

Laughing, though he is not quite sure what he thinks is so funny, he pounces on the question with the answer he has had for every woman he's ever dated, though, this is the first one who showed any inclination to hear it. Which is why, up until now though he has had his fun, he is still alone. "I'd like you to dress like a lady. Wear a pretty dress, some sort of jewelry, high heels, stockings, garter belt, matching bra and panties. The works. "

"All the time?"

"No. Just for our dates."

"But, I don't have all those things."

"Do your best, with what you have, then, and, if you will allow me, I'll help you find the rest, so that you may dress to please me. Would you like that?"

"Yes .. but ..  "

"But, what?"

"High heels hurt my feet. I can't walk in them. "

"Then, we'll find you some pretty sandals you can walk in and leave the high heels for the bedroom." 

 They are both enormously turned on by now, sexually yes, but, in other ways; feeling that string, that unites two people, being pulled a little tighter, wanting to fall in to each other and continue this experience. He takes charge of his desires, though, realizing this woman is worth waiting for, to make sure it is right between them in all other ways, before he pushes too much.
Time passes, and, he is now on a date with this beautiful woman. She surprised him, by getting her hair cut in a style that looks good on her and  is reminiscent of styles she knows he has admired on other women; and, she has begun to wear red lipstick when they go out at night, because, he told her what it does to him. 

It's not fire engine red, as he mentioned, though, because, as an experiment, she tried it and they both had a laugh at what it did for her coloring. So, they went together to the makeup counter, and, with the help of the sales girl, found a beautiful cherry red, which did wonderful things for her face and his libido. 

Tonight, she is wearing a midnight blue silk dress, opaque black stockings, black leather jump boots which contrast oddly with the dress in a way that he finds endearing, as it reflects her personality so well; and, he knows, because she has shown him, she is wearing a midnight blue satin garter belt with matching panties. She sat down at the table, her red lips smiling naughtily, and, whispered. "I finally got one."

"Finally got one, what?" he asked.

Then she pulled up her skirt, right there at the table, showing him her new lingerie. "Look. Do you like it?"

It was a fairly discreet move, for being so bold, and the contrast, as well as the lingerie, and the woman herself, made it hard to resist touching  her through her panties. It hasn't come that far, yet, their relationship. She flipped her skrit back down, they ordered dinner, and, talked of their day. He was really doing okay with it, too ,as he loved to talk to her, but, occasionally, he felt himself compelled to reach toward her, to make demands that neither of them were ready for, and, so there was a little awkwardness. 

Noting this, feeling a little less than self-confident suddenly, because she very much cared what he though of her, she finally got up the nerve to ask. "You don't like it?"

Once he realized she meant the lingerie and not the creme brulee he was consuming, he replied "Oh, yes. I like it very much. Maybe a little too much. It's hard to concentrate, because, now that I've seen it, I want to see it again."
She blushed, and, while blushing, timidly pulled her skirt up again. 

"That's beautiful." he said to her. "Thank you." Then, as she started to lower the skirt, "Wait. Don't do that, yet." So, they sat, for a brief eternity, with him admiring and her blushing, but, enjoying the admiration. Dinner commenced and all went along, as awkwardly as before, but, happily awkward, with no one unsure of either's feelings.

  It is now after dinner, and, as he stands up, she notes his interest. It makes her mouth water, She wants to touch it, so bad. But, it is public, and, they have not even kissed, yet. So far, it has been nothing but dinners, going to the movies, and, these little requests of his, changes for her. Weird how much it means to her, then; but, she wouldn't trade it for anything else. She just wants more of him.  So, she asks him if they can walk a little, out there on the path, maybe sit together on the park bench, before going home, this time, and, he says yes.

 They stroll, hold hands, talk of their childhood, make silly jokes, the usual things that couples do. Approaching the bench, they settle themselves upon it. the awkwardness is back, in the dark, in the cool night air, in the emptiness of the park, where two lone figures sit inches apart and wonder where to go from here. They can both feel that feeling, like the tug of the string that binds them, which tells them something is going to happen, but, what? And, who will start, this time?

 "I liked that." she says, out of the blue. The blue as midnight and rich as the silk that caresses her flesh. "When you told me to wait, when you looked at me like that. I liked it."

"That's good," he tells her, "because, there is plenty more where that came from." 

A long minute passes, as they both digest what has just passed between them. Then, he touches his hand to her knee, caressing it with his fingertips, making little circles there, that drive her legs apart without conscious word or thought to do so. As they part, just a little, her skirt inches up, revealing a little more thigh. Pushing it back further, with definite intent now, he eyes her stocking tops with hunger. He wants to bite them and tear them off of her, but, he only touches them lightly, as he did her knee, until she gives a little laughing moan and sits up in shock.

They look into each other's eyes, passion written on their faces, and, suddenly, he has has his fingers in her hair, pulling her close to him and kissing her deeply. 

Her body is arching toward his, breasts and hips pushing, longng to be taken, as he continues to kiss her. But, she is trying to pull away, all the same. "No, no." she says, because it is too soon, but, yes yes is all that she feels. 

Marshaling his strength, he pulls away from her, trembling in the aftermath but back in control of his desires. "You don't want this, do you?" he asks her. "Not just because it is too soon. You don't want this."

"N-no." she says, tears welling up in her eyes as she waits for his anger, his dismissal. 

"Why?"

"I .. be .. " She is falling apart, suddenly, tears spilling over. 

He says "Come here." and pulls her close, cradling her against his side. "It's alright. I'm not going to be angry. Tell me."

"I just don't believe it's right."

"Ever?"

"Before marriage."

This knocks the breath out of him. What has it been, six dates? Seven? He can't remember. Is it time to even think about that level of commitment? Still, he has never been happier, and, she seems to want to please him, in every way, except where she can't do it. Like the high heels. But .. "
"Do you like sex?" he asks her. "Have you had it?"

She laughs. "Yes."

"Which?"

"Both."

"Then, why not with me? Didn't you have it with anyone you weren't married to before?"

"Yes, but, I have changed since then."

"You changed, so I get to suffer and not have what he did?"

"If you want to put i that way." she says. She sounds angry now, hurt and defensive. "But, then, you have plenty he didn't."

"How so?" he growls.

"How so? How so? This.." she snaps, ruffling her skirt at him, " .. this..." she runs her fingertip over her lips .. " .. this.."  she says, lifting her skirt, just enough to be distracting. "Do you think I do this for everyone? Doesn't anything I do for you count? Or, is it only about you getting laid? Is that why we're here?" 

I posted this ad, on Craig's List, a few days ago, and, the responses were overwhelming, both in volume and in oddity. So, I post it as a journal entry, here, but, with notes, to shore up those places where it seemed to go to very, very wrong, before.
Be aware that you are about to embark on a long, strange read, full of mystery intrigue, odd opinions, weird writings, religious talk, and, demands that sound .. well .. demanding. 

When you read this, you will know a lot about me, and, feel a great deal like you still have ever so much to learn. At least, you will if you are interesting enough to consider. So, if you are open-minded, fun, weird, giving, please do read on and see if we have something to offer each other. 
* I am a dominant woman, who is experiencing a lot of crap in life (for a very long time now). I like both dominant and submissive men (as in, you be primarily in charge or me be primarily in charge, in day to day life), just not the wishy-washy boring bastards in-between. However, I mean really dominant by psychological disposition, in either case, which equals seeing a problem and having a desire to solve it, seeing a woman and having a desire to help her, care for her, transform her in positive ways. Not bellowing, shouting, whining, pleading, or demanding she degrade herself for their sexual amusement. And, when I say submissive - oh no, I have no interest in degrading you, either. You know, something close to normal, who doesn't want to be kicked in the ribs, crapped on or fed out of a pet dish would do. (sigh) Kinky sex is wonderful. Negative lifestyles can so bite me! 

I have acted as a slave, submissive, wife, mother, daughter, volunteer, owner of others, trainer for others of their property. I would never serve anyone again, full time, but, I would emotionally support the person I married, and, do good things for and to him, whether he was the head of the household or following my lead.

If you cannot grasp the fact hat a woman can be dominate and like dominant men, we probably will not suit. Just look at the wolves. Who does the Alpha Male mate with? It's the Alpha Female. He may choose the weird one, or, the extra pretty one, or the ugly one - but, never, ever the weak little submissive one, because, he needs someone strong enough to care for his home and watch his back. She is submissive to him, but, by choice. It's a very beautiful thing. 

If you think that being dominant or submissive is only about sex, we will not suit. I enjoy a variety when it comes to sexual activities, and, I do not believe one needs to endlessly hamper oneself with rules of who gets to pull whose hair, or tie which one up, etc. It should be mutualy fun, mutually beautiful, and, about giving each other pleasure. Everything else is secondary to that. 

It is time in my life for love. I'm settled down in Tucson, now, with a house to fix up to make a home. Want to be wooed, wed, and, live in extremely kinky but monogamous bliss.

* Did you see the words "wooed", "wed" and "monogamous"? I ask, because, when I posted this ad before, what I got was mostly offers of sex, from people who think this advertisement is all about sex. (sigh)

Prefer tall, British, garlic loving, Beatles listening, God fearing, responsible on the crispy edges but weird all through the gooey center, compassionate, lovely, romantic, passionate freakazoid. Or, someone, anyway, with the sort of personality that would make me not regret any missing elements. No drugs, no smoking, and, no drinking. Well, no drinking, most days, for me, anyway. 

*This means I am not interested in getting drunk with you, I am not 420 friendly, I don't do drugs, and, I am not interested in smokers. It also means I don't want some boring person, or, someone sleazy, or an atheist, or, someone who hates garlic. Well, i might accept an atheist as a slave, but, then, they probably would not accept me. lol

*This also means that I happen to love God. I'm not perfect about that either, but, most of the time, I read the Bible every day. It's important to me. I would like to attend the local Kingdom Hall. I don't insist that you have to do so, as well, but, you have to at least respect it and be able to enter into discussions, because it is important to me. He's important to me. If God is not important to you, or, you have some undue prejudice against any of the people he created or the people (of whatever current walk of life) who are making an honest attempt to come to know him and follow his will, I am not interested in any romantic entanglements with you, because, in the long run, we'd both be miserable.

Not willing to relocate, for now, due to circumstances. And, I am in no way claiming to be perfect. Just claiming to be me: a writer, painter, homebody type, who is laid back, mostly happy, and, mostly old-fashioned around the edges, but, kinky all through the weird, gooey middle.

*And, also prone to extreme weirdness - sometimes loud weirdness; white trash qualities; opinions that sound horrible because they are both honest and self-amusing; jokes that sound horrible, because, they sound like opinions; and, sounding boringly mundane and disinterested in sex, by telling you how I love God and want to wait until I am married. 

Oh, but I do love sex. With the right man, and, not at all with the wrong one, or, anyone who is not him.

*Still not an offer of sex, just a self-descriptive. It's important for you to know, because, I am absolutely not going to end up with another man who thinks kinky sex is for the women he finds on the side, and, wives and girlfriends should be treated like good girls who don't like sex. In fact, I might just kick him in the forehead until he leaves, should he start that shite. But, I am also not going to start having sex with you, straight off. I don't believe in having sex outside of marriage. Kissing, cuddling, yes, but, not sex. It can be talked about, academically, alluded to, looked forward to, but, I want romance and for you to believe, because its true, that sex with me is a privilege and it is worth waiting for.

I need to lose weight, I know; I need to have better health; I need a lot of things. I'm looking for the man who can see past the surface level things, that are easily transformed by a loving touch, and, who can see the person and decide if this is a person he wishes to be in his life, and, to encourage and help in the ways that are needed, to bring the outside closer to the beauty of the inside.

*In other words, if you are looking for a woman of exactly this height, weight, eye color, hair color, who is shaved, trimmed, or etc. to precisely this degree, and, who has breasts that are exactly this shape and heft, shove off. There is much in my life that could be improved, with the application of happiness, stress relief, love, and money; best applied by someone thoughtful, who listens, and, who understands that I have been living in this life, and, this body, a darned sight longer than him, so I have a much better idea of what I need and do not need to affect such changes. Is it unreasonable to expect this? Maybe to some. But, I don't want those people in my life, so, that works out well for us all, doesn't it? 

I am extremely poor right now. Therefore, if you are about to tell me something silly like "Go to a gym" or "Why don't you get dolled up and I'll take you out." or "Shave your legs." be aware that the answers are, generally "Pay for it or better yet buy me a compact one for my home.", "Take me shopping and to the salon.", or "Bring the razor and the cream and do it yourself.", with some limited negotation or, you know, you could just deal with the facts as they are and decide if you like me as the extremely poor person I am. 

Deep, passionate, non-drooly kissing is vitally important to me. If we hit it off, that should be started early, and, continued until we die. Though, that does not have to be the actual cause of death, thank you.

If you did not notice, I made allusions to personality being most important. It is. So, let us email a bit, and, please, share yours with me. Also, please note that I provided photos. Send me yours, first thing, or don't write to me.


Thank you.

Something I just shared with a dominant friend, which reflects my thinking on dominants and submissives. Keep in mind, please, that this is impromptu writing, based on my thoughts and what I came to realize, for myself. This is not a study, not me trying to prove a theory, and, not posted to start an argument. Read it to understand me. Or, don't.

You know, I came to a realization, last night, that I should have written down, as I can no longer remember how to explain it; but, I was that tired. It is this:

Submissives are the selfish ones. That's why they need to be hemmed in by rules and "forced"; why so many of them wish to be treated cruelly. It is the only way they are capable of preventing themselves from driving everyone out of their lives with their selfish demands.

I'm speaking about the people who call themselves submissives, most often. They are selfish, weak, vain. 
But, I am also speaking about the ones like them, who are afraid, so they become bullies and call themselves dominants. They are all the same type of person, but, the ones who call themselves submissives, they are more honest about it. They NEED to be reigned in

Dominants, they don't need to be reigned in, because, they think of others, they see the bigger picture.
It is what I said before about marriage vows. People think women need to promise to obey, because they are naturally inclined toward obedience, and, men need to promise to be as their natural self and cherish the woman, but, it makes no sense for them to promise to live by their natural inclination. One does not strive to live as one naturally is, but, one strives to show consideration for others and how they are. That's what the vows are about. 

Women are not naturally obedient, but, they tend to be easily dominated by men. However, the domination is usually an ugly, oppressive, hurtful thing, because, men don't tend to consider the emotions of others first, as women do.
Therefore the vows amount to: woman "I will allow him to dominate me, so long as he thinks of me at least as much as he thinks of himself." and man: "If she puts herself into my hands, I will consider her needs at least as much as those of the owner of the hands that hold her."

Submissives are not dominated because they are giving, caring people. They are dominated to reign them in, so that they can be taught to give and to care. 

Dominants are the ones who want to give, to care for others, to make the world a better place, which is why it is important to them to be in charge; because, when a submissive is in charge, people get hurt.

In other words, the submissives who submit are trying to balance themselves and the other ones, the ones who call themselves dominant, are just acting according to their selfish nature.

See, I realized the flaw in my thinking, because, i tell people "When I served ..." and I tell them about how it was between my master and myself, which was a very organic, well balanced, no one had to be humiliated, because i wanted to serve and he wanted to be served and take care of his property, sort of relationship. 

The flaw in my thinking is to say this is how someone who submits to me should be. I forget one thing. I was submitting, but, I was not a submissive. I am a dominant, always have been, always will be. So, if I want a balanced relationship, i must find a dominant, and, it does not matter if he is a dominant that wishes to run the house or for me to run it, or, whatever. It matters that, thusly, will we both be doing as we see fit and right, toward each other, for the greater good of the relationship, with only a little selfishness thrown in, from time to time, for spice.