Music can sooth and calm and can also stir passions and move one to action. Songs can also represent Us and what We feel, who We are......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReUaQlsZZ5I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGT1AcMRV9

I appreciate the played song... My talents lie in a different direction, not so much a creator, rather a destroyer. Though in tearing down and destroying, some thing new and beautiful arises from the ashes....Not a player of physical musical instruments.... Nor a writer of songs. I create chaos, turmoil, pain, on the flesh in the mind, upon the soul

When the night is the darkest and all hope seems to be lost, when one is lost in the deep well of despair, when all our friends and family have abandoned us, lost faith in us, when we doubt our selves, the decisions we have made, when we pray for our death and beg to go to hell for that seems better then our current lives, no matter how low ones life gets there is still someone that loves us when other human beings can or will not.....GOD. Religion seems a bigger taboo in this Lifestyle then many other things. All I will say is that I have FAITH, if you want to know more ask Me.......

I was once told that I had a face only a mother could love, to which I replied, "Them Am in trouble because My birth mother put Me up for adoption, and My adoptive mother disowned Me" True story lmao

I look out the window and seeing the sun shinning and it looks so warm and nice, the snow lying all about, It only proves that the eyes can be deceived for it is bitterly cold, the wind cuts to the bone, sharper and quicker then the sharpest knife.It makes one long for the days of summer heat and mugginess, when we hope for the cold and chill of winter, what fickle creatures are we humans never happy with what we have always wanting something else....

Why is that as I age I tend to desire, almost crave the darker more taboo things of Life. Is it because I have been blessed, been able to experience many things in My Life, that is part of it...Maybe a larger part then I care to admit, even to Myself. Maybe it is the realization that I am not getting younger, that maybe My best days are past Me, that I have used up all My blessing and all that is left are the memories of what was, former glory, and accomplishments, some that I am proud of, others I would rather forget, and not claim. Though that is not the way of a Man, a true Man claims all the good along with the not so good, to down right awful, for in claiming all that He has done right or wrong makes the Man responsible for all his actions. When we start to take responsibility for our actions, words, deeds we begin to learn, to grow. When we learn from our mistakes we do not repeat them. Our days should be full in the gaining of new knowledge of new things even if it is old in the standards of Man, expanding and broadening our horizons, sharing it with those that would come to us seeking to be enlightened. For if we are not gaining, then surely we are losing, and when that happens our world closes in upon us smothering us in fear of the outside world and what we don't know. When this happens we become old and useless. I never want to stop learning and expanding for when I do I shall die, and I do not want to die or go quietly into the night.

I do not know the author of this piece but I came across it of all places Craigslist, and I wanted to share......

The Back Roads

They say life is a journey, not a destination.
Most take the main roads to make life easier.
Me, I take the back roads.....

The back roads are little less traveled.
I can see the beauty of the sunset.
Red ribbons weaving in and out of the start of the night sky.
They resemble the warmth of your smile.
Me, I take the back roads just to see it again.

The back roads resemble a trip through the Milky Way.
Little green lights from the lightening bugs dancing so carefree in the night sky.
They resemble the sparkle in your eyes.
I miss looking in them.
Me, I take the back roads just to see them again.

I keep praying that one day our paths will once again cross.
The main roads blessed me once by introducing us.
However, feelings have been hurt and mistakes have been made.
If we ever get a chance to meet again, I hope it is on the back roads

It has been a while since I have taken the time to write here.....One can only vent so much anger and frustration in this place, it becomes old to those who take the time to read this journal. If one expects good things, then one shall receive good things. Like wise  if someone is always down, and negative, then that is what one gets in return. So I will take the upper road, and try to see the good, and positive in people. I will continue to try and leave uplifting notes and comments to those I email here. I tend to be sarcastic sometimes so please don't view it as being rude or mean it was not intended to be that. I also realize that I am what I am and that is not for many, but I hold out hope that someone will come along and read, possible  understanding.......

I took the time the other evening to write down the dream I had that morning, and went into great detail as I remembered it, thought I had saved it here to share with others... As I looked here My journal entry was not posted as I believed it had been grrrrrrrr.  To make a long story short, it was about a long journey that involved Myself, and a horse that turned into a woman, then back to a horse. It was about feeling trust in each other, and a deep abiding love for each other, and it didn't matter what others saw, or thought, there was just us, and the journey.... I awoke feeling love, and being loved, and at peace like I haven't felt in many years. Sadly it was only a dream, but for a fleeting moment all was right in my world if even just the span of a dream...

I can not promise a Life time of adventure, but I promise an adventure of a Life time, and when it is said and done maybe a foot note in history. A chance to do something that as far as I know has never been done before....It will take time, more then a day or a month, it will take a year to two years to complete.  At the end of that time I can make no promises..... I will promise you will be hot, cold, wet, dirty, sore, tired, rained on, snowed on, broiled in the hot sun, use muscles you never knew you had. Those are the things that Mother Nature will do to you. I am much more sadistic....

Before the hate mail starts I understand that there needs to be an attraction between two people I get it, and yes the last post is full of anger but am entitled Am OLD.........Get over it.

What is with people on this site, hell I'll go as far as this planet, DEMANDING that you give them  RESPECT.... especially punk 18 and 19 year old kids who haven't lived long enough to know up or down, Respect is earned through your actions and deeds it is only given when it has been earned because of those actions and deeds not just because you think you should be Respected. I Respect those who are older then Me, they have lived their lives, and learned, they have Knowledge. I Respect those who have served Our Country in the Armed Service for they have learned Discipline, Self Control, they know their limits, and how to push beyond them. Then there are the fakes, and pretenders on this site both Master/Dom, sub/slave, oh bow down to me respect me cause i say so, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, or i am a slave/submissive but if you aren't this, this, and this, and what ever else you can think of then I don't want anything to do with you, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, I am so tired of all diva's and wanna be's here that think their shit doesn't stink, who think they are better then everyone else, or the cry babies who are disappointed and announce they are leaving this site..... Go, leave, you don't have to let the world know take your cry baby asses some where else because am tired of them. There are some Genuine Caring, Honest people here and those have My Respect, and I hope they find what they are searching for..... NEWS FLASH: Life Isn't Fair, No One Owes You A Damn Thing, and If Life Was Fair I Would Be Rich and Handsome,and I am Neither......LMAO

Be thankful that you can love, for there are many in this world who are incapable of Love....with love all things are possible. Read 1st Cor. Chapter 13. 

Be thankful you can hate for being able to hate a little sometimes gives us the strength to make it through difficult situations.... to much hate will destroy us

Be thankful you can feel sorrow for that means you can seek forgiveness and if you can seek forgiveness it means you are capable of forgiving those who have hurt you

Feeling these emotions makes one human for better or worse.

Why do people say they want conversation, and when you attempt to do that in a polite and friendly way they delete your messages unread??? I understand one can preview a message and see its contents with out having to actually open and read them. At least have the decency to reply with FUCK YOU OR A FUCK OFF or least say thanks but no thanks. I also realize the women on here get over whelmed by the amount of mail they receive, so I understand sometimes they are delayed in responding, or that they have lives outside of this site and so aren't on here all the time, or they just don't like you, and that is fine but it takes all of 30 seconds to hit one of the several excuse buttons that cm so graciously provides then the send button. Now I understand I will never ever get the volume of mail that the fairer sex get here, but I try to respond in some way with everyone who mails Me, or takes the time to view My Profile. It is the right thing to do.

I do not believe I can be that "Knight in Shinning Armour" any more, they seem to believe that they can save the damsel in distress, right all the wrongs, and make the "World Right." My days of tilting at windmills, or trying to save lost causes is over....... I gave My heart to someone a while ago and she convinced Me there was such things as soul mates, I got a taste of what love is, and shown how it should, could be. Sadly things that should be, do not always work out that way. I tried to get her out of My heart, but all I did was ending up hurting others much to My shame, for I never intended or wanted to hurt anyone else but in the end did so. To paraphrase the Meatloaf song Two out Three ain't Bad: I want you, I need you, but I'm never going to love you,  so don't be sad cause two out of three ain't bad. I am not incapable of "LOVE" for I love many people, but am not sure I can give My heart fully the way a lot of woman on here want. For those that want the total love and devotion of their Masters/Dom's I hope you find that which you are seeking. I know by admitting these things I make a hard task even harder....... I would rather journey that path then to hurt others.

Why I come to collar me.....

To remember my past, and where I come from. We can not change nor relive the past, but if we do not remember we are doomed to repeat it..

For the future; to dream, to wonder the possibilities of what might be....

You can feel the needle piercing Your skin, feel them routing side to side up and down searching for Your vein the pain with every movement of the needle, they find the vein and it explodes, start the process all over again, lower arm, upper arm, back of the hand, always probing, pain pain rarely finding, all in the name of healing....

Do you love animals? Dogs? Horses? Enjoy traveling the back roads, meeting new people? Love the outdoors and all that it can entail? Does the statement "I do not need diamonds and rubies or gold to be rich" describe you? Do you look beyond the cover of a book to see the real story found within? Do you want to disappear, just leave the trappings of this world behind? Are you adventurous? Do you seek discipline? Do you agree with the statement, "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Do you want the weakness driven from your body? If the statement " I'd like to see the world from between a horse ears" makes you a bit curious. Do you think out side of the box? Do you want to break a lot of the "taboo's" If all the above, or even some of them apply to you maybe We/we should talk. Bonus points if you know what a Tucker is.... or Love M*A*S*H*  Think history is great, or can tell me about "Old Soldiers"

A darkness has over come the land the old ones pray to rejoin the creator, mothers and fathers wail in despair, gnashing their teeth in fear for their children's  future, the children aware that thing's are not as they should be. There is Evil every where one turns, on the t.v. over the radio waves, it seems no can listen to the media with out hearing it. People huddle in their homes afraid of one and all even their next door neighbor. Peeking out of their grime covered windows to see what is outside. Is this the result of all our technologies?? Have we become so self absorbed that we no longer care for human interaction? It seems we would rather get interaction from a game, rather then from another person. The opening lines have been true since or ancestors first saw the rising sun those many eons ago. We have always been a violent people, our history is full of Wars fought over many many things. For such violent people we tremble in fear of the coming darkness, of the things that go bump in the night. We are afraid of anything that is different then us, or goes against what we were taught, or how we were brought up. Afraid of change, afraid to change, to try new things. We only look at the cover, rarely looking deeper to see what something or someone may offer. We pass judgement by only what our eyes tell us from a mere glimpse. By making those snap judgements, by letting our lives be ruled by our fears and preconceived notion of the way thing should be, we miss out on so many wonderful things, weather it be People or things to do.

The days turn to night, nights become weeks, weeks become months, the months turn to years, and in the blink of eye we go from young care free people to old and grey. We look into the mirror and do not recognize the person staring back at us, where did all that grey hair come from? those wrinkles and marks that didn't seem to be there yesterday....... They say with age comes wisdom, I believe as we get older younger people come to fear, detest us, and We the old, see that as being wiser. So with this "wisdom" I have become less tolerant of people who just want to play games, their stories change as there being told. Do they think that we don't see the inconsistencies in their stories. Heaven forbid that you should call them on it, that is when the vile name calling begins, you become a monster and worse... Why do we bother. The older I become the more I enjoy the company of animals over people. Take a dog for example, it doesn't matter if we are gone 1 minute or a week they are always happy to see us return, they want to bring us presents, a sock, an empty water bottle, their hind ends shaking in the excitement of our return, seeking only our approval and love, giving us their unconditional love in return, trusting us to provide that just as freely as they do. What more does a man need? Another example is the Mustang Horse, such beautiful creatures, wild, free, proud in it's heritage, sure in what it is, they consents to let man into their lives to become partners working together becoming one. A horse will never lie to you, cheat on you, it will give it's all to you even running it self to death if you should ask it to, with out question or hesitation.... why would the horse do that? loyalty.

When we are young we charge head long into life with reckless abandon, enthusiasm unaware of danger, or disregarding it, even if we are aware of it.....  thus is youth every thing is black and white,there is no grey, everything is either right or its wrong, no middle ground, no room for compromise. We live our lives grow older, hopefully wiser, we see the grey areas, there is no right or wrong we are stuck in the middle, our lives have become one big compromise. We get to an age were we sit down, and look back on the course our lives have taken, people we have known, who have touched our lives some for the better, other not so good, moments of joy, and happiness, sorrow, and heartache. We are the sum total of all the things we have experienced in our lives the good, and the not so good....It is our choice which face we show the world, the face that focuses the joy, and happiness we have known, or the face of our defeats pains and agonies. No one expects some one to have a smile plastered on their face all their waking hours, that is not who we are, especially us who tend to wear our hearts on our sleeve. Each day is new, the previous days are history, we can not get them back nor can we change they way we lived them, all we can do is learn from them, and hopefully not repeat the same mistakes over, and over. Tomorrow is not a sure thing, nothing is promised or guaranteed. I have lost to many friends who died young always counting on their tomorrows that never came. Live in today, live in the moment, for the next moment may never come.

As I sit here on the eve of another Thanksgiving I reflect back on My Life, on past Thanksgivings, people that I shared the holiday with some family, some friends, some strangers, some brothers in arms, in many varied places throughout the world. A lot of those people I broke bread with are gone from this place, and I like to think they are in a much better place...... There are still more  no longer in My life for many reasons, and I wonder how they will be celebrating tomorrow, I hope that all is well in their lives. All are burned into My memory because of the meal shared on this a day of giving thanks for all the blessing We/we have received in our Lives.

I find it a bit distressing though that We need to have a day set aside to give thanks, shouldn't We/we be doing that every day...We live in the Greatest Country the world has ever seen, blessed with bounty beyond belief, we have Freedoms never known by any people in the history of the world. We lose site of that and sit back and bash this country, or worse yet, complain, and do nothing to right the wrongs, It's easy to expect someone else to do it, We have become a country of Me, and instant gratification, looking for something for nothing.

I like to read, profiles, journals, some have humor, others sadness, All present a glimpse into the lives of those that have written, and shared. What I have gotten from all this reading is that people by far and large want to be needed, to feel that they are valued, wanted, that they, and their lives mean something to someone, to be accepted for who, and what they are. Some would say that these things are what all, or most human beings want, and strive to have weather in a BDSM or Vanilla Lifestyle.

Then there are a rare few that seek the solace of solitude, they search out the High and Lonely Places, to hear the voices of long forgotten Gods calling out, their calls falling on mostly deaf ears. They are on the fringe of Society, they are neither square peg or round hole, they fit no category, they are not easily loved, nor accepted, they rarely come close to what is considered Main Stream Society. Why? fear of rejection? being hurt one to many times? wounds received in Life for being different, never completely healed? The reasons are as varied as the individuals. The thread that binds them all, being rejected by Society in turn they rejecting Society.

I have stripped them, whipped them with floggers, cato9 tails, bull whips, canes, crops, and switches of all shapes and sizes, I have hung them from chain, poles, crosses of all kinds, hung them from trees, heads up, heads down, heads side ways, and in all degrees in between, had them naked, flayed, and cut their clothes from their bodies, heard them scream, heard them whimper, beg to stop, beg for more, stuffed their mouth with gags, stuffed their mouths with their panties, tied them with rope so their breast turned purple, so they couldn't wiggle a inch, clothes pins on their nipples, and their clit, I have left welts, bruises dark, and ugly, have left no bruises to be seen, yet the pain remains for days, I have broken hearts, and had Mine broken, I have nurtured, led by example, led by fear, I have been loved, hated, feared, cursed, and blessed, I would rather be lucky then good, I have met Presidents, and a Pope, traveled this country far, and wide, been to foreign lands, seen people at their best, seen them at their worst, seen the good in people, seen the evil in them as well, been to places where I've no business being, I have made a fortune....... and lost it, been so poor that dinner was ketchup with water added, lived Life on the edge, lived with family, and friends, lived in silence, and alone hearing nothing, but My heart beating, and My memories, I have seen men strong, brave, curled into balls, holding in their guts, crying for their mothers, wiped the splattered brains, and blood of a fallen comrade from My face, done things in the service of My Country that can never be spoken of. I am tired of the same ole same ole.

I did something yesterday day that I haven't done in over 30 years..... Went horse back riding. They say it is just like riding a bike... their right it is. I felt things I haven't felt since the last time I was riding. Horse shied on the trail, and I kept My seat, reflexes that I have not used in 30 year kicked in. All I know is that Am not going to wait that long to go again. More then likely next weekend.

The Way of Love

  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have

prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith,

so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give away all I have, and

if I deliver up my body to be burned,

but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and

kind; love

does not envy or boast; it

is not arrogant, or rude. It

does not insist on its own way; it

is not irritable or resentful;

it

does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but

rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

endures all things. Love never ends.  As for prophecies, they will pass away;  as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For

we know in part and we prophesy in part,  but

when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.  When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For

now we see in a mirror dimly, but

then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as

I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1st Cor, Ch 13.

 I was raised to come as close to perfection as possible, to strive to be the best in what ever I undertake, and not to do something half baked.

There will always be those who are more eloquent,  better looking, richer, then I, but there will never be any one more ardent, and passionate then Me in the gaining, and sharing of knowledge..... DolorPatris

I guess civility and decorum have passed into history..... I must have forgotten its 2011, and people are excused from those things in this day, and age. It seems to Me if your going to post a profile on this site and you don't specify who you want to, or don't want to hear from, you should expect mail. I know women get swamped with hundreds if not thousands of emails here.....I know you set standards of who you will respond to I understand it, but if you read someone's email and their not what you seek at least have courage and dignity to send a note back to  say thanks but no thanks or acknowledge a kind word for the spirit it was given in. Guess that makes Me horrible or something.. if nothing  else it makes Me old school....

DolorPatris