dollfacemania on Collarspace

1/5/2009 8:54:20 PM

Here is a recap of my 2008.

Beginning of 2008 was alright. Nothing huge happened in Jan. Feb. I turned 20 and was kicked out of my mother's house for the second time (but i undertand why and i still love her more than anything in the world.) March i was living with my bestfriend for a few weeks after my mom kicked me out and then i ended up with my apartment. living all by myself. which i didnt like very much so i had my friend move in with me. nothing interesting happens for a couple months....the in June i found out my grandma was in the hospital for cancer and had a stroke leaving the right side of her body basicly useless. not even a week after her birthday shes in the hospital....i saw her the day before her birthday and she looked AMAZING. at first they thought the cancer was operable....turns out it wasnt and it was malignant (which means it was spreading) a few weeks pass and she knows shes going to die and ask to go home...she didnt want to die in the hospital or nursing home or where ever it was they had her. the docs wouldnt let her gome home without someone able bodied enought o take care of her...since my grandpa is in a wheel chair and my great grandma has to have help with everything almost. So....i volunteer to move to the middle of no where and take care of her and my grandpa and my great grandma. and i do...at first living there my grandma was getting better....she was able to cross her legs, tell me what she wanted to eat(even though it was only a nod or shake of the head) she was even able to feed herself almost. haha she even made a goofy face to my grandpa using her hands and everything. she ended up having another stroke....even though her nurses were swearing up and down that she didnt. we know she did....she went from being able to move interact and joke to not being able to do ANYTHING. it go to where i had to *takes a deep breath* put diapers on her...bathe her, feed her and basicly watch her die. we had family in and out of the house constantly....i can remember a couple nights before she died i was sitting out on the pourch with a few members of my family and we were all just telling stories about our memories with her. we were all laughing and having a good time. then the next day almost everyone goes home. i remember the last week of my grandma life my mom stayed there at the house....she had no clothes with her...she stayed in the same set of clothes for a week (was able to shower and whatnot) because she refused the leave her mothers side (believe me i would do the same!!!!!) the night before my grandma passed....it was just me my mom my grandpa and two of my aunts (my great grandma went to stay with another family member) it was about 2 in the morning....i was sitting outside on the pourch with one of my aunts and we heard a really loud thud....we ran inside and found my grandpa on the floor face down and bleeding from his head....we were freaking out because none of us are strong enough to pick him up (hes a big guy) well he got up....he had just scratched his head....after we got him back in bed we all left the room and my mother told me and my aunt about how she had seen him cleaning his SK47 when she walked by and she asked him what he was doing because he had the barrel under his chin.....he said he was just cleanin it...so she said ok and went and sat down in the living room and heard a loud thud as soon as she sat down....she ran in there and he was face down on the floor with his gun in his hand...anyway....that night ends and everyone is ok...the next night the whole family is back at the house (well not the whole family but a lot of em) and i went to sleep at 3 in the morning....and was woken up at 5 and told my grandma had passed...my first reaction was run in there to my mother and hug her....i couldnt cry. she couldnt handle it....so i didnt cry. i didnt cry then, i didnt cry at the funeral, i didnt cry when we spread her ashes, and to this day i wont cry infront of my mom about it. anyway...that was july my grandma passed away (may she rest in peace) i continued to live in the middle of no where with my grandpa until the end of october....while living with him i worked and talked to an army recruiter regularly....at the end of october i moved in with my mom and her bf...not an easy place to liv thats for sure...the year ended with no big bang...it just ended. now its 09 and im still in the process of joining the army. ive definately had better years thats for sure.