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I am a simple gal looking for all the answers to all my questions. I am just trying to fit int
DivineMaddness
Hetero Female Submissive, 39,  Illinois
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 DivineMaddness

 Submissive Female

 Illinois

 5' 4"

 135 lbs

 39

 Caucasian

 09/22/02

 10/29/02

I am a simple gal looking for all the answers to all my questions. I am just trying to fit into the world we live in the best I can. I am always tring to better understand all that makes people tick and looking for the sence of humor in the worst of times. Im for real I dont play foolish games. I am extremely curious about how people live and this lifestyle has had my attention for years. I think most of us has desires in one form or another pertaining to this way of life. It isnt always what is seen on the outside that matters or even teels much about who we are, what matters most is what we are made from and what we hold inside. In the end it wont matter about the car we drove or the house we lived in.. what will matter is who we had with us on the road thru our lives, who was with us to share with both the good anf the bad.. funny thing about the bad times you really find out who matters.. funny how many run when things get rough few stick around. Im not looking to be part of a world that beats me up for fun for kicks.. im not about tying me up and seeing how many things you can stick inside me.. please those that think like that arent really about D/s they are about something else which is fine by me just not what does it for me. Im not about walking behind a man that wants me for his personal toy ( although at times thats not always a bad thing ) I am however about wanting a MAN that wants to be a MAN who finds his role in life important.. that will protect me and will be good to me.. that will allow me to enjoy being a woman.. i dont want to do what a man does.. i like who i am. Believe me there was lots of people wo are far more about D/s than most want to beleieve.. take The Clevers.. you think June was running that house? Well she may have been in charge of the kids.. and the cooking but believe me she was doing her part and who knows but im thinking that there may have been a little what nots going on behind closed doors... but thats where it belongs! Its noone elses business what i do behind cloed doors! its PRIVATE. So just because im not throwing my clothes off in public doesnt mean im not real.. im real just given the right man they would be happy..and so would i. now lets see how many men can really deal with cold hard truths.

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Journal Entries:
10/29/2002 8:26:36 PM

10/23/2002 11:12:18 PM

10/22/2002 12:58:48 AM

10/20/2002 8:27:40 AM
Well, yesterday was a good day..my daughter celebrated her 14th birthday with 9 other girls.. a bunch of giggling teenage girls.. can you imagine playing football in the yard after dark.. cold and filthy and happy as clams...lots of pizza and cake later.. I sit back and i watch as these giggling loud girls all curled up practially on top of each other sharring pillows and blankets trying to keep warm.. they look small and so innocent and i think to myself WOW! it was a great day.. full of many smiles durring a time which makes it hard to find them... So i think I must have done something right.Life is a funny thing..wonderful and sad all in the same breath. Randy was here for awhile today to wish his daughter a happy birthday..always glad to see him come and relieved to see him go.. while feeeling frustrated all over again that there isnt more i can do for this man and scares the hell out of me for knowing that one day farly soon i would even have the pleasure of being upset with him he will simply not be here anymore.. g-d none could know how horrid this feels inside me. Dennis stopped by as well.. and i lok at him and i listen to him as he complains yet again about something else his ex did.. and i think man i wish i had that luxury...life is too short to waste it running away all the time or colplaining all the time...go hug someone that you love... maybe then you wouldnt worry so much about lost time or wasted time..look around at all that you have..isnt life amazing? Going to catch a few winls before this crowd wakes up and demands pancakes! Coffee is brewing...mmmm what a wonderful smell! Just a bird saying hate your ex'es a little less and LOVE your kids a little more! Bird.

10/16/2002 7:44:42 PM
Sept.22 Today was like any other day. Dennis had his daughter come over. I spent a few hours attending to her hair. I actually like to do it. After she left I had hoped that Dennis and I would go do something fo fun, grab cup of coffee or go for a short walk, but he asnt in the mood actually hes never in the mood anymore to do anything. Last night I tried to seduce him once in bed.. it was ok but he wasnt really interested and ya know what happened then.. I was not about to bring myself to the big O and i tried hard. oh well frustrating. bye for now A Bird

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