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Well, yesterday was a good day..my daughter celebrated her 14th birthday with 9 other girls.. a bunch of giggling teenage girls.. can you imagine playing football in the yard after dark.. cold and filthy and happy as clams...lots of pizza and cake later.. I sit back and i watch as these giggling loud girls all curled up practially on top of each other sharring pillows and blankets trying to keep warm.. they look small and so innocent and i think to myself WOW! it was a great day.. full of many smiles durring a time which makes it hard to find them... So i think I must have done something right.Life is a funny thing..wonderful and sad all in the same breath.
Randy was here for awhile today to wish his daughter a happy birthday..always glad to see him come and relieved to see him go.. while feeeling frustrated all over again that there isnt more i can do for this man and scares the hell out of me for knowing that one day farly soon i would even have the pleasure of being upset with him he will simply not be here anymore.. g-d none could know how horrid this feels inside me.
Dennis stopped by as well.. and i lok at him and i listen to him as he complains yet again about something else his ex did.. and i think man i wish i had that luxury...life is too short to waste it running away all the time or colplaining all the time...go hug someone that you love... maybe then you wouldnt worry so much about lost time or wasted time..look around at all that you have..isnt life amazing?
Going to catch a few winls before this crowd wakes up and demands pancakes!
Coffee is brewing...mmmm what a wonderful smell!
Just a bird saying hate your ex'es a little less and LOVE your kids a little more!
Bird. |
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another day...I am off to work i dont feel like going I have a terrible headache... Dennis of course is sleeping but then what else is new I will be watching Kirstie this wekeend what else is new.. I wanted to move this weekend i hope i still can this place has become not our ome any longer....... im not happy these days i wish things were different!
till the next time......
Robin just a simple bird |
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I am feeling overwelmed and im not even sure who to talk to anymore. I have spent my life looking after others and at times to a great extent of myself. Now im moving again and while its a two bedroom apt it will be mne! all for my children and myself. I am pleased with myself and yet from my so called friend Dennis he makes a point of telling me all the reasons it wont work and that ill be wasting my money.. and yet he wasnt willing to lift a finger to really help me at all. I am tired of getting up and looking for food i know i left in the frig for myself and it dissapearring without trace. Seems to me that at almost 40 yearsof age im intitled to the few little things in life i want such a a piece of cheesecake that i bought! Im so tired of all the bullshit he doesnt lisen to me or understand how i feel about the really important things my body my mind my insecurties... whats the point then? will someone please tell me that?
well thats all for today... got an e-mail today from someone thats been living in this realm for a long time i wonder if he cn answer some of the questions i have or maybe soothe something that eats at me all the time.
A bird |
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Sept.22
Today was like any other day. Dennis had his daughter come over. I spent a few hours attending to her hair. I actually like to do it. After she left I had hoped that Dennis and I would go do something fo fun, grab cup of coffee or go for a short walk, but he asnt in the mood actually hes never in the mood anymore to do anything.
Last night I tried to seduce him once in bed.. it was ok but he wasnt really interested and ya know what happened then.. I was not about to bring myself to the big O and i tried hard.
oh well frustrating.
bye for now
A Bird |
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