So this tantra thing.

I'll be completely open with you here saying I'm not sure where the spiritual starts and psychological stops. If you feeling of energies and control of sensations on that level is it real that or just a placebo/suggestion? Though ultimately the result is the same, those questions are more theoretical. If tantra is too exotic you might call it psycho-sexual control through conditioning, for example. Though that does not cower it all.

Specially as we in the west develop our own variants and what is called tantra is really getting further and further away from the sources. Not that the sources have been anything fixed in time and unresponsive to specific social circumstances either.

We might get more into theory and history in later journals or messages if you show interest, let's focus here more on the practical and explain what I would consider a working level of proficiency in psycho-sexual control in a female partner. 

Emphases is on females, male sexuality is different and the practice for them too, but I will not discuss that as I'm not interested in teaching anyone but partners. Not just any partner either for that meter. It does take the investment of significant effort so one needs to know it is not in vain, that the person is really interested and worth it. Hope this doesn't come across more pretentious than it is, but you must understand the time is limited, I have more interests than a lifetime can accommodate and teach professionally so have more than my share of coaching anyway.

If we try to get rid of all cultural and ritualistic packing I would say we can say it gets down to three things: release, control and attitude/setting.

1 - release

Release is something I believe people in BDSM are rather familiar with, more familiar than those formally practicing tantra this day, or et least whatever they call tantra. Traditionally though it was a significant, maybe the most significant part and a lot of rituals if you look at the social context in tantric practices are actually focused on destroying social taboos related to notions of ritual and caste purity. 

We are not living in a society with such strong tabus, our ethics tend to be more individualistic so I do not believe that copying formal and fixed rituals can do much. There are some general cultural things, but mostly one needs to know oneself and one's partner and what are the inner personal walls which will give this inner release when climbed or taken down.  If you you have some experience in the lifestyle I suppose you already know well the feeling of accomplishment ad release when going over something that until then seemed embarrassing, impossible and so on.

release is also not necessarily connected with pushing it into new levels, it can also be easing it in. You can whip someone into getting over something or cuddle someone into it. Again it is all individual and one needs to know himself and the partner.

2 - control

This is the main aspect we might associate with the practice. It is of course not enough to just let go of inner and social limitations, that would make us just sexually obsessed freaks, and that is as far as possible from the goal. The goal is to take control from socially and randomly developed control mechanisms to consciously directing our sexual impulses. The same that we do with our mental patterns in meditation, for example. Taking down the walls should never be done, IMHO, if not paired with developing some modular wall building skills too. Imagine a river. It needs structures to have a course. You can change the course, you can accumulate it, release it, but if you just take out all the structures, natural or man-made, you will only get a flood. Flood might be OK too sometimes and desirable, what is not desirable is to make it a constant state out of our control, it might be better not to mess with it at all. 

There are many practices that develop this control, but we can group them in too, similar to:

a - behavioral conditioning

b - deeper re-framing

a - behavioral conditioning

This is rather well known. Anyone havening an introductory-level knowledge of psychology or even just having a dog understands it. It is also used a lot in the lifestyles with things like orgasm conditioning. We control reactions by associating/dissociating between feelings/sensations and what stimulates them.

b - deeper re-framing

A bit more exotic. Again to avoid getting too esoteric you might associate it erotic hypnosis to some extent. It is the part that uses inner spiritual practices, meditations, digs a bit deeper and takes more experience and guidance to be used safely.

Ultimately the goal is to have our impulses under such control that you can have every experience and reaction out of pure will, without outside stimuli (uselessness for the sake of D/s you shift the control to the Dom permanently and not only in some steps in the process, which is also doable). Being able to sit down, close your eyes and get any sexual experience up to the orgasm just by willing it (or if shifting power by the Dom ordering it) is a good sign of a working level skill, as well as freely redirecting feelings, tensions and sensations to other purposes blurring the line of the sexual and spiritual.

3 - attitude/setting

While the first two can be done only technically and many who enjoy playing with control can enjoy it with no spiritual association this aspect defines it spiritually. Similar what people into psychedelic drugs used to call set and setting your attitude towards the practice and the atmosphere in which it is conducted strongly influences the outcome.

You might bow down to a master and get one thing or you might bow down to the temple deity and get a different thing from the same physical action in a different atmosphere. Even more you might get in a temple what some get in front of a sexual partner and vice versa - different attitude. What makes the difference between a sexual/control/psychological play and a spiritual practice is just that.

Besides the psychological factors there are physical exercises. Traditional exercises for girls are so similar to kegels though that you can actually just use those as well as some classic yogic ones. In general more complex physical exercises of rarely used muscle groups are more important for male practice as their sexuality tends to be more physical and narrowly focused.