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KneelB4MeKCMO
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My submissive tendencies can be dated to my very first masturbation experience. I was 12 years old, and it involved an electric cord, a harlam romance novel, and my mind filling in the blanks. I recall that throughout my teenage years and early adulthood feeling confused and ashamed of my fantasies-knowing that what I wanted wasn't what my mind told me that I should want. I suppose it isn't that different that discovering that you are homosexual. You know what you feel, even if you wish you didn't...but you can't wish it away. The ironic part is that this lifestyle probably carries a greater stigma than being gay. The idea that an outgoing, intelligent, ambitious, & successful woman could want a man to dictate aspects of her life, to inflict physical punishment, to commit her to humilation and degradation along with sexual molestation would be unthinkable to most. And I would be lying if I said I had a reasonable explanation myself.
And even though it is what is in my heart- I've been questioning whether or not I'm even submissive. Although it is my aspiration, I've never really been able to let someone else take control. You see, I'm good at life. I'm good at day-to-day things, I handle things, I don't drop the ball- my good decisions outweigh the bad ones a hundred to one. If someone else starts to falter, I pick up the slack. So while I wish more than anything that I could close my eyes and enbark within the world of power exchange, I'm afraid that the final product (life) would be negatively impacted. Most the Dom's I've met don't manage their own lives well, so why would I be the fool to let them take a stab at mine? Life and everything it encompasses is relative. So what might be relatively superior to one sub, might be completely inferior to another. So at the risk of sounding very boastful, to pocess superior problem-solving ability, decision-making, intelligence, and critical thinking skill to mine may prove daunting. That being said, for me to kid myself into thinking that I would be able to truely submit to someone that doesn't fit that mold is pointless. The point I'm trying to get to is that I don't know if I am submissive and just haven't found someone strong enough and "accomplished" at life enough for me to feel it a smart investment to release power and accept guidance, or have I been confusing my love of taking care of people, making sure that have what they need, handling situations for them, basicially trying to accept the burdon of doing everything within my power to make their life easier with submission. Because the bottom line is that everything I've just described is actually very controlling- the polar opposite of submission.
Disclaimer* If you think I'm really sweet stop reading here as I am preparing to change your opinion
As I seek advice, I am also no stranger to giving a little too. So before you come one step closer to carpel-tunnel by writing to me, ask yourself a few questions:
If your life isn't in order- fix it before you write to me or any other sub, as you currently are a liability
If your life is a series of failures and you blame it on someone else or something else or some childhood drama- find a new hobby, as you will never be a good Master/Dom
If you have never mastered a single thing in your entire life- outside of memorizing NASCAR driver's numbers, the words to a country song, how to survive as long as possible without a job, the best method to avoid paying child support, how to convince women that you are dominate so you can use them as a doormat, punching bag or maid, or how to get as much free porn on the internet as possible- you can never expect to be a Master to another human being.
If you were lucky to get a high school diploma, never went to college, and still get paid by the hour- I'm sure life is tough enough for you without accepting the heighted responsiblity of a D/s relationship.
If you hated high school, all the cool kids made fun of you...still think about ways to exert revenge you probably still aren't cool enough for me
If you stay up late, chain-smoking, chatting on the internet- get a life- without involving me.
If you don't own anything but jeans and teeshirts- we don't have enough in common for you to write for me.
If you consider yourself ultra-alternative, you hate society, you have multiple visible tattoo's, you wear a lot of black (and they aren't suits), I'll never understand you.
If you expect me to respond to emails in "appropriate" submissive fashion- join the military. People recieve my respect as thier actions command it. And not until, in that vein- Doms, be leary of any sub who would automatially consider you a Sir or a Master or basically anything with a capital letter aside from your christian name. Remember what they say- if she'll sleep with you on the first date..well, she'll sleep with anyone.
Thank you for understanding my unreasonable and shallow requirements for corresponance.
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I don't want to jinx it- but I might have just hit the collarme lottery. |
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Hello to those in Kinky land. I'm single and ready to mingle. Instead of a "requirement" today, I'm going to open up a bit. I'm nervous. My lackluster marriage just ended. I've not been kissed in 2 years. I haven't held hands in 2 years. I've been held down and fucked, but there weren't any emotions or feelings in that. I'm scared about dating. I'm anxious about the idea of rejection....but on the flipside, I'm excited about the idea of being excited again. I want to have butterflies, I was to have a courtship. I don't like being single, I really don't want casual. I realize that everything starts at 0, and I don't want to rush anything but I have no interest in just being a serial dater. |
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Well, I'm 34 now a little softer. I've been beat up a bit. Time to start over. |
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Boo. Hope everyone had a good holiday and a happy new year. As much as I would prefer to say Merry Christmas, I make too much income from those on the Jewish side of life to do it. As far as this stuff goes, the older I get the more I lean to the "Domestic Discipline" niche of the lifestyle.
Oh, and I should do a requirement. If you would rather play WOW than watch Kenny Powers....well, you're fucking out. |
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Its been a long time since I've done a new requirement, but feel compelled. If you've participated in a ren fest....i'm not for you. |
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Well, my "wintering" is almost over. Back home to the cold and snow. Now I can see why old people do this. I've been wearing flip flops since thanksgiving. Maybe I need to find a way to drag this out another month :(
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You would that that collarme would have been able to write in some sort of macro that would increase everyone's age by one year on the anniversary of joining or something. I just realized that I'm 32 and it still says 28. Should I change it?? Should I stay 28, I had a lot of fun when I was that age. |
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Maybe I should eliminate all my requirements...as they seem to be working against me. You see, the more "standards" I add, the more people email me trying to convince me that I would be completely smitten by them in spite of the fact that they fail to meet a piece of my criteria. In fact, maybe all I've done is open the door for those who don't meet the standard to contact me in hopes of justifying themselves.
There really are only a few of the "rules" that God played a role it..the height and the age. Everything else is a choice. A person doesn't have to be naturally blessed with great looks to keep themselves well kept and presentable. A person doesn't have to be rich to take pride and not allow themselves to look sloppy. I would think people who try to put their best foot forward in a picture...so if most of these pictures are a "good day"...WOW. |
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It is really beginning to pain me to read the emails. Most of them serve to only intensify my beliefs that is whole thing isn't going to work. Albeit, a non-scientific study...I get approx 40 emails a day and I would gauge 90% are from men whom I've clearly stated as "undesirable". It is almost laughable that these men feel they could give direction to a sub/slave when they so clearly don't follow direction...but somehow think they could teach someone else how to?
It also makes me think that being domineering is a conditioned state for the dom masses on here. I want a dom who is a born leader....and HAS LEAD.
No long hair, no under 5'10, no labor occupations, no one that didn't have a date to prom, no one that has never had a women dream of having the chance to date them. No one that doesn't have a 401 K. No one that can't understand a wine list. No one over 45. And no one that is a fricking DORK. |
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Let's lighten the mood a bit. Why are most subs/slaves fat? I know it isn't very PC of me, but the facts are the facts. And those that aren't fat(which is quite the minority) are very ugly. Why is that? Do you think the world has convinced them through social punishment that they do not derserve better? That no one could find outer splendor from them so they compensate by allowing extreme usage of their bodies to make up for it. That there would be no other way for them to be desired? Or does it somehow feel good to watch the bodies they hate and that have never been cherished be punished and assualted. Does it have nothing to do with a Dom, nothing to do with respect or submission to him....but of lack of respect or pride in themselves?
I would put myself in this bucket at times. While I truely yearn for submission, I do not cherish my body. I do not find it attractive nor something warrenting covet. |
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Good evening all...another tiring day has officially made its way into the record books. My feet are kolling me. I wore shoes that I shouldn't have worn all day at work, and then tonight I had to go to a "gala" dinner and auction. Good cause- but I can't always afford to play the boy's reindeer games.
The other thing that I wanted to mention is that I've been swamped with emails (over 100 in the past 2 days), so just because I haven't written you back doesn't mean I'm not interested in persuing a friendship, it is just that time hasn't allowed for it.
Now for today's rule of engagement-
I'm a believer that age doesn't make a huge difference...but I do think generation does. I'm 28, my Father celebrated his 50th birthday this year. Clearly he and I are not members of the same generation. Use that as a guide to determine whether we do, if not...I wish you well...but I wish you wouldn't write.
Sweetdreams. |
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I hate to do 2 in one night...but
New Rule of Engagement-
If you are shorter that 5'9 than you probably shouldn't write. I know the average height of men is about 5'9..but I'm of above average height so even though I am just here to learn and make friends, I have a difficult time accepting or seeking advice on how to be a better sub from someone that much shorter than me..
hey, I mentioned shallow in the beginning, so don't say you weren't warned. |
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Well, another day another dollar I suppose. I went to the tanning bed today for the first time since getting my nipples pierced...and they actually got so hot they began burning me. An unexpected benefit, maybe? There is a concert that I really want to go to this Saturday night...but the guy I'm seeing doesn't want to. He works all day on Saturday's which I know sucks, but still, I go to every concert or ballgame that he wants to..and most of the time I secure the tickets. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. On a different note, I'm going to start a tradition, New Rules of Engagement. So tonight's is:
I
f you are a warlock, played D&D in the past year, or believe an in "alternative" form of religion- don't write. You do not interest me.
Thx and sweetdreams. |
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Wouldn't it be nice to not have to think when I got home each day, wouldn't it be a blessing to have the security that someone else would be spearheading the decisions and that everything would be okay, wouldn't it be wonderful to enjoy that escape, how tempting it is. |
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I've also decided to use this Journal as a diary of sorts, often times it will be directed specifically for the Man with whom I'm in a quasi-relationship. I understand he spends a lot of time on here so it might be a good place for me to express myself to him as he becomes uncomfortable when I try to have "live-time" conversations addressing them.
For the rest of you, maybe it will be enlightening and thought-provoking if you choose to read. Perhaps it won't it. I will leave that up to you. |
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Well, I just posted my profile. Apparently it will be "pending" for the time being. Guess I'm going to go out on a limb and post a photo as well. Not that I'm exactly beautiful, but I think it's important for people to know that there are "normal" people involved within the lifestyle. |
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| Age: 42 |
| Okanagan, BC,
Canada |
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