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| What community members and potential play partners should know about me:
I am a caring person that does his best to treat everyone I meet fairly and with compassion. I am intelligent and enjoy expanding my knowledge. I have a strong if slightly bent sense of right and wrong. I value compassion, knowledge, self reliance, integrity, and transparency.
I am slow in developing relationships, both in friends and lovers. I need to see ethical values, consistency, honesty, intelligence and compassion before I am able to bond with someone. It is often difficult getting past the outer shell most people present. I would rather help someone grow than to repeatedly solve their problems for them.
Once I do bond with a person I offer commitment, honesty, compassion and fierce loyalty to those I call friend or lover. I become more emotionally attached to people than most men feel comfortable admitting. If I can travel the rest of this journey with good friends, a loving companion and good health, I will count myself blessed. I wish to leave this world a little better off than if I hadn’t been here.
Life is too short and our health is too important to allow little inconsequential things to stress us out. I reserve stress and anger for the big things; cheating, lying, insincerity, back stabbing, taking advantage of the week or the innocent, non consensual violence all come to mind. While everyone deserves a second chance, these are serious lapses in character to me, and I might end most relations based on the extent, impact and intention of the event.
If I was upset with a friend or lover, I would likely pull back until I could express my disappointment without assigning blame and then discuss my feelings with them. The little things have to be worked out as soon as possible, relationships are too valuable to jeopardize by neglect.
I have found a “special person” to spend the rest of my life with, my property and submissive cloud. We have a strong relationship where play, lifestyle, devotion, domination and submission all meld together into something much richer than simple play can ever be.
While we have a fluid bound relationship, I am open to play with others. I am a sadist, and generally do not play lightly, though I am happy to start slowly and see what my partner is capable of.
We are also open to (but not actively seeking) others joining our household. For consideration for joining my family, one would need to commit to a fluid bound relationship, not use drugs, not drink or drink very moderately, and if she smokes, she must understand that habit will be broken early on.
If a collar is earned and offered it would be a representation of a commitment, an understanding that formally defines a relationship which incorporates a serious power exchange. It won’t come until the shakedown cruise is over, until the infatuation has mellowed into contented commitment. A collar is a declaration by the submissive of her very nature and her need to serve, and by the Dominant of his nature and need to own and control. It is my promise to take full responsibility for my submissive including her health, happiness, growth and well being. In perfect counter point the submissive offers a gift to her Dominant of her very essence, her respect, affection, devotion, obedience and service.
I have diverse interests and skills; I am a master craftsman, martial artist, photographer, with skills in computer science, audio, web design, and DVD production; I have interest in history, the environment, music, the origin of words, good writing, contemporary art and art history. I have no interest in traditional team sports, though I do occasionally watch individual sports such as boxing, martial arts, and yes sometimes even gymnastics.
Money to me is overrated, while an adequate supply is of course essential, I feel that money or more precisely the love of money is the source of many of the problems in the world today. Yes we all need money, we all need food too, however when we become obsessed with food it usually is a detriment to our health, just as becoming obsessed with money is a detriment to our mental health and the health of our community and world.
Politically I am usually considered a liberal; however, my view of gun control doesn’t fit in that cubbyhole. My view of self reliance requires me to be responsible for my own safety and the safety of my loved ones. I have spent years developing skills that will give me the upper hand in any physical confrontation. However, I continue to feel that gun control only keeps guns out of the hands of responsible adults. Were it legal I would carry 24/7. Since it is not, I do not even own a gun. To me the issue is one of responsibility and self reliance.
My first experience with bondage
was at 13 when I tied up a neighborhood girl with 1 inch wide cotton furniture straps; while consensual, negotiation was minimal; she eventually did the equivalent of calling “red!”; I realized I had a lot to learn…
There was no Internet or even BBSs in the mid 1960s so I began experimenting and reading pulp men’s “sexual adventure” magazines, the only publications available that presented SM other than the classic works on Sadism such as the writings of the Marquis de Sade. Many of my friends and I had open relationships, a few of us were kinky. Around 1975 I met and in 6 months “collared” my first slave, by welding a chain around her waist. (Is that unusual?) She lost that collar after 3 years when I caught her wiggling out of it; she was a very flexible girl. She never earned it back though we remained together in 24/7 M/s dynamic for another 2 years, as before in an open relationship. SM was mostly bondage including breast bondage, severe (semi contortionist) bondage during fucking, spanking, and impact play with straps, hairbrushes and coat hangers. She and I both had other play partners and sex buddies as well.
Around 1980 our relationship broke up and I met my bedroom submissive, whom I lived with for about 5 years. The SM was harder and edgier, and included suspensions, inverse suspensions, knife play, electrical play, rubber bondage, and gun play; some of the things I did then, I would not do now, and I count myself lucky no permanent damage was done. We had an open relationship and when we broke up I decided that open relationships didn’t seem to work for me, at least I felt the rewards were not worth the risks. I have come to understand that an open relationship is not the same thing as polyamoury, which I define as transparent committed relationships involving more than two people, and I am open to that.
So in the mid 1980s I was searching again, for one capable of a deep D/s BDSM relationship, and wishing Eulenspigel and Janus (the only groups I was aware of at the time) were not so far away. In the late 1980s a girl I was dating became pregnant right as I was deciding there was no kink in her. I had to decide to be either a committed father involved in my son’s life on a daily basis or a weekend dad; after serious thought, I married and we raised our son. A vanilla life… for nearly 20 years.
In 2008 I came back to BDSM after that hiatus and an amicable divorce, and was delighted to find a thriving community and discover I could refresh and expand my skills with workshops, classes, and in groups. I found BDSMmentors.org and their intensive workshops were of great value in filling in the gaps in my education.
Within the lifestyle I belong to several local BDSM groups, including the Lair de Sade and WCPX. I have attended many local munches and support groups, and visited most of the local dungeons. For several years I attended SWLC, for 1 1/2 years I was on the Board at Threshold, and have presented workshops on negotiation, bondage, impact play, caning and spanking. I have been a coach for BDSM Mentors for several years, and highly recommend their workshops to others.
The more in touch I became with my needs since my return to the lifestyle the more I felt I am only going to be satisfied with a relationship that incorporates total power exchange. What really matters beyond two people having similar kinky interests is, are we compatible in life?
I wrote this when seeking, and it describes my property, my submissive cloud well:
You are intelligent, you have opinions, sometimes very strong opinions, you don’t feel threatened or hurt if we don’t share the same opinion and will not be swayed in your opinions unless you recognize a different and valid point of view.
You do not need to be rescued, you are self relent, and capable. You have integrity and speak with honesty and compassion. You are forgiving and empathetic and concerned with the well being of those around you. You build strong bonds with your friends. You are able to be alone with yourself, while you enjoy conversation and intimacy you also enjoy quite time reading, listening to music or meditating.
You value your health and your safety and take steps to protect both. You have sought out and taken advantage of opportunities to educate yourself about our lifestyle, regardless of your past experience level.
You value commitment, and are willing to honor a fluid bound relationship. You have a genuine desire and need to serve, and you delight in the lifestyle. You have looked long and hard at who you are and are not ashamed of your desires. You realize that what you offer in a relationship is a precious gift.
How lucky we are!
Dal
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