Ho hum.  this winter has been so brutal, and I am starting to develop cabin fever with this latest storm.

Having a houseboy to amuse myself with would be such fun right now. 

Even a cam slut would serve as a good mental diversion.

I've been very busy with work, and have not had a chance to get in.

I hope that you all are enjoying a blessed and kinked new year thus far.

"So raise your glass

If you are wrong

In all the right ways

All my underdogs

You will never be never be
Anything but loud

And nitty gritty

Dirty little freaks"

I have had that song stuck in my head for days now.  How delicious that would be...

to find someone who was wrong in all the right ways. ;)

What a very long day, and hours left to go in it.  Thankfully I have caught up on some of the work that I neglected yesterday.  That is, I suppose, one of the perks of living at work, aka working at home.

I need to reiterate that if you are married or otherwise involved, please do not contact me.  I know that some of you have situations that arouse my sympathy, but married people are simply out of the question as far as I am concerned. 

Time to put nose to the grindstone again...

Question for all Indiana kinksters south of Indy.  I know that Indy has it's Slosh, and Bloomington has Headspace.  What groups are in the southern part of the state, and do any of you participate in them?

Not feeling well today, with low productivity and little desire to do anything but sleep.

I have deleted all journal entries prior to this year.  Things that were accurate then are not necessarily so now.  Portions of it may return revised to reflect the now.

One thing remains unchanged though...

for men who are contacting me, either showing me or telling me about your cock...

I have no idea why males...both dominant and submissive... do this.  It is a fleshy appendage, not the freakin' Holy Grail, and it spurts cum, not water from the fountain of youth.  Granted, it can provide pleasure, but so can a wealth of other things, ranging from a good vibrator to a sale at Sephora.

 Did I ask you to tell me about or show me your cock?  If the answer is no, and you did it anyway, I'm not replying to you.

My, you are an inquisitive lot, are you not?

For those who asked if they might know the identity of the submissive whose profile I found so delightful, no, you may not.  He knows, and that is as it should be.  The word "tribute" is tossed around a lot on this site, so we'll just let my thoughts about his words serve as a tribute to him.  Past that, it is not for public consumption.

What "type" of submissive I am looking for seems to be a popular question, so I'll include it as well.  The answer, quite simply is, there is no type.  He may be old enough to be mistaken for my father, or young enough to be mistaken for my son.  He'll be appealing, but that is in the eye of the beholder.

What he *won't* be is someone who has reduced themselves to a checklist of fetishes.  In my mind, the people have to fit first, as the fetishes, or most of them, are negotiable.  You, see, it is rather like the Grinch found about Christmas. 

"It came without ribbons!  It came without tags!

It came without packages, boxes, or bags!"

BDSM is the same in my world.  It isn't about the trappings, or the precise acts.  It's about control, and the relinquish thereof.  It's mental and emotional. I could preform the rote act of flogging you all day without ever having dominated you, or without you ever having submitted.  That would be a case of me scratching your physical itch, and frankly, I"m not all that interested in bodies.

Minds are what intrigue me. 

Bedtime grows near.  Though a natural child of the night, I find that I function much more effectively when I awake before dawn.  There is such serenity at that time, and the day is perfect, and full of promise then.

When I find him, at a time like now...a quiet night when work will call again early...the evening would have passed with the meal and preparation of things for the morrow.  Perhaps I'd be finishing up details on the laptop while he reclined near by, sketching, writing, reading, or some other endeavor that fills his soul with joy.

Then the laptop would close, and a small hand would fasten leash to his collar, signaling that the night had come to an end.

Or at least that portion of it, and a knowing smile would grace my features and his heartbeat would increase as I lead him down the hallway.

Exercised, showered and fed.  Now to the business of earning a living.

While I know not who you are, I know you exist, and I thought of you while I meditated on an early morning walk.

I await you, and when the time comes, I will be ready.

To avoid having to explain myself multiple times, I have removed the switch orientation from my profile.   In 99% of instances, it is a label that would not fit, so to remove any requests wanting me to submit, it is simply easier to change the orientation to dominant.

I really wish this site had a like button for journal entries.  There are some good ones that I'd like to give kudos to the authors, but I don't want to message them.

Since I was asked this 4 times yesterday, it seems that the answer within other pages of this journal does not have enough clarity.  Either that, or people don't bother to read. ~soft laugh~

So I will give this another attempt.

Do I want a rt relationship?

Yes, most assuredly I do.  However, I am in no rush, and I won't be rushed.  Many summarily dismiss "online" relationships.  That is fine, and I wish them well.  But I am not interested in meeting someone that I've exchanged a few mails with.  In my mind, that is akin to speed dating, and it's just not for me. 

I don't want play dates, and I am not interested in topping someone just because they wish it to be so.  I want a life partner.

Thus, I am very willing to spend as much time as is necessary to sift through messages and mails until a spark leaps forth.  Only then will I begin to make the mental shift toward seeing if the spark transcends the online world, and can be nourished in rt.

If you are the type that likes cliff notes, nickle version of that is that if you cannot entice my mind here, then we will not be meeting.  While physicality is indeed important...and attraction of that manner cannot be faked...it is secondary to me compared to where our minds can take us. 

Since such encounters are rarer than nuggets of gold,  I may elect to "play" online in the interim.  That gives me much more fulfillment than a hollow meeting in rt with someone that I have no true interest in meeting.  If that makes me 'fake' to you, then so be it.  My being here has nothing to do with meeting your criteria of what is 'real'.

I just read the most beautiful profile by a male submissive, or at least that is what he'd be called in this world.

It was so good that I read it 3 times, and I may read it again a 4th before the night is done.

It wasn't beautiful because of anything pertaining to the 'lifestyle'.  It was beautiful and pure and good because of his self awareness, and his ability to paint a picture of who he is.  It was a profile that left me longing to have him sitting across the room, if for no other reason that I could question him about his journey thus far, and where he hopes to go in the remainder of it.  Not question out of a desire to dominate or be nosy, but out of a desire to know his soul.

His profile was a gift offered up to any who chose to read it.  I am very thankful that I did.

The passing of one year into the next is often a time for introspection and reflection.  We try to put away the past, and the things from it that don't fit us anymore, and we look eagerly to doors that will open to us.

Hopefully, we also examine ourselves to see where we are, where we want to go, and what type of self growth is necessary to get from Point A to Point B.  For it is most often not enough to just wish a thing so. We must proactively strive to be the person that our dreams, goals, and visions would come true for.

All that is much easier said than done, of course.  Today my thoughts are focused on what I hold on to that would best suit me to let go of, and how doing so will be freeing.

Cleaning out our mental closets can be hard.  Just as in our real closets, there are things that we want to keep, even though they don't fit us anymore, whether due to actual size, or due to personal style.  But we cling to the hanger, reluctant to put them in the discard pile, as the emotional attachment is still there, and because as humans we tend to fear change.  It can be hard to see that who we were then is not who we are then, and that people and/or situations that used to be right for us no longer are.

There is freedom in release.

Ah, it's been a very, very long time since I last visited.  To those that I dropped off the earth from in midst of private conversations, my apologies.  Life took a twist, and my leisure time vanished.

I do hope that each of you are well, and that you enjoy a blessed, productive, kinked New Year!