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Pansexual Female Mistress, 40,  Grand Rapids, MI, Michigan
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DarkestStarr - Dominatrix

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Last Online:


 Dominant Female

 Grand Rapids, MI 


 5' 2"






Actively Seeking:

Submissive Male

Friends Only

 Lives For:







 Breast Play




 Hair Pulling


 Massage (Getting)

 Orgasm Denial




 Intellectual Discourse

 Goth Lifestyle



 Anal Play

 Body Worship



 Masks (Wearing)

 Public Play

 Role Playing


 Canes and Crops

 Corner Time


 Curious About:




 Pony/Puppy Roleplay



 Gorean Lifestyle

Update March 2018: I have moved to Grand Rapids. I'm a very busy lady, but I will consider allowing a very clever local boy to prove himself worthy of my attention. I do not currently have a boy in chastity. I would like one, but I'm very picky. 
I have a professional, public-facing sort of job nowadays, so I had to take my photo down. I'm short,chubby, pale, and rather gothy. I adore shoes and hats. I think I'm pretty. That's all you need to know for now.   Update 10/6/14: My schedule has become busier. Replies may be delayed. I no longer bother with polite replies to those who write to me only to say, "Hi, how are you?" so please think of a better opening. Even a one-liner that piques my interest is better than just asking how I am.
I will not entertain offers from those who are overseas. 
My age range is between Old Enough to Buy Me a Drink and Old Enough to Be My Father, that is to say, 21-55. An exception could be made, but only if you're really cute.

This is what I want right now:
1. Clever boys who want to join the Subbie Book Clubbie. I will tell you what to read. You will read it. Then you and I will discuss it. I like to think of myself as a LitDomme. If becoming one of my book worms appeals to you, do send me a message. I accept tribute in the form of books. ;)
2. I have a boy in chastity now, and I have found myself enjoying the experience. I would consider locking up another boy, preferably a local one. But not just any boy, of course.
  Well. I used to play, and then I took a break. I thought I could keep my Inner Domme in check, but she wants out, and she wants a submissive boy to play with. I'm happily in a vanilla polyamorous marriage, and I have a young daughter.   This is what I want: I want a boy to call me Ma'am (and, perhaps later, Mistress). I want him to be smart, and clever, and amusing. I want him to be respectful and obedient... though not so obedient that he never requires correction. I want to challenge him, and be challenged in return.     This is what I don't want: Guys in diapers. Subs who tell me what to do. (Subs who ask for what they want- and understand that I might say no- are lovely. Subs who say, "NO MISTRESS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPANK ME FIRST! THEN TIE ME UP!" are not for me.)  People who can't carry on conversations about things other than sex and BDSM.   I'm not particularly interested in sissification. If that is your primary interest, I'm not your lady. (On the other hand... I do like naturally effeminate boys wearing makeup, a la Robert Smith and Eddie Izzard.) My journal has more of my thoughts on the matter.   I also do not have time for any kind of 24/7 scenarios. I cannot have a boy in fishnets and heels scrubbing my bathroom while I have a young child in the house. If you're looking for that, keep looking. I hope you find it. It sounds hot.   This part is important, so pay attention: My conscience does not permit me to engage with the married-and-cheating set. I'm not interested in the details of your situation, however unfortunate they may be. (This also applies to men with girlfriends. If she'd be upset that you sent me a message, don't send me a message.)   If you describe yourself as "an alpha male in public" or your profile says you need a domme to control you in the bedroom, I'm not the Lady you're looking for. I require obedience and deference outside the bedroom.   I like BD better than SM, but I'm not opposed to inflicting a bit of pain... found my flogger the other day and I need someone to practice on.   If you're going to send me a message, please have something interesting to say. Tell me what submission means to you. Or tell me what your favorite book is. Or tell me something that happened to you yesterday.   Do not send me a chat request.  If you have something clever to say, please say it to my inbox.    

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Journal Entries:
4/22/2017 10:25:10 PM
I was mildly surprised, just now, to find that my previous journal entry had been written well over two years ago, not because time passes quickly, but because I continue to get messages about it. (I asked for them, so I'm not complaining about it.)

To those who wonder: yes, I still believe that forced feminization is inherently misogynistic. To say to a male-bodied person, "I demean you by forcing you to wear women's clothing," is demeaning to women. I've received an equal number of "Yes, I agree" and "No, you're wrong!" messages regarding this. The "No, you're wrong!" arguments have failed to convince me, but if you have a really compelling argument, I'm still open to hearing it. 

My standard disclaimer, of course, still applies: Femme-y boys, cheerful cross-dressers, trans, genderfluid, et al are all A-OK. 

10/8/2014 8:36:17 PM
Lately the idea of sissification/forced feminization has been bothering me. It seems inherently misogynistic. Degrading a man by making him wear women's clothing implies that a woman is less than a man. (If you disagree, do write to me and tell me why.)

On the other hand, a naturally and confidently effeminate man is can be quite attractive. I will always look twice at a boy in eyeliner.

10/6/2014 7:40:06 PM
So I think those profiles that say, "I hate filling these things out. If you have questions, just ask!" are so amusing. What questions do you expect me to formulate based on a photo of your torso in the bathroom mirror?

8/18/2014 8:52:19 PM
So I have been reading these profiles that will ostensibly hypnotize me. Seriously, does that ever work? They all instruct me to feel relaxed, yet oddly aroused and also motivated  to write a submissive message to the profile's owner. "Weak-minded dommes should not read this profile..." begins one of them. Evidently I'm not weak-minded, as I read the entire thing (and it was a chore, really. It was very long and had a great many typos) and nothing happened.

I don't see how it could possibly work. I wish it did, though. On my way to work, I pass by a small business that always has a sign with what the business owner must think are clever political statements (they're not!). If only I could slip a message under his door that would hypnotize him into agreeing with me! It would greatly improve my commute. 

"You are very sleepy now, and totally relaxed. You find yourself understanding that having a middle name that is the same name as some Muslims have does not make Obama a Muslim. As your trance deepens, you realize that even if he were a Muslim, it wouldn't matter, because there nothing wrong with religions that are different than yours. You are deeply ashamed of having put that sign up implying that Obama is Muslim and that Muslims are inherently bad. You resolve to engage in more sincere and constructive discourse."*

*Abridged version

7/31/2014 12:57:46 AM
You know how, when you read journals, there's always a fantasy about a daddy dom and a babygirl, and she has a Special Word that makes her have an immediate orgasm? They never say what the Special Word is. I always hope it's POTATO or DRAPERIES or CAPYBARA. 

I've just received my third (maybe fourth?) message from that one guy who wants me to watch him put a toothbrush in his peen. Every day that guy sends messages to who knows how many people, desperate to find that one person who wants to watch him put a toothbrush in his peen. "Maybe she's the one," he says to himself, pasting his usual message and clicking send. Somewhere, someone is thinking, "I'd dearly love to watch a dude put a toothbrush in his peen!" and these two souls must find each other. 

The world is a strange and wonderful place, isn't it?

7/13/2014 5:36:28 PM
If I were a submissive trying to get the attention of a dominant, I would be sure to use proper spelling and grammar in my messages. I'd also try to write something interesting, to distinguish myself from all the other messages in that person's inbox.

It's evident from my inbox that not many feel as I do.

6/16/2014 9:28:17 AM
I'm taking a break. I'm working on the rewrite of my novel (yes, congratulations are in order for me finishing the first draft after so long!) and deciding whether to pack up and move to the city. I'm still up for intelligent conversation and witty repartee, though. And if you wish to be helpful to me in my novel rewrite, and have intimate knowledge of the city of Philadelphia and/or the current gothic/industrial music scene, I would dearly love to hear from you. Also, my chastity arrangement with the boy has ended, not by my choice. I'm passively looking for a new chaste boy, but we have to have some connection other than just a cage and a key.

5/28/2014 4:19:23 PM
I'm having a bad day. Please tell me something nice.

4/13/2014 7:33:39 PM
I will be thirty-six on Friday, which somehow sounds so much sexier and wiser than thirty-five. I'd hoped to have a boy of my very own by my birthday, but I'm patient. I did get a lovely gift already, though. It's a fancy new strap-on! Hooray!

3/13/2014 11:23:50 AM

I learned something valuable from each of the boys who didn't work out. That is well and good, but I'm still looking for the boy who will work out.

3/9/2014 10:46:56 AM

This is what my chaste boy said to me last night:

"I know that if I were released, I would find it very pleasurable. But, right now at least, I feel like I could stay locked up indefinitely if it pleased you not to let me out."

I wonder how long it will take him to regret saying that?

2/20/2014 11:42:44 AM

Last night I dreamed of a certain boy. He was kneeling, haunches to heels, and I lay in front of him, my hips in his lap, my legs curled around him. I allowed him to fuck me, but he had to explain something very complicated to me while he did so. He struggled with the words. Desperation was etched on his expressive face.

I laughed.

When I woke up, and I realized which boy I was dreaming of, I felt thrilled and sad.

2/15/2014 11:31:22 PM

Hello Miss what kind of sub do u want?

I want one who can read a profile. Seriously, my profile says, "This is what I want right now," and it goes on from there. Why do I keep getting asked this question?



2/10/2014 6:47:35 PM

Is she serious? they asked. She fancies herself a LitDomme? Surely no one will go for that!

They will be surprised to hear that yes, in fact, Literary Domination is working out quite well.

I still have room for a few more book worms in the Subbie Book Clubbie. If you've longed for intellectual domination, this is your chance. Send me a message for your first reading assignment, worm.


1/28/2014 8:20:10 AM

Bored and out of sorts today. It's too cold to go anywhere.


Tell me a secret.

1/5/2014 10:27:45 AM

The boy I mentioned in my profile turned out to be a terrible disappointment. I'll update my profile at some point. What I want may have changed a bit. I'm still thinking about it.

In the meantime, I continue to get messages. This is fine; I'm still looking. But, look, boys, I have advice:

1. Long-distance is not my cup of tea. Yes, I have made exceptions, and I probably will again. I'm a fool for a boy who is smart and submissive and interesting. But if you're going to send me a variation of the "Hi Ma'am. I am in [a faraway place] and I would really like the opportunity to serve you. I am totally real and submissive" message, I will write you back and say tell you that [a faraway place] is, in fact, too far away.

1a. Philadelphia is six hours away from me. NYC is even farther. "I'm from [a faraway place], but I travel to Philly on business all the time" will not pique my interest at all.

1b. Ditto for "... but I can serve you on webcam."

1c. No, you cannot relocate to me.

2. If you're looking for immediate ownership, kindly continue looking. I can be bossy and demanding and, yes, domineering, even, but only if a boy has really impressed me. I will need to get to know you first.

3. I want to see a photo of your face. This is non-negotiable.

4. I've decided that I'm going to dedicate myself to developing Literary Domination ("LitDom") using the FinDom template. Instead of pay pigs I will have book worms, and my worms will read whatever I tell them to read. And they will have discussions with me about my selections. Perhaps I will even accept tribute in the form of books. If you really, really want to impress me, send me a message and ask nicely to be accepted to my new Subbie Book Clubbie.

12/21/2013 3:04:46 PM

Where do they go? They express interest. They beg to serve. Then they vanish.

I am of the opinion that they are swallowed up by dragons, sometimes mid-conversation, even.

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