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indysub77
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One more time. I don't know why I can't seem to get this profile right but I really am trying. I suppose I'm just struggling with communication at the moment. Hopefully I will be forgiven and can move on.
I am a happily married woman who is currently not in the collar of my husband due to a lot of personal struggles and strife in our lives. We are currently working to iron out some of the "kinks" in our own relationship before proceeding to change our lifestyle again. We are not now vanilla, though we were for quite some time due to my own personal confusion about what I wanted and needed. It was my fault, and I accept my failures and move on.
Our lifestyle at the moment centers on very mild domestic discipline with occasional age play scenes/sessions. We are finding a feel for one another again and are discovering one another in an entirely new context. I no longer know who I am and I am unsure of who he is as well. It is not an easy place to be, but I am hoping that by being here, perhaps finding some old friends (as I already have) and meeting some new people I will be able to settle down into a place where I am comfortable.
The biggest challenge for me has been judgment. So many people choose to judge because I am an age player (by necessity it seems rather than by choice). Those in the BDSM lifestyle don't understand that I myself do not and cannot understand the mindset of the submissive male. Please understand that this is not to say that I am not interested in a friendship with a submissive male! Merely that I do not understand the mindset myself, as a naturally submissive female with a strong desire to be led by the natural dominance of a strong male personality. I am open to friendship with all open-minded, polite and respectful individuals, regardless of their orientation.
I love poker. That may seem like a strange thing to mention on here, but I would enjoy making some friends who wouldn't mind hitting Yahoo! for some Hold'em poker some time. I'm fairly good at the game though don't necessarily like the slow play online since I am so easily distracted.
I'm not looking for a relationship, as I am happily married and intend to remain monogamous. However, I am very interested in making friends who are involved in the master/slave, Daddy/little girl and Gorean lifestyles. I also own a role playing group online for strict ageplay and spanking scenes for anyone who is interested.
I hope to make some new friends and have some people to talk to as I explore (again) what being so deeply submissive really means to me! Thanks for visiting!
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There is much to be said for kindness. I get a lot of e-mails from genuine men who simply don't understand my situation. Sometimes I'm not so great at explaining things, so I explain in my response and move forward. I try to be kind to these men, and I genuinely do wish them well.
It's hard for me to explain what I am looking for. I honestly appreciate the earnest responses telling that "Goreans don't do BDSM" but I also submit that Gorean isn't something you "do" and BDSM isn't something you "are." One can't compare apples to oranges so I don't try. I have more than one aspect to my personality.
Why am I seeking to meet Goreans here? Because I once desired more than anything to be Gorean. I very likely won't ever be because my husband is not and doesn't desire to be himself. It isn't my choice to make, and I am not going to manipulate him into being something that one cannot be manipulated into being (weird sentence structure there, sorry!).
I love the Gorean lifestyle. There is little about it that isn't appealing to me as a free woman and most of it appeals even as a slave (because I know my husband and would-be owner). I am satisifed with the changes that life has brought to me and I am very deeply in love with Papa.
My purpose, beyond being "a" submissive, beyond being a slave, is to please him. What does that mean? I'm not always entirely sure myself, but I am working on discovering what it is.
Before you e-mail me with criticisms, critiques or even opinions that I don't necessarily need to hear, look in your own heart and consider what your motives are. I am not created to please just any man: I am created to please my husband. And that is what I am going to continue to seek to do.
I still welcome friendships. But one-off messages that tell me what I am and am not make me laugh (seriously), especially when there are clear signs I know more about my lifestyle than those trying to correct me!
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It has been an emotional day. I don't expect everyone to understand the journey that I am currently undergoing. I don't expect most people to understand what healing is all about for those of us who have lived through some things that we wouldn't wish on anyone. I don't expect people to understand something for which there is no definition. I don't expect people to understand or relate to the pain that I have and experience.
I'm tempted to close down my account and start over again. Feeling judged in so many ways. It just seems that no matter where I turn or what I do I am being judged, rejected, not worthy. Self-confidence and self-esteem are essential to a good, working slave. I might do that anyway. Just e-mail the people I want to stay in contact with before I do it.
I'm not here for anything really, just to begin to learn to understand myself. I don't like to be judged (who does?) and I am on a journey of understanding that some wouldn't begin to grasp. It has been too long for me, and I have faced ridicule and harshness for what I desire.
In other news, I might be pregnant. I am in the two week wait!
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Since I am now suddenly getting messages relating to me being "new to the lifestyle" can I please be clear that after 13 years and at age 29, I no longer consider myself new to BDSM, or ageplay. In reference to "seeking" one might say I am a "seeker" of the Gorean lifestyle though it is not for me as my master is not Gorean.
Thank you.
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Is there a reason why people feel the need to be rude in personal messages? Is it because it is private and cannot be seen by the majority of people on the site? Is it because they feel that somehow insults will garner respect and make a submissive woman interested in them?
Some comments that I have recently received in the single day that I have been a member of this site have been entirely hurtful and unnecessary. I am not going to say that I didn't expect this, because there are so many people who can simply hide behind an online moniker.
I am here because of my hope to make friends who understand what my interests are. It is difficult any more to find community, and it appears to me that more and more people are avoiding the "internet scene." I am wondering now if the reason could have something to do with messages such as those I have been receiving.
Let me tell you something, gentlemen: Submissive women are just as intelligent, and are just as much thinking individuals as dominant males.
Me, I believe in a natural order. I believe that women were created to submit to their husbands. I am ecstatic that I am blessed to be in such a relationship with a loving man who understands and meets my needs.
Is there something wrong with me wanting to meet others like me in an environment where the prevalent type of individual is interested in the same things that capture my attention.
If you want to message me, and even have the hope of receiving a response, please do so with respect for my intelligence and with intelligence of your own. If you cannot spell, or be bothered to type out proper words, I will be forced to assume that you are under the age of 18 and will ignore your messages.
And this, I may add, is coming from someone who has been more than willing to respond to every genuine person who has sent me a message, even if they don't seem to understand my profile. I wish well for everyone here and am a genuine individual. I have a spirit and I have feelings. If you aren't intelligent enough to show respect for that, then you don't deserve my attention or my respect.
As for those who feel the need to comment about my weight: hey, at least I'm honest!
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| Age: 22 |
| Odense,
Denmark |
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