Why is that hot girls refuse to clean their rooms?   Yes you have a smoking body and all that, but when you're surrounded by garbage and dirty clothes everywhere you just look like an un-disciplined piglet, or poor white trash.

"Pro-Domme's".   I think they keep misspelling it and it should say "Poor Domme" ...  aka "I don't have a real job or education as a means for income, so I will use D/s as an excuse to make a living out of taking advantage of desperate men."   Yes, you're so dominant and controlling you can't even pay your bills without leeching off other people.   Mom must be proud! 

For the record I am not on FaceBook or twitter because they creep me the fuck out.  Dude, you sat behind me in high school algebra 20 years ago - exactly what the fuck do you think we have in common now?  I dont give a fuck what my real friends are doing, if I do I will call them on the phone.  But collarme is pretty similar to social media - everyone creates this facade of how they *want* people to view them, as opposed to they who they truly are.  Old guys lie about their age, short guys lie about their height, women lie about their weight, Doms lie about their experience, "girls" lie about their photos ... it's just one big cesspool of mis-information and half-truths.

Know the ironic part?  This is a lifestyle that's precipatated on TRUST.  Would we be so apt to deceive and manipulate if the only form of communication was face to face? 

It seems I rarely move at the same speed as the rest of the collarme population. 

Meet a cute girl that's single in the morning, and by the time I get home from work she is "owned".  That must have been one hell of a lunch.  I don't understand these girls who trade a few emails or a few talks on the phone to some jackass claiming to be a Dom, and within a few days they have been informed that they are now owned by some dude that they've never even met in person.  For all they know he's married, or living in mom's basement, or married and living in mom's basement. 

I've noticed that some of you people here move really fast, which makes me wonder if you really have any idea of what true D/s is about ... because I have no idea how you can feel that kind of trust with someone so quickly. 

Between you kinky cyber-speed daters and clueless timewasters that have no idea what the fuck you want and no intention of ever really connecting with anyone offline ... it seems like everyone here is either moving at cyber-warp speed or frozen turtle poop. 

Fuck I hate being such a weirdo for wanting to get to know someone and hang out in person before figuring out if I want them as a kinky D/s partner.  :(

New year, new start, new location.  Minnesotans, after spending far too long in your frozen state I'm happy to wave goodbye to you.  God bless your goofy accents, love of ice fishing, and ability to spend countless hours in winter doing nothing but playing Mexican train, drinking Miller Lite and getting even fatter.  Now I see why half the small towns in northern MN have unemployment at 50% for half the year - most of you don't want to work in winter so you can ice fish and deer hunt.  Can't say I blame you guys after seeing what your wives look like ... judging by their size I'd say your house ran out of Spam in the last blizzard and your old ladies swallowed a hitchhiker whole.

So long ... and thanks for all the fish.

Please stop asking me if I like Sarah Palin.  I have no idea where this comes from, but I've had 3 people message me in just the last week asking if I really like Sarah Palin.  I hate the woman with all my soul. 

I can't fathom why 3 total strangers would ask me on a BDSM site if I like Sarah Palin, or how they reached this conclusion.  The only thing I can think of, is that some people are trying to appear educated and smart but they have completely mixed up Palin with Michelle Bachmann.  Not just one person, not two, but three of you asshats have reached that conclusion.  So you assume that Sarah Palin is from some cold place, like Minnesota - so am I, and therefore we should be great buddies.  Let's have a quick history lesson for those who don't read for content:

Lesson #1 - Sarah Palin is from Alaska.  

Lesson #2 - Michele Bachmann is from Minnesota.  Looking at the map, Minnesota is quite far from Alaska. 

The only similarities I see is that both of those cunts are raving fucking nutjobs, both live in cold places, and both are people I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.  I think the similarities probably end there - besides both being magnets for the uneducated & toothless masses that think these two sluts could actually run a country.

But really people, do a little study on current events & politics before asking me stupid questions ... it's like asking someone from Spain how much they love tacos & fajitas. 

I'm beginning to think that every woman who works in the healthcare industry is a pervert.  Social services would be a close 2nd.

Lately I've been feeling like my life is in a rut.  I've never been thrilled with living in Minnesota, I think one winter was enough.  The rest of my life seems stuck ... not going backwards, but not going forwards ... more like a computer screen that's frozen up. 

I think it's time to hit the control-alt-delete of life and restart.

I think the following quote from Clarence Darrow sums up my feelings on the death of Bin Laden perfectly:

"I've never killed a man, but I've read many obituaries with great pleasure."  

Topping from the bottom.  Oh you submissives with your laundry list of demands, prerequisites, and detailed instructions on exactly how your future Dom is supposed to top you.  My favorite is the new profile from MN that states she will not have sex with any man until she has known him for a minimum of one year.  ONE YEAR!  Listen snowflake, your parents lied - you're actually not that special.  Your pussy is not encrusted with jewels, it doesn't make breakfast, and it sure as hell isn't worth waiting an entire year for its Owner to use as He sees fit.  And if you're naive enough to think you're going to find a Dom who is willing to wait an entire year before fucking you, I can guarantee he's going to find some other slut to fuck in the meantime.  

Collarme cunts, you never fail to keep me entertained.  =)

Stop snowing pleeeeaaase ... 8" in mid-April??  Really???

Sweet Jesus, evidently there is no such thing as "spring" in Minnesota.  It's simply the time of year when the ice melts from the lakes and you enjoy balmy temps of 35-40 degrees while everything is covered in mud and snowmelt.  This "spring" Minnesotans refer to is called "winter" by most of the country.

I'll never understand why people stay in this state and lead miserable lives in Artic temps for half the year, as if there's nothing better out there.  Your average Minnesotan is masochistic, they just don't know it.  

I just read somewhere on CM that there's now a cure for lesbianism:

My penis.

To the guy who probably spent hours coming up with that one, I'm dying to know just how many hot lesbians are emailing him to line up for the magic cure.  Poor bastard's Inbox must be overflowing with pussy demands. 

Attractive, intelligent perverts wanted.

I'm Dominant, not desperate.  There's a rare distinction on CM.  I am not for everyone, not by far.  If you're looking for someone but do not have your shit together, no thank you.

But I do love the entertainment value that is CollarMe.  The obviously fake profiles and the people who love them, then figure out they are fake, then piss and moan about it. 

My new favorite laugh are the poor young subbie girls and the young Doms that abuse them.  Though I tend to date women 21-40, I kind of feel sorry for these 18-19 year old girls getting into D/s with guys their own age.  Hey sometimes it works, great.  But really, what 19 year old boy can call themselves "Master"?   You can't even master how to keep your own pants and belt from falling around your knees, let alone show up for your Asst. Mgr. shift at Burger King on time.  

And remember folks - birth control is a wonderful thing. 

Pictures.  In the era of modern technology of Facebook, webcams, digital cameras, camera phones, scanners ... how can anyone claim "I don't have any pics".  Bullshit - "I don't have any pics I want to share" is more accurate.  You don't have any family or friends with access to a $20 cell phone?  I mean for fuck's sake, how did you stumble upon the internet then?  Are you on 28.8 AOL dialup?  Does your mobile phone resemble a WWII field radio?  Ever seen a color TV before?

If anyone is even remotely serious about finding someone on collarme, how can you expect someone to take you seriously if you're not willing to exchange photos at some point?  I'm not saying I need to see a photo in the first few emails, but at some point you need to find out who you are communicating with.  If your standards are that low that appearances don't matter, then you must be one ugly motherfucker.

If I had a nickle for every time-wasting retard trolling collarme I'd have Bill Gates mopping my floors.

What is it with D/s, Valentine's Day, and bad poetry?  I mean I've read more than enough terrible poetry on CollarMe, but I think Valentine's Day really brings out the worst in people's lame-ass attempts at writing poems, particularly the subs.   So in honor of those brave subbie girls professing their love through the written word, I decided to write my own haiku dedicated to them:

Poems can be sexy

Not all possess talent though

Stick with cocksucking

I really can't get enough entertainment out of these young 18-19 yr. old "Dommes".   I mean really, is there a course on BDSM at high schools now?  "Oh but I started at a young age ..."  Ha!  Like what, forcing schoolboys to carry your books to class? 

While some may have earlier experiences with kinky and/or rough sex, that's a far cry from the knowledge and experiences necessary to warrant calling yourself a Dominant.  While I firmly believe that true Doms are hard-wired from a young age for their future roles, there's a process of learning, knowledge, life experiences, and development that take place before you fully understand what true D/s is about and what your role as a Dominant means.

18-19 yr. old girls claiming to be "Dommes" are a laugh.  Most are merely kinky entrepreneurs, usually with an amazon.com wishlist, and very few have any desire to be serious about D/s other than to use it to further their own financial agenda.

I am really becoming disgusted with some of the kinkster photos on here.  Don't get me wrong, I love amateur porn and looking at erotic photography as much as the next guy ... but for fuck's sake can some of you learn to pick up the damn trash laying around your rooms before getting the camera out?  So many people on CM claim to take D/s service so seriously, yet your bedrooms resemble a college frat house after a 3-day bender??  When I see the the typical kink-photo of all the toys, dildos, crops, and bondage gear spread over the bed ... then glance around to see trash and dirty clothes on the floor, I have to laugh.  I mean if your floors are that nasty, I don't want to even think about the hygiene levels for your sex toys and bdsm gear.  Lord knows very few women today are capable of cooking, you'd think some of you could at least handle the cleaning aspect. 

A man's home is his castle.  A submissive or slave that allows her Dom's home to become messy is failing in her duties and should be punished accordingly.  A Dom who doesn't correct his sub for failure to maintain a clean home, and/or who doesn't mind living in a messy home is a pig himself.  Poor white trash is so 1992.

So today I came across this article about Webster's latest dictionary. I read that Webster's Dictionary has started to include acronyms, and among the new entries is BDSM.  I found the definition interesting:

BDSM - the perverted acts of fat people who enjoy hitting each other.

Watersports.  First off - gross.  I mean, ew.  It's sad that here on collarme, we have to disqualify some kinky people by telling them we don't like fucking animals, kids, and going the bathroom on people. 

Secondly, why is it called that?  Who deemed the act of urinating on another person a sport?  What's sporty about it?  I mean when I think of water-sports I think of kayaking, windsurfing, wakeboarding ... not taking a leak on my girlfriend.  Is there a winner or a loser, or a point system?  Are there secret underground competitions, maybe an amateur vs. professional league?   And where is the ideal arena for water-sports?  Do you prefer to soak your bedsheets and mattresses in urine, or prefer to stain your carpets like an un-trained puppy?  I'm sure that makes for an interesting fragrance in someone's household.  I'd also be curious to know what is discussed on the watersports clubs/forums - topics like "Is Asparagus the Most Scented Piss?"

Piss belongs in a toilet, cum belongs everywhere else on/in a slut.

Hope everyone had a Merry Xmas.  Any New Year's Resolutions?

I will make an effort not to spank any naughty girls too hard ... nah scratch that.

I will try not to view women as objects, fucktoys, or sluts ... umm on second thought ... never mind.

I will try not to make fun of stupid people on collarme ... nah forget it.

Dear Santa:

Since we are neighbors up here, I thought perhaps we could help each other out this Christmas.  I have a list of really nice girls that you would be interested in to make sure they are well taken care of this Christmas.  As a single man of 35, I've had some past relationships with vanilla girls who were very sweet and deserve nice Christmas presents.  I know on their lists are things like future husbands, children, a home in the suburbs,  minivans, and missionary with the lights on.

But I can't help these poor girls Santa!  That's why you need this list.  And all I ask for in exchange for helping some very sweet girls this Christmas is one small favor.  Somewhere in your office is a list of names and I'm pretty sure it's been checked twice.  I know there are some very naughty girls out there Santa and they're on that list of yours.  They touch themselves in bad places too much (or use more batteries a year than some African nations), they think about being spanked and having bad things done to them by bad men, and spend far too much time on that trashy website collarme.  Some of them want nothing more out of life than to be a man's personal slut & whore. 

But those naughty girls are not a lost cause Santa.  Not by far.  They just need someone to keep them in line and turn them into good girls.  Now don't get me wrong Santa, I only want to find one naughty girl to help.  But maybe if we trade lists, we can help more girls get what they want this Christmas.  Except that one little slut that wanted a man with a 10"+ penis.  I can't help her.

Oh and Santa, can you put a star next to the reallllllly bad girls that don't like condoms and prefer cum inside them? 

Sincerely,

Your Neighbor - Mr. B

Gas masks??   I'll never understand that one.  What is it that's kinky about wearing a gas mask?  Do you rent a hotel room, call room service to order 10 bowls of chili, put on your gas mask and see how long your submissive can last before your own personal tear gas knocks her out?   Or are you into post-apocalyptic roleplay - trying to procreate during nuclear fallout (which would explain the rubber suit and latex fetish that usually accompanies it, as I'm sure those yellow Haz-Mat suits are difficult to find on ebay)?  Or maybe it is the WWII Nazi fetish, because nothing makes you want to fuck like the thought of nerve gas & genocide?

I guess if you have a face that resembles 3-day roadkill, the gas mask allows you to actually experience what it's like to have sex without your partner being disgusted, shitfaced or unconscious.

Ok kiddies - grammar time!   How is that so many of you don't understand the difference between Dominant and Dominate?  It drives me fucking nuts to constantly read profiles about a submissive looking for a "dominate man".  So here's today English lesson:

I am a Dominant.  I like to dominate females. 

Now what the fuck is so difficult about that?