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Reality check.... the path to happiness isn't one that is going to find you. You have to look, beyond the distractions, beyond the questions.... Damn I wish I wasn't blind! Right now just checking this out. Been to a few other places on the web but they always seem like such a waste of time, too many people playing games. I am serious about these things but ultimately jaded as to whether or not I will find what I am looking for.

2/5/2007 1:16:09 PM Hmmm.... I checked my messages here this morning, saw a new note. Came back later in the day and it was gone. Makes me wonder if I was seeing things or something. Worst part is the individual was replying to something I had written before about manners... and now I don't know who they are because they are just gone from my mailbox... Well how poor my manners will look as I didn't reply... Apologies....

2/4/2007 7:56:33 AM There are days I wonder about what I really want. I got into a lengthy conversation last night over dinner about kink and the things I enjoy. It was interesting because my friend posed the question to me "Did you ever think of looking for the middle road?" It was perplexing for a moment as I have thought about it many times but it never seems to be an option I want. But then again I might be in the middle road because when I read some of these profiles they sound far more intense that I think I could be on a day to day basis. I do like some of the vanilla things in life and can't live this all the time. I enjoy it, want to enjoy it often but you read these things and some people are literally looking for a commanding relationship every minute. I prefer to think of it existing as an undercurrent of the relationship, brought forward when you want to play. But I further reflected that I can't go back to vanilla only. It is boring, unfulfilling. The times I have tried have been miserable failures. So I am in Limbo it seems. And as a man on this site, facing the very real shortage of truly interesting kinky women (and lets face it you are outnumbered 10 to 1 in most places/sites by men)... One last thing that seems to bother me quite a bit... I understand the internet is an enpowering place. But it also seems to strip manners away quicker than anything else. In almost any other setting if someone says hello you say hello back... But the internet... rude is the rule it seems. And then people wonder why they can't find anyone. You get used to that method of behavior and I am sorry but it permeates every aspect of who you are...