Third installment of "Letter to a Young Domme from a Middle Aged Man. I guess there is a word limit to each journal entry, and it sucks.

The other big change is the internet. My initial foray into seeking out people of like mind online was 8 years ago before we moved to ABQ. Being that I was in a relationship and that she was so busy while changing back to her European career, I never was able to go to any events such as regular munches that were held in Louisville, a city south of where we lived and a long drive to take. After moving to ABQ I become tied up with everyday things, but about two years ago I once again took the time to explore what was going on.

Through a nice person who suggested this website, Collarme.com, I was able to go beyond the lousy and often Craigslist personals. From there I was told over time of places like and ClubFem. Since last summer when I gained more free time I have been on and off trying to meet people on these real sites. It is not easy to do so and without attending munches it is even harder. The inability to attend munches is in part their time of the day and week versus my schedule with my partner. She comes first in my life and I cannot change this.

What I can attempt to change though is not being dominated at home anymore on occasion. Sure it has always been more "bedroom Play" for me and her, but I am ready to extrapolate upon this, experience sensations and to learn. Perhaps I will be turned on to a side of me that I dream about. A real submissive and even masochistic side, the real taboo of many peoples shallow vanilla existences.

We only live once and that is that. People place taboos upon things based upon false religious beliefs. There is no god, no heaven or hell. There is only People and the earth upon which we live. My life acquires meaning through my actions and experiences.

Please consider me as a subject or toy to enhance your experience as you go through life. I might surprise you and make your life better. This is my goal, to please another such as you if the desire on your part to use me is there.

Humbly and Sincerely,

J.

PS>

( wow this is a great deal said, I will need to copy and save this so that other people like you may read it--- of course it is a rough draft straight out of me head, but some days I am more lucid and articulate on "paper" then others--- Perhaps when I go back over this I will be less impressed, but I will wait in order to not spoil the pleasure that I now feel from having written such a seemingly wonderful and long email to a beautiful person such as you!!------- I suppose that for now I will copy it into my CM Journal as well as to perhaps my journal in due time).

Second half of my letter to a young Domme: A rough draft so what the heck...  I will refine this at some point. Perhaps Penthouse letters will accept it for compensation? LOL  Maybe I should hire Nancy to help me to refine my writing skills? She is so Sexy in many ways, as is one of her younger proteges at NM-rs--- I really like people who are honest and not always Vanilla--- and I depsreately need to get out of my house and away from the relationship at certain times in order to learn more about myself!! Please, anybody who has day times free HELP>> I have waited too long to do this and now I am ready to take the leap into a world of mystery and excitement.

. I did not ever realize how prevalent the desire by men to eat their own cum is. I was afraid all along that I might be deeply repressed and bi or even gay.

I have not met men who turn me on though so I know that whatever I am it is a mixture of things. Perhaps for a man to eat his own cum, well at least want to do so up until he fully ejaculates is some sort of submissive tendency? Whatever, it does not matter to me. I have always been friends with people who are not heterosexual, but now I find that I enjoy being around them perhaps often more so.

There is a quality to people who are not heterosexual that I find to be nice. The typical male/female types are so off base sometimes. They seem to be playing fake roles in life. One tends to be the leader and overly masculine while the other tends to be the follower and overly submissive in everyday things such as expecting the male to intro=duce himself and to always start up the dialog with just normal everyday things.

Even if I were to not be attractive to you, I wish that I could meet a woman like you who would be able to introduce me to cool people that I would really feel at ease with. Perhaps you run around with people of various ages? Some younger women and men are less age restricted than others. It is an individual preference and perception of time and age I believe. Of course each generation has its own special interests and that is often an obstacle to becoming friends with older or younger people.

Please let me know what you think of me so far. I am not a pain slut currently, but perhaps it might be enjoyable for you to turn a guy like me into a pain slut? I am an open book and sexually equal to a younger person who is just getting into this lifestyle to see what works and what does not. Like I said this is because HIV screwed up my whole generation and I was too shy to try things that I knew would be safe if proper protection was used.

Letter to a younger Domme from a middle aged guy who missed out on his true nature because of the advent of HIV when he came of age in college and his shyness in general in social situations:

 Hi,

   Although you are a great deal younger than me and my partner, I figured that I would introduce myself. Both I and she are submissive, but at the moment I am the only one who is trying to meet new people in this lifestyle.

      When I say that we are submissive, I mean that our nature is this way outside of the vanilla world that does not understand this lifestyle very well. We like to follow and obey. Unfortunately my partner went back into her career that she had in Europe and now she is in a really high powered position. This has made it such that when she comes home she wishes for me to dominate her in the bedroom. Thus, there is no longer the switching of roles and I deeply miss having her top me on and off.

     As such I am seeking a woman who is strictly dominant, and who I may serve during the day. I am currently her househusband and at home. I have never experienced S&M and I frankly do not know if I would grow to like it. I can say without hesitancy though that I really enjoy serving and doing as told.

     In the past I have had a few experiences with professionals and there was something lacking. It was great to be taken with a strapon even though it hurt. I am not one who gets hard when I experience pain, but the rush that the whole experience provides me with is so cool and I leave with a satisfied feeling; A feeling that sometimes I awake to years later and get off on in the middle of the night.

     By and large I am of the persuasion that older women suit me better, but I this does not mean that I am going to rule out all younger women. If a younger woman desires me then I will hand over power to her and see if the chemistry is right for more. I suppose that I am fairly normal in this respect in that I recognize that women my age are more likely to click with me, but I am attracted to dominant woman of all ages depending on their particular attributes.

     Your photo is really nice and what you write piques my curiosity. Therefore I am composing this email to you. I must say that friendship first is a requirement for me. I am a shy person and I need the friendship and trust before I can hand over more and more power to a dominant woman. With a few pro-dommes in the past I have handed over power right away, but it just did not work for me. It was empty.

     Life in general may be very empty and I seek people to help fill the void of existence with. Most all are vanilla and that is fine by me for many things. My situation is though that I have fantasized about female domination ever since I entered into adolescence. This was in the 1970s. By the time I went away to college I was ready to reach out, but I was socially shy and did not go to clubs, such as the "Kennel Club" in my home town back east. I wish I had but at the same time I am glad that I did not.

     Why am I glad? Well, this is the period when HIV was silently incubating in the general populace and we were all unaware of it in the early 80s. After this mysterious illness was reported and then discovered a couple of year later I resigned myself to safe relationships. As far back as 1995/1998 HIV was still considered to be a certain death sentence. The risk was greater than the reward for me. Despite the knowledge from the 1980s that proper protection was the way to avoid all the known STDs, I was too afraid to learn more about myself and my sexuality ( if one may call submission sexuality that is).

     As I said before, it is not about sex for me. I do not get hard when I am disciplined; for some reason though I crave it and the experience of relinquishing my power to the right female. When I was your age and eve older I used to view people my age as being "Old". I guess that this is most likely how you view someone close to 50 as well.

    If you desire the type of variety that I may be able to offer to you then please let me know if I may provide more information, or if you would wish to assess me in person over lunch or coffee for example. I do not know how much longer I will be available, but if I am under consideration by another woman then I will be completely open and honest about things. I am to only serve one woman until she grows tired of me.

    At some point I hope that while I am serving the right woman that I may introduce my partner to the situation and that we may be permitted to both serve as subs or even slaves. A slave? Well the thought turns me one, but it is a couple steps ahead of where I am today and more than a couple ahead of where my partner is at.

    So like I said, I am learning new things that I never did before and the internet is helping me to try to delve into this world that I have dreamed about literally since I was 12 years old. The more I read about this the more I realize that I am not the complete pervert that I thought I might be. So many other men and woman I find on line have the same desires and fantasies as me; For example, forced cum eating. 

IS there a word limit to the journal entries??? I wrote this here, copied it to MS word to look for typos and when I pasted it back it got cut off and jumped ahead to the very end??? BUMMER< I will need to create another journal entry in order to completly enter this whole Letter to a young Domme into my Journal.

Ever since puberty I have had fantasies of female domination. I was in an all-boys school when I entered puberty and the only women present were the teachers. The teachers were mainly of middle age but I found them to be sexy. At home I had begun to masturbate by the time I was 12 and in middle school. At the onset of puberty my parents had been too afraid to talk to me about human sexuality. They had instead placed a copy of the book, “Everything that you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask”, in a place where I would find and read it. This was when I was 6^th grade.

   The book said that it is healthy for people to masturbate, so I started to masturbate on a regular basis at home alone. I did not require pictures of naked women in order to enjoy masturbation, but they were fun to look at when I could get ahold of a copy of penthouse. In addition, I discovered that the stories in penthouse and penthouse letters were such a turn on. For god only knows why, the “kinky” stories about female domination were of special appeal to me and I began to seek out the “kinky” special issues of penthouse letters.

   Being that I was relegated to spending time with kids of my own sex whom I was not interested in, I began to fantasize about the older women who taught me. Specifically, I was turned on by their strict power over me while I was at school. I guess that, in part, this was a substitute for what was lacking in home discipline. My fantasies about school teachers were guided and shaped by the kinky tales published.

    Over the years I have read many different kinky things, and most have found a place in my imagination at various points in time. Recently I have discovered on the internet even more kink to mentally explore. I suppose that I have loosened up a bit over the years and some things that I once thought were not for me are no longer that way. A good example is that of serving as a cuck. Sure I do not find men attractive, but that does not mean that it would not be exciting to suck a cock for a woman and to eat cum for her if that is what she wanted to see me do.

   A fantasy that has stood out recently has been to serve a woman in a situation where women are the owners of men. I would be trained in private at first by one woman and then when I am ready she would take me to the place where women congregate with their male subs and slaves. At that place the women would require that all men be naked, on constant display and of constant service. Naturally these various women would have differing interests. If one of these women wanted to use me for her specific pleasure then the mistress I served would decide whether I would be allowed to serve that woman.

   On certain occasions I would be tied up on a block for display alongside other subs. We would be auctioned off to be used by the highest bidder as she was to see fit.  My mistress would not have a say in how I would be used unless she were the highest bidder, but perhaps she desired another sub for a while and would not bid on me. This is where her training of me would come in useful. She will have trained me to accept whatever came my way and to tolerate discomfort so long as it pleased a woman to use me for her own pleasure; be it sadistic or just dominant.

Well,

   just flew back from FL but the captain called off the sportfishing charter due to rough seas--- What a bummer!!

He did tell me that even though he does commercial fishing during the winter that he will keep a spot open for me. SO perhaps if the cards are right and I do not spend the 1grand in cash that I took out to pay him and the mate ( cash is always  king, lol ).