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If you are reading this because of some wittily incisive comment I made on a forum, thanks for your interest. It took literally months to train an infinite number of monkeys to produce material of this quality.
If you are wondering why I haven't bothered you with a memo yet, please understand that my underlings are very sensitive to criticism of their work. They get terribly upset when their finely-crafted one-liners have to compete with the four hundred others you received today. Not even double rations of bananas are enough to distract them from their misery.
I am slim, educated, self-sufficient, private, opinionated, probably arrogant, sometimes unforgiving, and single. People who are intelligent, have interesting foreign accents or who know how to use basic punctuation capture my attention easily.
I won't entertain requests for online domination of any kind.
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