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Power such as something like electricity can be good or bad depending on how it is used. The owner of the power has to be able to control it as well as himself. But controlled power in the right hands, the possibilities of its use are endless.
Some of my general thoughts on Ds
I have watched with dismay over the years as this lifestyle has seemed to turn into something that revolves around sex. Sex is a big part of this due to the sheer levels of intimacy and passion involved and lets face it, power and control, or being controlled and feeling that power, are very strong ahphrodesiacs. I am not lessening the sexual power in Ds, but shouldnt it be an extension of the relationship, not the basis for it?There also seems to be an unusual amount of desire for sessioning, again as if that constitutes the basis for this. Sessioning is a power tool if done right, but if the relationship is based on the session, play or scene, isnt it just more or less topping and bottoming?Using a flogger is easy. To use a flogger, a single tail, bondage or any myrid of other things is nothing more than topping or play. It is said time and time again that Ds is mostly mental, to the point of that statement sounds trite now. However it is a true statement, only most do not understand why it is true. A decent Dominant can make a submissive be submissive, act submissive, do parlor tricks, etc., but few really can enter her mind deep enough to make her not just feel that submission, but to make it last. It also take the mind of the submissive and not just the mind of the Dominant, because she has to have the ability to truly understand and want to go that deep, to let him into her mind, but no matter how willing she is, very few Masters seem to really understand the mind of a submissive or how to enter it on that deep level. If just playing, topping, bottoming or having ones ego stroked by her acting submissive is enough, that is great, I wont judge, but it not enough for me.
Just like in vanilla where not every woman is right for every man, the same is true in Ds. Not every submissive is right for every Dominant and visa versa. The Master has to be able to dominate her as herself, just like a lover should not try and change their partners personality, if you cannot dom her as herself, then it is simple, it does not make her not submissive and it does not necessarily make him less of a Dominant, they are just not the right match. Not astro physics.To me this is based around the exchange of power. I have always sought the power and control first and foremost for without that in place first, the relationship is destined to fall apart. In my way of thinking if the Dominant rushes this, pushes too hard too fast and does not build on the foundation, will it really last? However if he does take his time, constantly moving forward, constantly pushing her, but building, wouldnt he eventually have all he wants from her in the long term. In my opinion yes, he will have all he wants and probably more because if he builds her and the relationship right, he will have all the power and control at his beckn call.This leads to another topic, the gift. Years ago when I first started the word gift was never used. submission was something that was a term to define what was inside of someone. If submission is viewed as a gift then wouldnt the Dominant be working for the submissive, constantly trying to be worthy of this nebulas gift?
A Dominant who starts out a letter saying he is dominant, isnt that redundant? If he really is, does he have to say it, or is it more real by his ways and mind showing it? What happened to the respect of a position -- too many Dominants do not bother to spell correctly or use proper grammar. They spell in small caps and that includes their name. If one does not have respect for the position how can they be respected? Isnt it better to take your time, actually write out a letter, use capital letters when necessary and spell out your name -- show respect for the position if you want to be respected.These might be little things, but little things add up.It is said that trust is the most important factor in Ds, even moreso than any other type of relationship. Isnt trust important in all s of relationships, from personal, friends, marriage, even business? If one is less trustworthy in those s of relationships, why would they suddenly be trustworthy in Ds? I know what is said, that due to the power a Dominant has over a submissive, he needs to build up her trust, that is true, but even in vanilla, if you never lay a hand on someone, isnt there potential for great emotional harm, so why in reality is trust more important in Ds?There are many dominant men out there. I deal with them in the business world every day. However just because a man is dominant in nature, does not mean he has the understanding to be a Dominant. They really are two different things, different dynamics and mindsets.The same with being in control and being controlling. Totally different things. Mental manipulation in my opinion is not having control, it is a false power.
I have been involved in Ds for many years, more than I care to count. However I have found many who claim as many or even more actual years of involvement but they seem to be in a place where time stood still. There was no development of their ideas, of their core beliefs. If someone does the exact same job for 20 years, they have 20 years of actual experience, but they are doing the exact same thing as when they started. Has that 20 years of experience expanded their mind, expanded their thoughts. Even a Master has to continue to grow.Ds is a relationship, unless you are just interested in short term and playing. But that can be done in vanilla for how many vanilla lovers play at bondage and roles. It is a relationship, albeit governed by different dynamics, but it is still a relationship. Like any other relationship this takes time to develop and will have its ups and downs. It is not the problems that destroy relationships, it is the way they are handled.
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