From the Domme:

We have had the opportunity being on CM to meet some very extraordinary individuals. Certainly there has been some frustration and disappointments, but I would expect no less. Finding and meeting the perfect person(s) to welcome into our home and hearts takes time. People looking for the same niche we are, certainly decreases the options as well. But Mark and I are very unique people, the likes of which the majority have never seen before and which are impossible to classify into a single catagory. We are beautiful (inside and out), and even though we will still oversee our sub/slave with control and power - we have a wiser, gentle, yet always loving side to our persona.

I am elated at the prospect of meeting and training (or working with) those who are willing to take the next step into the second layer of kink. I truly believe it will be even more satisfying for the blessed few ready to experience that in their life path. Those who are interested and excited to see just how much more of a whole person they can be - kink and all.

One of the things that I've realized through this short initial period is that most people really don't know much about Fibromyalgia (FMS). Dealing with FMS for the last 15 years has made me an immensely strong person.

Following is an excerpt of The Fibro experience and was written March 2009:

"Coming up this May I'll have had Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) for 15 years, it was triggered by a car accident. FMS is a central nervous system disorder charactized by chronic full body pain. I'm in pain every day, it's just usually on a scale of 4-10 (out of 1-10). And I believe [a friend]'s right, because I can tell you that after this long I honestly have no idea what is like not to feel pain anymore. It's become normal.

If anyone has any additional questions regarding Fibromyalgia I will be happy to try to answer your questions. Although there are a certain criteria of symptoms which tend to be standard, the vast majority of sub-symptoms vary as greatly as the individuals with FMS. Which is also the reason why, at this time, there is no cure. Only Medications to try to relieve the worst of each persons individual ails.

Goddess Bless,

Jerrilee

I write (and post) these journals for several reasons: I feel the need to speak, to say ‘this is who I am’ so that anyone who considers serving us has a true and honest window into my essence as a man and a dominant.  I also write because of inspiration from my wife’s own writings (also posted on our profile) and from the cherished few we have already met via this site that, although they may not be the one(s) for us, their own words have been beautiful and precious to me.

My wife’s writings are her voice; this is my voice as a husband, a man and a dominant.  I’m sure she and I will say many of the same things in the separate journals that we post, not because we lack our own voice or beliefs as an individual, but because we share the same beliefs so often…we are well suited for each other as mates and often act or speak as one even when choosing our actions and words independently.  I will speak of my personal beliefs and Truths, Truth is a word of power for me, and my Truths are tied to my sense of right and wrong, my honor, integrity, nobility.  If I speak with passion I mean no disrespect for those that hold different Truths or beliefs then I.  There are many paths and beliefs equally valid to guide us through our life, mine are only for me and although I will share them with you I do not mean to force them on anyone.

I entered the bdsm lifestyle 15 years ago and my beliefs today reflect the total of my journey so far within the world of D/s.  In comparing the focus of the lifestyle back in the 90’s to now there is a noticeable shift of emphasis towards the kink and sex and away from the emotional and spiritual bonds that exist between dom and sub.  Even as a 25year old man who personally found the sex and kink so very compelling back then I was still drawn more towards the deeper bonding and responsibilities of a dominant and that focus for me is even stronger today in my 40’s.  So while the community and the lifestyle has continued to shift more towards the kink, I continue to shift away from the kink, to the point now that I question whether I should even claim to be a ‘lifestyler’ at all within bdsm.

I wholly embrace the kink and sexual layer within the lifestyle (although my own personal interest in kink is pretty low at this point).  It’s real, cathartic and powerful.  But I also now believe that it’s a modern day construct to create a shared language and medium to allow us to embrace our core wiring as dominants or submissives because modern day doesn’t given us any other framework to do so.  You can trace back clear examples of D/s within cultures and societies for 100’s of years but only in modern day has D/s been viewed a wholly sexual lifestyle by society and I think that doesn’t do it justice.

I don’t consider being a dominant (or a submissive) a sexual orientation from how I think on it anymore.  I’m simply a dominant….in all aspects of who I am…period.  For me, being a dominant means gravitating towards leadership, decision making, shouldering responsibility for things that must be done, being aware of the influence you have on others at all times and choosing wisely to lead by example in all that you do.  A dominant’s every breath should weigh heavy with responsibility, for their own actions but also for all things and all people around you.  I view the people in my life as MINE, my responsibility.  Not just a submissive that chooses to serve me, not just and often not at all in a sexual way.  My wife, my friends, my coworkers, my neighbors, even the cocktail waitress that serves me but one drink in a bar.  I live and breath a sense of constant responsibility to all those around me while they are in my presence that I must lead, influence, inspire, teach, listen, protect.  Yes that’s certainly ego, but it’s my wiring. 

I do think the lifestyle defines dominants and submissives as a sexual orientation.  There is nothing wrong with that – and absolutely I think its 100% valid to do so as long as you know you’re speaking about sexuality only.  But I no longer connect my own wiring as a dominant to my sexual orientation – yes I am certainly wired as a sexual dominant as well but my life and my energy at 40 is not focused on my sexuality as much as it’s focused on my value and worth as a man in total.  If I pick up a toy and paddle some submissives behind for the sake of their arousal or mine…I don’t feel I’m a dominant because of that action – it’s simply too small of an act to define my worth as a man or a dominant.  

Even in modern day I think there are examples of true D/s that rise above the kink, or have nothing to do with it.  I think we all likely know at least one person who has felt a deep personal calling to serve their country in the military – I know not all that serve the military do so for such core needs but some do.  They offer up their lives, their entire being to serve.  They may not be submitting to a single individual that they view as their dominant, but their country is their dominant, one they willingly give all that they have to serve, they gift themselves to their country just as a submissive gifts themselves to their dominant.  We used to live in times where that was more common at a personal level – we don’t anymore and so the essence of D/s has transitioned into a sexual lifestyle.

I truly don’t mean to disparage the sexual or kink aspects to the lifestyle.  Human beings are sexual creatures and that is one of my core Truths.  My entire sense of myself as a man is still tied to my sexuality, but not to the ACT of sex.  I can accept a masochist for who they are, I can accept that some are wired for pain or humiliation.  In the deepest corners of my own being I have my own dark needs or desires, we all do.  But the NOBILITY of D/s I feel stems from the kindness, love and respect that both dominant and submissive gift each other when bonded.  When you can reach that level of bonding it’s simply too much for words to describe the power and beauty of that relationship.

At this point in my life that is my focus, i.e. on the deepest levels of D/s, that is what I seek in a submissive that chooses to serve me (us).  My wife and I are wired as true dominants, we have a true need to seek someone to serve us, for us to nurture and shelter and guide and own…with love and respect.

blessings upon you
-m

From the Domme - This writing is a rough draft. It has not been edited or polished in any way. Because I write about my own beliefs as well as my husbands, there will be I/we contradictions.

I will do my best to express my opinions and beliefs. I do not, however, expect others to conform to them. Nor do I feel that my/our way is the only way. It is within my personal confines that I express such things, and am in no way trying to influence, condemn, or lessen another's experiences or pass judgement.

I actually imagine that if anyone does read this, I'll be leaving the majority scratching their heads in either disbelief or incomprehension. Perhaps a gifted few will come away with new ideas and perspectives that could benefit both Dom/me and sub/slave. Although I thoroughly expect most to disregard everything said, or worst case, try to agrue certain points. I am happy to try to answer any questions you might have, but they should be directed in a non-angry, purely inquisitory manner. Nastiness, rude comments, and general bad behavior are not tolerable,and to be frank, are not worthy of the effort to respond. Thus said, let's continue.

I personally view "kink" to be multi-layered. The most shallow layer being the physical/sexual layer. It seems to be the layer that most are attracted to when starting to explore the BDSM world and possibilities. Much like the shallow end of the pool, it's where people wade in and test the waters. It appears to me that most (not all) of what is out there in the BDSM community is hard focused on sex, or at least the physical acts of such. The possibilities for people attracted to this initial layer are widely varied and seem endless, which could easily explain why so many are attracted to it. As a side note, i would even say that sex (especially so widely varied) and being legal is a great way for some to escape their daily lives, to live in the moment and find their bliss. I think this is a wonderful, healthy outlet and experience for some, and I believe that for the majority this is all they need. For me? I need more. Which brings me to the next level of BDSM. Although I admit that the further into the layers that one delves, the term BDSM is not a completely accurate acronym. But for now, it will need to suffice.

The next layer that I'm privy to is the actual emotional layer. Not to say that emotions are not in play in the first level, obviiously they are. But I view them as more lustful. I will abstain from using the word passionate to describe the first level because I believe it is better used to describe feelings at this deeper level. I should also note that the term "passion" can be used in many ways, and a sexual passion is certainly valid, but again, belongs in the first catagory. The type of passion I'm describing for this second level is more a passion o fthe heart and/or soul. It is what drives you, motivates you, and moves beyond the sexual. Although I understand that to some, everything is and can be related to sex in some way, shape or form. That however, is not my wiring, so I will use the term as I see fit.

At this level we are creating bonds through emotions to endure training, challenges and setbacks, yet also to share victories and accomplishments with our chosen ones. It is the actual forging of relationships where true love and trust can be made stronger or broken. Physical pains heal much more rapidly, whereas some emotional damage may 'heal,' but will most likely leave invisible scars or injuries that can last any length of time. In my opinion, it is because of this that the most care must be taken at this level to build, nurture, and grow a relationship as well as to minimize any negatives. It is also at this level that an honorable Dom/me must use well though out actions for the betterment of their sub/slave.

The deepest layer is still only a vague concept for me at this point in my Domme training (my husband has 15 years of extensive and formal training in the San Francisco BDSM community and has owned seven submissives). I have a few ideas, yet not enough to write a cohesive paragraph. I look forward to exploring and developing this layer. Although I'm quite sure that it will revolve around complete trust and respect between Dom/me and sub/slave, even though an outsider may not be able to tell. But then, what an outsider may think of this is of no concern. The important matter at hand is the full trust between Dom/me and sub/slave and the great honor it is for both to be satisfying to needs and desires of all involved while both parties continue to learn and grow.

I come from a very conservative family. My upbringing was quite strict, where physical and verbal abuse were a daily occurance. But strong values and honor were a keystone. I was never sexually abused as a child and was raised Roman Catholic, although I joking say that I'm a recovering Catholic. I love my family dearly and have a very strong bond with them which has helped me through many hardships. When I was 24 I was a flight attendant for a national airline, I was raped by a co-worker in Mexico on a lay-over. I got over the rape, it is after all only an offense to the physical body, but what still infuriates me to this day is how I was treated by the airlines. Being called a liar and having to sit and watch while they systematically fired anyone and everyone associated with the incident that would not lie or cover up the story. Most regrettably a beautiful, strong soul - the supervisor who brought me home. They offered her $50,000 to keep quiet, but her morals and honor could be compromised or purchased no more than mine could. She lost her job and her house over the incident. I made a promise long ago that no one will ever have to pay for retaining their integrity around me again. I can be vicious, cold and beyond brutal in the protection of those who deserve it. It is my responsibility, my duty and my honor.

Fifteen years ago I was in a car accident that triggered a central nervous system disorder called Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS). It is characterized by chronic all over body pain. At times the pain is bad enough that I damage myself (unconsciously) in areas not hurting as a distraction from the Fibro pain. My husband usually catches it before I do. On rare occasion my palms may drip blood because I have dug my nails into them. It also affects my short term memory, I have inadvertant muscle spasms as well as a few other ails. I have found that keeping trim and active lessens the pain to (usually) tolerable levels. I have become quite adept at masking the FMS symptoms and no one other than my husband is even remotely aware of my pains levels. So with all of this I can honestly say that I cannot even comprehend why some sub/slaves enjoy pain. But regardless, I'm a able to accept that many do like it. I try to be open and understand. I don't care to be judged, so I am able to just accept someone's kink for what it is - but I will often ask questions to get a better understanding of that person and their experiences.

I have been blessed by a marriage to an incredible man. What we have between us is what most only dream of, and in all honesty what 98% of the population can't even believe exists (especially between two Domm/me's who have never been either submissive or a switch). But apparently I paid my karma up front (which knowing my own personality wouldn't suprise me) and am now being rewarded with my perfect life. My husband has been tutoring me as a Domme. Not to make me his equal - but because I AM his equal. I just have not had the experience in the protocol of the BDSM community. Although my wiring and call in life is to be a Domme, it just took me a while to figure that out on my own. To learn was entirely my decision and he is thrilled that I have chosen this path. More on our interaction in a bit.

I was born with power, I was born an Alpha. I already know that some reading this may view the disability or the rape as weakness or being submissive. I disagree. I believe that life throws some really ugly things at us from time to time, but it is not these circumstances which make us weak (although they could); even though we do not have control in the middle of the experiences and may feel weak or lost. What makes the person is what you do with those experiences. I use them both to counsel others who have been raped or have FMS (and their families). I build up the victims and give them strength and hope. So think what you will about me - I know who and what I am. But do not ever believe that a victim is weak or submissive. I honor and respect them for their courage to continue on and using that experience to become stronger and hopefully becoming a mentor. However, I also don't judge the ones who cannot get over it and continue to be a victim. It is their path, and their lesson to learn. They are how they are wired.

In my Dom/Domme marriage we are both so happy to be together and to nurture and support one another. We are both Alpha's and are both very secure in who we are, what we want and what we desire. Occasionally that means butting heads, but not that often. There are very good reasons for this which I will attempt to list and detail. With any luck, other Dom/Domme couples will find this useful as well. We view each other as equals and do not find our differences to be diminishing. For example, I enjoy cooking and having dinner together at the diniing room table when he gets home from work. Afterwards I clean up the kitchen and get everything put away. Do you think that makes me a sub? It most absolutely does not. First of all, it's a small kitchen and I hate having someone underfoot. But, and more importantly, I love to honor my husband and have that honor reciprocated. That's called a loving, nurturing relationship. Neither of us gives up any power to please the other, we do it out of love and respect. I read a forum post once where someone chastized such behavior as a 'switch' and not dominant. I actually feel pity for those who have not grown or educated themselves enough to find the true bliss in gifting themselves or even their actions to another without somehow feeling themselves to be less of a person. I personally find great satisfaction in gifting my time to charitable organizations and in teaching for the American Red Cross. I have so much power that it betters me to be able to share that with others less fortunate. My students leave my class empowered and are comfortable that they can save the life of a fellow human being. So, how exactly is that diminishing myself in some way? Or the people I teach?

Because my husband works full-time we both view my charitable gifts to be from both of us. It can be hard work, but there is something transcendant, something that makes me even more powerful with my charity work. For anyone who has never tried it, or thinks this is a bunch of nonsense - I challenge you! Put aside your weak or false pretenses of power for just one day and find out what true power and satisfaction actually is. But like I said, shed the disguise first and inter into it with an open heart. Try the children's hospital, veteran's hospital, elderly home, or animal shelter. It could change your whole perspective on life. If it doesn't, I'd dare say you have deeper issues that BDSM can only hide for a while, but you will never be free, and thus truly happy.

Let's discuss some of the benefits of a Dom/Domme relationship. First of all just on it's own (although already briefly described int he previous section) in a trusting, loving, reciprocal D/D relationship there are many benefits. I'd say more benefits that outweigh any potential pitfalls. I do say potential pitfalls because love, understanding, and above all, communication can and will help your D/D partner to be on the same page (so to say), thereby eliminating at least 85-90% of potential issues. I can say this and mean it because it works for me and my husband. The other 10-15%, well you're on your own. All couples, even the best of friends, will fight from time to time. The trick here - again - is communication, without accusation. Goddess know how much a Dom/me hates getting pinned on the carpet for anything. Rather, try to talk and find out what caused the altercation. Maybe they've just had a horrible day and could use some unwinding time. My husband and I gift down time to each other often and niether of us generally worries that there's anything wrong. However, on those occasions where one of us has really grated the other the wrong way, talking goes a long way in helping to resove the issue(s). I cannot stress this next point enough! Apologizing does NOT make you weak or submissive. Get over yourself. It is respect and consideration for your mate. Is fighting to prove you're right generally worth the additional damage a fight could cause? And in those unfortunate situations where there really is no other out? Be the bigger person, show your strength by trying to make things right. Or at least tolerable. By approaching disagreements from a position of strength, there is no possible way to lose your personal power and be any less of the Dom/Domme you are. Although to be fair - really fair - I have met only enough true Dom/Dommes to count on my digits. The rest seem to be bullies, users, and more often than not truly belong solely on the first tier of kink.

My husband and I work as a cohesive unit. We know each others triumphs and failures, joys and sorrows, hopes and dreams. We know what makes the other tick. He is gentle and kind to me. My FMS does not allow me to take much pain or stress. He acknowledges that and still loves me with is full heart and soul. He does not view my disability as something to make me less of a Domme. In fact, just the opposite. I don't complain about it and I NEVER use it as an excuse. If we have plans or a social engagement I go and don't fuss. He knows me well enough to know when I'm in pain, but he doesn't fuss either. He respects and admires that about me and feels that makes me one of the strongest people he knows. Besides... I tried whining years ago and it didn't help anything. So why bother.

We also trust each other implicitly. He doesn't lie to me, nor me to him. With everything else a major keystone to our foundation is trust. Which I firmly believe must exist if you are planning on exploring the world of BDSM at all. There is no room for doubting your partner. For anyone reading this considering trying BDSM as an established couple: Without trust, I would highly suggest that you both do some soul searching within the second layer before being seduced by the first layer of kink.

The benefits to both my husband and me is already our rock solid foundation in our current relationship, but with the addition of a sub/slave we will actually be expanding our "circle of mutual admiration." Considering that we are both stable, loving people we are able to gift our chosen sub/slave with an abundance of love and respect in reciprocation for the submission and devotion. It ends up as a win-win-win situation.

The benefits to our sub/slave has several facets. We have taken great time and care in considering what would be healthy and unhealthy for our chosen one. On the vanilla level we believe our chosen one should have an education and be employable. If our sub/slave does not already have a BA/BS, that will be one of their responsibilities to get one. Both my husband and I are college grads and see education as a way for us to help our sub/slave grow and learn. In addition our sub/slave is required to maintain proper nutrition and exercise. First, neither of us expect our sub/slave to do more in this are than we already do, but we see it as a requrement for a few reasons. A healthy sub/slave is more likely to stay healthy in the long run by developing good habits. They will glean self-esteem regarding their own body image that will allow me to be complimentary to them. When we attend any vanilla functions with me, we can all feel good about the presentation of my "court." Finally, if they do venture on in the future, they have something (themselves/fitness) that is something no one can take away and many will prize. I will also be teaching my sub/slave to be proficient in energy work, the fine art of Aromatherapy, as well as a working knowledge of herbs and their holistic uses.

I feel that as a Domme it is my duty to dispense with the disciplines and rewards that will feed and nurture my sub/slave. I realize that this writing has been almost entirely focused on the second level of kink (which is obviously more important to me). I also understand that I could decondition a sexual desire or response in my sub/slave. However, I can find no honor or integrity in neutralizing my s/s. I view that as a horrible disservice which would make me a Domme thoroughly unworthy of the trust and responsibility placed in my hands. Honor and integrity come first in my life. With that said, for those that are past the hard core level of kink and are eager and willing to delve deeper, I believe we offer the best training to be had. But is is more than just training. It is about becoming part of a loving household, and how to integrate BDSM with someting worthy of being called love and home.

Finally, I have faith that after your training and after being our sub/slave you will be able to sniff our the liars, bullies, phonies and cheats from a mile away. The gift of your service is precious and the gift of your trust to be honored and cherished. My most sincere hope is that you will always find the one(s) who are truly worthy of that gift. If you dont' find it right away - Move on! Don't cheapen your beautiful gift by even allowing some dirtbag to glimpse it. Because you know that'll just make them want it more... and then the head games come. You may be a sub/slave but you are a human with a treasured gift for the worthy. Please don't ever forget that!

I would love to have someone:

take care of all the domestic chores around the house - It pleases me to have a clean home

help to prepare meals and do prep work

who can help me with shopping and bringing in the groceries

clean the kitchen after dinner while I spend time with my husband

to exercise with, yoga, and stretching

to teach energy work to - perhaps sharing in spell work (but that would come later)

wake me softly and gently, maybe with a latte, to help me get my day going

wash my back in the shower and help groom me

give me foot and back massages to help alleviate the pain of my Fibro

to curl up on the couch with during the day and watch chick flicks (after your chores are done of course)

who loves animals - especially cats. We have 2 persians that are treated like little princes

who is capable of doing hair and make up when I compete in my beauty pageants (hobby)

who is like a hand maiden to their queen (and of course to the king - although since he is at work for most of the day, you will spend more time with me). Someone to care for my every need and desire. i have always been fascinated with times of old, where kings and queens ruled, when your word was your bond and honor and integrity made the man/woman.

that will understand that whenever we go out for the evening, we do hold "court" and our sub/slave must be willing and able to act the part

that lives to serve me and my husband equally

But so as not to allow you to get caught up my my flowery words and gentle emotions - Don't forget that I am still a Domme, even though I do not have the extensive background that my husband has. My husband and I "rule" the household equally and I am the primary disciplinarian mainly because you will be home with me while he is at work (although as the final trial in my training it is still my task and my upbringing poses no barriers). Follow the rules and everything will be quite blissful. However, if all of this has somehow skewed your view of my personality to being a pushover or in any way whatsoever some kind of closet submissive, I assure you that you are mistaken. I'll take it a step further even - for anyone entering my home with the slightest inkling of making it less than blissful, you will find the true meaning of Wrath. And not a physical or verbal kind. A Witch protects her home and her brood while fearing no consequence.

Goddess Bless

J