I do believe my interest in domination may be from the example I grew up with. My mother wears the pants in my parents' relationship. God forbid my father ever say anything wrong or out of turn, she will holler and slash him to ribbons.
I have been psychoanalyzing my family for 10+ years. I am pretty sure I know why my mother does it. And the fact that my father takes the abuse, he HAS to get something out of it.
My mother comes from a blue collar family and is fairly uneducated, but she's boisterous and commanding. My father is extremely well educated and bookish with a soft spoken demeanor.
My mother looks to control as to take focus off of doing her work on herself. She is so incredibly unhappy with her life that she feels the need to jump into other people's emotional sandbox and start rooting around. She is also deep in her dis-ease, and too self absorbed to truly feel compassion.
My father takes the abuse because he has already invested too much time into their relationship. He is a taurus, he is much too stubborn in his own way, and would rather keep things the way they are then try to move mountains. I do believe he may get a feeling of self righteousness out of it too, like every time she yells it proves how much of a good person he is. He also escapes through is religious fanaticism, where he "found jesus" about 6-7 years ago.
I believe I am a perfect blend of both their personalities. I am a natural leader and know how to delegate tasks, as well as being educated and well read. To the stranger I am unassuming, but when you get to know me the inner vixen comes out. I am a rock star in librarian's clothing.
And as someone who is so incredibly self aware, I know exactly what I am doing and why. I have done countless hours of self education and read about the psychology of why we say things a certain way, the underlying questions asked when we speak, and the possible outcomes of the dialogue.
It is a fantasy to Dominate men, but a seriously intricate fantasy with many moving parts. I find myself fascinated by the mechanics of human interaction. And will all this knowledge, I know exactly how to make my puppets dance for me.
-Charlotte Vice |