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This isn't difficult, folks. You read the profile, the entire profile, and the journal entries, and you follow the instructions contained therein. Out of all the letters so far, two people have done it correctly.
Middle-aged, BBW Domme, with about eight years experience in kink, looking to add a masochistic service oriented submissive to my House. I currently own one boy. Details are as follows, and I can provide references within the local kink community on request. This is how I live my life, and I am very serious about it. If you are looking for a little bedroom kinky - spanky - spank, this is not the place to find that, please don't waste my time.
Please note! I am not now, nor do I ever intend to be, a professional domme. I do not ask for, nor accept, money or "tribute" in exchange for play. If you are looking for that, please seek it elsewhere.
I do not accept chat requests from strangers. I do not cyber. Ever.
While I am willing to consider those who can relocate, I think long distance relationships are extremely difficult, if not impossible, to maintain. Therefore, I would prefer that those who write me for consideration be within 100 miles of the Hampton Roads area of Virginia.
The Details:
What I am not into/will not do
Why, if it's not a hard limit? Because it either does nothing at all for me and bores me to death, or it turns me off completely -
adult baby/diaper lovers
foot/shoe fetishists
anyone who needs to "worship" any of my parts
degradation
splooshing
That Gor crap
Hard Limits
Scat, minors, animals, drugs, any play involving pressure on the throat done with the purpose of restricting breathing.
Playing with anyone under the influence of drugs (illegal or not - ie - Vicodin, codeine, etc, or alcohol.
I need to say that I will not engage in sexual play with anyone with any type of STDs. Apologies, but I just am not willing to assume any risk in that area.
What I like
I'm a sadist. You need to like pain, and have a fairly good tolerance for it. If you find pain erotic, even better.
I like obedience. If you can't obey, first time, every time, then we have an issue. I also will not beat you until you obey. But, my punishments will make you wish I would beat you instead.
I like service oriented submissives, and those that bring some useful skills to the table.
I am very okay with transgendered, intersex and gender fluid people.
I'm rethinking my opinion on crossdressers and sissies. If you just want to put on a dress and admire yourself, then no, I'm not interested in helping you feed your ego or your masturbatory fantasies. If you love girl clothes and you feel like part of you is missing if you don't dress up and it makes you happy to indulge your feminine self, then I'm fine with it. I also can appreciate those who like the mild humiliation of "forced" feminization.
Different people impress me in different ways. It is important to keep an open mind. In a recent relationship, we found out the parameters changed very rapidly from what we first agreed on.
Please have spirit, fire and intelligence. Be passionate about life, and your role in it. I will expect you to be involved to some extent in the local community, and attend various sorts of events with me.
You will need to be employed, have health insurance, and provide your own transportation. If invited to live in my House, you will need to prove you have enough money to reestablish your own living quarters if you are released from your collar.
You need to be drug and STD free, and if you consume alcohol, it should be in extreme moderation. I will expect full disclosure of all health issues early in our negotiations.
If you are still involved in heavy drama from a previous marriage or relationship, please get your life in order before contacting me. I will not tolerate having this come into my home and disrupt my life.
I prefer that you not have children, or that your children be adult and on their own. This avoids custody and child welfare issues that can arise in power exchange relationships. Also, I prefer not to live my life in the BDSM closet.
If you have read this, and still wish to contact me, please place the word "rhubarb" in the subject line. This is for my own personal reassurance that, perhaps, you did actually read my profile:)
I am very leery of Collar Me, but am posting here just in the off chance a good person might be found.
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After a fair number of years in the kink community, both online and in real life, I find myself burning out. With the advent of a specific kinky social networking site, the amount of drama in my community has increased a thousand fold. A huge number of people that are more interested in spicing up a stale marriage or trolling for sex partners comprise a huge number of the new folks. And I despair of ever having a serious kink community again.
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Just a note - If you notice I've read your profile, but not contacted you, please do not automatically take this as a sign of rejection. I personally believe that a submissive should express an interest in a dominant, not the other way around, because that can feel predatory and uncomfortable to some submissives, and a few of us "old school" dominants feel it borders on the unethical. |
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Wow! Lots of creepy emails from jerks, the reputation of Collar Me seems to be well deserved. But, that being said, some very polite emails from nice people. And those are much appreciated. |
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How to Contact and Find a Dominant
I wrote and posted this on another kink site I am a member of, and you may have read it there.
I hear a lot of complaints in various groups here and in my kink community from subs who can't seem to find a dominant, and I also hear the stories from other dominants about why many submissives are not making their list for potential play partners. Subs, read on, I'm sharing what I've learned from my own and other dominants' experiences.
1. Be polite. Address the dominant as Sir or Ma'am, or other appropriate title. Use the letter form we all learned in elementary school. You know..."Dear Ma'am"..."Sincerely, bobthesub"... Sign your name, your scene name is fine. Write an actual paragraph (minimum), and, please, don't just say "Hello, how are you?".
2. Make sure you have read their entire profile page before writing to them, and at least looked through their writings to make sure there are not any further contact instructions there. Look through their fetish list also, to get a feel for what their kink interests are. Keep in mind some of us post humorous fetishes.
3. State why they have captured your attention, beyond the fact they are a dominant. It can be a vanilla interest, such as sharing the dominant's taste in movies or music, or it can be your shared kink interests or goals, or why you fit the description of the sub/slave they are seeking.
4. State your experience as a submissive. If you are new and without a clue, say so! There is no shame in being brand new. Also state what you bring to the table. IE - "I am a CPA", "I am interested in service, and I have extensive domestic skills", "I am a very good cook", "I am a trained mechanic", "I make custom wood furniture", "I am very obedient and willing to learn", etc." You may have some skills you are taking for granted that a Dominant would be very happy to have you provide. Think hard about your talents and abilities.
5. Do not send a picture of your genitalia unless requested. I can't speak for all Dominants, but most Dommes in my acquaintance don't want to see it, and it can get you deleted and blocked very quickly. If you are male, don't even mention your penis or sexual talents, unless all you are offering is sexual service, and not a lot of us are looking for just that.
6. Be willing to wait awhile before you meet face to face. An ethical dominant is not going to suggest you meet up for coffee that afternoon. They are going to want to exchange correspondence for a while, sometimes a long while, before meeting you, and possibly even before exchanging phone numbers.
7. If you are local to the dominant, get involved in the community. I much prefer to meet people through my local kink community. You'll quickly get to know a large number of people, and you can ask for references. The other advantage of being involved in the community if you are new is that there are very experienced people who will let you try the various types of play so you can get a feel for what you like, and you can learn to play safely. A group is the best place to learn and to meet potential Dominants.
8. Be patient. Even though you are really anxious to play, you must be patient. A power exchange relationship is complex, and requires a great deal of communication and getting to know you time.
9. Don't be afraid to say, "No, thank you". Not every dominant is going to work out for you, even though they may be terrific people. And you won't be the perfect sub for every dominant you meet. Accept that it doesn't work, and move on.
10. Don't give up. You may have to sort through dozens of potential dominants before you meet the right one. Someone is out there for you, it's just a matter of meeting them. Yours will show up, not to worry. Good luck!
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