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Ahoy matey, CaptainCrazy here. Argh, I must tell you the men haven't eaten in days, so we will have to force them!
Is the Captain crazy? Hell yeah, I scratch lottery tickets and play the powerball, thinking I will win makes the captain certifiably CaptainCrazy! I like to drink rum, gamble, fight with Carneys and I am into BDSM. I stay the hell away from the poop deck. I like to kick it old school style drinking whiskey and making my captives dance. My ship doesn't have a mast but if it did Captain Crazy's loco grande package would make it look small. :0)
Any winches out there wanting to get it on with a man with a Bayliner VIP who has had a full pirate costume made...write back at me and apply to be my female captive, or crew. If you are good to Captain Crazy, then I may just promote you to the position of first mate. Shiver me timbers, I need to go fight off the Somali Pirates again, they be after me secret stash of Strawberries and Cream Chuppa Chups and Cherry Tootsie Pops. If they capture them, then we will have no lollipops to give out with the spankings! Drop the lottery tickets and man the cannons men! Bring her starboard so we can catapult the chigger bombs onto their deck. Whoops, the union says we have to take a 30 minute break from pirating now. Write the Captain back if you want to hear about my exploits and high seas adventure. I can tell you about the time my privateer captured a motorboat down south of the border. Funniest thing, the whole ship was filled up with packages of this funny flour...it didn't taste right and made the mouth go numb. Darndest thing this old seaman ever came across. I suppose I could tell you about me nickname for the puppet in my pants. Only write if you got the nice bikini booty. The Captain will share his high tales of wit and adventures with ya over a nice glass of wine as we watch over a nice rack of roasting mutineering bastard's thigh and arm. CaptainCrazy likes to talk about himself in the third person, lick his palms, and buy Ipods for strangers. I do that with the winning lottery tickets, and revenues from my slave trading business that I run on the side when I am not busy pirating and giving out spankings and lollipops.
Sincerely now, the Captain is a creative, lovable pirate who likes a girl who knows how to shake her booty. All cadets completing their service on my ship, get free tuition for college, all the Captain Morgan's and cokes they can drink, and they get to keep all the fish that I don't eat, because you deserve them after cleaning them for the Captain and all that. Also winches, you will wear an iron chastity belt made by the ship's blacksmith, "Smitty".
If you like donkeys, the Captain can tell you the story about why all donkeys are afraid to go to Tijuanna.....
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Found a dead deer on the road, hurried home and got into the Santa Claus costume and got back in time to lay down next to the deer to make a pic of dead Santa with a reindeer. After I laid down a school bus went by and saw me and the deer laying there and the little landlubbers freaked. CaptainCrazy has not laughed so hard since we ate that funny tasting flour that we captured from that motorboat while pirating down by Columbia
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CaptainCrazy here. Today we defeated the Somali Pirates who were after our cargo of Strawberries and Cream Chuppa Chupps, and Cherry flavored Tootsie Pops. As for the men, after not having eaten in days, I had to force them.
Beware of the poopdeck.
Notice: All Union of Pirate Worker's your monthly dues are past due. Pay up before we arrive in the Twin Cities, otherwise the Captain (and union rep) wont be able to have as much fun at the King of Diamonds. |
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| Age: 23 |
| New york,
New York |
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