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| Divorced Dominant Male seeking submissive or slave mindset. It is not enough to be the boss at work or to live well, not for me. I seek a local woman who would enjoy being dominated physically and emotionally in a relationship.
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I want to write something but all I can think of is how lucky I am to belong to my Sir. |
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I want to write something about the way that I've been feeling, but the only word that comes to mind is "owned". |
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And I love His cane. Every strike. Even the ones that bite and sting. I wouldn't want to be punished with it. But caned because He enjoys it? Just because he can? God, yes, please! |
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I love His hands around my throat. |
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When you are in a relationship, it changes you. Hopefully for the better. This is especially true as a slave. I've been Master's slave for three years. And, yes, belonging to Him has changed me in some ways. I've learned to like eggs over easy, and how to make meatloaf. I make chocolate chip cookies when He visits, and I make His coffee on demand- no matter how early it is, even if its Saturday :) I have learned to trust Him, and am learning to obey without question. And I have learned to like His cane.
I was terrified of it when we first met. I mean -- TERRIFIED. So what did this non-masochistic, terrified-of-the-cane slave do? Buy Master canes for His birthday, of course! What was I thinking???
The first time He caned me, to say I cried would be an understatement. I had a break-down. And ugly, sobbing, mucus flowing, flat out, face down at His feet breakdown. A breakdown to the point that He asked me why I bought Him canes for His birthday? What was I thinking? Well,that made me cry even more, and the whole thing was ridiculous. I wanted to stop crying. I really did, but I was too far gone. I had crossed the line from crying about the pain to crying about not pleasing Him, and it just spiraled down from there.
Even though He asked me why I bought Him the canes, He knew. We all know why a slave who is horrified by the thought of being caned, buys her Master canes. He loves canes. I want to please Him. I buy Him canes. Simple really.
And so began my dance with the cane. I feared and craved His cane. I feared the pain, I feared the failure, and I craved suffering for Him, craved pleasing Him. All I wanted was to be able to bear it. To endure the pain He inflicted on me. To give Him what He wanted. To be who He wanted me to be. And for YEARS, I struggled. Every once in awhile, I saw glimpses of hope. Times when it wasn't excruciating, times when I almost liked it. And one time when I somehow came while He was caning me.
And then this weekend happened. Its been awhile since Master caned me. I wanted Him to cane me, because I know He likes it, and I want to please Him. But I just could not bring myself to ask for it. So, He caned me, and I struggled. He told me to focus, to remember why I was doing this- because He likes it, and something clicked. I was floating. It hurt, but in a good way. And I liked it. A lot. :) I loved it, even. The cane hurt and that pain felt good. Yep, being Master's property has changed me.
But the MOST surprising way that belonging to Master has changed me is that today, after He had gone home, I turned on the TV, went to Netflix, and watched American Horror Story, By myself. I watched a horror show!! What next??
At the beginning of our relationship, Master told me that I would do things for Him that I would never imagine doing. Today, I know that to be true!
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I am without a doubt the happiest girl on the planet. I am so incredibly lucky that I get to serve such a wonderful Master and Man. |
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Sometimes-okay a lot of times- Master makes everything right with the world. He came over this weekend and in the middle of doing normal stuff, he made everything right, just by being himself.
Movies, and popcorn, and talking, and holding hands, and watching TV. And in the middle of all that normal living a life stuff, he quietly says, "Don't say no to me." Yep. just like that- butterflies. The thing is, I didn't say no to him- not with words anyway. And I wasn't even consciously aware that I was resisting him at the time. But he sensed it in my movements, actions, sounds, attitude ... and he corrected it immediately.
About three years ago. I created a profile on here looking for a Master with integrity. From the first email, the first phone call, the first time we met, it just felt right. And three years later, it still feels so very right.
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I've spent the day thinking about Master, about how to be a good slave for him, about how to support him as he deals with some difficult things. I remember a long time ago, early in my training, he told me that he was not put on this earth to entertain me. I was totally taken aback at the time. And to be honest, didn't quite understand why he said it. But it has stayed with me all these years. Not that he has ever repeated it to me. He doesn't have to- his words have a way of making a long-lasting impression on me. And after all this time, I have grown to understand what he meant.
I desperately miss him. And I worry about him. And I crave his presence. But most of all I want to be what he needs me to be. In this situation, I don't know what to do to support him other than remembering my place as his obedient girl. I am His slave. I will obediently serve Him, remembering He is my Master, and putting His needs first always. |
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He is such a good Master. He knows just what to say to me to make me feel better. |
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Talking about options that a girl has to avoid pregnancy once she decides to submit, Master says, "Swallowing comes to mind."
Instant physical reaction to his words. Yep. He is definitely the right Master for me.
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Reading my last journal entry, maybe that feeling is the new normal because I feel the same way today. I like being around Master. I like being in his presence. I like being able to serve him. I like how he plays with me, and talks with me, and uses me. I like how he takes care of me. And I like how he makes me feel.
He calls me a pouty girl when I tear up when he leaves. And an insecure girl when I ask him if he's happy. And I am sure he's right, because he always has been right when it comes to my feelings even when I don't realize it at the time. And then he kisses me and reassures me, and when he leaves I cry and put on his t-shirt because God I love the way he smells. And I know I'm a lucky girl.
I am his girl. Today. Tomorrow. Next year. And forever. I'm not going to say what he usually says at the end of that because that just is never going to happen. :)
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Master was here this weekend. It was hard when he left. Particularly hard. I purposefully kept busy today. Went grocery shopping and cleaned out the fridge and cooked dinner and cut up all the veggies for the week and read my book and did some work and - I'm not pouting, really I am not- but I still feel his absence.
I mean, I always miss him, but today was ... I don't know ... different.
I am a lucky girl :)
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My Master makes me feel cherished. I’ve written about it before- how it’s the little (and not so little things) he does, that he’s always done, for me that make me catch my breath. It’s how he hangs up my fire extinguisher for me, even though I asked him as he was about to get in the shower. How he adjusts my shower curtain height so more light will come in. How he closes the window that we had to open because I burned the bacon, and how he pushes the ottoman over to me so I will elevate my injured foot. It’s how he took my hand and helped me down the stairs and across the grass to watch the fireworks, and how he installed his virus protection program on my computer.
He makes me want to be better for him. He says I have been insecure lately and he is right. It’s not because of anything he has done. The opposite is true. His natural way of being makes me feel secure and he even goes out of his way to make sure he doesn’t do anything that would cause me to feel insecure. It is me and my “girl brain”. He has definitely helped quiet that girl brain in my head, but she is persistent and has many tricks up her sleeve to get my attention. Silly girl brain. He quieted those doubts again just by acknowledging them and bringing them out of my brain. Out there in the harsh light of day, the thoughts that made so much sense to me when they were swirling around in my brain, sound ridiculous even to me.
He is a wonderful Master and a wonderful Man, and I never want to do anything to disappoint him.
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I am owned property. I am His owned property. I know this day in and day out. I adore Him. Respect Him and am so very happy to belong to Him.
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But sometimes it stops me in my tracks and just takes my breath away. It usually happens when He denies me something that I so desperately want. And then demands that I do not pout about it but remain respectful. And it just washes over me. He is my Master. He is my authority. And I am happiest when I am in complete submission to His will.
Thank You Master for owning me as your slave and property. |
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So I know that sucking Sir's cock is for him. He reminds me of this when my attention wanders- with a fistful of my hair or slap or the cane. And he continues to train me in this way and I love it. I really do. I love being reminded of who he is to me and who I am to him.
But there are days like this. When work was LONG and I have a headache and everything seems too loud and too busy. And what I really want most of all is to suck his cock. It quiets everything and makes me float. And that's selfish I know but I can't help it.
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Master and I met a lovely girl for lunch this weekend. She is nice, funny, and has a sweet southern accent. She saved me from the evil massage chair in Brookstone and then convinced Master to get in it. Unfortunately, the clerk took over the controls before she could get him into the zero-gravity position .... darn!
Its so nice to meet real people from this site. :)
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He slaps my face in correction. He gives me pain and pleasure to focus me.
He makes me want Him, crave Him, need Him. He doesn't force it. It's just who he is, and he draws me in. I feel His control deeper and more fully. i am His slave. It is what i wish to be. |
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Master does these little things that melt my heart. Like how he warmed my freezing cold hand with his warm one or how he kissed me on the forehead after cooking him dinner. Or how he passed the Ford dealership -even though he knew making a uturn would be an ordeal- just so I could pee. He's a sadist- no doubt about that. But he has this way about him that makes me feel cared for, even cherished.
And i just adore him. |
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Master is here today. And I am at peace. :)
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Master spoiled me this Valentine's Day. He has this way about him that makes me feel both owned and cherished. I am his happy slave girl. :)
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He woke me as he usually does- grabbing me by the hair and pushing me down. I love serving him this way, in the early morning, still dark outside, my first thoughts jumbled and hazy, reminding me that I am his slave, his property.
Later, he pulls me by my hair again and tells me to make him coffee. It's still early, really early, and I have yet to form a coherent thought. I respond, "Ok, Sir" and start to get out of bed. He murmurs, "Yes, Sir would be better."
I smile as I head to the kitchen.
"Yes, Sir would be better" murmured from the other side of the bed. That's all it takes to make me smile, to make me feel cherished. To make me respond.
I love when he corrects me. It seems so casual but it is imprinted on my heart.
Yes, Sir would be better. |
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I miss him when he's not around. I miss his presence. I miss his voice and the way he looks at me. I miss his hands on me-around my throat as we sleep, holding my hand as we watch TV. I miss him walking in the door. I miss bringing him coffee- although I just can't seem to get that right yet.
It took us a long time to get here, and I've enjoyed every step of this journey with Him. I can't wait to see what the new year brings us.
Happy 2015 everyone! |
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Sir is off to momma's. He told me this morning,"Don't worry. One day we will spend Christmas together." Sweet words to this slave girl.
The truth is, I love that he makes his momma a priority, that he makes the considerable effort to spend Christmas with her. It reminds me that he is the man of integrity and character that I waited for. And although I have never met her, she holds a special place in my heart as Sir's sweet momma.
Merry Christmas, Sir. Your girl adores you. |
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I love how being with Sir makes me feel, and I love how that feeling lingers after He has left. I am so happy and peaceful being His. I love and respect Him, and hope He feels this from me. |
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Sitting next to Sir, my hand in his, this girl is in heaven. |
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Happy Veterans day to my Master! |
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So I was recently asked- in a public forum and quite out of the blue I might add- how I serve my Master on a daily basis. And, truthfully, my mind went blank. We do not live together. We live 150 miles apart, and I don’t get to see him daily or even weekly. So to say how I serve him daily really threw me. My Master, who was part of this conversation, was able to see that I was struggling to answer the question and explained our living situation. But the question stuck with me throughout the night, and was with me all day today as I carried out a task that my Master told me to do weeks…(months?)… ago.
How do I serve my Master daily? I certainly think of him every day. And I obey the rules he has given me. I wear the necklace he gave me. I don’t call myself stupid. I try to keep his slave safe. And I do little things like text him in the mornings to try to start his day with a smile. And I try not to bother him with my “girl brain” insecurities and worries. But you know what? I realized today that I could do more, that I want to do more.
I am talking about obedience. I can be his obedient girl. I mean, I am obedient - generally. But my obedience could be more complete. It could be more pure. Sometimes my obedience is slow. Sometimes it is complicated by my questions. This is not pleasing. It doesn’t make him happy or make his day easier having to repeat himself.
Today I was working on accomplishing a task that Master told me to do weeks ago. I dragged my feet in accomplishing this task, and he has had to talk to me about it several times even though it is something that we both want. I am sorry that I acted this way. I am sorry that I caused him aggravation. This is not obedience. This is being willful. It hurts me to think that I disappointed him. I told him today that I did not feel like I failed at the task because I was working on doing it. But I did fail because I was not obedient.
If I could go back in time and re-do this, I would. I can’t erase this failure, but I can remember that obedience is what he wants from me most of all. He wants me to be his obedient slave. How did I get so lucky? What a lovely thing to be. His obedient slave. And this is how I can serve him on a daily basis, even while we are separated. It is what I can do to make his day better. I can be his obedient slave. |
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I own and operate this girl, and rule this relationship. I would like for us to have friends within the "lifestyle", a loosely interpreted choice of words to say the least.
A recent event, with a newly met "friend", while not serious is still aggravating to me. In fact, it has caused me to explain to her, and to all of you out there what a "friend" is.
A friend is someone who accepts you as you are, and still likes to speak with, spend time with you and still identify as your friend. It is not more complicated than that. I prefer simple things, including definitions. I choose to have a set of black and white standards that are simple.
I would also like to take this opportunity to point out, once again, that I have no intention of ever running with the "herd". I do not care one microscopic bit what you think I should do, how I should behave, or how I should train, use, treat, respect (or not) my girl. My slave. My thing.
I make an effort to never impose my ideas, beliefs, personal desires on my friends. If my friend asked me what I thought, I would certainly share those thoughts. But here is a difference, I would not persist in sharing those thoughts daily. I would not continue to express those thoughts over and over and tell or infer that you are "incorrect" in your thinking. Because that is what a cow in the "herd" does.
And I would NEVER continue to contact someone else's sub/slave/chicken salad sandwich/bitch/whore/slut/baby girl/thing (whatever they are to you) to tell them what is good or not, for them. None of my business and I do not care what trips their trigger. Because that defies the very idea of what a friend would do.
I mind my own house, I leave you to mind yours. If you are in disagreement with me on this, then we cannot be friends.
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I am getting my nipples pierced. I am beyond nervous. I just cannot wrap my brain around getting a hole through my nipples. They are sooooo sensitive,,, and a hole-- THERE? I've done research and chatted with a girl who had it done and still when I think about it, my brain says it's a HOLE -- through your NIPPLE. And that's when my brain shuts down.
But Sir wants my nipples pierced - HIS nipples as in my nipples belong to him- so it's happening. I can't change that fact, so i better change my thinking about it.
I adore Sir. I belong to him. I am his slave- willingly and happily. Saying no is not really an option. Okay, it's not an option at all.
I want to please him and be obedient, and I want him to be proud of his slave. I am his good girl. And once it's done I will love knowing I did it for Him.
So, I'm getting my nipples pierced. For Sir. I will be a good girl for him. I will obey him. I will honor him.
(Just please don't let me pass out) |
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Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and watch him sleep. And when I'm not with him- like tonight- I stare at the empty pillow and remember how he'll reach out for me in the middle of the night, pulling me to him or closing his hand around my neck or grabbing my hair. Since our first night together, I am taken with the ease with which he does this. Often with his eyes closed, almost always without uttering word. It's fluid and natural and perfect. |
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I call him Sir. I've only called him by his given name once to introduce him to a co-worker. But to address him directly, it is always Sir. And I like it that way because that's who he is to me. Once or twice when I have been too casual perhaps or too playful or just not pleasing to him, he has admonished me to remember who I am talking to. And I like that too. Because he is not just anyone. He's not just my friend or lover or boyfriend. He is the man who owns me. He is Sir. And just knowing who he is to me calms me and excites me, I am at once vulnerable and safe. And I could live in that safe vulnerable place forever.
I went to him this weekend. And he let me kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. And rub against him- like a kitty he says. And then he kissed my neck and told me I was a good girl. He is a sadist, without a doubt. He makes me cry out in pain and in pleasure- and often painful pleasure. But he is also my Sir and he melts my heart. |
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Thunderstorms make me crave Him. Crave to be naked, exposed, vulnerable. I crave his praise, I crave his pain. To cry and whimper and beg for more. God I crave him |
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I always feel so happy and peaceful and content after being with Sir. It doesn't matter what we do together, it is his presence that makes me feel this way.
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This slave is thinking she is the luckiest slave around.
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I've been thinking about training and how Sir has been training me to be his all along- sometimes without me even realizing it.
I used to struggle when Sir gagged me. Panic used to well up inside me and I'd pull and fight against him. Sometimes I'd cry. And sometimes I'd have to silently talk myself down from the ledge. When I panicked like that, I felt every negative emotion possible all at once, from fear to insecurity to failure. I didn't want to act this way, but I couldn't stop it from washing over me. When this happened, Sir would wait. And then,once I calmed down, he would begin again.
As all of that drama took place inside me, Sir watched me. He listened to me. I felt him there with me- Calm and steadfast and resolute. He didn't coddle me or scold me. He waited. And then began again.
Afterwards, he always held me and talked to me about it. He questioned me and sought to understand. He was persistent and patient and insisted I tell him what I was thinking and feeling. It was so very difficult to bare my soul to him. Yet I did. Tears and fears and insecurities and everything else I carefully hid from the world. And he listened. And then he explained his thoughts and feelings.
I don't know if I can put into words what all this meant to me- how he waited, how he began again, how he communicated. I didn't even realize all he was doing at the time. And I probably don't understand it all even now.
The thing is, I thought he was training me not to gag. And he was- I think. But I think more than that it has all been about obedience. Training me to be his obedient slave. To obey without hesitation or question. I won't say to obey without fear, but to obey despite the fear or nervousness.
I don t panic much anymore. And instead of always dreading the cane I move towards it and actually crave it. Some days I want to beg for it. It still makes me cry. But now it also makes me cum.
I think of how far Sir has brought me in a year and a half and I'm amazed. He beckons and I go to him. Sometimes knowing I'll be punished, often nervous, always excited. He beckons. I respond. It's as simple and complicated as that. |
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A night at the beach with Sir. I am one very lucky, very thankful, very happy girl.
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He continues to surprise me in the nicest of ways. |
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It's nice to know you're there, Sir. Even if there are miles between us, I feel you with me. Your presence gives me the strength to do the things I must, and comforts me when the tears come yet again.
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When you beckon, I come.
When you command, I obey.
When you correct me, I am thankful.
There has never been a doubt in your mind that I would belong to you completely, and I found comfort in your confidence. I still do. Your quiet authority calms me and excites me.
And on days like these- quiet Sundays, cloudy, chilly -all your girl wants to do is curl up with a blanket at your feet, available should you want me, content just to be near you. |
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Sir used his slave this weekend Sigh. It was heavenly to be used by my Sir. Such bliss.
Thank you for being my Sir, and guiding me to deepen my submission to you.
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Love Love Love this MAN
He is Sir.
I am his slave, his slut, his girl.
Its all I want to be.
His.
Forever His.
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Its been about a year since I met Sir. About a year since he captured my interest with his honesty and sense of humor. And about a year since I argued with him about when we should meet. Silly girl. I ended up with a headache - and we met when he decided we should meet. Like I said, silly girl.
A lot has happened during this past year. I've learned about serving him and I've learned to trust that he will tell me what he wants when he wants it. He has been honest and true and strong and kind. He has spanked me and caned me for disobeying, and other times he has held me and let me cry on his shoulder. He has asked me difficult questions and really listened to my answers. He is thoughtful. And unwavering. And I love him. Its that simple really. And that complicated.
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It's Sir's birthday today. He says it's hard to be 54. I say I am grateful to have him in my life - exactly as he is.
Happy Birthday my wonderful Sir. |
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And I am sad when you have to punish me. I don't know which is worse. You telling me that I have been a a disobedient girl or being spanked by you. It hurts. Unfortunately I know because you have had to spank me before. I'll cry from the pain. Ill try not to beg you to stop. I know it will do no good anyway. But I'll probably beg. And I will know I have disappointed you and that will hurt me down to my soul. So I know I will be punished this Saturday. And yet, I count the hours until I am there with you. Owned slave. There is no doubt. |
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I love when you are happy Sir. Thank you for sharing your good news with me. |
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Sir was sick this weekend. I felt bad that he drove so far with a cold. He kept saying it was just a head cold - nor the flu- but I know that even a head cold can sap your energy and make you feel horrible. He was as sweet and sexy as ever. And I was so happy to be with him.
He gave me great advice about a work situation. I am really thankful for that. I followed his advice today and what could have been a stressful day turned our to be a peaceful one. Thank you, Sir! |
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What is it about his truck? Why does being in it with him turn me on so much? Even just thinking about it can make me wet.
I've never really paid attention to what people drive. And a car- or truck- has certainly never turned me on before.
So what is it about his truck? |
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Sir gagged me with my pacifier. And then he stretched his pussy-opening me with his fingers. Four fingers inside me. I could feel him turning them, twisting them. And I came and came and came. Did I ask permission? I don't remember. But I think I remember him telling me to cum. I was lost in the sensation. Moaning and screaming and whimpering into my pacifier. Sucking on it. Biting down on it when the pain or pleasure was intense.
I'm really not sure of much of anything beyond that. I know Sir gagged me and stretched me open. And I know I found security in my pacifier, and lost myself in Sir.
And I know I belong to him. |
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There is no doubt I belong to him. Happy sore girl. |
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I am His. His girl. His property. His slut.
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I long to crawl to Him, kneel at His feet, lay my head on His leg, and lose myself in Him. |
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Pleasing Sir makes me wet. |
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He is a sadist. I am afraid of pain.
Yet I find myself wanting to feel the sting of the cane in his hands. Not as a punishment- god I never want to disappoint him - but for pleasure. And this makes no sense to me at all because of all the things that slap and sting and whip, I fear the cane the most. I know how horrific that pain is. The cane is the sole reason i am so afraid of pain.
So maybe that is it. I want the cane in his hands. I trust him. And I love him. I want it to be him that I submit to. Him that I cry out for. I want to share that experience with him.
And then i remind myself that He is a sadist.
And God help me, I still want it.
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I miss Sir!! Really miss Sir. He says I'm such a girl.
Well- yeah :). His girl. Among other things that make me blush. |
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Good Lord the things this man does to me.
And then he winks at me from across the table and I melt. |
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I see Sir tonight.
I'm nervous... ropes and crops do that to me
And I can't stop smiling...He does that to me. |
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I am drawn to him. His pull is so strong i can't stop myself from moving towards him. And really I don't want to stop. What I want to do is obey him. Please him. Serve him. Belong to him. I feel his pull and I simply want to surrender. |
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A cold kept me from being with Sir tonight. I hate being sick! I can't sleep. I can't breathe and I miss Sir terribly. Being with him felt so good last week. How can I crave his presence like I do already?
I have slept in his shirt every night since then. He says I am like a lovesick 14 year old, and I would have to agree. |
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Oh my gosh--I adore this Man! |
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Sir has instructed me to update his profile to a couples profile and maintain this account for him.
This girl is honored to serve him in this way. And nervous. He does have canes after all.
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I am busy training a girl. she is learning well. |
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I too have weaknesses. I like a pretty girl. I succumbed and bought a Harley. I did not need it for any rational reason. |
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The best thing, the most attractive thing, about a submissive girl is the way that they enhance your life and reputation. A submissive or slave mind desires to represent to the world behavior, repute, and outward image in a way which reflects positively on her Dom/Master (however she identifies him).
I don't need this website to find a girl who will perform oral sex, or who likes to be tied up and taken roughly.
I search for the girl who besides all of the sexually submissive dreams also has the desire to belong and represent the remaining 23hrs of the day we are not playing. |
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Chat room maidens and subs who stay up through the night deciding that all Dominants are unworthy. Stay away. Married girls who want to cheat on their husbands and fulfill a fantasy, STAY AWAY unless you only want to be treated as a slut or thing.
A married girl who can break her oath of fidelity and loyalty to a man, has no right or expectation of being treated by some online "code of conduct" espoused by others of her ilk. NONE.
Can you tell I am weary of those who expect the world of others, and do not act in any way which would make you proud to have them?
LOL, a girl who I only know online, and whose four children do not live with her (as stated in her profile), tonight had the audacity to say that I was a VERY BAD MAN. Really? GOOD! Because if you are the sort of person who can delude yourself into thinking that it is a Dominants role in life to allow others in his little domain to behave poorly, and suffer no consequence, even the consequence of "STAY AWAY", is a poor Dominant. Well, I do not know how to help you. I raised my child alone from age 2 until high school graduation.
A Dominant expects that his sub/girl/slave/partner will represent him in a manner as to make him proud to say "she is mine". There are and should be consequences for not behaving as such a girl should. For some, it is a good sound caning. For others, it is enough for them to know that they have displeased. But, when it happens too often, when the trainning/guidance/desires of her Dom are not taken seriously then there is no recourse than to end the relationship or to admit you aren't a Dom at all, but a man who plays a Dom online to please heavy girls or married girls and indulge thier fantasies.
If you decide to come to me, do so with the foreknowledge that I do decide what is right and what is wrong in my house. I treat a slut as a slut and a good girl as a good girl. I tell lunatics to "GO AWAY". |
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If we write, know that I will tell the truth. also know I expect the truth in return. It is fairly easy to know me, and yes, I will ask questions of you so that I might know the truth as well. I do not seek evasiveness, little white lies, half truths or unspoken truths. These are all candy coated words describing a lie.
I am set in my ways. But, if you have an interest in me now, why do you care if I am set in my ways? If you find me desirable "except for that one thing", sorry. I happen to like me. I also look for people who I happen to like just the way that they are. And yes, I have been fooled by lonely people who are one thing on-line but something totally different in reality. |
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Without honor and dedication to the things that are important in life then there is nothing worth having. |
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I made it back to the palm trees and warmth! Damn, leave it to me to visit Oklahoma and arrive just in time for the Blizzard of '09. It was nice to be home for Christmas for the first time since, uh, 96, but future visits are to be scheduled to celebrate the 4th of July. |
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It's true, I am looking for a girl. She should know, whoever she turns out to be that I am not looking to have pretend play sessions. I am not looking to boost a lonely girls ego by gently stroking her backside with a flogger as she feigns great pain and suffering.
I do not respond well to drama. I do respond well to quiet and honest discussions about each of our desires.
If we have mutual and like interests and beliefs, perhaps our relationship will build. If we do not, do not be insulted, as I will not be insulted if I am not your idea of a match. I am not so insecure, or unrealistic that I would expect every girl to drop to her knees in gratitude for my attention, or be bothered by the fact that she did not care for me. I would hope that a mature and level headed girl would approach getting to know new people in the same way.
Meeting new people is always exciting and worthwhile when that is the attitude.
Why do some people seem insulted when you do not want to start a D/s relationship based on a cup of coffee or dinner?
I am looking. I may write to a few girls, and meet some of those. If I am lucky, perhaps I will find what is missing in my life. But to be honest, I prefer being alone over making many compromises just to say I have someone. |
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Ending a relationship is tough. When training and guidance failed to achieve the result that was desired, eventually the relationship ends. Disappointment is the result. To try, and simply continue to claim that you are trying as hard as you can without positive result is not success. I do not intend to ever accept a lack of improvement or constantly unrealized goals. I do not accept it in myself, nor will I accept it in a girl.
Do not ask for my help or guidance and expect anything different. |
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Okay, here is the current deal. I just turned 50, it's a milestone and better than the alternative. But, did anyone notice where I left my reading glasses? |
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It's the weekend and I slept in until 7:30... how nice. It is going to be warm again this week, finally. Last week was good and next week looks better for open windows and airing out the house and just being outside before it gets hot. You know, those few of you who read my journal entries that they are usually sarcastic and humorous to some, antagonistic to others. So today be bored with a simple post that I enjoy the great weather of the spring since I spend a lot of my time outside on the docks. |
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I know it is not generally acceptable to complain about the winter weather when I live in South Florida... but c'mon, it was in the mid forties this morning... I was FREEZING...
Perhaps if I move to Costa Rica, the weather will not fall below my age. Donde estas senorita bonitas? |
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The top ten reasons a picture cannot be sent:
10) I don't know how.
9) My friend who is going to help me hasn't had time to come over to my house and teach me. That friend lives in Beijing.
8) I tried to send it, but my computer won't do it.
7) I don't have a scanner and even though I can afford the monthly fee to access the Internet, I cannot afford a scanner.
6) see #7, but substitute digital camera
5) see #7, but substitute web cam from Walmart
4) I am employed by the government, and it is illegal to send my likeness over an unsecured connection. It could expose innocent operatives and cost them their lives.
3) I am really a 6 ft 2 inch tall black man named Rufus, but play a 5 ft 2 inch girl named Lady Bratty Desire on the Internet.
2) Picture, I am a blind person and do not believe in visual clues. But trust me, I am hot like fire!
And the number one reason a picture cannot be sent is:
I have a fantasy to play out and reality just gets in the way! |
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I've looked overy my profile really thoroughly. And it says nothing about me being a grief counselor. Please, if you are a widow, let me say okay, that is sad. I am sorry for your loss. But I definately do not want to become a part of your circle of pity partners. My involvement on the internet is to meet people who want to meet others with similar interests. To correspond, perhaps telephone and even meet and date girls who are compatible with me. Sorry, But a continuing diatribe about your dead husband is boring. Contact me when you are ready to do the things that interest you and I both. A relationship about us would be just that, about us.
Again, I am sorry for your loss sad girl. Try a grief counseling site. |
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I read a profile this morning. It has no picture and the owner of the profile will not respond to any email without a picture attached. This is a submissive by the way. Should I send a picture with no words attached? |
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You know, I have to laugh. A girl contacts you, initiates chat. Spends hours on the telepone, makes plans to meet and then magically becomes ill the day of the planned rendevous. I cannot really explain why, when I get the first glimmer that this is how it is going to happen occurs to me. But many of you have seen the cycle before, like me. They choose to suddenly tell you everything that they have ever done that they feel you would disapprove of. They start listing several new hard limits, restating thier absolute need for a commitment to safe sex. Stating to you how badly they will feel for you if it is not a mutual match. So, you toy with them. Take it to the end, make them state how bad it will make them feel if you drive 100 miles and get a hotel room just to meet them! But they just can't say " I have changed my mind." But they can still talk dirty on the phone! Aren't people funny?
So, please, I can respect the people who have the guts to say " I have changed my mind" or, will state in thier profiles, as some do, that they are only interested in online relationships. But the people who want to live in a fantasy world and make it more real for themselves by making plans they never intend to follow through with, please, do not litter the information highway with trash. |
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I was wondering about different peoples Idea of compatibility on this website. People want this, but definately not that. Some want respect, some want to be treated as property, or worse. Some say, with time and mutual trust, all things are possbile. I think maybe these are the people who have , like me, experienced both the recieving and giving of respect, attraction, even love.
To boil it down, when two are attracted, and enjoy each others company, we each bend to meet the others expectations within the limits that our own desires will let us.
No, I do not belive you can lock a TV and a homophobe in a room and a year later someone won't be dead... But, if a Dominant who desires a slave, is attracted to a submissive who would never consider herself a slave were attracted to each other, a mutual bending might occur and each will head for the middle ground as much as they can.
But, if a submissive ever tries to stick anything in my butt, there is going to be real trouble. |
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Well, it is a New Year, a time for resolutions. This year I plan to help all of the girls on this site afflicted by Bulimia. Evidently, it is so bad, and causes them such shame that they do not post their weight on their profiles. They are ashamed to let you know that they weigh so little that they have to put rocks in their pockets to keep from being carried away on a gust of wind. Oh sure, you occasionally see the bold one who lists their weight at 65 pounds, trying to work the 12 steps perhaps. One of which, is admit you have a problem. I salute them.
But others post pictures of girls who are normal weight and are still in denial and I am sure that if we band together, and watch for the signs of endless binging and purging, we can help more of these poor poor girls.
I will personally take any underweight girl to an ice cream store, a nice restaurant for a steak, and then gag them to keep them from purging before they can lose those beneficial nutrients they need so badly... Happy New Year Bulimic girls, you know who you are. |
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was stapled to a masochist going for Masters coffee. |
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I've made no entries in a while, it has been a busy summer, tropical storms and plenty of work to do. I am no longer involved with anyone in particular, and very open to new personal adventures with the right woman. I am not looking for anyone who tightly grips their online rule book. I have met a few new people, and enjoyed it. I am a busy person and would not be a good candidate for anyone wishing constant companionship. To be honest, I am only ever available for the every other weekend sort of frequency, and would remain so unless the chemistry was extremely strong. And even then, when I have to work, or travel, my life is what it is and you must be the sort of person who can accept that without whining and or complaining.
I do not wish to memorize the complete works of John Norman, or anyone else. I happen to like my life, and see no need to live in a fantasy world. I only seek one who because of the chemistry between us, believes in me and wishes to be submissive to me in the extreme.
On the other hand, friends are always welcome, and I will extend the courtesy to you of not attacking your beliefs or desires. |
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Coool, I got hate mail! I am certainly glad to be noticed by someone who has nothing better to do than to tell me exactly what they think of me, my profile, and my online ettiquette. Of course the fact that I never solicited this person in any way doesn't matter. It only matters that my power to make someone, or anyone, feel such intense feelings about me from a great distance without exerting any effort at all, makes me proud!
For a short time, without going through the effort of binding them, flogging them, humiliating them, or heck, even knowing or caring that they exist, I drove them to a passionate state. They quite willingly gave me power over them.
I do not have to post the name, I am sure the submissive will read this, such was the intensity of her email. she will know that I am laughing at her. she will know that I do not pity her or care in the least what her opinion is. I do not desire her, or anyone like her.
Instead, those that know me, will continue to like me. My bank account balance will not change until my ISP automatically deducts the monthly fee. My house color will not change, nor will the police come to my home and arrest me. But, occasionally when I review my journal, I will smile, or perhaps giggle and remember the scathing email she sent to me. My thanks for you girl for reminding me how easy it is to be a good citizen of the internet. All a person has to do is correspond politely with others, and choose not to correspond with those with whom you have no interest, or do not agree with. |
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This week has been long and busy. This time last year, I was crewing on a Megayacht. I gave it up because I was exhausted and perhaps had a bit of boat fever. That feeling of being closed in, only able to make it ashore sporadically by inflatable craft. Long long hours from sunrise to well after sunset, sometimes late into the night. Midnight passages, setting anchor somehwere at 4:00 am local, two hours of rack time and then start again.
Sometimes the day brings sun that feels like a lazer burning a hole through your back, others a drenching squall that has you scrambling to take in sail, reef the jib, hove to and hard a lee. You go below so wet, if someone were to hug you you feel as if water would shoot out of your ass, ears and eyes and drench them as well.
Other times you wake in the middle of the night, alarms howling, off to the engine room to keep systems and subsystems online, working through the night.
But, today I miss it. All of it. I miss being Chief Engineer. I miss my midwatch on the flybridge with wind in the rig, the starlight of the caribbean and running lights only. Those warm nights, warm breezes,reaching out to adjust a joystick that will stop a sail from luffing, checking engine rev's. Always somewhere else to go, a tight timeline to maintain. I miss teaching the new stewardess about the guages and the rules of the road. Quizzing her, laughing, telling them sea stories, seeing thier eyes glint in the starlight, the female form in relief againt the pale apparition of a thousand square meters of sail lit by the moon.
I miss friends that would dive into a storm tossed sea to save you, and that you would do the same for.
My life is good ashore, next month I am 49 years old. I have a home, a great job with a good boatbuilder, I am dating a girl I met here. But, I wandered far, and long, and it is a habit that calls to me still.
Today my brain has forgotten the arthritis in my hands. It is telling me I am 17, and I should do it all again. My brain thinks I can cross a heaving deck, awash with the waves that crash and boom, and then sizzle like bacon frying as thier remains race towards the scuppers tugging at your footing.
My brain still insists that I can dodge that lazy sheet reaching out, whipping, aching to remove a head or simply snatch a sailor from the deck and toss him into the sea as the sail luffs.
I remember today, a few freinds who are no longer alive. Friends who served with me on nuclear submarines 30 years ago. When we sailed below the waves in a boat made possible by science so that it seemed like it was conjured by magic. We sailed to dark, cold places where we would not have been welcome had we ever been discovered.
Today I choose to upload a picture of a good day. Taken at a tourist bar in St Thomas after setting anchor, washing down the boat and going for a drink after fours days motorsailing from Palm Beach. A good day in the company of good friends, my hair windblown, my eyes still stuck in the sun squint from the trip, my face salted and windburned. Oh yes, and the new stew sitting in my lap for the picture. Maybe I could do it again.. just a few more years? |
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In the past week, I have recieved emails from two nice girls. No, they did not want to date me, in fact, one is collared by what I would consider to be a very lucky Man. It is only worth reporting because civility is rare online, but if you are patient, and do not give up, you will meet others who still write with respect, and without pretense. There are genuine people on this site!
It was also no surprise to me that either of the profiles said anything about fakes, or REAL DOMS, or any of the over used internet catch phrases that make many of the profiles on here read like those advertising faxes that annoy us all at work. They all make the same promises, or, they are the same menu from a different restaraunt.
I wait, I read the faxes, I consider ordering from the lunch special menu with that fast and free delivery. As do we all. |
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I like blue. The color, when asked to tell why I like it so much I can only say that it pleases me. Likewise, a submissive girl pleases me. Her manner of speech, her affectation towards me, her seeking of approval from me. Why? It pleases me. |
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Who am I?
I am not financially independant, but I am not destitute. I work 5 to 6 days each week.
I do not go out on the town often, neither am I a shut in living my life on the internet. I keep few friends, but they are excellent ones.
I am not submissive in the least, but if someone buys a new multimilion dollar boat I ensure that they get excellent customer service.
I will help an older person with thier groceries, and yet drag a pet girl by the leash and cane her (in a consensual relationship) for disobedience or failure to perform.
I am generous with praise to those who do obey and perform to MY expectations. I know that sometimes we all fail. That does not make it a success, it remains a failure.
I am the best at what I do professionally. The absolute best.
People who are lazy avoid me at work. And I cannot even cane them! (It would improve productvty though)
When I love, I love with intensity. I try to never hate, that is a younger mans folly I have outgrown.
I have sailed aboard Submarines and beautiful sailing vessels, and worked my way to the places where the wealthy relax, I have even served them hors devours there, because I did not have millions of my own.
People learn not to ask me what I think unless they truly want to know, because I will tell them the truth every time. I even have the twice broken nose to prove it.
I have an accent From Oklahoma, younto hear it sumtime?
If you are chosen by me to be my friend, then you are a good, honest and loyal person.
If you are chosen by me to be my girl, then god help you.
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Oh my heart is broken, because yet another woman has written me to say that because of the things in my journal ( I think she spelled it jernal), I would never enjoy her and her 40DD breasts. After all, she is 5'9" and thinks she wieghs 165 to 170 pounds. Wow, someone I could enjoy tag team wrestling with! Be still my foolish heart. And of course, she blocked my email reply, because she knew it would devastate me, crush me, make me less of a man! Oh, the horror of it all, to be found out as a faker by such an insightful and buxom girl offering me free critical advice. Will I ever be able to drag myself out of the deep pit of despair she has sent me to?
Oh, I think the chances are fair that I will recover from her disapproval. At least a lot faster than she will recover from Thanksgiving dinner anyway. |
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Please do not contact me if you can not write with the respect that you would give to any stranger when you interact with them in real life. Unfortunately, there seems to be a great many people who, through the anonymity of the internet, have lost their manners.
Also, if you have not filled out your profile, do not contact me.
Let me also say that I feel no sexual attraction for people who are grossly hieght and wieght disproportionate. How can you tell if you are grossly hieght and wieght disproportionate? Quit lying to yourself. |
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| Age: 28 |
| Waihawa,
Alabama |
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