How does a Master know that he's keeping a slave, especially one who tends to fall to the background? Is a slave who has been trained, or a brat who must be broken, more fun, more interesting? Is the trained slave still valuable for more than attracting others? Or is the Master's work now done?

Sometimes I wish I could see things as a Master does, but I don't have that in my nature; I can't even imagine it.

I know I should give myself over to the plan, but it's difficult. I try to go with what is required, but I fight against the things I want as well.

Master says he enjoys watching me with another female sub--"a busy tongue is a happy tongue," he says. I hope we find someone soon. I want to make Master happy, and I'm excited to try more...

What makes the perfect slave? Or even a good one? 

   Is it the one who challenges a Master, who continually pushes back against the rules, and makes a Master think? The one who occasionally acts the brat, but who provides stimulating interest as to what will come next? 

   Or is it the sweet slave who is obedient, never consciously challenging, willing to be pushed in any direction a Master wishes to go? The one who will obey a Master because that's simply what the slave desires most?

   I'm the second type; I learned that when someone asked how my Master punishes me if I'm bratty, and I realized that I never really am actually bratty--I don't think he's punished me yet. (Slightly sarcastic is another matter....) I truly don't want to disobey, although sometimes what my Master asks may skirt close to being too much.

   But I also worry that perhaps I'm not enough of a challenge, that because he doesn't have to break me, it won't be as interesting for him.

   I don't have the perspective of a Master, either, to know how that feels. Although I'm not a pushover in my other life, I can't imagine being Dominant in that way.

   So...perfect or imperfect?

Oh, Master; who am I?

Over the past six months, my whole perspective has changed. I've done things I only dreamed of, and yet never dreamed would happen.

But what does this make me? Am I still partly the good girl? The girl on the pedestal? You've called me a pain slut, and I still have trouble with it, although I'm not sure why. I have never been so wet in my entire life as when you touch me with the flogger, the cane, the crop, the belt. But I don't understand why. And I don't want only pain; and yet, it takes my breath away.

What does that mean about me? Can I still be happy with just sex? Am I the slut or the madonna? I don't know who I am anymore.

And yet...

I don't want to go back to what I was before--unhappy with myself and my life.

Please help me, Master....