"Submission is not about what the dominant partners does TO the submissive partner.  It's about what the submissive does FOR the dominant".

I have had this quote on my journal for a long time, but I just learned it's origin, and having read further it feels as if the author reached into my brain and pulled out my thoughts.  The following are further excerpts from the book Uniquely Rika, by Ms. Rika, which I found on the internet in it's entirety, so there is no copyright infringement in quoting it here.

True dominance

I define dominance as the acceptance and leverage of submission.  It's necessary to do both in order to be a dominant partner.  It's not dominance to say "Oh, ok, you can serve me...now let's just go along our regular daily routines.".  It's equally not dominance to manipulate a submissive partner without openly accepting his intent to serve.

If you accept and leverage a man's commitment to serve, you can be considered a dominant.  Are you less of a dominant if you choose to forgo the ritual kissing of the boots, whippings of the slave, or teasing of his genitals?  What if the major activity you want are hour-long backrubs?  Suppose you don't have a "kinky" bone in your body?  Can you still be a dominant?

Not only can you still be a dominant, but by defining the D/s relationship according to your needs, your likes, and your wants and by excluding things that you do not want or desire, you're actually more dominant than a person who gives in to the norm and becomes someone she's not!!!

The power exchange - Rika style

Some argue that the great paradox of D/s is that the submissive is really in charge.  While is this true in the cases of scene-based S&M where players set limits, use safe words, and negotiate activities over a pre-determined period of time, the submissive is NOT in charge of a service-oriented D/s lifestyle.  The definition of "service" implies who is truly in charge.  There are no limits to service, no need for safe words.

Service-oriented D/s is about long-termed relationships in which both partners operate under an agreement of power transfer.  This "power exchange" agreement creates a dynamic on top of the traditional relationship.  In lifestyle D/s, both parties are in charge of maintaining the dynamics of the "power exchange". 

D/s as a layer on the relationship

Since the Power Exchange commitments represent the defining moment, it is clear to view a D/s relationship as being made up of two levels.  The first is a foundation of a standard ("vanilla") relationship.  On top of that foundation, the second level - the D/s Dynamics brought about by the power exchange - are layered.   

The foundation needs are critical to all relationships

If they are to last, all healthy relationships (D/s or not) require focus by both parties on the basic needs of the Foundation Relationship; things such as open communication, trust, honesty, and respect.  (portion deleted for space contains expansion on this line of thinking )

The responsibilities of the roles

Now that we have had an open communication of the intent to serve, we can discuss the roles to which each partner commits.

The role of the true submissive is to make his partner's life easier.  Unless the dominant partner prefers to control his every move, the submissive needs to think ahead of every situation and learn to anticipate what his partner will need.  Otherwise, he will unnecessarily burden her with details of his actions.  He needs to devote his energies to removing obstacles from her path and providing assistance to making her desires fulfilled.  He needs to generate his own energy.  He cannot just sit around awaiting orders (unless that's what she requests).  Good submissive partners act ahead of their partner's needs.  Of course, while her word is final...that's part of the power exchange and a natural offshoot of his desire to see her happy....his goal is to try to make her life easier.  If a true submissive receives an order, he might be saddened, as he has already failed to anticipate and has made his partner go out of her way to think to think up the order.

This approach is much harder for the man.  The responsibility of success in the D/s Dynamic of the relationship is suddenly placed further onto his shoulders.  He is made accountable.  The dominant partner will judge how happy he makes her; how well he serves her needs.  This is a difficult challenge for him.

Still, men report that this is far more rewarding than being ordered about, and I believe them.....I've seen it.  There is something very special about the look in your partner's eyes when he's really pleased you....really succeeded - and not because you told him to do it - but because he was able to figure out what you really wanted and was able to deliver it.  When he's found inner happiness in true submission, he releases and satisfies his true inner need to serve.

Contrast this with the guy who wants to be "done" when out of control.  He has no responsibility in the success of the relationship.  He just needs to follow his partner's orders.  She is the worker..  She needs to test him, stretch him, check him, and think of all possible outcomes.  If the session is not a success, it is her fault.  There's a lot of work and responsibility; more than anyone should have to handle...especially when you're the "dominant one"...the one being "catered to"!  In this case, the dominant partner's life is made much more difficult.

The submissive partner needs to learn how to submit to the unique needs of his dominant partner.   (portion deleted for space contains expansion on this line of thinking )

The role of the dominant partner is to give direction and feedback. 

This is a simpler job; which is how it should be.  The woman accepts her partner's offer of service and agrees to provide feedback and direction.  This is faily straightforward.  If a man does something well, we tell him so.  If he makes us happy, we do not hide that fact.  If he could do something better, we tell him how.  We do not play the "no matter what you do, it can't be good enough" game.  We do not play the "you're a worthless piece of sh#!$!" game either.  His job is to please us, ours is to make it clear how he can succeed - and to acknowledge him when he does.   (portion deleted for space contains expansion on this line of thinking )

For example:  Let's say a man wakes his partner up one morning and surprises her by serving her favorite breakfast in bed.  Her initial instinct will be to thank him for it, right?  However, imagine how he will feel if, after taking the initiative to prepare this for her, he finds himself expected to thank her for the opportunity to serve!  The conversation may go something more like this:  She says "This is wonderful!  This makes me very happy!"...and his reaction should be "Thank you...I love to make you happy... I hope I can do this for you more often"...."Of course you can"..."thank you, Goddess".

There is no doubt in this scenario who is serving whom...who is thankful and who has the expectations.  It's not that she's not thankful, she clearly is...and she's clear about how happy it makes her (feedback)...but it's also clear he is expected to try to please her.  She openly recognizes his efforts and for that he shows his appreciation.

Serving the Queen

The way a man should treat his partner is analogous to the way a knight serves his queen.  He demands nothing, and acts not only according to her will, but also independently, in her best interests.  He represents her outside of her presence, taking that responsibility with deep reverence.  His world revolves around her.  His every action is in her service.  She cares deeply for her knight, relies on him to carry out and enforce her will, and trusts him to act in accordance with her laws and desires.

This is what service-oriented D/s is about.  The innermost need of a submissive man is to see the happiness his services brings to the woman to whom he has devoted himself.  He finds pleasure in pleasing and truly submitting to a woman who accepts his submission from a position of dominance and expectation.  She is doted on, desired, and lusted after.  If she wants to lead, he will follow.  If she wants him to be more aggressive, he will be.