What is it inside a man that keeps him going? What is the fuel or fire that lights us up inside - is it internal? Is it something we are born with or is it something or things we find along the way? Is there a certain point in which a man will give up - a quota of manna if you will - a tank that life syphons from? Maybe there's a mechanism inside us all built for the replenishment of such strength. What happens when that mechanism falters or fails? What happens when one begins to exert all their energy just to continue? What happens as the laws of physics fail us - when inertia is not enough? If some men are born physically stronger are others born mentally stronger as well? Does birth even have anything to do with it at all? Perhaps we are molded into the visceral minds that we are. In the end, I must concede, however it is we have come to the place we are is in fact of little importance. As a wise man once said it only matters what we choose to do with the time we have. Oh what I would give not to be inundated by such questions - god what I would give to just quell my mind. It is a sad state when mere existence seems enough to bring you to tears. Some say hope springs eternal - I feel hope is the Devil's double edged sword that promises strength yet in the end only leaves us in the deep cold cavern of despair. Despair is a feeling I am all to aquatinted with. It has always been with me, haunting my every move. It stalks me as I lie to sleep at night, wrapping itself around my mind as my body twists and turns, tossing and turning; vainly attempting to free me from its ghostly grasp. It may explain my favorite poem Elderado, by Edgar Allen Poe:
Gayly bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
But he grew old,
This knight so bold,
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.
And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow:
``Shadow,'' says he,
``Where can it be,
This land of Eldorado?''
Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,''
The shade replied,
``If you seek for Eldorado!''
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