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He has found me... my knight in shining armor... I never thought it possible for a man to superscede my expectations.. Never dreamed it possible for a man to love me so completely. To want every inch of me body mind and soul. He is without reservation the epitomy of a Master. He has won my unwaivering love and devotion. I am finally owned. I am finally home.
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I am whole again. I now realize my life will continue and be full and happy once again.
A while back while with my Dom.. I began a deep investigation of what it meant to be a submissive and the more I read the more I realized that I had a deeper desire to submit; that I had a yearning need to be more submissive, to be more subservient that not only did it turn me on.. but it made me feel soooo secure and loved. After expressing this to my Dom he tried to accomodate me.. in little ways.. and he tried to fulfill this need I had.. It meant more involvment on his part because I was becoming more and more a 24/7. Something neither of us had ever had, something he was unable to fully handle.
In the end, things went back to the way they were.. intermittent session playing; where it was mostly kink in the bedroom and public play only when he was in the mood.. This really toyed with my emotions.. and confused me. It made me feel weird to have such a deep need and desire and not know what to do with it. It was even more weird that my Dom was sort of dismissing the 24/7 after professing to be all for it.
I realize now.. that this whole situation of me growing deeper in my submission was a hard process for him..
He was losing me to a greater purpose.. and unless he was willing to invest the time to become the Dom I was growing to need, he would have to release me. This began to erode our relationship.. it is also the time at which .. looking back I noticed his behavior changing..
My growth, without him, into my desire for submission, demasculated him as a Dom .. he felt inadequate.. and perhaps helpless because he just didn't feel he could invest the time to grow with me..
So, I am now going on deeper into my journey without him.
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Time to move on.. If you have interest in a loyal, sincere, honest woman, contact me.
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You opened me wide, poured me out, tasted my soul, made my heart sing. I was the center of your world.. the love of your life .. You had been wanting, waiting and looking for me all your life. You reached out to me, offered me your hand.. promised me protection and love. You taught me how to forget the hurt I had experienced as a child.. ..
But, as I stepped out into the dark unknown clasping your hand, trusting your grip, you let go. You failed me. You let me fall straight into the darkness of night and the bleak unknown. You broke my trust. Your promises lay broken at my feet along with the shattered peices of my heart. You don't deserve my love. You never deserved my devotion. You will never deserve the adoration and servitude I gave you.
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Every day I am stronger.. Every step I make I am closer to healing. I am moving back home to Maine to surround myself with my family and friends.. I hope that I can find the peace I so desparately need, to free myself from the pain he has caused me. |
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My life as HIS submissive is over. We called it quits today. My heart is breaking.. . I don't know what I am going to do.. I feel so worthless and sad and the prospect of life without him is bleak and desolate. He was the love of my life. The only man I have ever loved. How will I ever recover?? |
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I opened my own bakery shop!!!!
I have been up and running about two months now and things are going pretty well. Had a write up in the sunday news too! It is weird how quickly you become owned by something that is so innocuous.. I didn't really expect it.. but I have developed this tendency to perfect and oversee everything... I think I need to join workaholics annonymous! I have been working some crazy hours and it becomes evident that time management is a neccessity.. 18 hr days are killing me.. and my sex drive!! |
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Just picked up a fresh quart of strawberries from the Farmers Market. Plump, fat, huge berries, still warm from the kiss of the sun. They were refreshingly tart and sweet, at the same time; with a beautifully dizzying, heady, aroma. I chose a gorgeous dark red one, and bit in, it's warm liquid trickled down my chin. I couldn't help but grin, my mouth full of ripe juicy berry... I was delightedly reminded of being a young, innocent, child again. |
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I am in constant turmoil over my desire to submit absolutely.. I fear the destruction of my soul if I let go of control. But ultimately know that is what I need to be completely happy. But to what end ? My trust has been destroyed over and over.. I no longer trust even the sun in the sky.. and what a horrible place to be.. |
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Ok! I know I have kept you all in suspense over my trip the the UK .. After much thought and careful consideration.. I have declined the position with Gordon Ramsay. I am a mother to four beautiful children.. and I cannot leave them. The position is a hard one to have with children, ie. 16-18 hr days and not a lot of "off" time. Also to live in London with four children, I would require a salary twice what they are offering, or otherwise leave my children behind. I just cannot in good conscience leave them for a job op. Albeit an amazing one.. So I am trying to settle in here baking and making the most of it.  |
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Back from the U.K.!! And..... Got two job offers from the two restaurants I had day trials at. The first was The Boxwood Cafe, and the second.. drum roll please.......
THE SAVOY GRILL!!!!!!!!
I can't believe I did it!! It was the most amazing experience ever. Working in The Savoy was like working in the royal palace. Tea served in and on sterling silver, everything served impeccably on beautifully arranged plates.. Everyone spoke perfect french... The kitchen ran like a well oiled machine every last detail thought of long before service. No plate ever went out without thorough inspection. The best part was that I was able to keep up, I was so scared that I may not be able to, but I did. I amazed myself and them.
The epitome of the entire trip was to be pulled into the head chef's office and to be offered the job. To be told how impressed they were by my capacity to learn quickly and work efficiently. I fit into their kitchen like a glove. What an amazing wonderful experience...... |
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I am leaving for the U.K. on Monday for my job interview with Gordon Ramsay!!! I can't believe this is happening! For those of you who don't know who he is .. it's like Trump calling to ask you to do his accounting!!! It's huge!! I want this so much .. but I have no formal training.. and no experience with 5 star restaurants.. But what I do have is drive and passion, hopefully it will make up for my lack of education..... Keep your fingers crossed for me!!! |
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I am a Pastry Chef. And I just put in my resume with Gordon Ramsay in the UK. I can't believe it.. but they want an interview.. with me!!!!! |
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