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	So with a number of years in the lifestyle, I have come to a number of aspects in my life I am now ready willing and determined to make change too. I am originally from London in the UK, yes with a very broad London accent too..lol I came across the pond in 2006 and after a number of loops and hurdles of the immigration process finally settled as a permanent resident at the beginning of 2011. I came into this kink world at the tender age of 17 after reading a book, that pretty much told me that what I have been feeling during my adolescents years is anything but being a freak. I happened across a good friend at the time that I confided in, and turns out she had known for a while. Good at reading people I guess. She and her partner were lifestylers and had been for a long time. She took me under her wing and showed me the joys and challenges that come with the D/s lifestyle. She was in fact a very Dominant woman who had a good way of expressing herself and thus taught me much about myself and the tolerance of those around. It came to an end when she and her partner started feeling it become a strain on their relationship and I decided that the fairest thing I could do was to step out into the yonder and explore alone. I went to munches, I read, I was hungry for more, and to this day still am. I grew passionate about the depth at which I saw others feel the passion of such a trusting and dedicated life. The effects on one to another from a TPE aspect. The actions being second to the glance and the whisper. I wanted to explore the Dominant side and see where I best fit. I spent many years from then, exploring this, as a Daddy, as a sensual sadist, and as a mentor in the later years. Yet, here I am many years on, feeling a void. I have tried vanilla relationships and they always leave me empty, needing something deeper. I am now at a stage in my life that it seems things have gone full circle. I crave the Dominance of a strong woman, I need the structure a D/s 24/7 relationship has to offer. I feel my days as a Dominant are past. They no longer strike the same chord that they once did. Yet I find myself daydreaming of the life a Dominant partner and owner could have as a mental impact in my life. I find myself curious about things I never saw myself even pondering. Total control, micro management to a level, physical restraint as a way of life, mental bondage as a tool for structure. Service both emotionally and physically to one strong truly dominant female. Things I have explored are now coming back to haunt me, for the desire to be on the flip side of a 24/7 D/s relationship. Worship, a level of humiliation, mind fucks, mild to moderate pain, orgasm control and denial, and the feeling that bondage is a form of liberation rather than something to be scared of. Will I settle for anyone who claims to be dominant, hell no, would you lol... I don't want to spend weeks months and years establishing a connection either. Please don't assume I don't come with a small baggage trail, I like, yourself have a past. There are things I have done I am proud of, things I have experienced that I would rather forget. But I have a past. We all do....so lets not forget that we are people with needs emotions and feelings before we are labelled lifestylers. If I feel the connection, I will pursue it with all that I am, but I will be straight, it would need to be somebody who is emotionally available, willing and desiring to work with me for a stronger future, based on communication, trust, and loyalty. I offer all to the right one.... Does this mean I will never be a brat, well simply no. I can be stubborn, I can be bullheaded, and I can play up...but I know with the right surroundings and structure, it comes back to that look...the look of hey your crossing the line.....I have seen it, I desire it, I need it!!

7/1/2015 3:52:50 PM

Harsh Lessons:: So some harsh and real realities hit home last night, and today.! After a few days of semi-intense denial play keeping my mind and body on edge over and over, last night was set to potentially be the end of that torment. Boy was I wrong. I played up, hid behind the facade of being overly playful and even began to play the victim to a mid day tease. I was soon shown that I was indeed looking at a happy place that me, myself and I alone threw the opportunity to the wolves. I believed I could read a situation that I found some mild expectation towards. My Mistress soon changed my way of thinking, and was left after a feeling of absolute frustration and utter despair after an extended and EXTREME tease and denial. Was this justified? As the after thought it absolutely was. In my Dom days, I'd never have accepted the behavior set forth, so what possessed me to think Mistress would accept it any more or less. I failed in both pleasing her, and also from achieving a much needed release. There was no doubt that this was intended as a behavioral readjustment yet even to the moment She stopped and switched off, I clung to hope that She would accept my plea's and begging and even the odd tear of absolute and unadulterated frustration would offer some grace and She would relent. Today, I'm pleased She didn't, it's left me with a stronger and even more deep routed aspiration to do better for Her and for myself in the future. Who could have thought having Her cock teased and tormented for what felt like weeks could impale a constructive and effective punishment that took me past the barrier of brat, to being Hers....always and forever

6/29/2015 8:31:40 PM

So things are going well. Actually that's not true, they are going fantastically. There have been a few conversations, which as adults, is both natural and needed in order to progress into a whole new level of being. Yesterday I received a text from Mistress directing my to watch a slideshow as soon as I was home from work. Nerves and apprehension started to show, knowing she is both unpredictable and adorable in the most sensual and evil ways. Did I figure anything from this. No...I'm guessing I was never meant too. Still the heart began racing, the pulse pumped. The excitement of the unknown was passionately pending and building in my mind. I had to try my best to close off from trying to predict in order to make the drive home safely. I arrived home and proceeded to follow the instruction I was given. The end formula... I was made to feel like the luckiest and happiest man and Her submissive that could ever be possible. She offered me Her collar which I had zero hesitation in accepting. So now, it's official, not only am I loved and cherished. I am now Hers...owned and commited and could not be happier in that notion. She is my world, she is my breathe, she is my soul mate, she is my life...she is my Mistress and I look to every day as a new and exciting part of "our journey"

6/21/2015 3:53:05 PM

So with the fact that I am doing this on my phone, and therefore at this point cannot actually change the context of my profile, I do want to say that I was not overly optimistic of finding anybody with substance from this platform but decided unless you fish, there is zero chance of a bite. I did communicate with two of three people who were respectful and supportive. Showed a genuine and realistic direction to the lifestyle but realizing we are all human beings first and foremost. With that said I also communicated (very briefly) with the usual that has come to be expected with a free meet n greet kink based website such as Collarspace. Please people understand I don't and won't ask any person to have submitted themselves sexually or emotionally to me during my time as a Dominant. Therefore it's no surprise I don't and wouldn't submit to the couple who have asked me to "prove" my loyalty to a set of pixels. If this is you reading this, or you can understand the respectful way I am attempting to be right to the point, then please do this community a huge favor. Step back and think, have you ever been played? Have you ever felt a self of self induced "fuck me" as a result of being naive? Have you ever felt it inappropriate to have a random stranger walk upto you in a bar and expect you to kiss them let alone anything further than that without an ounce of conversation? Yes I'm sure 99% of REAL people have felt one or more of these. Then why why why in the name of all that's holy would you expect somebody to deal with a "drop to your knees and send a naked picture to prove yourself" any different. To those I hope you find solace in your lives in some way of form, but leave me out of that equation. Now, this is not so much a rant, but rather observation. I've been around the block of destruction more than once. However right now, I'm at the cul-de-sac of that search. Mine is found. She owns every part of me. Mind body and soul. She is decent, honest, respectful and yet keeps me on my edge at all times. No matter if we are in each other's company or not. She owns me, knows how too, and enjoys it. It's a journey we walk together as equal human beings. Yet in the sense that, she has the final say on everything and I respect and trust her enough to be happy, if not sometimes a little frustrated or unsure of myself, with that. She knows what makes me tick and how to get the best from my as Her submissive and Her lover. Nothing between us is impossible. She understands me, She loves me, She protects me, sometimes and graciously even from myself. So with this sudden and yet happily intense connection we share that I have never yet in my days felt. I am open only to friendship from others. I am capable of holding a conversation and will do so with the most respect I can given how it's presented. I have still got values and opinions related to the lifestyle both as a Dominant and as I am happiest now, my Mistresses submissive, and would with her knowledge and permission help to offer that opinion to any person who wishes to seek advice or just somebody to rant too. A neutral ear to listen. However, I am submissive, not stupid, I still have the ability to block and respond if I'm approached as less than a human being from any person who either doesn't know me, or have not sought the permission of my life my protector and my Mistress - Tiaralily