Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

BlueEyedAngel92

BlueEyedAngel92 - photo 1
BlueEyedAngel92 - photo 2

Horizontal Line

Friends:
Need2ControluchefmeSeekingLearningMattkerp

Horizontal Line

Vertical Line

I'm a shy, reserved submissive... But when i get to know you a bit more.. I am also a bit of a brat... okay maybe more then a bit... let me explain that... I like struggling against control, fighting when you try to restrain me. I have a sassy mouth... and like to push to see what happens... normally that ends me up being punished because I step way over the line... I need a strong Dom because I like to push and because i am a bit of a brat... If you can't put me back in my place I will laugh and take advantage... :D HEHE... I'm a bit of a challenge in the aspect! I like to have fun and am just a bit of a dare devil... I have a good sense of humor even though it might be a bit strange and a lot sarcastic sometimes... I love to laugh... My famous answer to something that i don't want to answer is I don't know. Sometimes i don't even realize I said it because it's like second nature. I have found out recently that i am a bit of a masochist... well i should say I just got the courage to admit that... Kinda new to the lifestyle, I only had a few play partner and have a little experience... Most of it bad experience... Which i will not explain here because it's not for the weak(If you are interested in me then I will tell you). I know the basics and a bit more about the life style, I had started researching the lifestyle when I was 16. I'm looking for a Master to show me the ropes and help me learn. I enjoy learning new things and want to learn every possible way of pleasing my master when I find him. I want a Master I can trust without a doubt in my mind. I want someone kind and caring and gentle when it's needed. But someone firm and controlling at others, I want someone who will teach me new things. Help me learn as much as I can. Someone to dominate me completely, someone i can submit to completely. And someone that can handle my bratty side. And someone with at least a bit of a sense of humor. Someone I can trust not to seriously hurt me. Someone that can keep me in line but not someone who will abuse me. I want someone that will know my body better than I do. Someone that can show me great pleasure but also punish me when necessary... Please Contact me if you're interested! :) If you want a bit more of an insight into me and what I'm looking for then check out my journal!
Here's a little more about me: I've lived in Florida for 14 years now. I know my way around here pretty well even though I am kinda directionally challenged! :) I'm defiantly ready for a change, ready to see where the world takes me. I would like to make my way to somewhere it snows. I love the cold and I love the snow even though I haven't seen snow since I was little. In my free time.... when i get free time anyway... I like swimming, watching movies, reading, hanging out with friends, and just generally having a good time. I go to the gym almost everyday working muscles in the morning and cardio in the evening by doing Zumba... I can't dance at all but i still have fun trying! I like nature walks too. I am an artist. I enjoy painting,drawing, and I sometimes write poetry. I also have a passion for photography and editing pictures. I enjoy going to school and learning new stuff. I strive to keep my A and B average with a GPA of 3.8. So I can move on to a bigger university and better my education. I'm a very driven and determined person! ______________________________________________________________________
I'm also interested in meeting some people in my area to be friends with. Some people to hang out with who I don't have to hide what I like. someone who will understand. Message me if your interested. Message me if your interested.

Horizontal Line

3/26/2014 5:06:35 PM

I read someone’s journal… not sure if she would mind if I named her in this… But I read her journal… She was brave enough to share her story like this… It gave me the courage to share mine… So here we go… I’ve never shared this with anyone in this much detail.

 

Warning: Triggering about cutting and self-injury…
I have scar that cover my body… If you’ve been with me you know that… I cover and hide them… I can’t wear short sleeves without my scars showing and I have tattoos over the ones on my wrist. When people see them they look at me like there’s something wrong with me. Or there concerned I might do something more severe… I’m always afraid to get into a relationship with someone new because that means I have to tell them about them… I would much prefer to just hide them… But they are there and I can’t. So I thought I’d make it easier and tell you about them here.

I’m not sure if I can say I am or I was, since the urge never really goes away. I’ll say was since I haven’t done it in a while. I was a self-injurer, I started when I was 8 years old. My scars are from self-inflicted cuts, though I do have a burn scar on my ankle that was self-inflicted too. I used razors from pencil sharpeners, razors from shaving razors after I’d taken them apart. All sanitized with a lighter and alcohol to kill germs. The burn I did by heating up a butter knife until it was black and pressing it to my ankle and repeating this several times. I have scars on my wrists covered by tattoos, on my upper arm that are keloid, some on my stomach and faint white lines on my thighs… I started trying to find different places to hide them…

Now that I’ve said that let me explain…

I’ve always had a liking for pain… I started when I was eight and then I didn’t know exactly why I was doing it other than it felt… good… it made everything so clear I guess you could say. Then it was just small cuts. It developed over time into something more. Anytime something bad happened… when I got upset or stress or anger over something I would cut to help with the emotions. It made things clearer, leveled my head and helped emotionally. For a while from about 13 to 17 it felt like something I NEEDED to do. But I haven’t done it in about a year… It would be longer but I relapsed after something pretty bad happened to me…

I was diagnosed at 13 with Bipolar disorder (You have no idea how scared I am to admit that) my cutting was automatically equated to that. Partly it was but no one could fathom that I also liked the pain. If you don’t know what Bipolar disorder is, then I’ll explain it at the bottom.

My motivation for stopping was the look on my mom’s face when she found out when she saw them. She blamed herself for doing something wrong with me. Was there something wrong with me? I didn’t think so. The fact that my dad didn’t want to look at the scars. My brother was embarrassed of me and didn’t want his friends over… I was hurting the ones I loved. And it killed me to know that. So I started trying to stop. But it’s not that simple. So I started hiding them.

Over time I was able to stop. I’d like to think it’s because I wanted to stop. But I still think about it… Still want it. My reason for stopping was my family. I like the way the pain feels… or the way the blade feels going across my skin. I like the blood; red, wet, and sticky, the metallic smell… Even the taste of it.
That’s very graphic and not for all readers but it’s true. I’m a masochist… I find enjoyment from pain. It helps clear my head, slows my thoughts. It’s not really a sexual thing. Mainly because I’ve never had the courage or trusted someone enough to hurt me but I want to.

 

Side note: A deion “Bipolar disorder (also known as bipolar affective disorder, manic-depressive disorder, or manic depression) is a mental illness characterized by episodes of an elevated or agitated mood known as mania often alternating with episodes of depression.” That doesn’t seem that bad to me.
A common stigma among people, “the most commonly held belief was that people with mental health problems were dangerous or crazy” which isn’t true. I’ll give you that some people with more severe issues could possibly be dangerous. But I’m neither crazy nor dangerous, I am a very level headed person if I hadn’t told you then you would have never known. I take meds to control what symptom I do have.


3/26/2014 5:04:54 PM

How things work with me… And kinda me venting...

I’m not looking for just sex… I’m not going to jump into your bed just because you’re a Dom. I’m sorry I’m just not like that. I don’t want to relationship to be based off of just sex. I want to get to know you before we do anything… Did you know sex for some women is very much about a connection, a mental/emotional and physical connection with the person there being intimate with. That’s me! And I have to be able to trust you. Trust is major to me! A lot of guys that contact me are in a rush to meet. Then once we meet it’s when can we play?…

But here’s the thing, we can’t have a mental/emotional connection from one meeting. I want to talk to you for a bit before we meet… (I’ve jumped blindly into meeting someone after two conversations… It didn’t end well). Maybe talk on the phone a bit. And even then I’m not doing anything with you on the first meeting… Or even the second! I’m the definition of “taking it SLOW”! LOL :) But then it shouldn’t be all about sex because it’s not! Message me and let’s see if we hit it off! :)

Oh and by golly gosh if you try to dominate in one of the first messages you send me… It’s just not gonna work… I might laugh… But I’m not calling you Sir or Master before we have even met… Unless it just feels right… but then only I can know that!

 

Just My Thoughts.


3/26/2014 5:03:24 PM

So I’ve been thinking… And the more I think about it the more I wonder if it’s true… I don't think I'll really ever find someone that fits exactly what I need or want...

 

See here’s the problem… I'm not completely a sub... What I mean by that is, I'm submissive there’s no question about that, But I’m submissive at home and in the bedroom... but then the guy has to be a strong Dom and be able to actually control me... if I can walk on him and get away with it... he's not going to top me... I’m going to do exactly that and walk on him… I need a guy with experience in the lifestyle… But then in the outside world I need to be in control... Well maybe not in control but I like to look like I am… I walk around shoulders back, head held high and I probably look like I have a dominant personality... though if you talk to me and I become shy…

 

Then I have my moments where I fit the whole "babygirl" role very well and I just want to cuddle. And I’m sweet and quiet… giggly…

 

But there’s others (More times than not…) where I'm a complete brat... testing and waiting to see what will happen... pushing whoever I'm with to do something... Anything to show me he’s in control and where my place is…


Then you mixed in the fact that I like pain... certain degrees of pain… that it makes me... wet...

 

……Well I'm just not sure there's a guy out there that fits me... That can be all those things for me… Because I’m a mix of different things… Is it possible to find the perfect guy that fits me??


1/15/2014 11:13:57 AM

I wrote this one day when I was bored. It felt good to get in down on "Paper" if you will. It's not very good, I'm not a professional writer by any means. :) So here's a little insight into me as a submissive:

My Master would be strong and firm, able to put me in my place when I try to push the boundaries. I like to test my master sometimes… But he would always put me back in my place. I’m a submissive and he is the Dominant, we both have roles in which we belong, roles in which we NEED to live to feel complete.

 

My Master would also be gentle, kind and caring too, able to make me feel cherished and loved, able to cuddle and calm me down after a harsh punishment. Kiss me and tell me it’s alright, that I did well and that I’m a good girl. Special moments in which I would cherish and keep close to my heart.

_______________________________________________________________

 

This is something that I wrote about, a fantasy of an aspect of the relationship, and an insight into the kind of Dom/Master I want:

I know I’ve been bad the moment it happens, and he does too. He doesn’t have to tell me I was bad, the way he looks at me says it all. I’m doomed… the one raised eyebrow, the look in his eyes, disapproval marks his face. I call it “the Dom look”. I had said the wrong thing, stepped to far over the line this time. He had warned me of punishment, told me of the many possibilities of what he could do. I was testing him though. I had only known him for a little while and I wanted to see how far I could push him and get away with it. I had found the line and successfully crossed it. YIKES! It would be a good time to run and hide but it didn’t matter if I ran. He’d catch me anyway and the consequences would be worse it I ran. I stood my ground, terrified and shaking, glued to my spot on the floor. My feet wouldn’t work even if I wanted them to. “You know what happens now, don’t you?” he said. I nodded. “I warned you didn’t I?” he asks. I nod again. Words don’t seem to want to come out my mouth right now. I should apologize, and beg for forgiveness but I don’t, I’m too proud and stubborn. “Let’s go” He says. I shake my head, I was only making it worse but I was still testing him. He steps toward me and I step back. He reaches for me and I stumble backwards. My lack of balance was what cost me. He grabs the back of my neck and I’m stuck. His grip isn’t mean or particularly painful, just firm and controlling. I don’t try to fight I’m stuck and I know it. Excitement boils my blood and terror runs through my body. He pushes me forward and I comply.
He leads me down the hall to a room. He pushes the door open then gently pushes me inside. The rooms almost bare, the toys or torture instruments in some hidden place. All that’s in here is a hook in the ceiling and a table by the wall. I stand there petrified. ‘What did you do now?’ I think to myself. The lock sliding into place echoes in the quiet room. “Strip” He says. I shake my head. He steps in front of me grabs my chin and firmly says “Strip or I’ll cut the clothes off you myself.” I was wearing my favorite shirt, with trembling hands I pull my clothes off. He pulls a table into the center of the room. ‘A table?’ I thought. Funny how house hold s can be turned into torture instruments... I would never again think of a table the same way. The table was modified, ankle cuffs attached to the legs and wrist cuffs attached to the center of the table. Once undressed he points to the spot in front of the table, I hesitated and he raised his eyebrow. I shuffle my way to the spot he pointed to. He attaches the cuffs to my ankles and before leaning me over and attaching the cuffs to my wrist he looks at me and say “you’ve disappointed me, slave.” That hurts the most, knowing I had displeased him. Then he puts a hand on my shoulder blades and pushes me forwarded causing me to lean over. The tables tall enough that I have to stand on my tippy toes to lean over it and the wrist cuffs are higher than I thought; so I’m stretched out completely. I tugged on the restrains and found I was truly stuck. I was at his mercy completely. The thought thrilled me but also scared me. I heard footsteps and tried to follow his movements but it was difficult with the limited movement I had. He touched my back and I startled. “Fifteen” He said. I swallowed hard… ‘Fifteen with what; a paddle, a whip, a cane?’ I thought. But I didn’t dare speak.
I got no warning when the first one hit. I jerked; gasped and pulled at the restrains but they didn’t give an inch. He was using a paddle and it hurt! The second one hurt more they the first one though and I tugged hard on the restrains. By five I had given up all hope of getting away and just gave up. I closed my eyes and counted in my head. By the time he finished my bottom was on fire and I had tears slowly running down my face.
When he finishes he rubs some cream into my bottom and undoes the restrains and helped me up. He pointed to the ground in front of him and a dropped to my knees before him. “Apologize, Slave.” He said. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, master.” I said. “Good girl” He said. He helps me up from my knees.
We walk out of the play room and into the living room where he sits down and pulls me down next to him. Cuddling me close, I lay down, my head on his lap he rubs my back and plays with my hair. “You took your punishment very well, pet” He says. “I’m proud of you.” Hearing him say that fills me with joy and I can’t help but smile. “Thank you, Sir.” I say softly. “Did you learn a lesson from this?” He asks. “Yes, Sir.” I say. “But you’ll do it again, won’t you, pet. Always have to test me occasionally to see what I’ll do, don’t you.” He says and I hear him chuckle softly. I peek up of him, He has a smile on his face looking down at me, the love and affection reflects in his eyes as he looks at me. And I feel the same way about him. ‘Yes, this is where I belong” I think, snuggling in closer to him completely content to lay here.

 _________________________________________________________________________________

 

But the lifestyles not all about punishment, no, it’s about pleasure too! Pleasure in pleasing my Master completely, Knowing he is happy brings on a feeling like no other. Hearing him tell me I did a good job that I was a good girl fills me with complete joy. Pleasure for a submissive doesn’t always come from sex… No it comes from the knowledge that I have completely, without a doubt pleased my Master! I crave that feeling to the point that is too strong for words. I need to please, need to hear I was a good girl. I need a Master almost as much as I need air to breathe!


The sex is just a bonus, a reward for being good and pleasing him. The sex brings a thrill with it because it’s not just sex. It’s the bond between us being tested. I have to completely trust my Master because this sex isn’t just sex. I become helpless as he ties me up, takes away my movement and sometimes my sight and ability to talk. I have to trust him not to hurt me or take advantage of me. And I would, without a doubt I would trust him completely. I crave that bond, and that trust. I crave that helplessness because along with that helplessness comes the feeling of complete freedom. I am free, all I have to do is feel what he’s doing, listen to his commands and obey what he says.


Along with pleasure, pain, trust, and an unbreakable bond comes everything that a regular relationship has. Love… being cherished and cared for… I need him and he needs me! But we have a bond like no normal relationship has, we talk more about what we want, need, and crave. We have a better connection between us than any other relationship ever will. This is what I crave.


Yes, this lifestyle is like no other lifestyle, most people don’t understand the lifestyle… But it’s something I can’t live without… I need to please; I need that bond and trust. I need everything that goes along with this lifestyle.

 

I have submissive desires; I wish to please my Master in every way possible. He may use me to get his pleasure because I know it pleases him to do so and I know he will never hurt me. The bond between Dom and Submissive is like no other. A special relationship that only a few ever get the privilege to fully experience and understand, I hope I am one of the lucky ones. :)

 

The End.


Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
Hotmistress00
 
 Age: 23
 MORROW, Georgia