Does anyone on collarme know what they want.?.

Or are they too scared to say so upfront.?.

The slaves seem to say so much about being a 'no limit' slave or similar statements, yet express their limits as time goes on.. The slaves (especially the younger ones or the ones from california) show pictures of their as, tits, or cunt as to advertise "their wares"..

Isn't anyone really interested in BDSM rather than just quick sex.?. (Not that anything is wrong with sex..) But is that the only basis for BDSM.?.

And no politeness.. Not even to take the time and effort to simply say "No, thank you.."

Has the quality of slaves and submissives gotten so low.?.

Ah, the "weekend computer slut"..

So many "slaves" and "subs" are on here to play a game..

To be a weekend slut.. Safely on-line, behind their computer screens.. They have little intentions of meeting or being real.. Just here to get their jollies on a boring weekend.. No "dates", no 'significant other', no nothing..

But for the 'needy' and 'desperate' dominant, they excite them ad get their (the dominant's) hopes up..

(In my youth, they were called "pric teases".. All "hot and heavy" until they actually have to "put out"..)

But, there are some (such as myself) that already have a goo slave and am not 'needy'..

BDSM 101
Are you a slave , submissive, or just a 'kinky' girlfriend.?.
 
 
(Without prompting)
Do you occassionally address your 'significant other' as "Master".?.
Do you ask your 'Master' where he is going and what he is doing.?.
Do you decide (instigate) when you have sex, where, and how.?.
Do you decide (direct) when you 'play', where you 'play', and how you 'play'.?.
Do you argue with your Master.?.
Do you definately show your Master when you are angry with him, sad about something he does (or does not) do.?.
Do you (most times) expect your Master to entertain you.?.
Do you 'accuse' you Master of small day-to-day things (not doing small things as you might do them, i.e cooking, straightening the house, laundry, making a small mess).?.
Do you 'complain' of small day-to-day things your Master does (i.e. driving to slow, too fast, leaving on lights, turning off lights).?.
Do you 'accuse' (complain to) your Master of not 'playing' enough (or 'playing' too much).?.
Do you 'accuse' (complain to ) your Master of not enough sex (or too much sex).?.
Do you (always) cheerfully 'obey' your Master in ALL things.?.
Do you tell (small) lies (fibs)(colorized truths) to your Master (i.e. "Nothing is wrong", "I'm alright", etc).?.
 
(Now a BIGGIE)..
 
Do you say "No.!." to your Master.?.
 
Think this through.. Could your answers indicate that you may not be a slave.?. (Maybe only a submissive.?. Or just a 'kinky' girlfriend.?.)

This is about you not your 'significant other'..
He might be a Master, but you don't see it in him..
He might be a Dominant, but you see him otherwise..
He might be a 'top' to your 'botom'..
Or, he might only be a kinky boyfriend..
 
These questions are not about him, but how you see (in reality) yourself.. You reactions to him, what you show him you are.. What you show other that you are..
Maybe the answers you have to these questions and others cause you to doubt your own statis of yourself..

What do you SAY you are.?.
Are you a slave.?.
Are you a submissive.?.
Are you a kinky girlfriend.?.
What do you want to be.?.

You try to be what you preceive that you are..
Maybe now, after thinking of these questions and YOUR real answers, you think you are different than you first thought..
Why.?.
Why not really talk with your 'significant other'.?. Discuss what you may see as some faults YOU may have.. See what he sees about who and what you are.. (Often times others can see you much more clearly than you can yourself..)

If any of these questions have bothered you (or the real answers you see), why not try to better them.?. (It's not too hard to do..)
 
...Do you occassionally address your 'significant other' as "Master".?.
Address Him as he should be more often.. Make a conscious choice to do so...
 
...Do you ask your 'Master' where he is going and what he is doing.?.
You ask this outloud, why not answer it outloud to yourself and him with something like "Your my Master (Dominant), you do not have to say where you are going or what are you doing."
 
...Do you decide (instigate) when you have sex, where, and how.?.
When you realise this, why not appologize and then ASK if he will.. And accept his decision, even if it is not as you would choose..
Or if in the middle of sex, relax, enjoy his enjoyment, and accept what he does, how he does it, and everything he decides..
 
...Do you decide (direct) when you 'play', where you 'play', and how you 'play'.?.
The same as with sex..
 
...Do you argue with your Master.?.
When you are in disagreement, why not STOP.?. You stop.. Let him be right.. If you agree with him, you do not necessarily say that you are wrong.. Nor that he is wrong.. (The old saying of "Master is always right" applies, -maybe he is right but you simply can not see it because you are angry.. Or maybe you are right, but he can not see it because he is angry.. By stopping and agreeing, you can defuse a situation)..
 
...Do you definately show your Master when you are angry with him, sad about something he does (or does not) do.?.
If he says "Stop.!." and you do, you defuse a situation..
 
...Do you (most times) expect your Master to entertain you.?.
If you see yourself as a slave, isn't a slave supose to do the entertaining.?. So entertain him.. If as a submissive, many times the same applies.. If a kinky girlfriend, maybe he is too tired or distracted, as you could be at times..
 
...Do you 'accuse' you Master of small day-to-day things (not doing small things as you might do them, i.e cooking, straightening the house, laundry, making a small mess).?.
...Do you 'complain' of small day-to-day things your Master does (i.e. driving to slow, too fast, leaving on lights, turning off lights).?.
Do you 'accuse' (complain to) your Master of not 'playing' enough (or 'playing' too much).?.
Is he better than other Master's, Dominants, or boyfriends you have had.?. Does he treat you well.?. Is your joy with him better than without him.?.
If not, why are you with him.?.
If so, do you also praise him as equally.?. Why not try doing so occassionally.?.
 
...Do you 'accuse' (complain to ) your Master of not enough sex (or too much sex).?.
Maybe the 'timing' is a bit off, between the two of you.?. Try talking and discussing..
 
...Do you (always) cheerfully 'obey' your Master in ALL things.?.
Why not.?. Maybe by doing so you defuse things.. Maybe speak outloud to yourself and your Master, "You are my Master and I will obey, even if I don't want to right now"..
 
...Do you tell (small) lies (fibs)(colorized truths) to your Master (i.e. "Nothing is wrong", "I'm alright", etc).?.
Be honest and truthful.. Discuss.. Communicate.. Maybe he needs to know, otherwise he might not have asked.. But isn't it a good thing that he asks occassionally rather than not.?. Doesn't that show that he cares.?.
 
 
...Do you say "No.!." to your Master.?.
If you are a slave, appologize immediately and respond with a cheerful "Yes, Master.!."
If you are a submissive or kinky girlfriend, is your Dominant's (or boyfriend's) command so outrageous.?. If not, why not say "Yes, Sir.!." (You may find yourself in an enjoyable situation..

Politeness and civality..

So many of the slaves and subs on this site expect Masters and Dominants to be polite and civil in reguards to them.. But this doesn't seem to apply to themselves..

Rude game players..

That can not reply with a short note saying "Thank you.. But Not interested.." (Especially after replying once or twice after an intial message..)

Slave training... (Or even sub training, both are similar enough, just different words..)

Doing things (getting use to things) that enhance and stimulate a slave (or sub)..

Be that being bound, disicplined, or sexually aroused..

The Collar..
 
A common subject and theme to BDSM..
There are many types of collars.. Collars for submissives.. Collars for slaves.. Training collars.. Consideration collars.. Mentoring collars.. Temporary collars.. Conditional collars.. Permanent collars.. Play collars.. Conventional and un-conventional collars..
 
A collar is a physical symbol.. A promise for both party's.. For the slave or submissive to promise to obey and be their dominants submissive partner.. For the dominant to abide by the agreed relationship with their partner..
Much as a wedding ring is a physical symbol for a marriage..
 
Giving of a collar is a statement of accepting responsibility.. A promise of agreed upon treatment.. (A dominant's word and honor is on the line..)
 
The first I will touch upon is collars for submissives and slaves..
 
These are two very different entities..
For a submissive can be less binding.. As a submissive always has the right to say "No.!".. A submissive can at anytime nulify the collar and remove it.. (Most times with no damage to her honor or integrety as a submissive..)
For a slave, it is more complicated.. A slave has agreed to be their Master's slave (conditions may be agreed to) has given upi the right to say "No.!.".. And her collar can only be removed by her Master (her release).. (If there were agreed to conditions that her Master broke, THAT can be His statement of "release".. Then the slave may physically remove the collar..) (Her honor and integrety is still in tact..)
 
Now, I will touch upon conventional collars..
 
Training collars..
(While training collars can be "play collars" or even "consideration collars", they are specifically for training of a slave or sub..)
ALL dominant/submissive relationships have a training period.. They have to have time to understand what is expected.. Likes, dislikes, practices, rituals, and various BDSM (and personal) aspects..
Some dominants accept a sub or slave to be specifically trained before accepted as a partner on any regular basis.. Hense a "traing collar"..
 
Consideration collars..
A collar to sybolize a relation exists.. It may be a tempory relationship, but at the present point, it is viewed as long term.. But a reasonable practical doubt does exist.. The sub or slave is being considered by a dominant.. The collar acts as a way to honorably practice their relationship..
 
Mentoring collars..
A collar to allow a dominant to teach and mentor a sub or slave who is less experienced in BDSM practices and life style.. The dominant accepts the responsibility for the sub or slave, while giving the dominant the practical authority over the sub or slave.. (Subject to agreed to conditions, either by the sub or slave, or by their regular dominant..)
 
Temporary collars..
Where both agreed that the relationship would be for a short term time..
 
Conditional collars..
Where conditions of submission or dominance have been agreed to.. Or a specific time period has been agreed to..
 
Play collars..
Collars worn specifically for "play" and BDSM functions.. Usually erotic, elaborate, and/or fetish.. Usually in-appropriate for day-to-day wearing..
 
Conventional and Un-conventional collars..
Conventional collars are usually worn around a sub or slaves neck.. They may be leather, metal, or cloth.. They may take the form of conventional jewelry or a "dog -animal- like collar".. Some my be specially (custom designed and made) fetish in theme.. Most are (somewhat) easy to attache or remove.. A simple buckle, snap, or attachment..
 
Un-conventional collars can be anything imagined.. From rings on a finger.. To toe rings.. To brandings.. To tattoos.. To percings.. It is totally up to the partners..
 
 
All collars have meaning.. To the partners.. To the BDSM community.. To the "vanilla" world also..
Some meanings are very deep and significant.. Others are more casual.. The important part is what meaning it holds for the partners.. Their agreed upon understanding and meaning..

I recently deleted my last entry..

(Pertaining to having a slave..)

I forgot it was there..

Simply put she had a Master before I came along.. So the honorable thing to do was to release her..

Submission and service
 
 
Submission is actual submitting to the desires and will of another.. Even if that desire is not what you prefer or desire..
 
Service is just that.. Performing a service for another.. Doing for another..
 
Simple.!. Very straightforward.!. Not complicated.!.
 
Ah, but is it complicated.?.
What if that service is boring or not thrilling.?.
To sit quietly, waiting for your Master or dominant.?. Doing simple boring household chores or yard work.?. Writing in a journal.?. Doing shopping for your Master or dominant.?.
Are these not service.?.
 
Or even sexual service.. Giving your Master or dominant sexual gratification without any for you.?. "Not tonight dear.. I have a headache" doesn't cut it, does it.?.
 
What about speach, protocols, and demeaner.?. In the home, out in public, and out in semi-pulic (fetish club, munch, bash, private party..)..?.
 
What thrill is that.?.
 
Or is your talk of submission and service just that 'talk'.?. (Especially in a 24 hour, 7 days a week arrangement.?.)
 
For many BDSMers it is just that.. Talk.!. (24/7 being used and abused.. Feeding your thrill.. Boring and common place, "I didn't sign up for that.!.".. "Everyone knows that 'submission and service' are only roleplaying catch phrases to find a dominant.. No one expects me to live up to that.!.")
 
Many slaves and submissives DO view things that way.. (as do many dominants..)
 
For a great percentage of BDSMers the BDSM lifestyle is just that.. A role.. Playing.. Feeding your thrill for the moment.. Spicing up your relationship..
What about the ones who BDSM IS their lifestyle.?. That they actually do mean 'submission and service'.?. They accept the boring with their thrill.. (Just another part of life, much as a spouse or kids are part of life.. Or a job that pays for enjoyable things..)
 
For them (and the 'role players') actual submission and service can be enjoyable.. Fulfilling a 'need' that they have.. And can be introduced and practiced (even in role playing).. Maybe not such a thrill or feeding a thrill.. But also satisfying..

Thrills and BDSM
 
Everyone has 'thrills'.. A satisfaction or gratification.. Vanilla and BDSMers alike..
 
It can be anything.. From true masochistic pain to mild erotic spanking.. From conventional service (cooking, cleaning,etc) to wild sexual use.. From being roughly manhandled to a single feather ticking.. From personal integrety to religious experience..
 
For the vanilla life, so many women get a thrill from a casual light swat on their butt.. A passionate love bite or kiss on the neck.. Being lightly manhandled, firmly but dominantly..
 
For BDSMers, some desire tight bondage.. The thrill of being guilt free in their kinkieness.. Another is doing whatever and they have little or no choice but to go along with it..
Some desire harsh painfulness.. As punishment for wrongs they have done in their life.. As an ultimate gift to their dominant, their accepting of pain..
Some desire milder pain, as erotic expressions of passion..
Some desire service.. To be a penance for past misdeeds.. As a way of proving their value and skills, where they might not be as skillful in other ways..
Some desire wild sexual experiences.. (LOL) Just because that is their nature.. They see that as their skill.. Their value..
(LOL.. Why does one like chocolate ice cream.?.)
Some desire manhandling because it represents passion and desire to them..
Some desire tickling.. Just because that is their nature (?)..
Some desire testing and verifying of their personal integrety.. Their view of what a slave or sub should be, do, and accept..
Some desire the religious experience.. That their suffering or trials (in some way) reflect their spirituallity.. Reflect their devotion to their God.. Jesus' suffering for them.. That their sufferring and trials give back to him..
 
What is your thrill.?.
 
How does it contribute to your BDSM life.?.
 
Does your partner (partners?) contribute to your thrill.?.
 
Do you openly admit to your thrill.?.
 
What will you do to feed your thrill.?.

"Limits' and 'sexual likes (dislikes)"
 
"I have no limits.!." "Whatever a Master wants to do with me.."
Haven't we heard this before, dominants.. And haven't you said these before, submissives..
 
But, when reality sets in (face-to-face?) (or discussion goes further), so often 'limits' DO come up. What a Master wants has to have simularities with what a submissive wants (but often hasn't verbally expressed)..
 
For the slave or sub that expresses 'sensual sexual uses' there are some actual limits.. Usually not with another slave or sub.. Not being present while their Master uses another slave or sub.. (In some cases) Not being sexually used by another dominant.. (And especially) No animals nor underage participants..
 
For the slave or sub that expresses 'pain' (or punishment) 'thrills' (again) there are some actual limits.. No 'marks'.. No blood.. No (few?) extremes.. Safety.. No use (abuse?) from other dominants (without strict controls and understanding by their Master)..
 
Isn't this where a dominant or slave/subs reality and fantasy clash.?.
And what does it say to a slave/sub or dominant WHEN (not if) reality shows up.?. When a slave or sub DOES express limits, after saying over and over again "No limits", "Whatever a Master wants".. Or the reality of discovering that a dominant actually DOES like -whatever- (that he expressed from the beginning, or never came up in conversation).?.
 
When a slave or submissive throws out the 'no limit' "whatever a Master wants' card, Then a dominant does not have to express or discuss limits or likes (dislikes).. None of it is on the dominant, aal is on the slave or sub, isn't it.?.
If a dominant asks questions about limits, likes, and dislikes, doesn't that fall in with 'whatever a Master wants'.?. He (she) wants to know answers to questions he has and isn't answering doing 'what a Master wants'.?. Isn't that 'giving service' and 'obeying' a Master.?.
(So, why get so angry or upset at such questions.?)

"Serving and obeying.!."
 
Famous words from slaves and submissives.. (Dominants, how often have we heard these words.?. Submissives, how often have you said these words.?.)
What do they actually mean.?.
 
Serving....
Being a sexual object.?. A household maid or butler.?. A 'body' servant (to massage, wash, dress a dominant).?. Being a 'pain' (?) (abuse?) (punishment?) object.?. Being bound or caged until 'taken out and used'.?. Going to work (outside of the home) or adding to the finaces of the home.?.
 
Obeying....
Doing all of the kinky sexual things that are commanded.?. Doing all of the household chores that are commanded and expected.?. Washing or massaging as commanded.?. Holding positions and accepting pain, punishment, and abuse.?. (Even the old 'That's 1, Sir (or Maam)" "May I have another.?.") Turning over whatevr portion of one's income to their Master (Mistress?) as commanded.?.
 
These are common motivations for a slave or sub.. (Especially the sexual and pain -punishment?- parts..)
Common in most all of the fantasy stories about BDSM.. (Add in a humiliation factor, and one has a common plot for any BDSM story.)
 
But, the BDSM lifestyle is not a story.. Not fantasy.. But reality..
And reality is boring, isn't it.?. No 'thrills'.. (Why else practice BDSM.?. To escape reality. To escape boring.)
 
But is actual (real, not fantasy) serving and obeying always a 'thrill' and 'not boring'.?.
How exciting and 'thrilling' is it to just sit and wait.?. To Cook some 'hamburger helper'.?. To wash and iron clothes.?. To write in a journal.?. (Or even write a 1000 times an actual offense and being sorry about it.?.) Being bound or caged, but rarely taken out and even rarely used in any way.?. Not having one's fetish 'stroked' 24/7 365 24 hours a day..
 
LOL.. Even 'charlie' (two and a half men) has his down time..
 
How exciting (thilling?) is it to simply sit at your Master's feet, watching TV or as He reads.?. Quietly getting up to refill His drink (soda, tea, or coffee).?. To simply go to bed to sleep not for sexual thrills.?. To act in 'normal vanilla' ways.?. To go out for a sit down dinner or even fast food.?. (LOL.. Although many t-gurls might be thrilled and quietly happy at this prospect of being taken out in public for 'vanilla' -femimine- interaction..)
How 'thrilling' to converse with your Master.?. (Intelectually, or even on a 'casual' basis.?.)
 
Are these, also, example of serving and obeying.?.
 

Slaves, subs, and age.. From my experiences, there is a greater interest in the younger slave and subs by many dominants. (Younger, prettier, more verial.) There seems to be little 'attraction' for the older (more mature?) slaves and subs. Oh, maybe a passing interest for controlling or abusing any slave or sub (no matter their age or beauty.) (So, they are a bit old, a bit fat, or a bit less -physically- pretty. Maybe not to be seen in public with them. But 'good enough' to get some sexual BDSM gratification from. "Good enough' to feed an ego until someone better comes along.) Maybe, sad, but true enough.. A more mature slave or sub has to 'try harder'. Give better service. Be more sexually compliant (skilled?). To please their dominant. They have to 'give' more and (usually) 'receive' less. Oh, and if they are male with a small penis (or erectile difficulties) they even stop being a satisfying 'sex toy' for their (usually) Mistress. Their Mistress gradually finds other (less satisfying) uses for them. While she looks at younger, prettier, more (studly) males. Or even goes towards the female slave route.. As a slave ages, more wrinkles appear, flesh sags, fat content grows.. They are less flexable than before. They are slower to respond. Their abilities deminish.. Their future is bleak. To be discarded. Turned out.. No matter their desires. What are they to do.?. Lower their desires, hopes, and expectations.?. Change their 'fetishes' and 'statis'.?. Actively try harder.?. Accept that they are less useful and attractive to a dominant.?. Accept any type of BDSM play (or player) that comes along.?. Or even 'retire' from BDSM, as they know that they can not 'compete' with younger, prettier slaves and subs.?. Maybe if they have financal resources, they may 'buy' their way into their slavery or submissiveship.. But for how long.?. Everyone ages. Submissives and dominants alike. (Fortunately for me, being a dominant) Dominants are not as effected about the age issue. Many subs see a mature dominant as 'attractive'. They are (usually) more experienced. They are usually more skilled. Their qualities that make them dominants grows with age and experience. What many dominants don't see in an older slave or sub is their rich experience of the BDSM life. (The other side of that experience coin is if the slave or sub begins to top their dominant. Comparing their new or younger dominant to dominants of their past. That their new or younger dominant 'doesn't measure up' to others that they have experienced.)