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I have been involved in the Lifestyle for over 12 years now, I took a break from the Lifestyle for a few years and am now getting back into the scene.
I have functioned as a Mentor and Trainer for years and continue to do so now. I will Mentor anyone with a serious interest in the Lifestyle, but I'm very particular who I will train.
I'm a big advocate of trust and feel that trust.. real trust takes time to develop. Building trust is like sculpting with dry cement, breaking trust is like playing baseball with glass ornaments.
The 4 foundations of building trust in a D/s relationship are
#1 - Patience
Learning each others body and mind takes time. Each person's body and mind have boundries that should NOT be crossed, however they can be pushed, but NOT crossed. It takes time and patience to learn each other fully
#2 - Communication
Communicate with each other. Communication is what teaches each other about one another. That communication can be verbal or simply body language. It is important to always be communicating to each other.
#3 - Safe Words
This is especially important in new relationships.
#4 - Discussion
Especially starting out .. discuss the scene BEFORE and AFTER. Communicate with each other ahead of time so that you both know what is going to happen, what is ok .. what is NOT ok. Granted .. this takes a bit of the 'surprise' element out of the equation, however, especially at the beginning of a relationship, this allows your Dom to begin learning your body language and your boundries.
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Love is like a maze. Sometimes you think you're on the right path but realize you've made a wrong turn. Where you know there is an end but have no idea how to get there. Where you keep trudging on blindly holding onto the hope that you will find your way through. When and if you are able to make it through, you then appreciate the journey and the experience even more.
Those who have experienced the greatest pain and sorrow are able to experience the greatest happiness. |
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It's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years. |
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If you can't take me at My worst, you don't deserve My best and if I can take your worst, I deserve your best! |
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BREAKING NEWS: The #1 Cause of Relationship problems is NOT Financial....
I've come to believe that the #1 cause of stress in relationships is change. What I mean is that I think almost all problems stem from one partner thinking they will change the other. People tend to walk into relationships knowing the pros and cons of a person and many times they think that they will change their partner to elimate their faults. This is the first and biggest mistake you could ever make. A couple needs to evaluate their partner and ask themselves, "Can I live with their faults if they never change?" if you can't say yes, then you are only fooling yourself if you think they will change. They might, but that's a big gamble that is a long shot at best. If we all learned to take our partner for who they are, the good and the bad, and don't fool ourselves into thinking that we can change them, then we would all enjoy longer, stronger relationships.
In conclussion, If you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best!. |
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Seeking? One thing I've learned in life is that the harder we try to find something, the harder it is to find. Sometimes we try so hard that we miss the obvious. I believe this applies to our personal lives and our relationships as well. If we try too hard to find that 'perfect' person, we will most likely miss that person even if they are standing right in front of us. For this reason, I've decided to stop 'seeking' and start enjoying life and hopefully that 'perfect' person will come along and I won't miss it. |
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Power Exchange....
Such an interesting topic that is so often misunderstood. What is power exchange? Power exchange by definition is a relationship or activity where a submissive person gives a Dominant person authority over them. Where power exchange is sometimes misunderstood or even abused, is when someone assumes that once that authority has been granted, that it is forever theirs. This is not true. This is very very far from the truth. Power exchange can be for minutes, hours, days, weeks etc. Who makes this decision as to how long the power exchange is to last? Well, in an ideal world both the submissive and Dominant makes this decision together. But as we all know, everything is not always ideal. The final decision is ALWAYS the submissives. Although a Dominant may have authority over a submissive, where some people get confused is that the Dominant then has 'the power' when in reality, it is the submissive with the true power in the relationship. How is this so?? It's simple, the submissive chooses to give her submission and she also chooses when to take it away. The submissive has the power to give and to take. The Dominant has only the power to receive. Submission is ALWAY given, it is NEVER taken. |
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submissive or slave? .. Many times I'm asked if I'm seeking a submissive or a slave. I think this is a fairly subjective question because there are many beliefs on exactly what is a submissive vs a slave. Here's My opinion.
A slave is a possession. A submissive is a partner. A slave is an object. A submissive is a person. A slave has no choice. A submissive chooses. So, based on that, I seek a submissive. A submissive who respects herself and has great pride in herself, her Partner and their relationship. I don't want a submissive who does not respect herself, because how can a person not respect themselves yet have true respect for another? I want My submissive to always hold her chin high. I want My submissive to always look Me in the eye. For she knows that I have great pride in her and I expect her to also have great pride in herself. |
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Are we all either a submissive or a Dominant? I've listened to alot of discussion about how everyone is submissive, Dominant or both. In our work, we may be submissive or Dominant was the most common example.
I think where people go wrong is they think of submission or Dominance to be the same as being a submissive or Dominant and it's not. A person may act or have to behave with dominance or submission, but that does not make them a submissive or a Dominant. Being a submissive or Dominant is a character trait. It's about who we are, not what we do.
We choose who we are and if you choose to live a life of submission under a Dominant, or if you choose to live a life of Dominance over a willing submissive then you are a Dominant/submissive. You are only this because you have choosen this.
Although life's circumstances may require you to act in a submissive or dominant way, this does not make you such. It's a temporary act to get through your current situation. Once you willfully choose to be a Dominant or submissive, then and only then are you a Dominant/submissive.
In summary: submission and Dominance is an act or action.. submissive or Dominant is a choice, a way of life.
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In our lives we walk around with emotional and mental walls. Intellectual Defenses if you will. These are walls against being hurt, mentally and emotionally. These walls are only natural and are a good thing, without them, we would be vulnerable to people who do not care about our well being. Over time, these walls become stronger, more fortified if you will. Eventually we get to a point were it is near impossible for us ever to let our guard down.
And these walls, these guards are what makes a D/s relationship so special. Through time and deeds, we can learn to trust someone so much, so deeply, so absolute that we can let these guards down, let them down completely and in doing so, we KNOW in our hearts, minds and souls that THIS person, this very special person will NOT hurt us, that we WILL be safe.
Very few people ever trust someone this deeply in our adult lives. As a child we trusted this way and when things were good, life was a blessing. It's when things were bad that we had to learn to adapt, to build our walls, our defenses.
With the right partner, we can relearn to trust like a child. To trust with love, to trust with every part of our minds, hearts, bodys and souls. This child trust is pure bliss and I hope beyond all hope that we all one day can enjoy Child Trust again. |
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The one thing in life that we can never avoid is ass... because no matter what... we are always sitting on it, working it off, kissing it, kicking it, covering it or looking for some! |
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